Love. Really, what defined love? What is love, may I ask? Is love being there always for those you care about? Is love about letting go, wishing happiness for the person you wanted-hoped-to spend the rest of your life with? The pain, the tears, the worries, and the heartaches; I ask, is love worth it?

My love story is a rather complicated one. This love story has been blooming and growing for 2 years, 5 months, and 13 days. I’m still surprised we had lasted this long. Like a regular relationship, we have our good days and our bad days. In the end, we always came out alive...somehow.

She was an odd girl. Different from all the others. Regular girlfriends would shower their boyfriends with love, cuddles, kisses, and vice versa, right? But, like I said. My girlfriend was rather...odd. To this day, I still wonder why-or rather how, I fell for her. I’m still searching for the answer now.

Maybe it began with our first meeting...however, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant one.

Destined to be the son of a seafood shop owner meant that it was not easy to find a girlfriend. I lived my days smelling like salt, fish, mud, and unfortunately, guts. Horrible, red, and smelly fish guts. I remember dying from embarrassment whenever a decently attractive female would come to our shop and make her purchases. I wanted to just run and hide as I scrubbed furiously at my body, oh god the smell...I just wanted it to be gone.

That day there were fresh octopuses on sale. I was out near the shore with the bucket of live octopus beside me. The worn out sign was a pain in the as I tried to keep it in place in the sand. However, the wind was my enemy that day, blowing hard and causing the sign to fall or fly a few feet away from me. This meant that I would have to chase after the sign, bring it back, and place it back where it originally was, along with making sure there wouldn’t be any kids who would come over and try to steal the octopus.

Thinking back, my life back then was really...well, embarrassing. Maybe that was why she always loves to make fun of me. In her eyes, I was always ridiculous.

The sun was beginning to set and glancing at the still half filled bucket of octopus, I had to sigh. Dad said I could’t come back home until all the octopus were sold.

The moment I saw her, it wasn’t one of those “oh my gosh, she is gorgeous”, or those love at first sight occurrences. In fact, the first feeling that surged through me when I first saw her was one of horror.

Now, you must be asking why, right?

Well, let’s just say...it could have been my luckiest day ever, or my unluckiest day.

A giant gust of wind had blown past, I only blinked my eyes for a moment, and the next thing I knew, the sign had flown past, and I heard a yelp as a figure fell to the ground.

Jumping up in shock, I immediately raced toward the victim of the evil sign, completely forgetting about the still moving and live octopus in the bucket. Reaching my hand out, I attempted to help pull the poor person up. A small hand grabbed onto mines and immediately I felt the person froze.

“Oh my gosh, ew! Why is your hand so slimy?!” were the first words she had uttered to me. Now, not very romantic, is she?

My eyes trailed down the sleeve of my shirt to my hands only to realize I was still wearing my gloves that were used to pick the octopus up. It was indeed wet and slimy. Embarrassment immediately washed over me and without thinking, I retracted my hand, which caused her to fall flat on the sand again.

“Oww...”

Regaining my composure, I straightened as guilt spread into my voice, “I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”

The response I received was a glare as she stood up, puffing as she dusted the sand from her clothes. “Ahh, I’m going crazy.” she grumbled.

“I’m really sorry. I was careless and didn’t watch the sign properly. Are you alright?” I didn’t receive a response as she continued to ignore me and attempted to get the sand out of her hair and clothes.

“You know” I said, frustration seeking into my tone. From the looks of it, this girl didn’t seem older than me, so she should at least know her manners, and show me some respect. “It’s rude to not reply when someone is talking to you”

Her head snapped up and I froze. Her eyes were narrowed and she was slightly shaking her head as she scrutinized me. Her eyes trailed from my forehead, eyes, noses, cheeks, lips, and finally my chin. I gulped as her eyes refocused on mines before her attention was transferred to something behind me.

Curious, I craned my neck back only for my jaw to drop agape.

I stared shocked as I realized that the bucket has somehow fallen in my haste toward the girl and oh my holy, were the octopus escaping?!

“I think you have something more important to worry about than my disrespect toward you, mister octopus” I heard her snort before a wail ripped from my throat.

“MY OCTOPUS!!”

Eventually, the rest of the evening was spent searching for the missing sea creatures. Surprisingly, the girl actually aided me in my search even though it seemed she still loathed me for the accident earlier. The octopus now had sand all over them, which ultimately meant that we wouldn’t be selling them until they were washed.

I noticed the girl was trailing behind me. We didn’t speak to each other as we walked along the shore line. Sighing, I sat down on the sand and carefully set the bucket of octopus beside me. We certainly don’t want them to escape again. Another sigh passed through my lips when I thought of my parents. They won’t be happy.

The girl stood an arm’s length away from me before I saw her taking steps toward the sea and dripping her hand in. She giggled. Now that was the moment where I realized how utterly attractive the person I’m staring at was. Well, okay. Maybe I’m exaggerating a bit here, but she’s my girlfriend! What do you expect?

I couldn’t help but notice the two dimples on each side of her cheeks, or the way her large honey brown eyes turned into half moons when she grinned; her lips were not full, nor big like others, and it was a shade of pale pink. Her medium red hair was gently flowing with the wind and occasionally would fly in her face, insisting that she use her small pale hands to swat it away. When she stood up and headed toward me, I saw that she wasn’t too short nor too tall. The dress she had on was simple and cute. It was sleeveless with a v-neck, however, it did not show any cleavage, and stopped halfway from her knees. The design had small black and white stripes that on the top were placed diagonally to meet each other where a red elastic belt was placed under her chest and under the belt, the stripes were straight vertically. The sandals she were wearing was white with a small rhinestone on the center of the strap.

I averted my eyes when I realized I was staring and a small blush crept onto my cheeks.

I ignored her when she sat beside me and peered into the bucket of octopus. I could feel her gaze on me again and unconsciously, I felt myself straighten. Her gaze kept flickering from me to the bucket. A moment later she was staring at me. Five seconds later she looked inside the bucket. Another five and her eyes were fixed on my face again.

Getting fed up, I groaned. “Why are you staring at me?”

“Do you really wanna know?” I failed to notice the mischievous tone in her voice and rolled my eyes.

“Of course I do. You keep staring at me like a creeper!”

I heard her gasp, “I am not a creeper!”

“Then why are you staring at me? Omo! Could it be...’ I quirked an eyebrow as a smirk found it’s way onto my face and decided to tease the girl, “...you’ve fallen for me?”

“W-what?! In your dreams ert!”

“Then why are you staring at me and the octopus?! It’s either you’ve fallen for them or me!”

“I can’t believe how conceited you are! It’s because you look like them, you Octopus Face!”

------

It was unexpected, too unexpected that I began to wonder if the world I was living in was coming to an end.

I wasn’t even sure how it happened. After that first day of our meeting by the shore I had thought we would never encounter each other again. However, I was extremely wrong with my judgment when I found out the girl, who I later learned was named Joni, was the newest resident of our district.

When I met Joni the second time I tried to act like we were strangers and walk past her like our first meeting did not exist. Obviously, that didn’t go as planned since, Joni being her weirdo Joni self, was the first to approach me and snatch my bucket of octopus from my grasp. I remembered seeing only the image of Joni poking her tongue out at me before running off and no sooner later, I was on a chase to rescue my octopus around the shoreline again.

After days of snidely remarks and ending the day with either one of us stomping angrily away, eventually, our relationship did get better. We stopped arguing our second week together and gradually evolved into short intellectual conversations.

It wasn’t until the afternoon of another day of playful banter while walking Joni home (we eventually settled into the routine of going home together since we lived near each other) when she suddenly stopped and turned around to face me, her eyes portraying no emotion whatsoever, when she popped the question.

“Wanna go out with me?”

------

Now I understand why she was always so playful and mean to me. Supposedly, that was how she showed affection to someone she likes. Mine was evidently worst because, you know, she “likes” like me in that way. I wouldn’t say love. No, most definitely not love. I still have problems comprehending how someone like Joni would want to date me, the person who seems to contradict everything she finds ideal in a man.

“Yah, Kim Junsu!”

Snapping my head up at the sound of the all too familiar voice, I came face to face with the girl who had turned my world upside down the moment we had met. I had to admit, ever since meeting Miyu, life has been a bit more chaotic.......okay, I admit it. It has gotten ALOT more chaotic, but it wasn’t the kind of chaotic I disliked.

I mean, I would prefer pulling all nighters just so we can go ghost hunting and have sand fights than gutting fish and selling octopus any day. Oh, and let’s not forget that one time she pushed me off a cliff because supposedly, we were cliff diving and I was just too stupid to realize it.

“Why else did you think I told you to wear your swimming trunks to the cliff anyway? So I can see your ugly hairy legs?” was what she told me after I recovered from the shock of a near death experience and gave her a severe scolding.

Okay...maybe I would prefer gutting fish than cliff diving ever again.

Placing the remote on the table, I finally turned my attention to my cutely frowning girlfriend who was beginning to wield her wooden spoon in a threatening manner, since you know, I was ignoring her for the last 2-3 minutes. “Yes, honey?”

“Don’t call me honey, Octo-face! And dinner’s been ready for the past ten minutes.”

Joni’s hair was now shorter. The length of it was at her collar bones and it was no longer red, but instead strawberry blonde. She said something about how it’s summer, so it was fitting to go a lighter shade. I personally think she did it to feel more foreign. She was always weird like that anyway.

We’ve been living together for about seven months now after having agreed to move to the city, since Joni was offered an internship at a hospital in the city. I was actually expecting a break up since Joni had always told me that she didn’t like long distance relationships. Surprisingly, instead of a break up like I was expecting, Joni had asked for us to live together since her uncle had left her an apartment after immigrating to the United States.

Even though I was very happy that she had decided to choose this option for our future, I couldn’t help but hesitate. Was I really going to leave everything-my parents, my home, my friends, my life here-to go with Joni to the city? A place that was completely foreign to me?

Living together had its risks after all.

What if after living with me she finally figures out that she was completely out of her mind to date me? What if her city friends don’t like me? Not to mention her colleagues. (After all, I’m no one special. I’m only a fishing-man’s son who sells octopuses by the shore.)

“How’s the food?” Breaking away from my thoughts, I looked up from the bowl of creamy potato soup to see the expected face of Joni. She was smiling shyly with her hands folded on her lap. It was one of the rare instances were Joni would actually seem like a normal girlfriend. Letting me know that she actually cared about my opinions about her.

“Its as good as always.” I replied, shoving another spoonful into my mouth. Satisfied with my answer she quickly went back to eating, however, not before swiping the soup that was on my spoon as I was about to put it in my mouth.

“Hey! You have your own bowl for a reason!” I exclaimed, but the smile was evident on my face.

“I made the food. I can eat it from whoever’s bowl I please.” she retorted, sticking her tongue out.

Shaking my head at her antics I went back to eating. After a few minutes of silence, Joni had finished eating first and proceeded to put her dishes in the sink and washing her hands and mouth.

Right as I was about to get up and do the same, I felt still wet hands wrap around my neck from behind. Freezing, I heard the soft giggle that I had grown accustomed to over the years before a pair of cold and wet lips landed on mines. Right when I was going to respond to the kiss, it was already gone. Joni had already slipped away down the hallway as her mischievous giggle echoed through the apartment.

I was certain one of these days Joni would become tired of me and leave. If there's one thing I had managed to convince myself after all these years we’ve been together, it was that one of these days she will leave. Disappear without a word. I convinced myself that this relationship would not last.

Because I knew at this point in our relationship, I had come to the stage where I most likely would not be able to live without Joni, but she could live without me.

After all, I’m no one special.

------

The inevitable was near. I could see it. It was subtle at first. Joni had become busier. We’ve barely gone on any dates for the past three weeks. On her days off, she usually disappeared somewhere and saying that she was meeting with friends. I didn’t mind. I mean, I had prepared myself for this ever since we’ve started dating. Like I said, there was no way that Joni loves me. After all, she had never even once uttered those words of love to me.

“Isn’t today your day off? You should be spending it with your girlfriend instead of coming here! Isn’t that why you chose the same day off as her?” Wooyoung, is my co-worker from the bar we’re working at. I was a bartender most of the night until it was time for the show that the bar hosts every night. I usually sang on Mondays and Thursdays, and bartend the rest of my work days. Wooyoung also sings and dances for the bar.

When I first came to the city, it was extremely stressful finding a job. Since I began working full time with my parents after high school which meant I didn’t bother to go to college and earn a degree. I guess, it was reasonable to say I was prepared to spend the rest of my life selling seafood.

Of course, that was until I met Joni. Without her, I wouldn’t be here and doing the things I genuinely liked.

“She disappeared somewhere early this morning. After lazing around for half of the day, there’s not really anything else to do, so I thought I’d come to work today.” I replied, before going into the back room and changing into my bartending uniform.

“Junsu! Good timing! One of the toilets in the bathroom is clogged up so if you don’t mind can you go and fix it?” my boss, Park Jin Young called from across the bar. He was currently checking the sound system to make sure it was set up correctly for tonight’s performance.

Biting back a groan, I called back, “I’m on it!” before rolling my eyes and proceeding to the backroom’s closet and taking out the needed equipment.

Once I stepped foot inside the bathroom, the foul stench of urine and crap drifted to my nose causing me a slightly gag before quickly bringing a hand to my face to lessen the smell. Opening the toilet stall, I cringed at the disgusting water in the toilet bowl. Just my luck! I had to resist the urge to gag again before finally getting to work.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have come to work today.”

---

Since it was Sunday night, the bar was crowded. A crowded bar meant a lot more tips. I actually wouldn’t mind working on Sundays but since it’s Joni’s only day off I felt that it was worth it to give up those extra tips and spend the whole day with her.

But I guess...that doesn’t matter now since she’s always disappearing somewhere.

When I finally managed to snag a five minute break for myself, I slipped outside of the bar where it was quieter and crouched down with my head leaning against the rough brick wall. Work was tiring tonight. Earlier, I had to help Chansung subdue a pair who had gotten into a fight. Supposedly the girlfriend was caught red handedly cheating on his boyfriend with another younger man. That eventually led to a full on brawl with nose bleeds, bruises, and a hysterically screaming girlfriend.

Releasing a soft sigh, I pulled out my cell phone to see if I had gotten a message.

None.

Biting my lower lip, I scrolled through my contacts and stopped at the contact listed, “Honey<3“.

I usually wouldn’t name someone like that but since Joni called me Octo-face, her abbreviation for Octopus Face, I felt it was fitting to give her a nickname too. She hated being called “Honey”, which was just perfect to use as her contact name.

Should I give her a call? She’s probably wondering where I am...since I didn’t tell her I would be going to work today. But if she was curious, she would have texted or called me.

Running a frustrated hand through my hair, I decided to just go through with it and call her. Raising the cell phone to my ear, I waited for Joni to pick up while listening to the dial tone.

“The number you are calling is currently unavailable. Please try again and call back later or leave a message at the beep. BEEP”

---

“Good work today everyone! Have a good night and a safe trip home!” Jin Young hyung exclaimed as he hurried to his car while bidding Wooyoung and I farewell. We were finally let off from work and I was exhausted.

“So Hyung, how’s it going between you and Joni? You guys have been together for almost three years now, right?” Wooyoung asked as we walked along the dark streets toward home. Wooyoung lived in the same apartment complex as us, so it wasn’t unusual for us to walk home together from work. The bar was only a 10 minute walk from the apartment anyway so there was never a huge need for a car.

“Two years and five months.” I corrected.

“That’s not too much of a difference.” Wooyoung mumbled.

No, it is a big difference. Joni and I still have seven months before we have will reach our three years together and from how everything has been going lately, I feel like we won’t even last until two years and a half. Of course, I kept those thoughts to myself. No point complaining about it when I’ve already known that we wouldn’t last. I’m surprised that we even reached the two year mark.

“Hey, speaking of Joni, isn’t she over there?” Wooyoug asked, pointing somewhere ahead of us. I snapped my head up and saw that indeed, it was Joni.

Joni and Nichkhun.

Freezing in my tracks, I felt a surge of heat rise throughout my body. Why was she with Nichkhun? Not to mention that it was late at night and she was alone with Nichkhun. Nichkhyun who is taller than me. Nichkhun who’s looks I could never compare to. Nichkhun who’s gentle, kind, funny, and perfect. Nichkhun who’s the complete opposite of me. Why was she with him? And why she was hugging him?

Clenching my hands into fists I felt the foreign emotion of jealousy roll over me. I knew we wouldn’t last. I knew Joni could never truly love me. So, why I feeling this way if I had known all alone?

Because it still hurts to know you’re not good enough.

---

Today’s the day. The day everything would end.

I don’t know if she took pleasure in torturing me since she had chosen this day. This day, as in our two years and six months anniversary. But no, she probably didn’t even realize what day it was when she woke up this morning. She never does pay attention to the important dates. I was usually the one who reminded her of our anniversaries and planned all the events.

This morning after waking up, I had found Joni already awake and in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee. There was some toast and jam set on the table, most likely for me.

“Good morning, Honey.” I greeted, however, instead of the usual retort of “Octo-face”, I only heard her scoff before spilling her leftover coffee into the sink.

“You know, you could have given the rest to me.” I said before biting into my toast with strawberry jam.

Joni didn’t reply and silence settled between us before she finally glanced in my direction, her expression unreadable. “I’m going to head to work now. I have an earlier shift today.”

Controlling my facial expression, I nodded. She didn’t even waste any time leaving after that. No hugs, no kisses, not even a touch. Nothing.

I dropped the slice of toast back onto the plate, feeling that my appetite was now gone. Dropping my head onto the table, I released a quiet sigh.

That was when I received a message. It was from none other than Joni.

From: Honey<3

I’ll meet you later at the bar. I have something to tell you.

Biting my lips as I entered the bar, I prepared myself for the inevitable. I know what she’s going to tell me. We’re finally breaking up. The day I’ve always prepared myself for is here. Feeling my fingers shake I walked toward Wooyoung who was washing the glasses of wine cups.

“Hey hyung! Jin Young Hyung said you don’t have to work tonight. Lucky, aren’t you?” he grinned. However, I couldn’t bring myself to grin back. Not when I know things will be over between Joni and I. I would rather work to help get my mind off of the situation than sit and wait for my future ex-girlfriend’s arrival.

“Hey, what’s wrong? You don’t look so good. Today’s a good day! You should be happy. Isn’t it your two and a half year anniversary with Joni today?” I find it ironic that even Wooyoung remembers this day when Joni doesn’t. It’s always been like this but knowing that it would be over soon, I couldn’t help but feel bitter at the unfairness of it all.

I know I’m incompetent. I don’t have a degree, own a car, big house, or anything like that. But I worked hard. I worked hard at my job, at singing, at fishing, at my relationship. So why? Why is it still not enough?!

“Did you plan anything special today?”

“No!” I snapped. Wooyung jumped and grasped a hand to his chest.

“No need to shout! I was just wondering. Geez, what’s gotten into you?”, he complained.

Taking a deep breath, I blew my fringe out of my face, all the while trying to keep my temper under control. It’s no use losing it now. “Sorry. Give me a drink, would you?”


An hour passed by as the bar filled up with customers and still, there was no sight of Joni. Heaving a breath I pulled out my cell phone. No messages. No calls. No voice messages. Where was she?

“Good evening everyone! It’s finally time for the special performances from our workers! Are you excited?!” Jin Young hyung shouted, getting the customers excited. “Our first performance, however, is not from one of our workers, but rather the girlfriend of one of our workers! Everyone please listen well and give it up for....Kim Joni!

Cheers exploded from the audience as I stared wide eyed at my girlfriend who was walking toward the center of the stage, but my face immediately morphed into a frown when I realized she was with Nichkhun.

Joni sat down on the stool provided with a guitar (I didn’t even know she knew how to play the guitar) while Nichkhun sat down by the piano.

Just what was Joni planning, breaking up with me this way?

“Hello everyone. My name’s Joni and this gentleman here is Nichkhun. I’m sure you’re familiar with him as he’s one of the workers here. I’m planning to sing a song and it’s a very special song. You see, I’m not very good at expressing myself. I’m too headstrong and mean, I guess. Even to my boyfriend. I call him Octopus Face, after all.” she giggled, causing the listening audience to laugh as well.

“But...today’s a special day for us both. Usually, I don’t pay attention to such things as dates but today’s our two years and six months anniversary. My boyfriend, Kim Junsu, has always worked hard to make every anniversary memorable and I have never given him anything in return. So, this past month I’ve been working hard to prepare this performance for him. I asked Nichkhun to help me and he kindly taught me guitar all this time. As a result, Junsu and I haven’t been able to spend as much time together and I know he’s been down in the dumps because of it. I’m sorry...Honey.” I felt my heart stop.

Did Joni just call me “Honey?!”

Inhaling a shaky breath, Joni spoke again, “SO, I hope you’re still out there in the crowd somewhere because I’m only going to say this once.”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Calm down heartbeat! It’s not what you think it is! But...but what if--?!

“I! LOVE! YOU! KIM! JUNSU!” she grinned widely, our eyes finally locking, “and please don’t ever doubt yourself and forget that”

The sound of piano began playing and before I knew it, Joni was strumming her fingers softly on the guitar, her voice ringing loud and clear, “The day...we...met. Frozen I held...my...breath. Right from the start, I knew that I’ve found a home for my heart...beats...fast.”

“Wow man!! Joni just valiantly confessed her love for you! What are you doing sitting here?!” Wooyoung shouted, grinning before he pushed me from my seat and toward the stage. “Hurry! This song is a duet, isn’t it? Don’t tell me you’re gonna let her sing the whole song with Nichkhun!”

I couldn’t believe it. I had come to the bar fully expecting a break up. An end to our love. But...no...it’s not. Joni...loves me? I’m not dreaming, right? This isn’t one of her cruel pranks, is it? My heart...it’s beating really fast.

By the time I made it near the stage, the song was already half-way through. I once again locked eyes with Joni and this time, she smiled. Ah, now I know. That was when I fell in love with her. The feeling was just like that time when we first met at the beach and I noticed her beauty for the first time. It wouldn’t be a lie if I said I had just fallen in love with Joni all over again.

I climbed onto the stage and approached Nichkhun. He gave me an understanding smile and nodded toward the microphone attached to the piano. I didn’t even notice the loud whooping cheers from the audience when they saw I had joined the stage.

I turned around to face Joni to find that she was already looking at me. My heart swelled and I smiled as I raised the microphone to my lips.

“One...step...clo~ser...” we sang together and I took a step towards her. Towards the love of my life as she sang the next part, her beautiful and confident smile that I’ve always loved shining on her face.

“I have died every day waiting for you. Darling, don’t be afraid. I have loved you for a thousand years.”

“I love you. I love you so much.” I thought pouring all my emotions into my singing as we sang the final part together, “I’ll love you for a thousand more. Go along I believed I would find you. Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years..."

Reaching Joni and taking her hand, I knew my doubts from all these years were all for nothing. It‘s probably about time I learned to be more confident in myself. Because Joni loves me. She really loves me. At this point in our relationship, I believe that I can now be confident to say...that we both can‘t live without each other.

“I’ll love you for a thousand more...”

Yeah, I think love is worth it.

-

Well, that's it! I hope you enjoyed my little one shot. I know nothing interesting really happens. I just wanted to explore the mind of a low self-esteemed man who's in love~ haha

Please comment and give me some feedback~! ^-^