They sat in silence for e moment before Sona attempted to turn the conversation away from her by asking, “So why can’t you sleep?”

He sighed. “Do you know what it’s like not to even know who you are? All I know is my name. I don’t remember where I go to school, or who my parents are… What if I have siblings? What if my family is worried about me and I can’t even remember who or where they are…? And I can’t get to them for Christmas. How am I supposed to figure this out if I can’t remember anything?”

Sona looked at him for a while, then looked away. “I don’t know… At least you know there’s a family somewhere waiting for you…”

Taemin glanced at her and then glanced down and shrugged. “I guess… What about you?”

Sona looked up. “What about me? Why can’t I sleep or where is my family?” He just looked at her and waited for her to answer. Sona took a deep breath. “My family lives in America and my little sister is in Saint Jude’s Children Hospital because she has terminal cancer. And I can’t sleep because nothing in my life is right.”

Taemin continued looking at her. She sounded so moody all of the sudden. He could sense this was a touchy subject, but he couldn’t help wanting to help her.

“It must be hard living away from your family on Christmas…and worrying about your sister… I think…I think I’m an only child… And I’m pretty sure I don’t like it…I think.”

Taemin hit his head and made a sound of frustration. Sona watched him. He seemed so desperate. She couldn’t imagine what it was like to forget everything. There were times she wished she could but… To never again know the wonderful memories or the amazing people she loved… To not even have a home… 

“I’m so sorry.” She said in a small voice. “You’re right, I don’t know what it’s like not to be able to remember anything. Not to be able to even make myself remember anything.”

“It’s ok. I think you’ve got it harder than me. I don’t think I have anyone I love who is very sick… But I do remember something about a hospital…” He looked off in thought.

“I can’t celebrate Christmas this year.” Sona grumbled.

She didn’t know why she decided to say it out loud, but she suddenly felt like she wanted to confess to this boy. He looked over at her with a look of shock on his face.

“How could you not celebrate Christmas? I don’t think I know anyone who doesn’t celebrate Christmas…expect maybe—Wait!” He pointed his finger in the air again. “I have a dog…”

Sona giggled at his sudden outburst, which had loosened a bit of her tension.

“Is it because of your sister?” Taemin asked sympathetically.

“No… Last year my…” She stopped.

Am I seriously doing this? Telling everything to some strange Santa boy I found in a sleigh?

“You don’t have to tell me.” He said as if he had read her mind.

She shook her head. “No, I want to. I want to talk to someone about it. It’s just…hard.”

“Well, I’m a good listener.” He put out his hand over hers. “You can tell me anything.”

Sona kept her eyes down and nodded.

“Last year, on Christmas Eve, my boyfriend died. He was going to propose to me. I was going to marry him. We were going to buy a house and have kids.” Soon tears were streaming down Sona’s face again. “I love him more than any other person. I know it was a year ago, but… Christmas Eve? Why?”

Taemin was quiet for a moment, just squeezing her hand.

Then he asked, “Were you there?”

Sona nodded. “Yes. I was in the car with him. I was the “lucky one”. I don’t feel so lucky. Sometimes I wish I had died with him.”

Taemin’s head shot up. “What? No! Don’t say that! No one should want to die.” Sona didn’t respond, just looked away. “Do you know what I think?” She looked back at him. “I think those last moments he had with you in that car, were the best moments ever.” Sona looked confused. “I think just to know you were with him at the end… That you were there and you weren’t going to leave him… That you loved him enough to be with him for better or for worse…” Sona started to shake her head. “If you had the choice, would you choose to not be in that car with him?” She stopped. “Would you choose for him to crash in that car alone?”

Sona thought about it, then shook her head. “No… No I wouldn’t. I would be with him. But I would choose that he didn’t die.”

Taemin smiled and Sona saw tears twinkling in his eyes.

“You know what else I think? I think that your love is what gave his heart the strength to let go. I think it’s what keeps him watching over you from heaven. And I think it’s why he wants you to be the happiest person in the world, even without him.”

Sona buried her face in her hands and cried again. Taemin scooted closer to her, kept one hand over hers and put the other on her back.

“You see… When someone dies, they’re not gone forever. Death isn’t the end of everything. And if he loved you as much as you loved him, then there’s nothing that can truly separate your hearts, not even death. Nothing can stop love. And death doesn’t have to kill happiness.”

As she cried, Sona pictured it in her head. Her boyfriend sitting up in heaven, watching her helplessly. There was nothing he could do to say that he still loved her. There was no way to make her happy again because he couldn’t reach her from way up there. And here she was, still mourning him after a year, even though she knew he didn’t want her. It was kind of the same as Taemin’s amnesia. All she could remember was that he died. Not that he lived and loved and laughed and was an amazing guy. By choosing to be depressed and not celebrate Christmas, she was killing his memory as much as that other car had killed him a year ago on Christmas Eve night. She lifted her head to look into Taemin’s eyes. How had this strange boy dressed as Santa who could even remember where he was from or where he was headed…how did he get to her like this? How did he touch her heart and say just the words she needed to hear? How did he talk like he knew?

“Come on.” He took her hand and stood up. “Get dressed. I just remembered something I want to show you.”

Sona didn’t ask questions. She just trusted.