14.________________

Woohyun

There's a patient inside when I storm inside of Doctor Hwangs office.

" Woohyun..."

" I'm not at fault! Okay?! It's his fault I became like this. He ran away too often and put me through the fear of loosing him  and that this accident came up... how does everyone think I should be able to cope with this when they're the ones who put me through this? And I'm the one who disappoints them all the time? It's him... I was at fault but I came back to him... and how did he repay me?!"

Doctor Hwang clears his throat after my outburst.

" Since this seems to be quiet urgent would it be alright if we delay our conversation on another day?"

The male nods and shakes Doctor Hwangs hand before he leaves the room - not without mustering me as if I was the craziness in person.

" Take a seat, Woohyun." Doctor Hwang says with a smile and points to the chair in front of him.

I shake my head. " I'm not here to stay for long."

" Then why did you come?"

" To clarify things."

" To me it  sounds like you try to explain yourself."

I'm still out of breath.

I literally ran to the hospital without even knowing that my legs led me here.

"Please. Take a seat Woohyun."

A moment later he pushes me down on the chair without me trying to fight against it the least. I let my head hang low.

He coughs slightly. " What happened after you left?"

" My manager got a hold of me and told me about wrong doings. I nearly fought with my members because the feel like I'm doing everything wrong right now. Sunggyu came and took me out... that idiot should have stayed in bed." , My hands find their way to my hair and I ruffle it violently. " He talked to me in a way I couldn't come on terms with..."

" What did he say?"

" He kept asking me if I wanted to be like this?...If I wanted to come back."

            My hands keep shaking.

" Did he try to force you?"

"No... no... he was as... as careful as ever... Or so I think. I just felt like... all of sudden... I felt like he was blaming me... even though it's his fault, too."

"Why is that so?"

" He made me fall for him... and then he eluded himself from me. Accidentally and on purpose... he knows I'm depended on the ones I love."

" Sunggyu?"

I stop in my track when I realize he's not in his room and my heartbeat grows a little faster. This is like a déjà vu. The same thing that happened one month ago.

I take out my mobile and call his number.

"What?" he answers

"Where are you?"

"Out."

" Why didn't you tell me?"

Clangour.

I furrow my brows. " What are you doing?

"Drinking."

" You know we have a stage tomorrow. Don't you think it's time for you to come back home?"

He laughs bitterly. " I'll stay for a while longer.."

" Are you mad?"

" Why should I?"

He's angry again.

            And that terrifies me.

He doesn't get angry that easily, just the daily nagging and being pissed off - but when he's angry it can become deadly.  

He told me once that he tries to suppress it because he can't hold them back anymore when he started once... the words that pierce deeper than anything else.

" Gyu...", I nervously bite my lip. " This is like... a replay from last month. We talked about that woman... and you know I slept with her but you know it was just because I was confused at that time and we weren't together  and I never expected her to show up again."

" Oh... you mean our cute little Hwa In?", he says, the irony nearly dripping through the phone. " Well... I guess the girl that approached me today to scratch my eyes out wasn't called Hwa In... Was it Ha Na? Oh wait, no. She called two months ago."

I break out into cold sweat.

" I thought we talked this over - it's not my fault they keep showing up. I cut all contact and you know it."

" I don't know anything." it sounds like he takes a deep swallow.

" Can't you come home?"

He knows I get nervous when he acts like this. Last month he didn't came home all night long and the fear nearly drove me crazy. I can't help it. It's just the way I am.

I fell too deep for him.

Now he has to live with it.

" Don't want to."

" You're not thinking about breaking up with me?" My mouths goes dry when there's a too long silence at the other end of the line.

His slow breathing the only audible thing and then he hangs up.

It has been three hours since then in which I turned from anxious into a sobbing mess.

" Aigoo... Woohyun. Don't you think you kind of overreact?" Dongwoo, who dared to enter my room after I threw Hoya out, pats my back while I cry my heart out.

" He can be so cruel... I apologized so many times. For how long do I have to take responsibility for it?"

" He doesn't mean it that way."

" He does..."

A noise in front of the door.

I pause and lift my head frantically. " Did you hear something? Did he come back?"

" No. I think that was just Myungsoo."

" You don't go looking for him behind my back, right?"

"It's not that critical, Woohyun."

" It is, Dongwoo...", I avoid his gaze again. " It is."

Dongwoo gets a little bit  nervous when the time finally reaches 2 am in the morning and there's still no sign of Sunggyu.

That's when I'm already too exhausted to do anything anymore. I lay at my bed and stare at the ceiling. " I wouldn't be that hysterical if he didn't act like he would break up with me all the time."

Dongwoo nods at his place a the ground. " You should kick his when he's back. He became quiet the moody ."

" Partly my fault."

" He can't keep acting like this."

I turn over to lay sideways and stare at Dongwoos blond hair.

" Can you promise me not to act like this forever?" he says all of sudden.

"Like what?"

" That clingy. Don't know how to say it. Be strong on your own, maybe. Keep your head high, sweetheart."

"Sweetheart?" I can't help but to smile at him.

He chuckles lightly. " Isn't this some kind of girly talk?"

" No. Totally manly. Get out the ice cream."

Dongwoo is fast asleep when Sunggyu finally comes back.

I'm awake, of course.

And I feel more sick than before, even if I told Dongwoo I'll do better from now on.

 In the end him constantly disappearing out of my life keeps driving me to the edge.

He's not drunk and when he sits down next to the bed I'm not even able to smell alcohol.

I nervously look at him, he keeps avoiding my gaze. He didn't even turn on the light when he entered the room.

Is he too angry to even look into my face?

" I'm too ashamed to look at you." he says a second later as if he read my mind.

I reach out for him and touch his soft cheek. " Do I have to look for another boyfriend?"

" I never said I want to break up with you."

" You hang up before."

" That means...", he slowly lifts his gaze. " You want to break up with me?"7

I shake my head and bend over until my lips reach his. Only a small peck until I pull away again. " Can you... just stop to run away from me? I don't think I can handle this another time..."

He leans his forehead against mine. " I'm so sorry...I was stupid. I won't do it again."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

I smile into the following kiss. " Than I believe you."

The next day he unbuckles his seatbelt to pick up my phone that fell to the ground when the car swings off the street.

" He couldn't even keep his promise for 24 hours... not even a day...", my bangs hide my face from the doctors gaze. " And I am the worst... he couldn't keep his promise because it wasn't in his hand to do so and I'm mad at him... but I'm tired... so tired of being blamed for the way I react when it wasn't me who put myself through this."

And Doctor Hwang looks at me in silence when I keep mumbling to myself.

Sunggyu

He's an idiot.

The biggest idiot on earth.

Screw that...

The biggest idiot in the whole universe... in the history of mankind.

            In my life.

It hurts so much that he went away like that but I'm going to wait because I told him I would. He has to trust me again... that I won't leave him if the decision is in my hand. 

It never was in my hand and that's the most frustrating part.

Everything that's happening is not my fault.

And still, I sit here, and it's cold and I feel kind of dizzy. I haven't been outside for weeks and now he wants me to wait here for his crazy ?!

I will.

I will wait.

Hopefully he knows.

I'm worried.

And still I'm mad at him.

It's cold.

I pull my jacket tighter when the wind starts blowing.

But my legs never intend to move me away. Just a simple phone call and someone would pick me up.

But I can't.

What if he comes back?

I can't be gone once again.

" Sunggyu?", a shadow hovers above me. " Kim Sunggyu?"

I lift my head reluctantly and furrow my brows when I see the person standing next to me.

"You're the guy from the hospital."

He smiles brightly and sits down next to me without asking for permission. " Chang Su Yeong. You already forgot?"

He the ice cream in his hands.

Strange guy.

It's too cold to go out without a jacket and he acts as if it's too hot to move.

" While thinking about why a stranger would hide in my closet it didn't occur to me that I should remember his name."

" I told you I'm sorry.", his smile never fades. " But my girlfriend nearly caught me. I had to hide."

I laugh half- heartedly and turn back to the view in front of me. For a moment I forgot about Woohyun and now it hits me again with all force it could muster.

Where did he go...

" What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in the hospital?"

" I had to... talk to someone."

" Ah. I see."

" What do you see?"

" Couple problems?"

I glare at him with narrow eyes. " Were you spying on my?"

He just shrugs. " You kind of give that feeling to me. But thanks for telling me I'm correct."

I click my tongue. " Great, isn't it? Now, if you don't mind, could you leave me alone?"

" I do mind."

" You want this to turn out ugly?"

" No. I just need a companion until my girlfriend's back. She's in the hospital and we decided to meet each other here.", he smiles lightly. " She's always taking her sweet time and leaves me in the cold."

" You're eating ice cream."

" This is something totally different."

" Whatever..." I mumble and turn away again, only to show him that I won't talk to him again.

Of course, he doesn't care.

" I saw a guy walking away. He looked quiet devastated."

He is...

" But still handsome. He could be an idol."

I nearly break out into laughter when I listen to him. " You're not that into idols?"

" Oh no. I don't even have a television. I like being outside more. And why should I watch people who look better than me? My ego isn't that huge to begin with.", he waves my comment aside. "So, he was your friend?"

I pull my legs closer to my body when another shiver runs down my body. " Kind of."

" You don't seem to be that sure of it."

" Well... he's a lot more... if I can call it that."

And I don't even mind that there's a stranger next to me.

All that fear, it kind of got washed away when he left.

There's nothing that could be more important right now.

I can feel his gaze on my and my cheeks turn a slight pink.

" Ah, I see.", he nods and at his ice cream again. " Don't worry. I'm not going to ask anymore. Totally not invading your privacy. Not that you're not important enough to talk about your private things... I just don't want to be impolite so don't feel like you aren't worth i--"

" I think I got the point."

" Good."

I look at my watch.

Hopefully his girlfriend will come soon. Woohyun won't come back if he sees someone next to me.

" You want to know why I hid myself from my girlfriend in your closet?"

"No."

"Sure. I will tell you."

I roll my eyes and put my cheek on my knees and try to blank his voice out.

" You know, my Soo Ya had cancer."

His words wake my interest in a second.

" But she beat it a while ago like the badass woman she is. She's really cool, I'm not exaggerating because she's my girlfriend. She's really really the coolest thing out there... even though she lost it quiet often but who wouldn't in her situation.", a sad smile flits over his face. " Still, she did it. But like the that illness is, it could be back everyday, so she has to see the doctor quiet often and every time she gets so nervous because that fear she felt... must have been so overwhelming that she's terrified of it the most."

His ice cream is long forgotten and his gaze became absent while he talked.

" But she never tells me. Because she's the strong one. You know that stupid persons who never admit their hurt. A real pain in the ."

I don't know.

I'm one of them.

" So... since he hasn't told me about her fear all those times - she still can't hide it- I decided to distract her while we wait for the results.", he chuckles slightly as if he remembers something. " One day I took one of the wheelchairs and razed through the hospital. Nearly killed the doctor. My Soo Ya was really embarrassed and angry but in the end she laughed. And this is how I ended up in your closet. She's totally into finding me."

There's so much pride in his features.

As if he got everything when it was just a smile she send him.

Or is it that her smile means the world  in the times of darkness?

" You love her a lot."

" Too much."

" Are you scared... sometimes?" I didn't mean to ask that straightforward but what he talked about... this remembers me so much of the things happening to me...

            The things happening to us.

" I don't mean to be impolite. And you surely don't have to answer...", I might would stutter a more with other people, but his mere presence just shows me that he won't judge me, for whatever I say and I always trust my intuition.

" You know... I had an accident a while ago and I was badly off. My... friend had already been kind of clingy but he had to watch it and he started to become so frightened... and then again, because I didn't watch properly after myself I collapsed again and they told me I had had luck to survive this second time. This kind of... broke him. He told me before that he was afraid I could leave him... and now, after the second time he became depressed and I can do to help him."

For a moment it seems like he lets my words sink in. He absentmindedly plays with the cone in his hand and I gave up hoping for an answer when he finally talks.  

" You ask me if I'm scared sometimes? Well... if your... friend feels just a small spark of the fear I experience than I guess he could need some help. Sometimes I wake up at night and I get panic attacks that nearly drive me crazy. Because I'm so helpless and useless and there's nothing I can do to save her... the uncertainty is the worst thing I ever experienced.

Is it over? Or will it come back and turn both our lives upside down again?

I'm mad at her.

Mad, because I fell in love with her. Sometimes I cursed her and told her I will never come back to her because I'm sick of it but I realized it's her who's in pain and I crawled back to her on my knees and begged her to take me back... and she did, all the time. When all of this is finally over I have to make it up to her. 1000 times... I will give her a day of happiness for every second she cried because I thought I could just live without her that easily.

What about you?"

                                   What about me?

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Hello :) next one will be the last chapter^^ thanks for reading :D