C.A.P.’s POV

God damn it! I knew there had been something wrong. I knew I shouldn’t have pushed him. But with the pressure of releasing another single, of debuting after months of variety shows, our first ever tour in Europe, it was just too much. There was just too much pressure to be a good leader, to make such choices. Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to make them, but I know I don’t want any of the other members to be burden with such things. I feel like I failed as a leader. I noticed all the signs, but I never did anything. I never once stopped and asked if he was okay. I’m a horrible boyfriend too…

“Hyung, it’s going to be alright.”

I looked up and frowned at Chunji. How could the other be so optimistic? Wait…wasn’t that a good thing? Still! Everything looked hopeless.

“He’s right. It’s just exhaustion. A week of best rest, proper meals and he’ll be good to go.” I felt my blood boiling at Ricky’s comment. Honestly, did he think it was going to be that simple? Niel looked like death. His face was pale and he hadn’t opened his eyes in a few hours. What if he were dying? What if it were something else other than just exhaustion? Many idols came in for that, so what if the doctors weren’t looking hard enough?

“Minsoo.” I looked up and stared at L.Joe. “He’ll be fine.” He said and nodded. “Just give him time.”

“Yeah but if I-”

“No one blames you.” Changjo spoke then, standing from the chair he was sitting in. “It could have happened to anyone of us. And it’s not like he lived in a box or anything. None of us realized it either.” He said. “So if you blame anyone, you should blame us all.” He said. The other’s nodded and I smiled. They were always there for me, for the group. It was never someone’s fault; it was the group’s fault. If one messed up, we all messed up and all took the blame. That was true friendship.

“You’re right.” I said and sighed. Running a hand through my hair, I shook my head. “Still though.” I said and looked back at Niel laying there. I held his head gently, giving it an encouraging squeeze, hoping that maybe it would bring the other back.

“Come one.” Ricky said and patted my shoulder. “We should let him rest in peace okay? We’ll come back tomorrow. Maybe he’ll be awake then.” I didn’t want to go, I didn’t want to let go of his hand, but I knew I couldn’t possibly stay. Though one member was down for the count, the rest of us were still healthy and able, we had schedules to complete. It was hard, competitive world out there. Success wasn’t just handed to us because we’re pretty boys. We’ve worked hard to be on top. We can’t drop off.

Standing, I nodded. With one last look at the other, I let his hand go and left with the others.

~*~A Few Weeks Later ~*~

“Yah! Niel, you’re supposed to be resting!” Ricky’s shout rang through the dorm. Niel’s condition had turned out to be more than exhaustion, as I feared. The doctors still aren’t sure what it is, or what caused it, but he needed more rest, proper meals, vitamin supplements, frequent breaks during practice and lots of water to stay hydrated.

“A person can only stay in bed so long!” Niel whined as he sat on the couch next to me, pouting. “Besides, I’m not doing anything! I’m walking. That’s not going to hurt me.”

“You don’t know that.” Chunji muttered as he walked by, glancing at him before disappearing into the kitchen. I sighed. Whatever it was, it could really hurt Niel if he didn’t take care of himself and I couldn’t let that happen. He was more than just a group member to me, more than just a friend. He meant so much to me and I didn’t want to lose him.

But he was stubborn as a cow!

“Well you don’t either.” Niel shot back, arms crossed. He looked to me, as if waiting for me to say something to him as well. Which I would have if I knew it would have done any good. But I knew it wouldn’t. Niel was going to be Niel, no matter what was wrong with him. If it didn’t kill him on the spot, than he wasn’t going to worry about it.

“They’re only trying to help.” I said. It was the best I could do. I could sit there and preach to him about what could happen to him and why he needed to take care of himself, even if he didn’t have this ‘condition’, but it would be a waste of my time. In the end, I just opted to remind him that they were worried about him and cared about him. They just wanted him to be happy and healthy.

“I know.” It was soft whisper and I had to think if I really heard it or not. The look on Niel’s face made me believe I heard it and I smiled. The other knew they were just trying to help and that was good. It would stop any fights from breaking out, and we were vicious when we fought.

I slipped my arms around his shoulder and pulled him closer to me, kissing the top of his head. “Good. So stop pouting.” I laughed as he pushed me away, glaring. “So cute!” I , reaching out and pinching his cheek lightly.

“Stop it!” Niel whined, smacking my hand away. He was smiling though, and I knew he wasn’t upset with my actions. His smile fell and he stared at me with such concentration that I could see the wrinkle lines forming on his forehead.

“What?” I asked.

“It scares you, doesn’t it?” he asked. My heart started racing and I didn’t know why. Of course it scared me. At moment I may lose the person I love, it should scare me, but why did my heart race when he asked the question?

“Yes.” He stared at me for a long moment before his head dropped onto my shoulder and he snuggled up to me. It had been a while since we could snuggle. A month or better and before now, I had always taken those moments for granted. Now though, I’m going to enjoy each and every chance I get, but it could be the last.

“Don’t let it.” He answered and looked up at him. “I’m not going to let this beat me. And I’m certainly not going to leave this group. You all would flounder without me.” He teased and I laughed. We wouldn’t flounder, but we wouldn’t be the same without him, even if we added a new member or not.

“Yeah, we would be worthless without you.” I said, my arm sneaking to wrap around his waist. The silence was tense, but feeling Niel against me, it helped take the tenseness away, if only a little.

“You know I love you right?” Niel asked suddenly and stared up at me. I stared down at him and grinned. Leaning down, I pressed my lips to his in a soft, gentle kiss.

“I know.” I whispered as I pulled back. “I love you too.” Niel smiled and everything in the world brightened and just seemed so bright. Maybe I was being too much of a pessimist. I need to start thinking positive. Niel was going to be fine, we are going to have a great comeback and when we win our next award, he’s finally going to take our relationship one step further!

Yes!

Leaning down once more, I kissed him again, holding him close. A small moan left him and he pulled back. If we didn’t stop, things would get too hot and Niel was still adjusting to having these feelings for me. I didn’t push and I would never push him. After all, I have a perfectly good hand when times got rough.

“You should take a nap though. Those pills the doctor gave you should be kicking in right about now.” I said as I glanced to the clock. But his eyes were always closing.

“Mmm, yup.” He muttered. Chuckling, I situated our bodies on the couch so that I was laying down and he was laying over me, my arms wrapped around him to keep him from rolling off and onto the floor. It wasn’t long before he was fast asleep. His soft breathing and the heat from his body slowly lulled me into dream land as well. The last thing I remember before going to sleep was L.Joe laying a blanket over us and tucking us in.

Things were going to get better and we were going to be Teenz on Top.