Eight days. It had been eight whole days since Hoya had heard from him. Dongwoo’s parents had a search out- the police were looking, and there were rumors that he was dead. But that couldn’t be true. Hoya wouldn’t believe it.

He ran down the steps to his apartment and through the skinny, twisting streets as fast as he could. He couldn’t believe that he still hadn’t come home; he’d been calling his cell and his house phone, but there was never any reply. He had to see for himself. Quickly, Hoya passed through the neighborhoods, his legs burning and his heart beating fast enough to burst. If he had been thinking, he might have taken the bus, but he wasn’t. He couldn’t.

He finally reached Dongwoo’s house; it was small, but painted a clean white and kept tidy and pretty. He let himself through the gate and up the sidewalk to the front step. He knocked on the door but there was no immediate reply. He bent down and held his knees as he tried to catch his breath. Please, be home, he thought. Without straightening, he reached out and pounded on the door harder with his fist. After a moment, he heard footsteps on the other side and slowly, the door was pulled open. He looked up at one of Dongwoo’s sisters, the oldest of the two.

“Hoya,” she paused and eyed him for a second, “did you run all the way here?”

“Noona.” Hoya caught his breath and stood up straight. He grabbed her by the shoulders, “Please, have you heard anything?”

She shook her head slowly, shrugging off his grasp “Hoya, you need to just not think about it and just keep going to school,” he started to protest but she cut him off, “Dongwoo would want you to graduate. You should think about what he would want.”

“Noona, how- you’re talking like he’s already dead.”

She frowned and her eyes fell to the ground.

“How could you think that?” Hoya started shouting, “Do you really think he’d go that easily? We don’t even know what happened! He can’t be dead!”

She took him gingerly around the shoulders and patted him on the back. “I know you were best friends, and it hurts, but don’t get your hopes up too much,” she whispered, “It may be that he never comes back.” He shook his head violently and she hugged him tighter until he began to cry, “The living need to go on living.”

- - -

Days and weeks and eventually months went by; how he made it through each day was beyond him. He attended school like everyone else, sitting at his desk every day with a blank stare on his face. Sungyeol and Woohyun were always next to him in the classroom, but he didn’t really pay attention to what they said. All of the student’s voices were like an echo in his ears. He didn’t understand how everyone could just go on. It was like nothing ever happened. They didn’t care Dongwoo was gone, and they didn’t seem to notice that Hoya was, too.

In between classes, students started chattering even louder. Hoya could see Sungyeol lean over and whisper something to Woohyun. He rolled his eyes. Wasn’t the day over yet? He wanted sleep, craved it, like a man lost in the desert craves water. He needed as much as he could get; he just wanted to curl up and close his eyes and forget everything. He wanted to die, if just for a few hours at a time.

He covered his ears with his hands and closed his eyes. He couldn’t take all of the voices. It was the same thing day in and day out: gossiping, worrying, complaining. And none of it mattered.

“Hoya,” Sungyeol whispered, “do you want to get snacks with us?” he asked carefully, not trying to sound pushy.

Hoya groaned and held his ears a little tighter.

“Are you okay?” Woohyun asked quietly, seeing that his face had gone pale.

Hoya shook his head and kept his eyes clenched shut. The classroom door slid open; Woohyun looked up, hoping it was the teacher, but it was just Myungsoo sneaking in for the first time in weeks. He stood at the door and watched Hoya silently. Woohyun waved him over, and slowly, he walked across the floor to them. “Myungsoo, will you take him to the nurse?”

“But-“

“Just do it. We know you’re not doing anything else,” Sungyeol added.

Myungsoo frowned, hesitating. Even after this long, he found it hard to be alone with Hoya. He’d been able to keep what happened a secret, but it still ate at the back of his head every time he saw the miserable, lifeless expression his face constantly wore. He wanted to come up with an excuse, but Sungyeol kicked out a long leg from under his desk and whacked him in the shin. “Fine!” he mouthed, irritated.

Myungsoo stood just at the side of Hoya’s desk and sighed, then leaned down near him and spoke quietly near his ear, “Hyung, let’s go to the nurse.” Hoya shook his head, “She’ll let you take a nap.”

Hoya let his hands drop into his lap. His eyes rolled over the surface of his desk for a moment before he finally nodded. He stood and picked up his backback, holding the strap loosely in his hand as he started out the door. Myungsoo followed closely behind him, watching the way his shoulders curved forward from defeat. They stepped out into the hall, but that was all the farther Hoya could make it without needing a break. He leaned his back against the wall and let his eyes flutter closed.

“Hyung-“

Hoya rocked his head side to side slowly. “Myungsoo…” he breathed after a long, bitter moment of silence, “what happened?”

Myungsoo’s eyes grew wide and he could feel his heartbeat turn rapid, “I-I don’t know-“

“Do you really think he’s dead?”

Myungsoo his lips and looked away.  “What do you think?”

Hoya shook his head.

“Then he’s not. It’s only been a few months,” he said, “I’m sure he’s out there somewhere. It just might take a while to find him.”

Hoya hoisted his backpack over his shoulder and let his head drop as he started walking towards the nurse’s office. Myungsoo could barely hear him say, “I don’t know how long I can wait,” before he turned the corner and disappeared.

The nurse directed him to the small, hard cots in the little cubicle connected to her office. Normally, there would be at least one other kid there, pretending to be sick to cut a class, but the small room was empty. Hoya dropped his bag and melted onto one of the cots, lying on his stomach, with his arms curled up against his chest. He closed his eyes and within minutes, he drifted off into a light sleep. Old memories flashed through his subconscious: when he first met Dongwoo, all the times they raced each other home from school, all the holidays he spent with the Jang household.

All of the memories were pleasant; his face, smile and even laugh were all clear, too clear. The images scared him and made him think that Dongwoo was really with him again, and his mind shook him awake. And even though the dream should have been cheerful, he woke up with tears rolling down his cheeks.

- - -

He was twenty three now, well, twenty four in another day, and he couldn’t believe where he was. He’d actually graduated, something he never thought he’d do, and held a management position at a large company. Sure, the company was owned by Sunggyu hyung and dabbled in so many corporate crimes he couldn’t keep count, but he was making big money. And he was still allowed to be the heartless thug he knew he’d grow into.

There was a time he’d seen hope for himself, but not anymore.

He walked alone through the streets of Seoul, on his way out for a smoothie and some shopping on his day off. His sharp black suit caught the eyes of many people as he pushed past them, never bothering to look up from his footsteps. Sure, he was a bit of a  criminal in more ways than one and had no problem bossing his underlings around at work, but he still wasn’t confident in his own skin. He couldn’t be, when he still wasn’t all there.

Hoya crossed the street as the crossing light flashed green and stepped into the little shop right on the corner. He came to this little store often for snack and drinks; they always knew what he wanted. He stood in front of the counter with his hands folded in front of him. His eyes scanned the nearly empty store. When the cashier didn’t say something promptly, he became flustered; he hated talking to people. Normally, the worker would pipe up right away with a bright, “Peach mango again today, sir?”

He didn’t look at the cashier; the man behind the counter snickered and greeted him with a sarcastic, “Uh… what do you want?”

“This brat…” Hoya murmured under his breath. His eyes darted to the man’s face and his own turned white as sheet. The man looked at him, confused. He laughed nervously and his wide, bright smile shone on Hoya in a way that made his heart stop. For a moment, he thought it really had, because he became dizzy. He gulped and closed his eyes, shook his head, and took another look; the man was still the same when his eyes focused on his familiar face. “H… hyung?” he breathed.

Dongwoo frowned, “I don’t- I mean, you can call me that if you want, sir,” he said slowly. “What… would you like to drink?”

Hoya stood there frozen; he didn't remember him. Dongwoo didn't recognize him at all- he could tell by the way he stared at him impatiently without a hint of nostalgia in his eyes. Hoya watched him, taking in every detail. He knew it was him, his Dongwoo. He wasn’t going crazy. He kept every little inch of him locked away in his memory. But how could Dongwoo have erased him from his own?