Jar of Hearts - Christina Perri

Credits to 暗 Dark-- ♥-- Heart 心脏 ♥ PosterShop 海报店 for the poster

Emily held a growl at the back of . “What do you want, Jay?” she snapped.

“Look, what you heard at the office-“

“Oh, you mean about my useless self?” She interrupted. “I heard everything and I don’t need you to explain.” It hurt her because he said that behind her back yet he had the audacity to show up in front of her.

“Don’t be such a , Emily.” Jay blurted out accidentally.

Emily raised an eyebrow, as if she was daring him to say it again. Jay realized his mistake the moment it came out. Who am I to be calling her a when I backstabbed her? he thought.

He took a step forward, “I didn’t mean-

“Save it.” Emily huffed before shoving him and marching away.

“I was trying to save you!” He shouted.

The girl stopped in her tracks and anger rapidly built up in her chest. She whirled around and stomped up to her older guy. Her finger harshly poked his chest but neither one of them cared. “Save me? Save me?!” Emily threw her head back and sarcastically laughed. “What do you need to save me from?”

Jay frowned, rubbing his chest that would probably bruise. “If you debuted and those pictures got out then you would’ve gotten a lot of antis. I was only trying to protect you.”

“Jay, don’t you even dare try to say that you were protecting me. I can take care of myself; I’m not a child. How is sabotaging my career protecting me? How selfish.”

Her words stabbed him in the heart but he knew very well that he had said much worse. Jay grimaced and his mood grew sourer. “If I didn’t say anything then what would you have done? He already cancelled your debut!”

“I would’ve worked my way to the top again! I did it once, I can do it again!”

“Did you really think you could do that without my help? The only reason why you were so close is because I was there by your side!”

And Emily felt faint. She felt pathetic and useless because she had actually trusted him. It was like reality smacked her in the face. Her tears were already streaming down her face and she looked away. With the back of her hands, she hastily wiped the droplets away. “Then you shouldn’t have stayed. Don’t expect to be present when I’m successful. Jerk.”

Blinded by rage, Jay didn’t bother going after her and he, too, stomped away.

----

Jay was in a bad state. He was falling apart. There were interviews that he had to attend and concerts he had to perform. Being the professional he was, he was able to cover up all his emotions but deep inside, he felt like he was dying.

There was no one he could talk to about his problems and he didn’t have anyone to comfort him either. This is an example of a time where I wish I were in a group, he thought.

Emily wasn’t doing any better. She forced herself to be occupied with dancing and rising to the top once again. It was her top priority to be around other people so that she wouldn’t just break down. Jay’s words never left her mind. It echoed like a broken record and they never hurt less. In fact, each time she remembered it, she felt dumb and worthless. Emily wanted to hate Jay but she couldn’t bring herself to do it because deep down inside, she still loved him.

She laughed at herself and mumbled under her breath. “Why am I so stupid?”

“Why are you stupid?”

Shocked, she tensed but relaxed when it was Jong Suk. “Nothing, you know anyways.”

Jong Suk lowered the volume of stereo and handed her a towel to wipe her sweat. “How’s practice going for you nowadays?”

“Good,” Emily nodded positively, although part of her was feeling icky. “I’m working on it.”

As expected, he ruffled Emily’s hair and told her something that JYP had briefly mentioned to her. “The blackmailer seemed to have settled down and sajangnim said that he’ll re-think about your debut, especially since... it seems like you’re not that close with Jay anymore.”

Emily winced but she had to face the truth. “At least he’s re-thinking it...”

Jong Suk held his phone in one hand and went through his news feed. His finger stopped at an article that said ‘Jay Park reveals his thoughts on cancellation of his student’s debut’

Curiously, he clicked on it and made sure to glance at Emily now and then so that she wouldn’t know what he was looking at.

“Hey, kiddo?” He said but his eyes still didn’t leave the phone.

“Hm?” Emily looked up at him.

Jong Suk finally looked up, “What did Jay say about your debut being cancelled?”

“He said that he tried to help but it was too risky,” she frowned.

Jong Suk’s eyebrows furrowed, “What the hell does that mean?”

“I don’t know,” grunted Emily. “I don’t care either.”

That was a lie. I do care, Emily thought. I do care about his opinion.

Emily closed her eyes one last time and let the wind blow through her hair for a moment. Then, she opened her eyes and got up. “I’m gonna go practice, okay?”

Jong Suk made an ‘ok’ sign with his hand and Emily left.

...You won’t succeed...

...Almost is never enough...

...Do you think you will have a chance and survive the music industry?...

...I doubt you’ll ever be able to succeed as a dancer...

...The only reason why you were so close is because I was there by your side...

Emily subconsciously let out a small whimper and collapsed onto the hard wood floor, sweat running down her neck. She took a couple of breaths and pushed herself up, ignoring the pain that was running through her limbs.

The song started from the beginning and Emily quickly got into position. Her face was flushed and her whole body glistened because of the sweat.

Her mind desperately told her to give up but her heart begged her to keep going and prove everyone wrong. I have to prove to people that I can do this, she thought, I can make it.

Emily could feel her heartbeat increase, but that didn’t matter. She was busily focusing on her movements through the mirror. Her movements were sharper and she seemed like one with the music. It was like she expressed herself through dance. I guess Jay really did help. She cursed mentally. Why was she thinking about him all of a sudden?

BAM!

Emily cried out, holding onto her swollen ankle. She bit her lip hard and took narrow breaths. Her left elbow rested on the floor, supporting her body. Her right hand was tightly grasping her sprained ankle. This is what I get for being distracted. Stupid Emily! She mentally scolded herself.

Her thoughts had brought her attention elsewhere and she had tripped over her own feet. Despite the painful throb in her ankle, she got up with much difficulty and hobbled her way to the stereo. Her face contorted into pain with every step she took. Nonetheless, she started the song over and tried to put less pressure on her injured ankle. Emily still went through the dance, just not as full and thorough.

It was hard, but unbelievably, she had managed. Unknown to her, someone was actually watching. The person watched as Emily was evidently in pain but she used all her willpower to finish the number. Even though she was in pain, she had a big smile on her face. There was a smile because she was simply satisfied with her work. I gave it my best and I’m happy, she thought.

But that smile was wiped off her face as she took a step. The pain shot up her leg and she had almost toppled over if she didn’t lean on the mirrored wall. Since she was already finished with her practice, Emily went to see a doctor.

The doctor, who worked in JYP, bandaged her leg and took his glasses off. “You should probably lay off any physical activities for at least a month. If you were to apply even more pressure on it, it would be really severe. Be careful,” he said with a frown. Emily nodded and thanked him.

Oh, shoot. I can’t be handicapped now... Emily sighed and buried her face into her palms. “This isn’t the right time,” she mumbled to herself.

Someone knocked on the door and Emily looked up. Surprisingly, it was JYP. Initially, Emily made a move to stand up but JYP held his hands out, telling her that it was okay.

Emily’s stomach churned and flipped. She was definitely not ready for a talk with the president. She wasn’t mentally prepared!

The president held out a piece of paper, his face expressionless. Emily hesitantly took it but didn’t dare look at it. JYP put a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed it in a fatherly way, “Relax. It’s nothing bad, trust me.”

Even so, Emily was still nervous. She looked down at the paper that was in her shaking hands. JYP explained, “I’ve decided to give you another chance. We’ll wait for your ankle to heal and I’ll personally hold an interview that explains why we’re letting you debut.”

“Y-you’re giving me another chance?” Emily asked, astonished. She hadn’t expected anything to happen after she had heard Jay’s words.

“I was watching you when you were practicing before.” JYP frowned, “It was really dangerous for you to continue even after you hurt your ankle.”

Emily shrugged, trying to ignore the pain that was forming throughout her lower half. “If I gave up then what better would I be than the things people say I am?”

JYP chuckled, “Well, rest up. You have a busy month ahead of you. I’m going to try and have you debut as soon as possible.”

Emily bowed as much as she could. “Thank you so much.”

There was another knock at the door and Emily groaned, Can’t I just get some peace and quiet?!

It was the person that Emily had least expected. Her lips automatically curled into a frown when she saw her ex-mentor. “What are you doing here?”

“Are you okay?” Jay panted, ignoring her question. He walked closer to the bed, “I ran here as fast as I could when I heard that you were injured.”

“Jay, I’m fine. You don’t need to keep pretending to worry about me.”

Jay frowned at Emily’s words. “I’m not pretending--“

“Is that why you encouraged JYP to postpone my debut, possibly completely stop it?” Emily hissed with much detest.

Things were getting heated. Jay had come to make sure she was all right and hopefully, work things out with her but she was being way too difficult. “ Alright, look--“

“No, you look. I’m getting sick and tired of people shooting me down, telling me that I won’t succeed and I’m incapable of pursuing my dream. Jay, who are you to tell me that? You weren’t there when I needed you the most. I thought you were here for me but instead, once I turned around you were stabbing me in the back.”

Jay sighed in frustration. As much as he loved her, he had to admit that it was difficult pleasing her. When she was angry, nothing could please her. Jay wrapped his fingers around her wrist, “Emily--“

Tired, Emily yanked her wrist out of his grasp and looked into his eyes. Jay stepped back a little, shocked. Where was all the love that he usually saw in her eyes?

“I never want to see you again.” Emily said.

Jay didn’t know what to say. It felt like someone just shot him in the heart and stabbed him multiple times.

“Emily. Don’t do this, please.” Jay pleaded, but she didn’t want to hear it. All the hate she received knocked all the hope out of her. It’s better to end things now, Emily thought.

Jay’s hands trembled and all he wanted to do was to kiss her and make her forgive him but all those thoughts went away when he remembered that mysterious note her received the note before. It said, ‘I know you’re still with her. Make her hate you. Make her pay for what she’s done if you want her to be safe. You know how crazy fan girls are~’

It was sickening. Whoever was doing this just wanted revenge. It was a mystery as to what she wanted and whom she wanted to take down, but Jay would do anything to have Emily safe.

Jay’s whole demeanor changed and he laid back with a smirk. “You thought I would stand up for you? Wake up from your dream. If I did do that, I would’ve lost my job.” Jay said aloud. No, I love you. I would stand up and protect you if I had the willpower to do so. I'm a coward.

Emily’s eyes widened in surprise before they were replaced with remorse and agony. “W-what? So you chose your job over me? What happened to protecting me? You promised...” Jay...

“I lied. How foolish of you to actually believe me.” Jay made it seem like it didn’t affect him at all but it actually felt like he was being crushed, perhaps more than she was. I’m sorry, Emily. I love you. I love you so much...

“I... I thought you love me.”

I do. “I don’t.” Jay’s heart ripped into pieces. He wanted to punch and kick himself when he saw Emily’s watery eyes. The tears dropped freely and he wanted to do no more than gather her in his arms and kiss her tears away. However, he held back.

“Why, do you love me?” Jay’s voice shook but Emily didn’t notice.

Anger took over her body as she pulled herself up on the bed and slapped him across the face, leaving a bright red handprint.

Jay’s cheek burned but he didn’t do anything. After all, he knew he was at fault.

“Well I can’t deny that I did...” Emily whispered ever so quietly.

I don't know where I'm going with this story anymore. I have no inspiration in this anymore.