“could you tell?”

“hum?” Yifan looks at his hands closely. They’re rough and dry and suddenly he misses his beloved Neutrogena cream. Luhan is smiling as usual, nevertheless it suits him.

“his eyes don’t sparkle that way naturally.” He says with pretty crinkles at the corner of his eyes. “i’m almost sure you’re the blame.”

“i wouldn’t know.” Yifan answers dryly. He wouldn’t know. He wouldn’t want to know. It’s bad for his heart.

“soup?”

“i’m good.”

“you seem sad.” Jongdae chimes over carrot and celery casserole. Minseok is hovering dying to get a taste. Soup’s good but Yifan can’t find a reason for such interest. Maybe it isn’t a reason but the reason. And the reason being the one person talking to Yifan right now.

“i’m pensive.”

“you don’t usually do that though.” Jongdae adds probably in an attempt of a joke but his face tells Yifan he’s being serious.

“i do now.” Yifan gets up from his chair placed at the kitchen table. The soup’s smell is unnerving him so he leaves his roommate alone with his friend and goes to his room.

To think. Not that he needs it and Jongdae is more than correct when he says Yifan doesn’t do it often because it’s certainly giving him a huge headache he didn’t wish to have. The pending subject of his thoughts doesn’t help either.

“what do you mean?”

“he fell in the middle of our choreo. Fractured his ankle.” The music is still playing and apparently Jongin doesn’t look like wanting to shut it down so Yifan has to speak louder than he wants to.

“so where is he?” He asks. He can see Sehun dancing behind Jongin and even if Yifan isn’t the next prima ballerina he can see the kid isn’t doing his best. Probably not even trying.

“don’t know.” Jongin mumbles. The sweat on his temples is running fast too reach his jaw but Jongin is quicker and wipes it with a towel.

“you don’t know? i had the impression you were friends.”

“wrong impression then.” Jongin shrugs his shoulders.

Yifan contemplates the two dancers for an instant and then sighs letting his eyelids fall for a second.

“thanks for nothing.” He turns around on his heels.

“hey-” Jongin speaks but it’s Sehun that finishes his sentence, having somehow managed to eavesdrop on their conversation.

“he lives around myeongdong.”

Yifan stops after taken two steps having chosen to ignore but he turns when Sehun talks.

“would you know how big myeongdong is?”

“no.” Sehun answers serious and innocently like the oversized child he is.

“anyway, i think he goes to that lame coffee shop near the arcade. the foreign one.” Jongin says. It doesn’t help that much either since, as far as Yifan is aware, there could be a thousand foreign coffee shops in the Seoul district. He wouldn’t even know. He knows less than ten percent of Seoul let along the rest. But still they’re trying, making a little helpless effort to help Yifan so it counts and Yifan is less annoyed. Just a little less.

“yeah okay. thanks.”

Yifan doesn’t like summer because it’s too hot for a long limbed guy like him and boring colored plain t-shirts just aren’t his thing but he figures winter isn’t his choice of season either. His skin cracks and his hands get so cold he feels like shoving them into an oven the moment he gets home.

There was one thing that kept him warm though. At least it had kept his mind off of the cold, off of…everything.

That same thing being the reason why he’s the most embarrassed guy at the face of the earth at this precise moment. Because, really, who’s the lame idiot that goes to a coffee shop, overdressed with a small bouquet of peonies? Yifan would be that idiot god knows why.

Yixing didn’t show up.

It was embarrassment enough to get little giggles and stares from fourteen year old girls that Yifan promised himself to just quit and never leave the house unless strictly necessary.

Jongdae laughs. Real help.

“what did you expect?”

“nothing. leave.” Yifan likes the smell of his pillow and right now he has to fight the urge to fly it across Jongdae’s face. His bed is comfortable too, would be even more without Jongdae’s weight on it.

“he’s injured so i gathered. why would he go to a coffee shop? for a science major i figured you’d be logical.” His roommate says.

“leave.”

“peonies are nice though.”

“leave.” Yifan’s voice might be muffled by the pillow but he’s sure Jongdae can hear it clearly so the question of why the boy hasn’t left yet remains to be answered.

“i understand that love is a funny thing but still-”

“just leave for the love of everything that is sacred i’m about to kill you with a pillow.” No intermissions needed. Jongdae is smart enough.

“i mean, talking to Jongin is pretty dumb if you ask me. Luhan knows where Yixing lives. not that i need to remind you of that.”

Yifan stays silent for a moment contemplating killing himself instead. Dumb indeed. Damn it.

Luhan knows where he lives.

“glad you ask.”

“please.” Yifan says with dismay. He feels a headache creeping on him. It’s like all his friends have this little evil plan to transform his life in misery.

“about time too.” Luhan says chirpily as he writes something in this awful pink notepad he keeps next to his keys on the entrance table.

“god.”

“finally.” Luhan straightens up and hands him the neatly folded little note with an unnecessary smile.

“just shut up.”

Yixing lives not that far from the coffee shop, he learns. His own heart, though, lives at the pit of his stomach. This is far more embarrassing than the coffee shop drama evening from days before.

“lord have mercy on me.” He prays before knocking. It has been some time since he last saw Yixing. The hand that grabs the flowers is getting clammy and he feels burning hot and ice cold at the same time. When he hears steps on the other side, faltered steps, his mind blocks and his heart races to a dangerous speed.

When the door opens it’s like he died a little.

Dimples. God damn dimples.

“oh hey.” Yixing charms in with a soft smile and an even softer voice. The clutches don’t seem to even bother him.

“hey.” Yifan doesn’t remember it ever been this hard to speak in his life but then again it is Yixing and so far Yifan is sure Yixing thinks he’s an ineloquent awkward giraffe.

The younger’s eyes drop to the flowers and the smile on his features grows but Yifan’s bravado only dies further.

“for you.” He says reaching the flowers forward.

“come in.” Yixing says instead and steps aside to let him come inside. Yifan swallows, gripping the flowers harder, and takes an experimental step forward. Robots would envy him right now. “place them there please.” The younger says pointing to an empty vase on top of his dinner table. Yifan drops them inside it and suddenly his hands seem like two big useless dead weights. Skinny jeans pockets aren’t made for his hands.

Yixing has taken a seat on his couch when Yifan is done fumbling with his paws and turns around to face him again.

“thank you.” the younger says.

“jongin said. he said. he told me you were injured.” He is speaking chinese, his native language. He’s trying anyway.

“you’re so cute.” Yixing comments.

Yifan had a vast panoply of thanks to give because it is, in fact, a compliment after all but he chose to laugh instead, obnoxiously so. At this Yixing merely purses his lips slightly to the side like a kid would if having had behaved badly and felt guilty about it.

“i mean,” Yifan clears his throat. “thanks. i should go. maybe. i should go.”  He hopes his face doesn’t show the bedlam that goes inside his head.

“already?”

“i should--”

“i thought you wanted to know if i was okay.” Yixing murmurs cutely biting his lower lip. It’s suggestive but Yifan misses that by a good mile.

“and i-and i did. i do. and you’re okay.”

“not really…”

“oh, does it hurt?”

“hum hum…” Yixing nods with his head and looks up at Yifan. It’s unbelievable what that alone does to Yifan’s sanity. It’s horrid.

He gulps down, hard.

“keep me company?” Yixing says stopping Yifan from saying something utterly dumb.

“s-sure.”

It’s nice. Watching television with your heart running miles because the person that holds said heart decides to cuddle close and bury himself in your arms. Yes, it’s nice. Yifan felt lucky for not having had a . That would be uncalled for. It’s impolite to die in someone’s living room.

He later left with a soft get well soon instead of gathering the balls to just kiss Yixing square.  He was that close! He’s wanted to do that for quite a while.

“dumb.” Jongdae and Luhan decided to practice for choir.

“thanks.”

“you know him for god knows how long--” Jongdae starts not planning on being interrupted but it leaves Yifan’s mouth before he could stop it.

“two months and three weeks…”

“oh good you’re keeping count…let’s see, what else? oh right! la-me!”

“i don’t remember asking you for matrimonial advice.”

“Jongdae is the king of though.” Luhan intervenes.

“thank you.” Jongdae appreciates nodding to the older in gratitude.

They’re both standing in front of him and Yifan, from his seat on the couch, feels like he got trapped inside some wicked sitcom or something. He surely doesn’t remember agreeing to the terms and conditions of this friendship.

“now as the king of --”

“no.” Yifan gets up, immediately replacing the order of heights and authority inside that living room to glare the two down and stumping away from that trouble.

“ungrateful!” Jongdae yells before Yifan shuts his door room.

So Yifan is dumb. That much he knows but he can’t just ambush someone with his lips out of nowhere now can he? And Yixing’s feelings are yet to be revealed. He’s all sweet and charming but Yixing is sweet and charming by nature and nice to everyone anyway. How sure can Yifan be?

“will you visit me tomorrow?”

“uh…sure…if you want me to.”

“i do.” Smiles can’t kill but maybe Yixing’s can. Yifan’s heart would agree. “i bought muffins. take one.”

He does come back the day after and the day after that and the others to come. He spends more time there than at his own house. Unfortunately it doesn’t get any easier to be around Yixing. Well a bit, Yifan is capable of long talks and not gag stupidly at little touches now, but he’s still unable to tell if Yixing likes him likes him.

“how old are you?”

“do you ever get tired of nagging at me?”

“no, not really.” Jongdae answers simply. His new hobby is to bother Yifan on his room when Yifan is busy brooding in sorrow. “just ask him if he likes you, jesus christ, you’re not twelve.”

“i can’t just ask that.”

“then do something. you spend all your time there but you comeback worse every time. like a kicked puppy. it’s depressing.”

“more like king of sass.” Yifan mutters.

“excuse you?”

“i need sleep. Please redirect yourself out.”

“i’m hungry” Yixing croaks during a watch of some teenage silly movie Yifan has no interest in. His concentration lies on his breathing instead because Yixing decided it’d be fun to play with his nerves and place his legs on top of his, defending that my leg hurts and the doctor order me to keep the foot elevated.

“do you want me to get you something?”

“there’re cookies in the kitchen cabinet.”

“okay. i’ll get them.” Yifan says and carefully sets Yixing’s legs down to get up.

When he feels his getting slapped the moment he turns away there’s something that gets stuck in his throat and his cheeks start to heat up, it’s not natural. He spins his head and gives Yixing a look and the kid simply dimples him a cute sheepish smile that makes ice cream melt and rainbows seem dull.

He ignores it in favor of keeping a collected posture. He’s as strong as a house of cards right now, one more of Yixing’s funny businesses and Yifan falls right down apart.

“here.” He says when he’s back with the cookies and takes a seat next to Yixing again. The younger accepts gladly with childishness dancing in his eyes and leans to kiss Yifan. It’s merely a soft and quick peck to his lips but it might as well been an earthquake and a fire hazard combined because Yifan loses his completely that second. Time ing froze.

“are you okay?” Yixing asks and it should be concern but he’s smiling like an idiot.

“i’m not sure i are okay.” Yifan spurts out.

“what if i kissed you again?” The younger leans again just close enough so Yifan can feel his breath on his lips and to make his mind properly shut down as well because Yifan doesn’t even know if this is a dream or not anymore. He’s floating.

“i think i don’t will get okay.”

Yixing’s smile widens and he presses his lips to Yifan’s again.

“you didn’t bring milk.” He pouts as soon as he pulls away.

Yifan goes haywire.

Pop.

“is this necessary?”

“you grew a brand new pair of balls. yes it’s necessary.” Jongdae vividly answers.

“i was so happy just minutes ago what happened?” Yifan almost adds a tear to that. He has a cone hat on his head for some reason. Who knows why Jongdae keeps these stuff.

“this is a celebration.” Jongdae pours apple cider in four glasses – no the guy doesn’t have a bottle of champagne saved for these occasions.

“i’m so proud.” Luhan joins in.

“this isn’t happening.”

“i was so close to call an intervention on you man.” Jongdae says as he clinks his glass on Yifan’s and gulps it down in nearly a perfect shot.

Yixing’s hands are devious and mischievous and worse than that they’re sneaky, Yifan almost doesn’t notice them getting the buttons of his shirt undone. They grip hard too, especially at his hair much to his dismay because Yifan really likes his hair and spends unnecessary amounts of time dyeing it and coiffing it to keep it nice. Yixing obviously doesn’t care. His whims are precise and exact when it comes to drive Yifan out of his comfort zone.

It’s getting warm. It’s winter and it’s basically snowing outside but inside it’s almost a hundred degrees. Yixing presses down and further on Yifan’s lap just hard enough to make him see fogged.

He stops devouring Yifan’s mouth for a second and presses his forehead to his to breathe.

He pulls back and undresses the rest of Yifan’s shirt off of him and smiles cheekily while scanning Yifan with his eyes.

This is not how the older had thought the evening would end up. Two weeks dating and Yixing looks ready to jump his bones.

Although…

Yixing ruffles Yifan’s hair the most he can and chuckles like a little kid.

“you’re so neat and folded. i like to mess you up.” He says and cups Yifan’s cheeks in his hands. Hard to believe it’s the same person that was kissing him just seconds ago like the world would end tomorrow.

“oh uh hum okay.” Yifan croaks before Yixing shuts him with hungry kisses again.

His heart doesn’t rest and maybe it never will no matter how much time it’ll pass.

Yeah, it’s nice.

i am so sorry. u__u