I had to get away. She couldn’t arrive while I was still there or else it was going to be awkward, again. As much as I love her, I can’t stand to be near her… because I love her. I love her so much, and yet she didn’t pick me. I love her so much, and I let Jongup take her away because I was scared she wasn’t going to love me back… I love her and in my own stupidity I lost her. That’s why I couldn’t stand being around her anymore. Just as I was about to head out the front door I heard a knock. She had arrived. I sighed to myself and kicked off my shoes, starting to retreat to my room again… only to find Jongup staring at me.

“Yah hyung, if you’re at the door open it!” he called from his spot, smiling brightly. What right did I have now to confess and take this happiness away from him?

Sighing once more, I opened the door for her. She was beautiful, as per usual. That was the first reason I feel in love with her. She smiled at me. That was the second reason I fell in love with her. She greeted me. The way she said my name was the third reason I fell in love with her.

She was absolutely brilliant, lighting up and becoming the life of the room. She walked in with confidence, and that bugger of a band mate ran over to her with puppy love in his eyes and open arms.

“Noona!”

I thought I was going to be sick. Why was he so horribly juvenile when it came to her?

I scolded myself mentally for hating him. ‘Kim Himchan, you never even told her your feelings… he said it first… it’s too late now.’ Reminding myself of the truth was painful and excruciating, but it had to be done. I bowed my head slightly in greeting, but as well as dismissal. I was off to hide in my room for the next while. Hopefully by the time I’d emerge from my bed, she would be long gone… and maybe there would even be food!

The walls were too thin. Her giggles were too loud. Maybe it was a combination of both. I could hear Jongup worshipping her like the goddess she was. Even if I closed my eyes, all I could see was them. I wanted to go hit him, punch his lights right out and take her as my own. It didn’t matter if I was the villain anymore; she would be the Peach to my Bowser. I would have her and she would be mine, until the true hero came for her again.

Why had I been so foolish as to not confess? Why the heck would I back down for Jongup? The moment he showed how much he cared for her… I panicked. I couldn’t go through with it anymore and next thing I knew… they were together. It stung. It stung like a thousand knives being stabbed into my back. But unfortunately, I was stabbing myself. Tears welled up into my eyes, but I would not let them fall. Quickly my sleeve was used to dry my eyes as I heaved another sigh. “You’re his noona… I thought you didn’t even go for that?”

For while, I thought she liked me. We would talk about everything, tastes, types, school, reading, work, anything! We spent hours together, because we’ve always been best friends. How did it end up like this? I’m completely unable to even stay in the same room as her without wanting to jump her and pin her to the sofa. She made herself look exceedingly beautiful now that she was dating Jongup.

I hadn’t even noticed that I had fallen asleep until the soft sounds of footsteps and a door shutting stirred me from my rest… which I wasn’t getting because unfortunately I had a horrific nightmare about Jongup in bed with the girl I loved. Not that fun. Would not recommend, 0/10. With a quick toss of my lower half, my feet found the floor and I was somehow sitting up. Wobbling, but sitting up nonetheless. I felt like the leaning tower as I stood up, unable to find my balance due to lack of actual rest but despite this I was still out the door.

I walked into the main room, expecting Jongup and the boys there but I found myself alone… with her. Someone who controlled fate hated me and wanted me to burn at the stake for something I had done. If it was due to that prank I played in the third grade, I figured I had paid my dues for that already. Now all I could do was pray to whatever was out there, hoping she wouldn’t notice me as I tiptoed into the kitchen for some snacks.

“Kim Himchan…”

I jumped. Her voice was stiff and stern. She was not happy with me. Did she notice I was avoiding her? Well, I kind of made it obvious, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she had noticed.

“Do you hate me that much?”

I stopped, shocked by her words, pained by her opinion of my cowardice. If only she knew the truth, how much I longed for her… she’d probably only hate me more for it. I absolutely couldn’t tell her.

“I don’t hate you!” I laughed with a bright smile. “What are you talking about? I’ve just been giving the happy couple some time! You two barely get to see each other!” I walked over and sat next to her on the sofa, despite my brain telling me not to. “Everything’s going well?”

She seemed a lot more relaxed now, a beautiful smile gracing her features. “Everything’s great!” She nodded enthusiastically and a sharp pain hit my chest. “I really love him.”

If only you knew… I couldn’t contain myself anymore. I had to let her know! My body reacted before my head and I kissed her. Right on the lips, I kissed her! They were soft, and puffy and absolutely perfect. I kissed her with all my pent up feelings. I held her close to me. And in that moment, everything was perfect. That’s when it hit me. This was my friend… and my friend’s girlfriend. I let go, red in the face. “I-I’m so sorry…” Running away empty handed, like the coward I was. She knew… she knew and I was doomed.