Sorry for the long wait (if you still wait for my update ;p)I know this is bad enough. I may bore you, I warn you.

Btw, this story may end in like two or three more updates.
Thank you for making time to read and leave comments. I really appreciate that :)

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A week later, the therapist was working in her office when she heard timid knocks from the door. "Come in," she said with her eyes still glued to the reports of her patients' progress.

"Um. . . H-hi."

The awkward greeting caught her attention. She held up her head to see the small figure of a young woman closed the polished wood door behind her. She let the pen off her grip and clasp both hands together, throwing a smile to the unexpected guest, although not unwelcomed.

"Hi! Please sit down," she greeted in reply. "What brings you here?"

Sunny was still standing near the door, "Um. . .  About the thing you said yesterday. . ."

"Ah," the therapist caught on. "Come. Let's sit on the sofa."

She made a quick call to her assistant to bring in two cups of hot jasmine tea before standing up from her chair and made her way to the two-seater sofa in cream color and its wooden rectangle coffee table of the same color. Both were in smart style. Noticing that there were still no movement whatsoever from the more petite lady, she gestured her with an approving nod. Sunny walked carefully towards the sofa, as if she was contemplating to sit there or fled instead.

Sunny chose to stay though. She took a seat on the other end of sofa, letting  a quite a gap formed between the therapist and her. She sat stiff and straight. Before they could talk, a knock was heard, followed by the entrance of the assistant who brought in the tea on a tray. The steam from freshly boiled tea rose up in circular motion. Twirling, curling, until it was dissolved into cooler air.

"So, how's your days?" the therapist asked casually.

"Nothing has changed," she said, fiddling her fingers.

"You coming here, does that mean you are ready to take a step  forward?"

"I. . . I don't know," her voice trailed off.

"You doesn't seem to get any bigger," commented the therapist while glancing at her belly which didn't seem to show a bit even though it was her third month. The latter could only shrugged her shoulders.

"Can I ask you something?" Sunny nodded her head. "Is the child your boyfriend's?"

It took time for Sunny to finally nodded her head again. Seeing her expression, it felt like there was a battle going on inside her mind. She kept fiddling her fingers, and it didn't escape the therapist careful observation.

"Why don't you seem happy about it? Are you two having a fight?" the therapist asked again.

The petite lady didn't answer. She sat still, looking down at her hands on her lap.

"You don't seem like a couple who is expecting a baby. Instead, I saw how you were acting weird every time he's around."

No response whatsoever.

"Why did you look scared?"

"Why do I feel that you feel betrayed by him?"

"Did he do something that make you upset?"

"I don't know..." she finally muttered.

"Did he hurt you emotionally?"

"I don't know."

"Did he hurt you physically?"

"I don- . . ."

"Why do I sense guilt from you?

"I . . . This is nonsense. I've got enough of this," Sunny muttered. She quickly grabbed her purse and dashed to the door.

"Did he you?" the therapist shot her the final question.

That question that made Sunny halted on her track. The one hand that reached out to hold the door handle sat still on the short metal stick, while the other gripped the purse tightly until her knuckles turned white. Although she had acknowledged and embraced the term already, even repeated it inside her mind over and over again ever since that nightmare occurred and found herself getting used to it already, it felt foreign to hear it from someone else's tongue. Her consciousness blocked all feelings, yet deep inside, her unconsciousness failed her as tears as foreign as it felt started to stream down her cheeks.

"Ms. Lee?" The therapist called out calmly. She stood up from her seat and walked to her client's direction. She then reached out her hand, softly grabbing Sunny's wrist which was extended to the door handle. "Shall we sit again?"

Sunny let the tender tug on her wrist guided her back to the sofa. The therapist offered her some sheets of tissue and waited until the silent tears subsided.

"You repressed a lot, don't you? Have you been keeping all this to yourself?" the therapist rhetorically asked which greeted silence as an answer.

"Are you ready to talk about it now? Or we can do it another time. One step at a time is already a good progress," the therapist assured her with tender smile. Since the tiny lady beside her seemed unable to open up further, she stood up from the sofa. "If it's fine for you, I'll continue my work. If you want to stay, just stay here as long as you want. I don't have any client after this anyway."

"It was my fault."

"The therapist turned her body to face her, "Hm? Why would you think that way?"

Sunny glanced at her untouched tea cup in front of her. She felt uneasy, she contemplated to drink the cup empty, but she was afraid if it would drowned her words too. In the end, she averted her eyes from the cup and stared at her hands once again, while her body couldn't seem to stop fidgeting.

"I was being insensitive. He felt so down at that time. He thought he was a complete failure after his business gone bankrupt. I insisted him to use my saving and asset to salvage his company, but he refused. Then he got so angry. He said I didn't understand. He said I had insulted his condition. Then he started to lose it. He beat me. First with only his fists. When I tried to get away from him, he caught me and dragged me back inside by my hair. I cried for help, but no one came. He got even angrier and beat me furiously than ever. He yelled at me, calling me names. Then, it . . . It happened."

The therapist observed her patient intently. She saw how her tiny body was shaking albeit her calm and orderly tone--a result of being naturally diplomatic in front of public since early age. As the account kept flowing out unstoppably, she couldn't help but empathized with her patient. As a woman too, and a human being, who could not relate to the story if the victim herself telling it, although it certainly not the first time that she got victim for client.

"I don't know how many times he did it. I could think no more. I kept repeating in my head, 'it hurts'. Not only physically, because I couldn't even feel the physical pain anymore. My heart hurt more than my body. I can't believe he did that to me. I begged to him. I cried asking him to stop, but he was like . . . I don't know. He wa like a savage beast. I didn't know him anymore. I . . ."

She stopped talking. Her expression was somehow unreadable. She didn't shed anymore tears. Just a pair of hollow eyes as it stared blankly for a couple of seconds at the cup in front of her.

"How do you feel right now?'" asked the therapist.

"I don't know. I think I had accepted that it was entirely my fault," she paused for a while. "If only I didn't confront him. If only I knew him better than to insist to help him. I mean, I understand that his business is his life and his pride. I come to realize that him doing what he did to me was a form of anger and he couldn't control it at that moment. He went through a tough emotional ride for those past months. That I know."

"By saying that, it seems like you've already forgiven him for what he did."

"It's . . . What I'm saying is I understand if he did that in his rage. Maybe he needed a release for his pent up stress, and maybe was the answer," she answered analytically.

"You say as if you're not the victim yourself. Like you're distancing yourself from the problem. Like you're in denial."

"I am not," she defended herself. Her voice notched up a little.

"So, why would you say it that way?"

"What do you mean? I don't know. I said maybe, so it's a possibility."

"No, I mean, why would you talk in that manner. All analytical? Aren't you angry at him?"

"I am . . . not," her voice trailed off. "I don't know. I've tried to work out how I feel about him, but I still don't get it."

"How do you feel right now? Not about him, but about yourself," the therapist looked into her eyes.

"I . . . I think I'm fine," she looked back for a second, then averted her gaze. "I don't know. Can we stop for today? I'm tired."

"Alright, that's fine," said the therapist. "Thank you for opening up to me."

"No, I thank you," the latter said. "Although I felt annoyed by your questions, but somehow, I feel a bit lighter now that I let it out."

The therapist nodded her head and smiled. "You don't have to feel guilty about the , Ms. Lee."

The lady of small stature looked up. She blinked in question.

"I hope you could be more open to yourself about how you feel. You have a tendency to repress any feeling, and it's not advisable," the therapist smiled warmly before escorting her out. They bowed their back as they parted in front of the therapist's office.

***

"Is there something bugging you, Ms. Lee?" asked the therapist on another session.

"I . . ."

"Do ask, Ms. Lee. I'll be my pleasure to help you with the answer," said the therapist when she felt her client contemplated.

"It's about the term you used a lot."

"Hm? Which one? ?"

The latter flinched as the term was mentioned.

". What's about that?"

"I mean. . . I know that term is accurately applicable when it was done by a stranger to someone unrelated to him or her. However . . .," the words hung in the air.

"You meant to ask what if your boyfriend did was not fall into that category? What if he did was not counted as ?"

"I . . . Yeah, I mean . . . We were living together and it was only natural. Well, albeit the violence."

"Okay, let me ask you. Did he usually enjoy rough ?"

Sunny's cheeks reddened. She never thought to have this kind of discussion with someone who was unrelated to her. Not to her friends nor her family. It hadn't even crossed her mind to have this kind of discussion with her friends. True that they sometimes before, but it never got any deeper. Responding to the questions asked, she could only shake her head.

"I see. Now, albeit the violence, do you think having without consent of the other party is acceptable even though they are a couple or even spouse?"

That question silenced Sunny. She slowly shook her head.

"What I'm trying to say is, is not about the itself. It's usually about overpowering the other. Now, not that I said he purposely did that to show that he's above you," she added when she saw the later raised her eyebrow. "There are other factors and motivations. Perhaps, just like you said, he was feeling agonized himself over his problems, so he took it out on you. Who knows? Even I can't say. I need to hear from him to really say."

Sunny slightly nodded her head.

"Speaking of which, I want to ask your permission to advise you family about your condition. You're still distancing yourself from them, aren't you?"

"Can I keep this matter to myself?"

The therapist stared at her before continuing, "Why do you insist to look strong when you're not? They could be the support you're looking for, and you know they would."

"I'm not looking for support. I can handle this myself."

"Why are you so stubborn? What are you afraid of?"

Sunny played with the half filled cup of the usual jasmine tea in her hands. The tea was no longer hot since she had been there for one hour already.

"I can't imagine how they would react to the fact."

"Do you think they will report him to police?"

Sunny shook her head. "My in laws probably will. They will probably beat him up first though," she smiled at the thought. Noticing her therapist's eyes on her, she quickly corrected, "Not that I enjoy seeing him beaten up, but my in laws are amusingly more overprotective to me than my parents."

"Really?" the therapist smiled. "How would your sisters likely react then?"

". . . I don't know. They might need some time to get over the shock. But I can't predict their reactions. They will try to have me under their protection perhaps. Just like when I was little," she shrugged her shoulders.

The therapist nodded her head. She smiled, "You're every body's little sister, aren't you? And you enjoy being one."

Sunny just smiled in return.

"How would your parents react then?"

"I don't know. I think they will feel torn."

"Between?"

"Between their love for me and him. They regard him as his son already. Son and future son-in-law. I think they will feel betrayed by this fact, by what he did, but they can't really hate him due to their parental affection towards him."

"Do you resent your parents for that?"

"No, I don't," she firmly shook her head. "I know he was and is longing for parental love. His parents are still alive and I'm glad that my parents could provide it for him. He has a painful growing up memories. In fact, I couldn't really blame him for all that had happened to me somehow. I knew it has something to do with his past as well. We are who we are because of our past right? And he is one broken boy inside."

The therapist smiled again upon the remarks. "I think you need my session no more," she joked.

The later just laughed heartily. "Is that a good thing or bad thing?"

"That depends," the therapist interjected. "So, may I inform them? Your family I mean."

"I thought you have some sort of ethic codes not to leak any information of your client to anybody?"

"Yep, I do. That's why I ask your permission before anything. But anyway, they are the one who ask for my help in the first place, so it's only natural for me to report to them, although not in detail."

"You're saying that, means you told them already about our discussion so far?" Sunny raised one eyebrow in disapproval.

"Nope. My lips are sealed so far," said the therapist solemnly.

Sunny let out a sigh of relief. "Good. I don't think I am prepared for all that."

"So, when is the right time to tell them?"

"I don't know. I'll let you know later. For now, just let me prepare myself."

***

"What was on your mind when you finally decided to commit suicide?"

"My parents."

"Why was that?"

"I don't know. I feel bad for them."

"Why?"

"You know their status and how our society reacts to . . . women who get pregnant out of wedlock and their children."

"And?"

"I don't know. I couldn't think straight at that time. The memory of that night kept coming back every single day, every other minute, and it suffocated me. . . .Suffocates me. Yet the torture didn't end there. I was watched, criticized and even scrutinized for even the smallest reaction, the infinitesimal gesture when the news about my relationship broke with him. They talked behind my back."

"Who are they?"

"Just many. Journalists were speculating, people were gossiping, even my staffs were talking about that in cafeteria. I'm not even a celebrities nor political figures," she chuckled bitterly.

"Business figures are public figures too I suppose. Especially when your business is over the top. The pressure just gets higher right? The invasion of privacy just gets annoying."

"You're right."

"So, the pressure plus the battle inside your head urged you to grab the knife and cut your wrist?"

"Kinda. I thought I would lift off their burden by vanishing entirely," she paused for a while. "But, giving it a second thought, I think it's not their burden I tried to lift off. It was mine. Guess I'm not tough enough."

The therapist fixed her seating position. She clasped her hands while leaning back on the chair, one leg lifted upon the other leg. "Your parents were devastated when they received the news that you tried to end your life."

"I know. Of course they were. In the end, I was just being selfish, that I know," Sunny peered at the scenery outside the window. "Even I am now being selfish by not talking to them. I don't know. I need more time for myself to be at peace with myself."

The therapist smiled, "And they fully understand your act, your decision."

"You made me feel even guiltier. . . . Is that allowed? Aren't you supposed to help me to overcome those feelings?" Sunny grinned.

The therapist chuckled, "Now look at you, Ms. Lee. You're getting better now that you can joke."

Sunny grinned again. "By the way, I think we can drop the formality."

The therapist raised her eyebrow.

"I mean, You may call me by my name now that I somehow feel more comfortable to talk to you than my family or friends. And that's strange," she uttered with a face.

"I'd like that," the therapist beamed. "But sadly, I need to keep the distance still. At least until our sessions are over over."

"Not that you don't make a good friend or anything," she quickly added when she saw her client's expression changed for a split of second. "In fact, you make a very good one. But remember when you say I have to follow the ethic code?"

"Yeah, don't worry. I understand," Sunny cast an eye smile. The famous eye smile which was well known even in public.

***

"How do you feel about the baby?" asked the therapist in the other occasion.

"How do I feel about it?" She repeated the question in wondering tone.

The therapist waited some minutes while observing her client. They were sitting on the usual cream colored sofa shouldering a wide window with blinds in front of it, and been served the usual hot jasmine tea in the usual faded green cups with golden strip painted on its rims. She shifted the focus back on her client. Her expression was unreadable.

"I . . . Honestly don't know. It felt unreal. I don't know how to I word it," she tilted her head, her eyebrow raised as she was thinking hard.

"How old is the pregnancy? Around four months, right?"

"Yeah, around that number," Sunny mumbled.

"Have you started to eat normally?"

"I eat just fine," she answered ambiguously.

"You should eat more, Ms. Lee, and regularly. The baby needs nutrition he needed to grow."

The tiny lady sighed, "I know, I just don't feel like eating. I take supplements though."

"Supplements are different from real food. Not only the baby but the mother also needs nutrition and vitamin from food. You remember telling me that you get tired easily lately? Say, is the morning sickness still occur?"

"No. Perhaps once or twice a week, but not every day, every time like before."

The therapist took some time to think. She finally said, "Say, Ms. Lee. Do you feel that the babg is somewhat a burden?"

Sunny didn't answer the question. She remained silent. The therapist then continued, "From the previous sessions, I got a feeling that you feel guilty about yourself and you blame yourself for what had happened. That was why you finally decided to end your life. Am I right?"

Sunny didn't give any respond. She seemed to be deep in thought, so the therapist let her be while observing her.

"I . . . I believe that this baby is innocent . . ."

The therapist leaned her body forward, encouraging her to keep talking.

"I feel sorry for the baby . . ., yet I couldn't stop thinking should the baby not exist, it will be easier perhaps, for every body. Easier for him, me, and my family. But I don't have the courage to abort it. I don't have a heart to do that."

"So, instead of killing directly, you chose to kill the baby indirectly by killing yourself?"

Sunny was taken aback by the statement. Her voice raised a notch. "I'm not saying that I want to kill it. Don't twist my words."

"But you did think that the baby was an annoyance and you'd be better off without the baby?"

"I . . . It's natural to think that way."

The therapist shrugged her shoulders. "So you finally tried to end your life altogether."

"That seemed to be the easiest way out at that ti.me. For me, and for every body."

"You thought."

"Yes, I thought."

"So, how do you feel about the baby now?"

"I . . . I'd rather think that it's not there . . . Not here . . .," she lowered her head to stare at the almost invisible bump in her belly.

"Ms. Lee, your father said to me, wed or unwed, pregnant or not, he, they would love you just the same. They will protect you, they will stood up for you no matter what happens. And about the baby, in wedlock or out of wedlock, the baby still shares their blood, and most importantly, it's yours. Therefore, they don't wish to lose their grandchild. More importantly, they don't want to lose you."

Sunny felt her eyes were getting hotter. "I know my dad will say that. That's why it saddens me to think that they have to face all this because of me."

The therapist looked sympathetically. "Be at peace with yourself, Ms. Lee," she advised. Knowing that gloomy clouds of emotion were swirling inside her client's mind, she gave her aside time to let her settle it down.