His last call is 12 am yesterday, to wish you a happy birthday right a second after the day had changed to your birthday. And nothing after that. He said he was busy preparing comeback. So you’re kinda understand his situation. But he asked you to have a birthday dinner after the showcase at his house. It’s 1 am, the showcase must have been ended since hours ago. Why isn’t he coming home? Why he isn’t answering his phone?

You sit on the couch with mixed feeling. The house is really empty, like even the absent of the sounds inside this apartment create other weird buzzing sound on your own ear. It’s empty even with the heater on and your thick clothes, you can feel the chills creep inside your bones. It’s empty, like you don’t even have any specific thoughts, but a tears suddenly falling from the corner of your eyes.

Where is he?.

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Why are you still here? I thought you already go home few hours ago.” Asks Donghae, the one that didn’t even finished a glass of beer. They’re walking to the cars from a restaurant.

 

“No, of course I stay until the end..” Siwon holds Donghae from aside. He said that a bit louder than he should. Leeteuk is right behind them.

 

They had team dinner and drink afterward to celebrate their comeback. And Siwon who’s mood getting easily irritated after being warned about his relationship with you, did literally everything for the team. He hates how his credibility towards the team being questions moreover from the leader himself.

 

Today’s showcase is the first public schedule Siwon’s got that had Leeteuk in it that perform in front of a crowd. So although he worked hard for his own schedules too, he worked ultra hard especially in practices and today’s event, because he wanted to show to Leeteuk that he never put the team on second priority.

 

Actually today, Siwon is really really tired. And the girl staffs, few manager, Kyuhyun, Sungmin and Heechul already left the dinner earlier. Siwon should have the chance to left too. But the stubborn, full-of-pride-for-nothing within him won’t allowed him do do anything half done. So he goes all the way.

 

A young manager drive Siwon, Leeteuk, and Shindong to their respective house. While the others that live in the same apartment are in different car.

 

“Hyung. I thought you had other appointment today, you hadn’t? Should I drive you home or her home?” Asks the young manager who used to help Siwon to read script.

 

“What appointment?” Siwon trying to recall all the schedules he had today.

 

“Your girlfriend’s birthday..”

 

Fck..

 

Siwon just remember his last call with you about 27 hours ago. Why didn’t she remind me about tonight’s plan? His mind was full with walking on the eggshells all day long, he actually forget that he asked you to spent the day with him to had a dinner together. No wonder that he actually always looking for a chance to get home in the middle of the team dinner while the other side of him trying so hard to stay until everybody get home.

 

Leeteuk who’s in front seat, silently listening while close his eyes and rest his neck on the pillow.

 

Siwon aware of his surveillance. “No we rescheduled it until both of us have freetime.” He swallows hard. “For us, work comes first.”

 

The manager scrunches his forehead, not knowing why Siwon had to justify his action like that. “Oookay..” he answers it slowly. “So I will drive to whose house first?”

 

“Me!!” Says Siwon. A bit too louder that made Shindong who is half asleep, awake.

 

 

 

 

Siwon turns on his phone right after he got off the car and being alone completely. One miscalled from you and a message. We promised to meet at your apartment, didn’t we? He couldn’t call you back because it’s already way passed midnight and he feels soo guilty to forget about his promise on your birthday.

 

 

His question got answered right after Siwon walks into his apartment unit.

 

All the lights are on. His dinning table is filled with fruits, small cakes, soup in the bowls, steaks as the main course, breads, water jar, empty glasses, an unopened wine bottle, and a few unlighted candles.

 

She must be going home after tired of waiting.. He keeps looking at the perfectly arranged food in the table, he didn’t see you lying on his sofa, not until he gets five feet away from you.

 

As soon as Siwon sees your sleeping figure on the couch he could feel a pang if guilt. She waited.. His knees are getting weak.

 

He crouches beside his sofa and looks at your restless sleeping expression. Siwon stay at that position for a long time, feeling sorry but touched by the fact that you stay at his home at your birthday until 3 am. It’s when Siwon try to remove a piece of hair that fall on your face, you open your eyes and see him if front of you.

 

Dissapointed, sad, and the smell of alcohol from him sent you to the edge. You turn your back on him, both not wanting to see him and not wanting him to see you near to tears.

 

Siwon lost it. He drops his everything then lying on the sofa beside you. Hugging you from behind.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Your shaking shoulder and your soundless cry made him hold you tighter while thinking. What the hell am I doing here? While trying to proof to everybody who are not even noticing, that I'm fully dedicated to them, I abandoned you like this. "I'm really sorry Nara~ya. I really am." Siwon burried his head in your hair. You're sobbing really hard because of that.

 

Siwon reaches to your hand to hold it. You let him be, not having enough energy to break away from him. You falling asleep crying in his arms.

 

 

 

Morning comes just like that, you wake up on Siwon’s light grey bed sheet, with him curling right beside you, his legs intertwine with yours.

 

Remember what happened last night, you suddenly starting to cry again. It’s still early but you hurriedly walk to the bathroom without looking at Siwon. Get dressed in the same office attire you just wore to sleep and walk outside his bedroom. The dining table was left untouched, with the cold foods still perfectly platted.

 

Like channeling your anger, you throw every food to the trash bag and doing the dishes in anger. But even with that loud clinging sound, Siwon has not wake up yet, so you just left his apartment and called the cab to go to your office.

 

 

 

You stayed in your private office room for a few hours before your employees are starting to come to the office and thanking you for last night treat.

 

“We use your card well for the second round too..” your assistant being all smiley when he’s about handing your card back to you. Then he whisper, “Did you got nice breakfast with the chairman?”

 

“Eh..?”

 

You got cut with a woman employee who’s handing you a brochure, while says “You’re still wearing last night clothes..” she teases you with a wide smile, “Eiyyy.. our representative had a really sweet birthday night last night..”

 

A wide smile that in contrary turn your assistant smile to a frown. He looks at your wrinkled blouse and then your skirt. As a confirmation scanning, that you lied to him; You left the birthday dinner from your employees to go to your boyfriend instead.

 

“Eyyy.. you skipped round two to go with your boyfriend? I thought you celebrated it with the chairman.” Said another employee, just to voiced out what everybody had in mind.

 

“If that the case you should bring him to join us instead..” adds the other.

 

“Anieyo..” you tried to explain

 

“Here’s your card. Thank you.” Your assistant bows to you very respectfully then excuse himself even before you can say any words.

 

 

 

Siwon wakes up from a phone call from his manager to remind him about his schedule.

 

“Arrasseo.. I’ll work out first.” He looks around to find you. “Okay, I’ll be ready by the time you arrived here. Bye..” He puts down his phone and gets up from the bed. He’s so dizzy, everything get blurred.

 

You’re nowhere to be found.

 

“Nara~ya..”

 

Siwon peeks to the bathroom.

 

“Nara~ya..”

 

The living room and dining room are also empty. Siwon is about to checked your shoes when he accidentally passes through a pile of cleaned dishes and his trash bag that filled with last night dinner. The whole steak is laying on the top of it, still in the perfect form as last night, the best prime rib cut that Siwon could guesses, brought from prime restaurant too.

 

“She still angry.. she still angry...” he weakly seated on the dining chair. “Stupid..” He’s still so dizzy because lack of sleep and alcohol, then now you added to his problems. Grabs his hair out of frustration, Siwon grunted before he’s looking at his phone.

 

He calls you right away.

 

You, who still annoyed by everything, breathe out significantly before walk into your private room to answer the call.

 

“Honey.. where are you?”

 

“Office.”

 

“It’s Saturday.”

 

“I have a selling event.”

 

“Really? Why didn’t you wake me up when you’re about to go to the office?”

 

“Well.. just because..”

 

“Are you still mad at me?” Siwon tries to sound as loveable as possible.

 

“Ani..”

 

“I’m really sorry, my mind was not in the right place. I remember I need to celebrate it with you, but there’s team dinner and I..”

 

“I said I’m not mad.”

 

“But..” Siwon lost for words. He could feel that you know exactly how to cut people out, to end a conversation. “There’s nothing I really want to do but go to you and talk to you, but I have full schedule today.”

 

It’s always about you and everything around you.. “Yes, I understand.” Because frankly, you do. You understand his situation. And that what makes you more angry to yourself.

 

“Should I go to your house maybe at Tuesday night after I finishing my schedule?”

 

“Ani. I’ll be tired at night. You should rest too if your schedule really are.. that packed.”

 

Woman.. “I’m really sorry Nara ya.. really am.”

 

“I'm not mad. Gotta go.."

 

"Nara ya.. Honey.. My schedules are really packed for a few weeks.. Can I see you before I go?"

 

"I really can’t today oppa. I need to go, have a meeting i need to attend.."

 

"Okay. Take care, just send me a message when you're less busy."

 

"Kay." You pull your phone away.

 

"Nara ya.." But you already ended the call. "Love you.." siwon said that to an empty air.

 

He grabs the back of his neck and looks down.

 

And Siwon hates everything about himself right there. Being his outspoken self, a celebrity, and him as your boyfriend. Personally, he want to clear things up, right away, run to you, if he needs to, send you the most sincere apology he could deliver as soon as possible. There is no way for him to continue to work with this kind of problem in his heart when his job requires him to be all smiley and has to entertain people. Lastly, he loves you, he never feels this way to other girls before, he literally went crazy over you being mad at him like this. Those combo sent him over the edge.

 

“Argghhhhh!!!!” He screams from the top of his lungs:

 

 

 

You wipe your tears right after you put down your phone.

 

On the contrary, you’re more on the reserved side. You need time to be alone and settle your own heart on the moment like this. You knew it’s his job. Had an after party also an unavoidable situation on his side. Your birthday also not a big deal for you too, you spent them many time over the years without any big celebration before. But you were and still are really hurt. It’s not his fault, you know. But being stood up after everything you did for the date like that.. just.. hurt you.

 

You went to your apartment that night. After spent a good hour in the shower, you open your fridge to take a few of your skin care in it. But the fridge is now filled with side dishes (banchan) in boxes that you knew were packed by your mom. There are maybe around 15 different size of boxes now stacked tidily inside your fridge that make you cry a river again.

 

What did I do..?? You kneel in front of your fridge. You easily forget about your mom who must be prepared a ton of food for your birthday and set your eyes fix on Siwon instead.

 

Your dad must be anticipated to have a fun dinner on his only daughter’s birthday yesterday. And although she left the options open, you knew your mom too well, that she must be really prepared a lot of things if you’d decided to eat at home instead. That reminded all of last night dinner that Siwon didn’t even touch. And all of the effort that you spent on it.

 

After a long call full of cry and apology to your mom. You’re curling on your bed while calling Jenna, who’s on the way to her office.

 

“Things got unbalance and my heart got conflicted with my mind. And I have no idea what’s right and what’s wrong anymore.” You told Jenna everything about last night and your feelings toward it.

 

“Have you talk about it with him? I mean, the whole things..”

 

“I kinda avoided him today.. his schedules are all packed for a few weeks, it’s a comeback season.”

 

“I think you should talk to him ASAP. What you do you want from him and from you to fix whatever happened?” Jenna speaks louder, because in the background you could hear a series of cars honking at the same time. She’s walking to her office. That made you miss New York more than ever.

 

“I don’t know. It’s not like I want him to do anything specific. Like I said, I know the consequences, and I know last night wasn’t his fault too. He’s sooo busy and there’s nothing I can do with it. I can’t help him in any ways. But I also can’t just solve things over the phone. I miss him so bad right now. I miss us being us..” you almost cry again. “I really have no idea how to put my self in front of his world.”

 

“Oh honey.. who knows.. I know relationships are complicated by them self, I can’t imagine how it is for you to deal with it plus with him as a celebrity. Not to mention celebrity in Korea.”

 

“I know right.. I feel like I throw everything in my life for his sake but I feel like I’m under appreciated somehow.. And although I know we should talk about it first, I don’t feel like I have to be one who’s caving in. Cave in my time to meet his schedule, cave in to do what I thought was not right just because his status as a national beloved celebrity. But then I feel like I’m being too selfish if I can’t understand him like that.. ottohkee??”

 

“Nara honey! I’m so sorry I already arrived at the office and need to get in to the elevator now. Can I call you after I get home? I’m so so sorry!!!”

 

You laugh emptily.. “Okay..”

 

If only Kyuhyun oppa available at this time.. but he didn’t even reply my message yesterday. You hug your pillow and cry to sleep.

 

 

 

At the end of another comeback performance a few days later;

 

“Siwon sshi.. we’re going to take a personal interview right after. The question lists are already in the guide paper ”

 

“Okay..” Siwon who already studied the question list before is now thinking about the topic they’re going to interviewed after this. His staffs swarm around him to touch up his make up and his hair, while the young manager offers to buy him another americano. “I’ve got too much caffeine for today.” He look at his watch. “What time when we’ll be done with everything?”

 

“I don’t know hyung, around midnight maybe.”

 

“Will they still be open?” Siwon asks himself. Then he thinks for a while. “Can I ask you a favor?” Asks him to the young manager.

 

“Do you have another schedule beside this?” Asks Shindong who walked passed him.

 

“Aniya..” Siwon talks quietly to his manager.

 

Shindong just continues walk to the waiting room, when Leeteuk stops him.

 

“Why? Is Siwon going to leave before us right now?” They’re out of Siwon hearing distance, so Leeteuk just asks Shindong normally.

 

“No. He’s still got individual shooting after us. Why?”

 

“Nothing..” Leeteuk is about to walking away but Shindong follows him. “I feel sorry to pestering him like this.. but he needs to be on his right mind?”

 

Shindong laughs. “Did he lose it or what?”

 

Leeteuk laughs too. “Aniya.. but lately I hear from the manager that he often being seen with her girlfriend. Although he’s really the kind that will think through it, but this time he gets really serious about it. That’s kinda bothering me. I don’t know maybe because I got paranoid with sungmin’ sudden decisions or because I just get out of the army and I don’t want any bad news come around our team..”

 

“Don’t worry hyung..” Shindong throws his arm around Leeteuk shoulder. “He’ll take care of it. I don’t know, but.. I don’t think they’ll last.”

 

“What do you mean?” Suddenly Kyuhyun who follows them from behind getting into the conversation.

 

“You startled me!” Both Shindong and Leeteuk have no idea anyone was behind them.

 

“What do you mean by that? They won’t last?” Kyuhyun repeat the same question.

 

“Nothing.. I got a weird hunch that’s all. I don’t know though. I hope I read it wrong.. She’s nice and all.” Shindong couldn’t really looking at Kyuhyun in the eyes. “Did you go the her birthday?”

 

“Her birthday? She threw a party?” Asks Kyu.

 

“I don’t know. I just heard the manager talk about that.”

 

“She never told me tho.. oh!” Her message!

 

Kyuhyun spent a good amount of times to debating with his own self, whether to call you or not. Finally he decided to asks Siwon first.

 

“Hyung.. was Nara’s birthday several days ago?” He timidly asks Siwon. Who’s already done his personal interview.

 

“Yeah. You didn’t know? She didn’t say anything?” Siwon’s busy texting.

 

“I didn’t know. Can you tell her happy birthday? I feel so bad I missed it.” Beyond his will, his tone begin to become much civilized with Siwon. Like he was talking about his hyung girlfriend, without being involve romantically with her.

 

Siwon laughs. I couldn’t even have a conversation for more than 2 minutes with her for a whole week. “Call her yourself, she’ll be happy..” she didn’t even reply my messages without a ton coldness in them. “So when will your OST be release?”

 

“In a few days..” Kyuhyun sits beside Siwon. The two of them side by side without touching respective phone. “So you’re done here?”

 

“Yeah.” Siwon is smiling to his younger brother. “Is there any chance we can have a drink after this.” He knew Kyuhyun like it so much.

 

“None.” Kyuhyun laughs, he’s been preparing his own album without the other member beside Leeteuk know it. Without Siwon realized it, Kyuhyun stares at his big brother for a whole minute before finally said, “How your relationship has been?” He tries so hard to hold his long sigh after that question.

 

“I.. don’t know.” Answers Siwon weakly.

 

“I never asked about how your feeling towards all of these. But the others said that you’re pretty serious about this relationship?”

 

“Am I? I don’t know.. It’s pretty taboo to talk about stuff like this to the other members right now. It’s not like I’m going to married this year, but I want to settle down and I really want her in my life. It’s greedy, but somehow I also want to have a relationship that the other member approved. That they also comfortable around her. That they acknowledged that we’re being in the relationship that make each other a better person.. I already have that in mind even before Sungmin Hyung issue. Because we’re brothers, I want to continue working together with you guys until 10, 20 years later. And like our family that going along well with each other, I also want a girlfriend that get along well with the members.”

 

That two men look at each other without saying a word.

 

The marriage issue is really a sensitive topic for the whole team and the management team since it brought up. And siwon literally has no one to talk about his anxiety towards his relationship because of that issue. Even Donghae never talk about his girlfriend in front of Siwon again lately. He glads that at least now he has Kyuhyun to talk to.

 

While Kyuhyun thinks to himself that although he liked you, he never really thought like whatever siwon got in his mind. Somehow everything seems easier for Kyuhyun. He thought he had to hold his anger just to talk to siwon but he felt nothing right now, really. Just like talking to his older brother without nothing happened before.

 

“I think you’re doing alright with that purpose in mind.” Kyuhyun speaks what’s on his mind.

 

“Really? I’m really relieved that Heechul hyung kinda like her. Eunhyuk and Donghae too. And you have no idea how happy I am that you could befriended with her. I’ve said this.. but I really mean it. I’m happy that you befriended with her. Thank you, Kyuhyun~aah.”

 

Someone just pull the carpet under Kyuhyun’s feet right there. “Hyung..” All of these time, he felt that both of you and Siwon stabbed him on the back but then figure it out that you actually had a sincere brotherly feeling towards him. And his hyung, can be simply happy because his dongsaeng accept his girlfriend. He feels somehow guilty.. “Hyung.. I actually in the middle of preparing my solo album. And no one but Teuki hyung knows it. I just want to find a proper time to tell the others so.. And also..” Kyuhyun’s hesitating a bit. “I composed the music for one of the song. And that’s.. well.. not inspired, but you’ve influenced it. I’ll let you know when it’s done.”

 

“Woah! Congratulation!! But.. why? What did I do that influenced you? What song?”

 

“Just buy the album! And it’s not only you.. so..” It’s the least he can do to lessen his guilty towards Siwon, “I’m telling you this, just so you know that you’re honored to know it first.”

 

Siwon laughs, “Waa it’s such an honor, Kyuhyun Sshi..” He rumbles Kyuhyun’s hair. “This kid.. I’m proud of you!” Kyuhyun pretends to act indifferently like he usually was. “Call her.. she must be really happy to hear from you.”

 

 

 

 

 

“Mwohae?” That’s the first word Kyuhyun said when he calls you.

 

You laugh. “Having a bath, with all the scented candles lit.”

 

Kyuhyun laughs too, “Remember the night before you tagged along with me to Jeju?”

 

You smile, “Of course.. me roaming around the bathroom too. How’s the comeback? How are you”

 

“We’re doing fine..” Kyuhyun pauses for a few second, “While me, I’m really busy now. It’s great that it makes me..” forget about you. “..makes me feel useful.”

 

“It’s great to hear that, really.” You shifting to a more comfortable position. “Don’t worry too much about the new album. You guys did really well, whatever the selling number or position on music chart, what important is, you enjoying the process while making it.”

 

Kyuhyun scoffs, “Well, not really but, thankyou.” Kyuhyun sighs. “Anyway, happy birthday, dear Nara..”

 

You widely grin. “Thank you so much oppa. How did you know?”

 

“Of course I know.. But your lame boyfriend won’t even relay my greeting, he said I better tell you myself.”

 

“He did?” You secretly smile.

 

“Yah.. Both of you already went this far, you better make each other happy.”

 

You have nothing to say.

 

Kyuhyun’s too, he doesn’t know what to say. And right now, he’s kinda enjoying the silent. Talking to you like this, feels like talk to an old friend, even though you haven’t talk in a while but there’s something connected, just whenever he starting talk again.

 

“Actually there’s something going on in the team. It kinda makes everyone so sensitive. Everyone is troubled by it, yet no one say it out loud to anyone.”

 

“Ahh.. uhmm.. Well if you need me to.. I don’t know, help in someway.. I’ll..” you have no courage to ask what’s happening to the team, because that’ll be telling him that you’re not talking with Siwon for a while. Also, it seems like a secret between the team members, you have no right to meddle in.

 

Kyuhyun laughs, “No need to, thanks anyway. I just talked to Siwon Hyung a while ago after not.. hmm had a chance to talk to him for some time. And that feels so comforting.. and so does talking to you.”

 

“That’s relieving, really.. that me and him could..” you let out a big sigh.

 

“It’s hard, isn’t it?”

 

Kyuhyun didn’t even mention what’s hard. But you know what he means by that. What you really want is just bawling in front of him and cry ‘Yessssss..’ but all you can do is just holding your cry.

 

“You’re bad at drink. So don’t even try to drink without someone you trust beside you. Just drink with your boyfriend, talk to him drunkly like what you did to me. Give him a hard time like you gave me. ” He makes you laugh again.

 

“No oppa.. I didn’t really drunk that day, I remember I walked straight, there’s no way I gave you hard time.” Shamelessly you try to defend yourself.

 

Kyuhyun laughs, “Yeah right.. try it to Siwon oppa.”

 

“I’ll learn to drink wine classily. You just watch..”

 

“Sure..” Kyuhyun just laughs again. “Oh by the way. I just found out the wine that you gave me last time was from famous winery, and it’s top graded. I save it for good time later. Thank you so much.”

 

“Anytime..”

 

“Gotta go Nara ya. It’s really nice to talk to you like this.”

 

“Take care oppa!!”

 

Kyuhyun’s huffing. That was clean.. His heart still beating so fast from talking to you. But that’s somehow left him with nothing, no anger, no longing.. Good.. He says to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

Someone rings your bell when you’re reading your book to sleep. It’s passed midnight. Who the hell is visiting your at this hours. You sleepily walk to the door, about to look at the monitor before opening the door.

 

Siwon stands there. Nervously. Looking at his feet, while biting his lips.

 

“I’m sorry..” It’s the first thing Siwon says, as soon as you open the door. “I’ll do better.” He handed you a flower bouquet that he hided behind his back. His expression really like he’s tired and sad, and the way he said that, like he really pleaded you to forgive him.

 

You just looking at him with a sad face and teary eyes. “I miss you..”

 

He hugs you right after he saw your eyes. One hand with the bouquet holds your waist, another one at the back of your neck. “I’m sorry Nara, I’m really sorry..” Siwon steps inside your apartment while still holding you and closes the door with his foot.

 

“I miss you.” You hold his waist

 

Siwon dropped his flower bouquet then cups your face. He kisses you like he never kissed you before.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Thankyou for reading!! Please leave a lot of comment so i know what you think off the story <3 <3

 

 

 

 

8 May 2018