Sometimes in life, you have to accept coincidences and fate. Because at those times, life is trying to tell you something is wrong—that something needs to change. One can’t always think that their life will be stress-free and perfect forever. No, the world doesn’t work like that.

 

The only way that we can live, is if we grow.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night for the first time in a while, drenched in a cold sweat and I could feel my heart racing. I had a nightmare—about my parent’s demise. I had tried to push it out of my mind for so long and I succeeded up until now.

 

My parents were both managers of one of the top businesses in Korea…I couldn’t remember what it was because I never really cared. They had tried to force me to major in Business in college, but I refused and followed what I really wanted to do: Art. They were sorely disappointed in me, and I admit at that time, I was frustrated enough at their sighs and shakes of their head that I didn’t care what they wanted or what they thought. I graduated with that degree, all tuition paid for by my parents (surprisingly enough), so I was free…right?

 

I had hoped I would be able to find a company that would want a graphic designer or something, and at least, that was what I planned to look for. A week after I graduated, I received the worst news in my entire life. My parents were killed in a car accident.

 

Apparently, my parents had left a note for me. For them to write a letter, it seemed suspicious. I read it: it involved saying that they were sorry that they always had business to do; that they were apologetic about not being the ideal parents. They went on saying they wished me the best of luck with my art degree and forgave me for not choosing business. It made it seem like they were relieved I chose my own path. With that letter, they left me an emblem, attached to a metal chain so I could wear it as a necklace.

 

The emblem was like a locket; it could be opened. Inside, it was a picture of all three of us—taken several years back when I barely started high school. My eyes watered at the sight of it, because then it hit me that my parents were gone. They were never going to say anything to me, greet me, pat my head, tell me to go eat dinner, yell at me for staying up late…nothing. The emblem itself was familiar. Then, I remembered what company they worked for: they owned a lot of department stores around in Korea. The emblem was golden, featuring a wreath-like circle around the edges and a stylized heart in the center that looked more like a diamond. It was beautiful, but heart achingly so knowing the memories that would come along with it.

 

My parent’s co-workers, the ones who told me about this news, also added that it may or may not have been planned. They were in an election to become CEO—and the competitor probably feared losing his chance and took the easy way through. I was shocked, as to how something like this could even happen in my lifetime.

 

That day, I lost my motivation and heart for anything. I just wanted to cry forever and never leave my house. That was the only thing I accomplished.

 

-------------

 

I became a hermit, basically. Remembering those horrifying memories, I shuffled to the bathroom to splash cold water on my face to waken myself back to reality. There was nothing good that came out from reminiscing about that day. I sighed afterwards, and then realized it was suffocating in the house. I wasn’t surprised since I lived in an excuse of a house only because the gas, electric and water bills were as low as they could get. Clearly.

 

I wouldn’t be able to afford anything else after all. I worked a few hours every day for a food stand near my house owned by an ahjumma I still barely knew. She knew I was quiet, so she didn’t bother me unless she really needed to. My life went on like this for two years now.

 

It was summertime, and I really hated the circulation in the house. Warm air stayed in, no matter how wide I opened the windows. I decided to take a walk outside instead, just to clear my head and breathe in fresher air.

 

I walked to the nearby park, which was expansive beyond my beliefs when I moved there two years ago. But today, it seemed small. Because everything reminded me of that day, and I wished there was something that could take my mind off it and never, ever feel like my past. I wanted to run away some place where I wouldn’t be bothered by people I knew or places that were nostalgic.

 

Of course, this was impossible. The problem lied within me; where ever I go, I’d have to meet more people who I didn’t care about, or places that would somehow be familiar. I felt so trapped.

 

-------------

 

Oh wait. I forgot about something. There was one thing that made me forget about everyone. One person, actually. A boy that I had always seen on the bus during my afternoon trips to the market. I usually go to eat something small and buy something to take home for dinner because my cooking skills were pretty horrific. But that was beside the point—riding on the bus everyday around 3 o’ clock was a more enjoyable experience for me. That boy—I didn’t know what his name was for the longest time, I just saw him get on from the exact same bus stop with the exact same backpack and exact same smile he used when he greeted the driver. I assumed he was still in school, seeing that he was young and carried that backpack with him all the time.

 

Knowing me, of course I wouldn’t dare to say anything to him, even if I did admit eventually that I liked him. He made me happy when I glanced at him every once in a while.

 

Sometimes I would see him hold on to someone quickly so they wouldn’t fall over, or him giving up his seat for an old lady. Some other days he would be quiet, and with earbuds in, read a book or sketch. He would be the first one to speak up when someone was saying something rude, or if a drunkard tried to start something. And with all that, it came with the brightest and most beautiful smile at the end of it all.

 

One day, he had taken the bus with a couple of his friends, and I knew that he was still a student. I learned his name was Baekhyun. My heart sank a little knowing that he was that much younger than me, yet he was the one who seemed more mature. I always wondered if he ever noticed me, even just a slight remembrance of me would be nice.

 

Baekhyun’s smile was my favorite part of him. He always looked happy, even if I didn’t know if he was or not. That smile imprinted into my mind, and artwork, even. Days where I felt more okay with myself I would paint something colorful or bright, or draw Baekhyun in my sketchbook. He obviously wouldn’t be in school forever, so they were like the equivalent of photos to me; if someday he just disappeared, I would always still remember him and his smile and understand.

 

But I was pretty much, completely wrong about myself. It was getting a little chillier at the time; autumn was approaching. Of course, nothing about my life changed during the course of the year, but that one day was different. It was so much more different because Baekhyun wasn’t on the bus.

 

I was wearing a light jacket and a scarf, and most people also wore extra layers around the season. So I thought that maybe I wasn’t able to recognize Baekhyun because he was wearing a scarf too or a hat that covered his face. Maybe he didn’t bring his backpack with him that day. However, after searching around the bus, and thinking he could have gotten on at a different stop, he was nowhere to be found.

 

That day, my heart ached. I thought I would be fine with it since I did remember how he looked and all the sweet things he did. After all, I didn’t even know him—he was technically a stranger. Yet, all those things made it harder to bear. What if something had happened to him? What if he was sick? Hurt? What if this is the start of him taking a different route to school? Was yesterday the last time I will have seen him? My thoughts flew all over the place, and I even missed my stop that day.

 

The day after, Baekhyun wasn’t there again. I wanted to just cry. There was no one for me to admire and look upon anymore. All the depressing thoughts I tried to run away from lingered. Baekhyun wasn’t only my distraction from my life, but it was my way of remembering how to live. Smile. Care. Be nice.

 

I hated myself so much more that day. Why I couldn’t maybe try to say something to him. Why I became such an introverted idiot that I couldn’t do anything. The fact that I fell for a boy that I didn’t even know except by looking at him for half an hour on the bus. Maybe if I actually took initiative, things would have turned out better. I wanted to change, no lie. But I didn’t have a way to change until I realized Baekhyun wasn’t going to be there forever.

 

When I went home, I made depressing art—something I hadn’t done in a while. I cried my heart out, regretting things and hating myself. I blamed myself for everything again. I felt more than trapped; I felt like I was pushed down into a hole I was digging myself. My only rescue was Baekhyun, and the rope disappeared so that I couldn’t pull myself up. Then again, I was the one who never tried pulling myself up, right?

 

I became an introvert because I thought I couldn’t trust people anymore. But Baekhyun…if anyone, he’d be the most trustworthy person. And I would have taken the risk of trusting him and actually try to put myself out there more if I was given the chance again.

 

------------------------

 

Almost a month passed, and I hadn’t seen Baekhyun on the bus since the first day. It definitely was much more chillier now as the wind began picking up while the trees started fading into the red, golden colors. I still missed him, but I accepted the fact that he probably wasn’t coming back. I thought of moving now, maybe to a big city so that I could try to make friends again and not miss out on opportunities like Baekhyun again.

 

When I got onto the bus, however, I was taken by surprise. The back corner of the bus, places where people usually avoided because it seemed dirty, was actually taken by someone today. I usually sat there by myself because I felt unclean, so I didn’t mind. Besides, no one would want to sit next to me. There was an empty seat next to…Baekhyun.

 

The boy looked contemplative with his chin resting on his hand as he leaned against the side, his head turned towards the window. He didn’t have a smile on, and his eyes looked troubled. I would have done anything to try to help him. I wanted to make him smile again. Normally, I would have taken a different seat away from him because I would feel too nervous to be within touching distance of him. Not today, though, so I clenched my fists tightly as I felt my heart throb stronger with every step I took towards him.

 

I wondered, again, if he ever noticed me. But it didn’t matter; I was going to try talking to him. If I didn’t, I knew I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. This beautiful boy. I walked smoothly until the bus driver suddenly put his foot on the brake, jerking everyone back. In my case, since I was walking towards the back, I lunged forward, almost falling onto the ground.

 

I managed to clutch onto handles on the back of the bus, and I took a deep breath. This was not what I was expecting to look like: disheveled, messy and clumsy. I wanted to look mature and likeable, too. Luckily, no one noticed because they were too busy trying to not fall themselves.

 

Except one person.

 

“A-are you okay?” an angelic voice called out, worry in his tone of voice.

 

I turned towards the boy—Baekhyun, to see him with raised eyebrows and a hand extended out as if ready to save me. I blushed. Hard. When I stood up, I was surprised by a cracking sound and my neck suddenly felt lighter. My eyes widened as I saw my necklace drop down and under the seats. It must have gotten caught when I was too busy worrying about my image.

 

“Oh no…” I murmured, about to reach down under there to get it until a hand grabbed it for me.

 

Baekhyun held the necklace in his hand, but just sat there. He wasn’t going to give it back to me?

 

“E-excuse me…that’s mine…” I quietly said, walking a little closer to him.

 

He looked at me, “Who are you?”

 

“What…?” I was confused. Why was he asking me that all of a sudden? This was definitely not something Baekhyun would say. Maybe it wasn't him after all but someone who looked like him?

 

He shook his head, “Sorry. I mean…just…where did you get this pendant?” He opened his hand to let me take it back. I reached out slowly, and just managed to feel his hand slightly when I took it. I sighed as I realized the chain was broken, something else I would have to remember to go buy that day.

 

“I got it…from my parents…” I said.

 

“Your parents?” Baekhyun was curious. It was unbelievable. He was talking to me.

 

I nodded.

 

“Uhm…where do your parents work?”

 

“They work…or used to work at Dahun Corporation,” I hesitated for a second. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea to talk about something that hurt me, but I remembered it was Baekhyun I was talking to.

 

“Really?” Baekhyun’s voice was bright. “My parents did too! That’s why I found your necklace so familiar.”

 

I looked at him incredulously. What a coincidence…or maybe fate? No scratch that, it was just a coincidence. There’s no way there’s any other link—

 

“You said used to right? What happened?” Baekhyun asked casually.

 

I felt like my heart stopped. Should I tell him? Maybe it wouldn’t—no Sari, you should do this! Trust and confide in people for once! “Well…they…they died.”

 

Baekhyun looked at me with the saddest puppy eyes, “I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to. I didn’t know.”

 

I nodded, “It’s okay.” So perfect. Baekhyun was perfect.

 

“Say…what’s your name?” Baekhyun asked. “I’m Byun Baekhyun.”

 

“Shin Sari,” I answered as normally as I could. And I know you’re Baekhyun already.

 

Baekhyun’s eyes grew wide and looked at me with the most surprised look. “So your parents…they’re the Shin couple?”

 

“I-I guess so…?”

 

“My parents and yours…I think they were like very close with each other. There were rumors the four of them were going to run Dahun in the future. Well of course…that unfortunate event happened.”

 

No way. There was no way something like this could happen to me. I was this linked with this boy? That my parents were close with his? Out of everyone, Baekhyun had to also be part of the Dahun idiocy and uneventful experiences?

 

“This is so weird…” Baekhyun grinned to himself.

 

I looked at him, and I was relieved, though. Even though I had learned he was really closely linked to what ruined my life, he made it feel better. Looking at him was already peaceful enough, and brightened up my day. It was almost like I could accept my past now because of him.

 

“Where are you headed, Sari?” Baekhyun smiled.

 

“I’m going to buy a new chain for this,” I said, staring at my necklace.

 

“Can I join you? I’ve been kind of upset today, so I just decided to roam around,” Baekhyun asked. Of course you could, anything for you.

 

“Yeah. You can,” I gave him a small smile.

 

“You smile pretty,” Baekhyun beamed. “You should smile more often.”

 

“T-thanks,” I blushed. “Why were you upset today?” My social side was coming out again, and it didn’t feel unnatural or forced at all.

 

“School. Well rather, the end of it,” he sighed.

 

My heart sank, remembering that he was younger. Actually, given his looks, he probably was taken. “End of it?”

 

He nodded, “I just graduated from college not that long ago. I thought it would be fun, but now I feel so empty.”

 

“College?”

 

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Why? Is that weird?”

 

“I-I thought you were a high school student…” I chuckled. Oh my god, he was not that young then. Maybe I actually had a chance with him. I felt so light and happy now, it was like I could fly away.

 

“H-hey, I try to look older,” Baekhyun huffed, crossing his arms and pretending like he was angry. He was so adorable—someone this cute should not be allowed to exist.

 

“How old do you think I look?” I asked, wondering of his opinion on me.

 

He tapped his chin, “Ahjumma?”

 

“Y-yah…!”

 

He laughed, “I’m kidding. You look like you’re…twenty-four maybe?”

 

I was shocked. He actually guessed my age right. “I am…”

 

“Wow really! I’m good at this!” Baekhyun pat himself on the back. “You look pretty for a noona.”

 

I blushed and my heart skipped beats. Butterflies were going crazy in my stomach. I felt so happy that this was happening—like a miracle.

 

“You look childish for a college graduate,” I joked. It was so weird having these kinds of conversations with people again. But Baekhyun made it feel so natural.

 

“Hey, that’s mean,” he stuck his tongue out.

 

“I rest my case,” I said, and he quickly retracted his tongue.

 

I laughed heartedly, my back arching as my head tilted back.

 

“So I can really just hang out with you all day?” he asked again.

 

I nodded, “If you want. I don’t do much, but you can.”

 

“We should talk more!” Baekhyun grinned, taking out his phone. “Can you give me your number?”

 

Blushing, I typed in my number into his and handed it back shyly. Not too long after, he sent a text to mines so I could save his number onto my phone as well.

 

“This is our stop right?” Baekhyun pointed at the busy shopping street and center.

 

“Yeah,” I stood up and started walking towards the door. A man who just got onto the bus, however, rudely pushed me back, and I stumbled into Baekhyun.

 

Baekhyun glared at him, “Excuse you. That’s rude.”

 

The man just scoffed and walked away, but I stood frozen because Baekhyun was right behind me. His chest was warm against my back as his hands held my shoulders firmly.

 

“Are you okay, Sari-ah? Let’s go,” his voice melted my heart. I got off the bus successfully, but I felt limp once I stopped moving.

 

Baekhyun turned in front of me and smiled that beautiful, angelic smile again. He wrapped his arm around me and started walking, meaning I walked along with him. I kept my head down low because I didn’t want him to see my red face. It would be deathly embarrassing for him to see my face so unnaturally red because I knew when I felt this kind of burning in my face, it was even more colored than a normal person’s blushing.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“W-what?” I stammered quietly.

 

“Did I insult you by just saying your name? Should I be more respectful? I tend to do that I don’t know why—” Baekhyun’s voice sounded concerned, and it too adorable.

 

I ended up with a burst of laughter, my hand covering my mouth as my head was still down. He was cute, protective and respectful. “No, of course you didn’t insult me. I was just…a bit…embarrassed.”

 

“Eh? What’s there to be embarrassed about?” Baekhyun asked.

 

I turned my face and finally got a glimpse of his face again. Perfection—in front of me. “Nothing. It’s just me.”

 

Whenever I looked at Baekhyun, it gave me the most powerful feeling of strength. That I could put my past away and start fresh again. That I could be myself again. That I could change my life for the better. Because love does that to you. And at that moment, I realized it was fine if Baekhyun considered me as only his friend, because that was more than I ever asked for.

 

I love Baekhyun, and now with him right in front of me, I feel powerful.

 

All we need ever need sometimes is just one person to be the whole world for you.

 

Sometimes, however, that person isn’t always in your life until you decide to do something about it. Only you can change your own future and grow, and the only way you can do that is to throw yourself out there. Because that is life.

 

 

 

  >>> “The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
― C. JoyBell C.

 

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word count: 3701

 

yay i've finished this :3 i'm really proud of this tbh because i'm really bad at making something sound meaningful and deep but i think i've conveyed it pretty well here. all to top it off as a oneshot and baekhyun because i love him <3

thank you if you read this c:

please comment and upvote if you don't mind!!! i would love to hear feedback hahaha ^^

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(also, there will probably be an epilogue of this oneshot so yeah c: this fic will still be updated once more!)