I put on some faded skinny jeans and my favourite green shirt. It wasn’t long till I got picked up by black van outside of the dorms. When I crumbled inside I wish car would be a bit bigger. It seem very crowded with five members already inside.

-          You look great – Mr arrogant said carefully

-          Thank you – I replied smiling. I was very happy about the visit.

-          We got some stuff for the kids in the back – Kyu said.

-          Where’s your manager? – I asked looking around for familiar older face.

-          It’s only us – Young Saeng added very quietly – and the driver.

Hospital haven’t been far away at all. Building seemed very ordinary. People were walking in and out through the main door. Some of them were crying, other one where holding tears. I only could guess it’s one of those places you wish you never have to put anyone of your close ones.   

We opened the door and I looked around for any reporters. There was only few outside and they started taking pictures just went we left the van. Jung Min took that for a sign and put his arms around my shoulders. Instinctively my left arm stretched around his waist. It seemed almost to natural for me. I gulped, took a big breath and we moved towards flashes. There have been two security guards that apparently were following us behind. They moved people away. We walked passed  smiling towards the cameras. Jung Min looked at me and smiled. I responded the same, playing happy couple in love. Surprisingly it didn’t bother me at all.

Once inside I inhaled that chemical smelling air, that I hated when I was younger. Leader went forward to speak with receptionist who was smiling at him brightly. I could tell straight away she was a fangirl too, maybe  noona fangirl but still….She asked another lady, younger than her, probably in her twenties to show us around. I smiled to her but she only eyed be careful and then glared at Jung Min. It was obvious what that meant. Kyu and Hyung Jun were carrying some boxes with them gasping every now and then when they got tired. Someone would think that after all that training they are going through two boxes won’t be much.

We were following the lady to a first floor, passing through white halls. Then she suddenly stopped and gestured in. There was  a very small room. Inside were two girls, one younger and one older. I recognized them straight away. Their heads turned in our way and there was  gasp>

-          SS501? – asked the older one.

Small girl with very short dark hair smiled brightly.

-          Oppa!- She shouted – then she looked at me. – Unnie – she smiled and pulled her arms towards me.

I was shocked. I was sure she would want to go to Hyun Joong but instead she asked me to hold her. I smiled and took her up.

-          Hello So mi – I said.

-          You know my name Unnie? – she asked.

-          I do  - I replied – I got you a gift, you see, not one but all of members of your favourite group.

-          Thank you Unnie – she higged me even more and I had tears in my eyes.

Then she turned her head around towards her idol again.

-Oppa you came! – she was giggling.

Hyun Joong took her and put on his laps. Other members started to talking to her while I sat down next to her sister, who was clearly crying now. I hugged her.

-          Thank you… thank you… - she kept saying to me.

-          It’s not because of me. It’s because of your sister amazing letter we are here – I stated.

-          Yes, but if you wouldn’t pull her out of the crowed that day she would never meet them.

I smiled at her. It seemed like life was hard on them. She was living with her older brother and his wife. Little girl seemed to be very often in the hospital due to her illness and her sister was always by her side taking care of her.

-          Doctor’s said to us one day that it seems like So Min didn’t want to fight with her illness. But the she watched Boys Over Flowers and got totally charmed by Hyun Joong and his band. I even bought her all old CD’s and she could listen to them all the time. It was such a good timeing of that fanmeeting. I was saving for long time so she can see them – she was saying through her tears.

-          How old are you? – I asked curiously.

-          Seventeen – she replied.

I felt sorry for her. For a seventeen year old it was to much. I didn’t want to ask about her parents as I didn’t want to cause any more pain.

-          Can you promise me something? – I asked.

-          Sure – she replied without second taught.

-          I would like to keep in touch with you, but I don’t want to cause you any more problems so it will have to stay between us. If anyone will find out, reporters won’t leave you and your sister alone.

-          Really? You want to talk to me still – she asked quietly.

-          Yeah.

-          You are so nice Unnie, now I know why Jung Min loves you – she stated.  – You can see the way he looks at you. And you are lucky too.

I looked at Jung Min who was now holding So Mi and play with her. He looked adorable, like her father not like arrogant idol. It was charming sight and I really enjoyed the view.

-          You know Unnie, if I will be working hard enough, maybe I will be a dancer one day.

-          You want to be a dancer? – I asked.

-          Yes, I a attending School of Arts. But I needed to skip few lessons as I got part time job to help my brother with hospital payments.

Life was harder for her than I could imagine. She clearly had big heart and the way she looked at her sister was like So Mi was her whole world. I wanted to help her somehow but I needed to think of it.

-          Unnie – someone grabbed my hand. – Come I will introduce you to my friends.

I hold one of her hand while Jung Min the other. It was so nice feeling, like a family. I think this was the very moment when my heart started to changed. I looked at Jung Min and caught him staring in my eyes. I don’t think I could deny it any longer. I think I started to feel something for him and it scared me. But I only smiled at him and we followed towards other rooms.

Kids seemed to be very ecstatic seeing members of SS501 who were giving them toys, signing shirts, albums and taking pictures. Looking at all that made me realize how big heart the group really has.  I always thought big stars are only selfish, arrogant but I almost forgot they are human too.

Few photographers managed to get in to hospital and were taking pictures of members and me with kids. They also seemed to be impressed with whole event and at some point they also started to play with kids. It was happy and sad moment at the same time, knowing that you can give all those little ones happy moments but on the other side knowing what they are going through. We finished our visit after few hours and I was shattered. I jumped in to the vas as first and took sit at the far back. Jung Min carefully eyed all seats but then rested next to me. I was exhausted at that moment and for some reason really wanted a hug. Before I could register what I was doing I put my head on Jung Min’s shoulder, entwined my right arm with him and closed my eyes. He didn’t move away, nor said anything at all. He kissed my forehead and rested his head on top of mine.

It was first time when I stopped thinking about all the trouble I went through recently. Angry fans, popularity, scandals didn’t matter anymore. It was first time in long time when I felt safe.