The guy in the story is my brother. I am Dami Kwon by the way. I showed it to him once I read Chaerin’s email for him that I guess he never noticed. He doesnt like reading mails and he isnt really attuned to social media much so he wasnt able to see it for himself. I wont go into details regarding what happened after he saw the letter but just know that we did everything in our power and exhausted every option to find Chaerin. I thank God, we found her. It was a very bittersweet reunion. Ofcourse alot of things has changed since then but maybe this letter from my brother will convey our message much better.

Jiyong’s pov

I should be grateful on social media for giving me a chance to reconnect with my bestfriend I’ve ever had and the woman I’ve ever loved all my life in a very special way. Most of you think that I never loved her because of the incidents that happened between us, but I can assure you, I loved her deeply. To those people who are curious about the possibility of loving two persons at the same time, I can say, It depends on the person, but in my case, yes. YES, IT IS. I love my wife and son very much but I also love her so, so much. Her name is Lee Chaerin and she deserves to be recognized for being such a strong, brave and amazing woman.

I’m a very private person. I dont usually expose my private life to social media scrutiny but maybe this will express my gratitude better for helping me find Chaerin. This will be my penance too, for all the things I’ve done wrong in my life, for all the things I did to hurt you and for all the pain I’ve caused you.

We had the perfect relationship. Our friends and parents always said that we were meant to be together. I know you’ve always wondered why I didn’t go through with the wedding. I know you thought it was because I fell in love with another or because I didn’t really love you in the first place but you’d be wrong. I loved you so much and I didn’t go through with the wedding in large part because I was a coward. I was afraid that I only loved you because everyone told me that I should. It was a fool’s thought, I admit. It retrospect, it was probably cold feet. I couldnt have been more stupid because when you left me, I died a little inside. I shouldnt have let you go.

Eventually, I accepeted that I made the biggest mistake of my life and moved on and got married. But then you came back and you were like a breath of fresh air. I decided then that I couldn’t let you go again. Admittedly, it was another stupid thing for me to do because I already had a wife. I didn’t want to make you into the other woman but damn it, I didn’t care. I needed you so I followed you.

I thought everything was going great while we were together in the States. But then we received news from my wife that we were expecting and the things just went downhill from there. While I was mulling over the best course of action, you just suddenly left.  We havent even confronted each other nor talked about the situation. You didn’t give me a chance to say goodbye. It seems to you that the time we spent together were nothing.

I knew something was wrong even before we were living together in your house but I didn’t say anything because I thought you just needed time. I thought you would tell me soon about your condition because I was still your bestfriend, right? I shouldnt idled that time. I should have forced you to tell me. But I know I’m still wrong. I knew I should’ve done better. I knew I should’ve showed you how much I really loved you, that I couldnt live without you.

Then now, you’re sick? What kind of sorcery is this? Why didn’t you tell me? I get that you were trying to save me from the heartache, trying to prevent me from choosing between you and my wife and son. I knew our lives were complicated and it was largely my fault but you were my best friend first and foremost. I deserved to know what was going on. I realize that I hurt you so much, but the only way I can begin to make up for all the things I did was if you let me. I know I have no right to demand things but I cant help but be mad. I’m sorry Chaerin. You should’ve let me make the choice. I know I’ve not exactly been the best at making choices but I wanted to have that choice at least.

I know this doesn’t make a lot of sense to you. I dont really express myself properly most of the time. We fight most of time. If you’re not sure about anything at all, just be sure of these things: one, I loved you. I loved you with all my heart. Maybe I didn’t show it so much when we were together. I’m stupid to be affected onthings when I should have just focused on you. And two, I still love you in my own special way. You will always be my first love. You will always hold a special place in my heart. If you dont ever want to see me again, I will understand. But I just want to see you one more time. You said that you’ve accepted your fate, but I havent. I cant. If nothing else, just give me this one last chance to say goodbye.

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Chaerin passed away last December 12. She and my brother talked for the last time last December 10. They have a very complicated relationship. Many people were hurt and affected but I hope they wouldnt get judge. They did their best to cope in an impossible situation.

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