When I was a kid I used to enjoy every single little detail about life. I enjoyed chasing butterflies in the summer. I always imagined that there were really long strings holding the butterflies in the air so they could fly. I also thought that that was why I was never able to catch one and hold it in my hands. When my father one day caught one I finally realised that there were no strings, but that just made the butterflies so much more interesting. And they were free; no strings were holding them back.

When I was younger I also always thought that there was something good in all people, but I was wrong, deadly wrong. Nothing happened to me, but once one of my friends just wanted to see if a man was dead, because he really did look dead; it was probably just because he wore so much clothes since it was cold outside. When my friend had approached the sleeping man he suddenly got up and began yelling at her. My friend just stood there, totally paralysed and then suddenly the hand came, right across her face. The man just laughed as my friend cried. She continued crying and he continued laughing and telling her that, big girls don’t cry. After that he left her there and I went to hug her; to make the tears go away. I cursed him all the way to hell and wished he would just go die. When I got home later that day there’d been a stabbing in our town, only a few minutes after my friend and I left the park. The stabbing happened in the park and a homeless man died. It was the man who’d hit my friend; they showed some of the body in the television and I could recognise his disgusting pants. I didn’t feel sad or sorrowful that stabbing had happened in out quiet town; he’d deserved it and I couldn’t help but smile a little bit when I went to bed later that evening.

Now I know that there’s a reason behind everything. There’s a reason behind why he died, there’s a reason behind why butterflies fly when we can’t. I know that not all people are good and that I’ll never be able to be as free as the butterfly. One day I hope some of the strings that hold me back will loosen a little and make me feel freer and maybe then I’ll be able to fly, just for a minute or two.

I also know that there is no such thing called ‘true love’. It simply just doesn’t exist. People who fall and believe in love are stupid. Like the quote “stupid people believe in love.” That’s my favourite quote and it’s true. Only stupid people believe in love and that’s why I don’t believe in it. I’m not stupid so that’s also a reason for why I have never fallen in love. Then you may ask: ‘What about Minseok?’ and there’s only one answer to that. I like him. I do not love him. It’s not true love; it’s an imaginary love, but not true. I like him more than other people – that’s true. Sometimes I even think I like him more than my family, but it still isn’t love. I’m not head over heels for him and if he’d break up with me I would probably cry the first two days and then get over it; like nothing had happened. I don’t think Minseok would break up with me though, why should he? He constantly tells me he loves me, but I don’t know if I should believe him, because none of us don’t even know what true love is. It’s a feeling we think we know how feels, but to be honest I think the greatest kind of love is jealousy. To be jealous is a bad thing, but jealousy is love; you admire the person, you want to be like the person or maybe you just want the person. Jealousy is love whether you like it or not. Sometimes we mistake this love as hatred though, that’s why most people think jealousy is a bad thing, and I think that at some points jealousy is bad, but jealousy is also good.

When I was a kid I remember how hard it was to differentiate left from right and now when I’ve become older I’m thinking about the good and bad things about jealousy. Isn’t it funny how people change as time goes? I actually think it’s quite scaring.