"Nara yaah.." Kyuhyun calls you back.

"Ne?" You look back to him.

Kyuhyun suddenly pulls you into a big hug for a few seconds without saying anything. He coulnd't hold himself back.

"O..oppa..?"

Kyuhyun is smiling as soon as he lets you off of him. "Be happy with Hyung."

You look at his back walking away from you, wondering what's wrong. But you just grin widely and run to Siwon quickly.

“Kyuhyun~ah..” manager Youngsun waits for Kyuhyun in front of practice room. “What are you doing?” He asks casually.

“Just sent Nara home.” He answers weakly.

“You two are close right?”

“Uhm..” Not anymore. He hesitantly answer it. “Well.. Why?”

“Nothing.. the higher up found a picture of you with her in Jeju museum. And thought something’s happened.. but it’s nothing right?”

Kyuhyun scoffs. “Of course. It was a longtime ago..” those times seem so far away.

“You’re spent your holiday with your friend there right? And she was just happened to be there right?”

“She joined me and my friend for a while. Just tell them I got close with Siwon’s hyung girlfriend that’s it.”

“I haven’t told them that she is Siwon’s girl.. I want to cross check it with you first.” Manager Yongsun looks at Kyu's poker face. “The higher officer got crazy because of the wedding plan, he tried to dig everything from everyone to prevent any scandal.”

“I understand that issue is serious.. but they shouldn’t affected the others. I appreciate that you didn’t tell him. They should just meet each other peacefully.”

 “Uh hu.. I agree.” He holds Kyuhyun’s shoulder and gets into the practice room. Extremely relieves.

"Ya! Take it slow.." Leeteuk scolds Siwon as soon as he got into the practice room after he took you to your car.

Siwon laughs. "About what?"

"Falling in love.."

"Hyung, trust me. He took his time." Eunhyuk answer it for Siwon. "This kid right here, totally smitten by her, didn't even know what to do with the girl when they're just started. I never seen him acts like an idiot before I saw him in front of her."

Siwon laughs, thinking to himself how awkward things for both of you at the beginning. He's pretty satisfied now that he can talk anything he wants, kiss you anytime he wants. He couldn't help but to smiling.

"Really?" Shindong butts in, Siwon looks so happy, he wants to . "But, why you like her so much?"

"Ya! What not to like about her? She's my fans. Hahaha." Heechul laughs.

"Heechul hyung really likes her." the others laugh too.

"I like her manner.. Her wit. She's rich too.. Hahaha, right Siwon~aaah?" Heechul continues.

Siwon just laughs. "Well.. Just.. i like everything about her. The time, place, and situation are perfectly made for us..”

Kyuhyun looks everybody in turns, like he’s watching tennis. He got a really mixed feeling about all of this. Sad, proud, but somehow numb.

“But.. You guys..” something is still bothering Leeteuk. It’s the first time for him, seeing Siwon this in-love to introduce her to all the member like this. He’s afraid that it will make him somehow careless. The previous case with Sungmin got Leeteuk on the edge. He got really sensitive about the members personal live that might affected the group. But, he’s not the only one who’s dating, he also never created any sound with his relationship too, so it also felt wrong for Leeteuk to confront Siwon like that. “Is it really okay, I mean, she’s..”

“She’s really kind though, also very smart. She got big responsibility in her company. She won’t act reckless and endangered Siwon’s hyung reputation. Siwon hyung and her perfectly fit for each other. I believe she will taking care of Siwon Hyung pretty well.. So don't worry.” Kyuhyun finally talk what’s on his mind.

Ryeowook looks up from his note sheets, but have no courage to look at Kyuhyun’s direction. Did he heard just right? What did he just said?

“Ahh! Right! She also befriended with Kyuhyun pretty close too..” admitted Heechul.

“And so I heard..” Leeteuk felt somehow reassured.

“She worships Kyuhyunie, she worried so much when Kyuhyun got sick more than his own boyfriend..” Siwon throws a fake frown, “But I’m glad that you befriended with each other.”

Worship? She worried? But what? Friend..? Kyuhyun smiles to himself. He accidentally meet his eyes with Siwon when he looked away. Siwon gives a big grin to him. Kyuhyun smile back and laugh to himself. That’s right Kyuhyun~ah, smile. You did the right thing to get your own happiness.

Silently, Ryeowook walks behind Kyuhyun and gives him a supporting massage on his shoulder. Knowing how hard it is for Kyuhyun to say something like this.

“Well done..” whispers Ryeowook in Kyuhyun’s ear.

“Do you worry that she got exposed to the fans?” Asks Donghae in private.

“Aniya.. no one really knows, yet. I haven’t see any of my fans mention her or give hints about her.”

“Then why you don’t want her to attend SMTown?”

“She’ll be tired. We only appear for a few minutes and she had to stay all the way. I just don’t want her to waiting for us, under the sun, be in huge crowds.” Siwon shows his concern to Donghae.

•••

At the SMTown concert day 2.

You look at your own reflection on the mirror. Why I can't watch my boyfriend concert? Who says I can't watch it. You flick your long bangs on your newly cut shoulder long hair. You also died your hair a bit lighter. It needs more than a thousand fans to keep me away from the man I love.

You put on a pretty thick frame spectacle, and scrutinized every angle of your new look. You're in light brown shoulder length bob hair, a spectacle, a large hoodie, denim hot pants, dark grey thigh, with white sneakers. Pretty sure no will recognize you, you smile to yourself and walk out of your house into a quite cold Sunday dawn.

It turns out that it does, literally, takes thousands fans to keep you away from your boyfriend. More than thousands fans to be exact, and it's still hours before the concert even begins, and it's outdoor concert, the sun is already scorching hot, and you can't do anything to find anywhere with shade in order securing your place in the line for the festival section. Come to a concert alone is a bad idea.

Now that you know how to sneak in the camera and a tripod and also know how to get in the front part of the line, you feel a lot more superior to those baby ELFs. Still it through hell to survive in those torturous hours just to watch your oppas in a few minutes.

Siwon nor Kyuhyun know you're coming to the event, so none of them invited you to the post-concert event. At night, alone in your apartment, with sore leg, and mixed feeling, you look up to a few fan cafes to see the photos of your oppas taken today.

They got really nice and close up photos, "But mine are slightly better.."

Burned with competitiveness, you water-marked each photos and sent them to the most active & biggest fansite dedicated to SJ. And each comment of compliments makes you proud of yourself. None of their fans nor their girlfriend ever did this much for them. You look at the last comment and smile to yourself, before you look up the time.

It's 3 in the morning.

"Damn, how can I live tomorrow?" You collapse in front of your laptop in that instant.

But in the morning, although you get to work pretty late, your mood is pretty good. Seeing the comments for your photos and remembering yesterday concert make you strangely.. happy. The energy they’ve shared from that concert for a few minutes, fueled you up for the whole week.

•••

Kyuhyun lays his head on the table when he had to wait the A&R team in his company’ office.

"Why suddenly you wanted to meet the A&R?" Asks his manager.

"Last night, I was.." I'm feeling miserable.. ".. thinking and I remembered a song that the A&R team once approached me with, and i want to make the guide song for it. Plus, at that moment, suddenly I got some rough melody playing on my head. I already recorded it in my phone, but I want to make proper music from it." Kyuhyun explained that with just props his head with both arm, still lying on the table.

SMTown concert kinda take a toll on him. He got no one to look up to, at the concert, he felt less high spirited like he used too every time he went to a stage. Feeling rather empty after the concert, he remembered one of the demo he used to heard.

"Is your concept now a lazy or what?" Asks his manager. "You don't even have the energy to sit straight up."

Kyuhyun laughs and gets an extra energy to sit straight up.

A moment later, with the song that Kyuhyun requested, a small group of A&R team, Kyuhyun and his manager already deep in discussion.

"We actually want to safe this song for a solo. It's good, it's melancholic.. Do you like it?"

"I don't know. Last night I was deep in thoughts, and both lyric and melody from this song just pop out. And somehow that kinda make think that this song is easy on the ears but still had that sad feeling conveyed from the lyric." Kyuhyun keep on looking at the music sheet.

"Yeah.. Should we preparing you to make the guide out of it? Who knows we could save another song for your solo album.”

“Sure..” Kyuhyun is getting excited.

Few days later, when he’s in the recording studio, and about to take his vocal in the booth, his heart beating fast.

He’s into the lyric so much, his mind is not as clear as he wants it to be. But he's starting to sing nevertheless..

I try hating you

Looking for the reason we had to break up

Then my heart sinks

When I find myself not having forgotten anything

Another day passes like this

Is there a place to hide

From our memories that were so passionate?

The more I erase you, the more special you become

I keep finding you as you are being forgotten

I don’t care if I live with just half of myself

His voice nearly cracked. He’s in the edge of shedding tears.

Even if I break down in tears in the memories

My days are all…

I don’t remember anyone who is not you

Behind the mic, hidden from everybody, he is finally crying.. he sheds one last cry for you.

I have no other memory

I don’t care if I live with just half of myself

Even if I break down in tears in the memories

My days are all… about you

“Great!!” The staffs clap as soon as Kyuhyun finished.

When he’s get out of the voice recording booth, everybody’s clapping, but the sound producer and his manager knows something’s wrong with him. They exchange gaze.

“That’s song suit you perfectly..”

“Aww that was both sad and powerful..”

“Didn’t we discussed about your solo last time?”

"How about you really preparing things for going solo?” One of the A&R team throws the idea. “We can put it in your album. We can find the tittle song later on..”

“That’s great! We’ve talked about it anyway, you’ve been saving a few song, let’s do it for real!”

Kyuhyun looks at them by one by one, but then couldn’t hold his smile. “Should we?”

And everybody cheer.

•••

"So after the SMTown had ended we have to concentrate more on the up coming movie, there also some album promo too.." Siwon your hair while babbling about his recent activities. He still unfamiliar with your hairstyle and color, so he always plays with your hair whenever he can. Both of you stay at his apartment, you cooked dinner for him, and now you accompanied him eat. Since you already eat beforehand, now you just lean on the table while listen to him talk all the time. He stops when he saw you hold your yawn by tightly zip up your mouth. "Haha.. Should we go to sleep now?"

"No no.. Finish your meal first, then I'll clean the dishes.."

"Okay.. So how's your day at work?"

Hell..

"It's fine.." You try to chance the subject. "Is it good?" You're asking about the food. Warm rice, a simple soup, grilled lean meat with a lot of kimchi and greens as the side dishes.

"Of course.. I can eat rice a bit. So this is heaven. I’m shocked you can make dipping sauce this good. I thought you only could make western food." He scoops a huge amount of the dipping sauce and put it into a veggie wrap.

You smile seeing him eat and get full just by seeing it. Later on, while you wash the dishes. Siwon hugs you from behind and kisses the top of your head nonstop.

"So you know.. I'll be out of the country for almost a whole month this month. But, I had this invitation for Jule Mall anniversary party. Maybe around two weeks from now. Doesn’t your company own the building of that shopping mall? Did you get invited?" Siwon slowly asking you.

"Yes, but I don’t get invited. Why?"

"Shall we come there together?"

You look back at him, "Together? Why?"

"That's the only day I could met you.. We can just come together as a friend. No one will know.. Beside it’s normal for you to come to represent your company, while I’ll come there as a celebrity."

That's a bad idea, really bad idea.. "Are you sure that's okay? Because I'm no invited."

"Of course it will be okay.. We could come together, you as my plus one, it's a closed invitation, no red carpet, and there will be quick interview about the event and that's all.. We can enjoy the rest of the night."

You really doubted the word ‘enjoy’. But that will be the only day you could spent with him for the whole month.

Although it's kinda boost your confidence, strut across the room with Siwon beside you. But you couldn't really calculate what will happen, and how you'll react to whatever might happen there. Will there be fans? Or people will be looking at you strangely because you come there with Siwon?

But all of that thoughts disappear when Siwon turns you to face him then he kisses you like there's no tomorrow.

•••

The anniversary party set on an enormous hall, with dark background and ceiling, one of the few thing that lit are the small stage for the host and round tables scattered filled the whole hall.

Siwon wears his usual black suit with bow tie, a handkerchief in his pocket matches your gown color, a soft peach long beaded dress, with a simple revealing neckline. Both of you walk side by side to Siwon’s assigned table. Both of your hand clasp tightly, nervous like every time you’re in public with Siwon. How friend supposed to act to each other in this occasion? Your mind is racing.

"Oh my god, who is it??" The fashion magazine editor in chief greeted both of you.

"We're just coming together.." Siwon politely answer while his hand placed on the nook of your hip. Obviously not answering her question. You silently close your eyes while breath out, wrong move, oppa.

"Aaaah.." responds the editor, knowingly. "Is that Valentino?" She points at your dress.

"Oh no, it's Ellie Saab." You smiles humbly. Suddenly get too self conscious about anything that's on your body. Is the dress proper enough? The make up too bold? Or too muted?

“So it’s one of your company’s event?” Asks the other.

“Oh no, it’s not..” and you couldn’t even answer anything confidentially because you’re not invited.

Both you and Siwon sit side by side in the round dinner table, denying every single question about your relationship. To think about it, most of the things that came out of your mouth this night were just, “Oh no, I’m his close dongsaeng.” And “No, I just come, it’s nothing to do with my company.” And the rest of them you did the introduction of yourself.

Siwon is like his usual confident demeanor when he’s in front of public. You’ve already seen this side of him many times, from all the videos of him on tv or in his concert, but you never saw him like this in real life. The way he smiles, greeting the others, talk to you, even the way he drinks his drink like being calculated, like it’s being put up for a show. Somehow something about his public persona tickled your heart. It’s different than his own, and you prefer the other one. His natural, sincere self.

Siwon always stands up to greet someone he knows, and sometime he would call you up to stand up and greet that person too, with an ambiguous introduction “Meet Shin Nara..” He’s pointing at you. You would bow and introduce yourself to the person who’s looking at you, waits for you to explain what’s your relationship with Siwon. Explanation that you couldn’t relay because you actually don’t know what you can tell the others about your relationship with Siwon.

You have no idea whats the point of coming to this such event together with Siwon, just to tell everybody that they've met that they're not dating. You know you can't ever disclose your relationship to others, but denying it over and over again like this.. really makes you upset for no reason.

"Was that okay oppa?" You ask Siwon, when both of you finally in his car, drove by his driver home.

"What was?"

"Had been seeing together we me. Was that okay, for you?"

"It's okay.."

"I know that we're dating secretly.. and I'm fully aware of the terms and conditions, but you know.. Creating a opportunity to deny it over and over like that.. kinda.. doesn't feel right, does it." Somehow you felt like you losing your temper, and you don't mind involve in an argument with Siwon this time.

He notices your different expression. "Honey.. Did I do something wrong to you?"

Your eyes wandering. "Well no.." He did absolutely nothing wrong to me, personally. Oppa being a perfect gentleman today, but.. "The situation was just.. I don't know.. I guess I just don't belong there.."

"What do you mean you don't belong there? You attended this kind of event few times a year. You went to showcase in Paris. You did well today.." He caresses the side of your face.

"Well, that's true. But.. We never attended the same kind of event together."

"We did, the first time we met, at Hong Kong.."

"Oh.. yeah.." You lost it. You lose everything you've got on your mind. This is not exactly like an argument, but it felt like somehow Siwon wins it.

"I love you Nara ya~." He's suddenly looking at you closely. You're nervously looking at the driver. "Whatever I said to the others, I love you and you have to know that's all that matter."

He leaned closer at you and cupped your head with both hand, then he kisses you. You can taste the champagne he just had.

Like losing your senses that being by him, you're ensured that everything's fine. When actually you’re hating yourself to be that weak for him.

•••

"Miss rep.." your staff sheepishly knock your wide open door. "The front desk just bought this package to you." He shows you three different sized boxes in his arm. "Should I give them to the security for them to check it first?" He looks hesitant, "Just to make sure it's alright."

You’re in your office, checking all the reports that have been made for you.

"Sure.. let them check it." You smile because of his concern, "Seojoon Sshi.. Let's start huddle in a few minute."

"Alrighty miss Rep!"

"Okay.. as we already prepared last week, since today onward I will be only handling 2 ongoing project while the other will be handled by.."

In the common room on your department, you're about to do huddle meeting with your staff about handling over projects to your vice head of Dept, just when the vice head of Dept come to the meeting area. For a year you worked've here, you only see him less than 10 times, because he's entitled vice head of dept actually just to supervise your work as the head of newly made department. But in practice, he never really supervise anything, neither be a mentor for you through all of these. He's actually had been in director board before this, and having a double job as a vice must be degrading for him, that's why he often busied himself in the director job rather than in your department.

"Nice choice of hairstyle.."

You have no idea whether it's a compliment or not so you don't know how to answer it. But seeing a few of female employees disguise their laugh into cough, you know it fore sure you won't make any comment for whatever he's saying. You sway your long bangs out of insecurities.

"Since you're already here, lets start discussing the ongoing project that you'll be handling.."

"Great, just sent the reports to my room, I'll study it myself." He's about to leave the room.

"We already made the presentation, so you can just hear about the projects briefly here, then we could continue to discuss it together. It'll be more comfortable."

"No thanks. It'll be more comfortable for me to studying it alone."

All the staffs with their confused looks turn to you.

We prepared it for a week and you just going to read the report by yourself?? I need to explain it to you in person. The staffs that already assigned to the specific project to need to be involved in the process.

"But.. the assigned teams of each project should be involved in the process too.. they could give you a better knowing since they're very familiar with the progress too.."

"That's nice of you. But I'll assigned the project to the teams I'll choose myself after this. I'll rearrange everything."

What? Your eyelid half closed as you looking at him in disbelieve.

And now all of your staffs are looking at you, clearly frightened.

There's security guy walk in right before the vice head of dept. go to his room.

"Mam, we already checked the packages from your fans."

Damn, you smile shyly to the security guy. Why it has to be in this moment.

Your vice head of dept. laughs as he left the room. "Fans? So that's colored hair is for? You're aiming to become a celebrity now? Should all of us make a little ceremony of greeting you every morning you walk into the building like in the movie now?” He laughs it off and walks away.

You literally bite your lip because you can't answer that because he's already gone. "Just go forward with each other team project. The meeting is dismiss." You take the security guy into your private room.

The common room filled with whispers again once you leave them. You stay in your private room without shut down the door, so you can hear a bit of everything outside.

"Actually, I don't like the way Vice of head dept. work, but he got the point. The new colored hair just.."

"Shtt.."

Why you can’t block everything you’ve heard out of your mind if it’s not good for you.

“Thank you for checking the package..” you notice he just bring one box.

“This one is safe mam, they’re just gifts like stuffed doll. But the other two..” you lose strength in your leg. “Well.. they’re some kind of threatening letter. So we’re..”

“Okay. You can throw it away.” You act indifferently.

They’re still sending me those kind of stuff?

“Should we arrange a private security for you mam?”

So the other can make fun of me more? “No that’s okay..”

After sent the security guy out of your room, you come to your employee one by one to help them on their assigned project. You really don’t want to be alone at this moment.

•••

"Siwon ah.. What exactly were you doing last night?" Manager Yongsun suddenly barges into the room.

"Why?" Siwon who is practicing his script with another manager feels kinda offended with the tone manager Yongsun is using.

He's spending the day at the company before fly back to Hong Kong tonight. He and one of the manager are using one small room in the company’s office to do work related things. Like the room that filled with warm sunlight in this cold days, Siwon was actually pretty bright since this morning.

"It's not in a news yet. But people are asking about your relationship. I’ve got several calls asking whether you are dating right now. Did you guys going to the mall anniversary together?"

"Uh.." he answers it shortly.

"Exactly what are you have in mind?"

"Relax.. I didn’t do anything that made look like us dating. We even came in separate cars and I picked her up after I pretend to leave the premise. I won't disclosed my relationship until after I finished army. I won't do anything reckless before that.. it's not like dispatch already got us in their list.."

"Maybe not yet, but it's like you've been asking for it. Some people took picture of you both.” Because the married issue from other member, this particular relationship kinda doubles his job lately.

"Relax hyung.. I've got hundreds of picture taken with everybody there, not only her. We were always surrounded by people in the whole event. I didn’t do anything fishy with her there.”

"Please please.. just let me know anything you want to do with her. This falling in love kinda make you out of your mind.." The manager leaves Siwon derps strongly to his script sparring partners.

Not too long after that, Leeteuk calls him.

“Oh Hyung, what’s up?” Siwon puts his script down. Again.

“Are you in the office?”

“Oh, wae hyung?”

“Yongsun hyung just called me..”

It couldn't be..

“Mwo..?? Don’t tell me he called you about my relationship..”“Siwon~ah..” Leeteuk really have no idea what to tell Siwon. He’s the only member Leeteuk never had to interfered in anything he did. He did and said all of that perfectly calculated, nothing was ever creating disturbance to the team. In contrary, he always gives benefits to the whole team. Not only once in the past Siwon got rumored with another girls, the other was even louder than this, however this time.. Leeteuk got so uneasy. They're about to have a comeback, after a couple of years. Full team!! This is the first time since around 5 years ago! But his own past scandal while in the military, the marriage plan, plus now Siwon, the team's face, has a high potential to has another scandal. As the team leader, Leeteuk really couldn't afford that. The feeling of somehiw betrayed by the other member that choose their personal interest above the team, when he gave his all to the team

.

The team issue.. I really want to brough it up.

3 February 2018

KYUHYUN OPPAAAA HAPPY BIRTHDAYYYYY!!!!!!!!!