May 9, 2010

Dear Diary,

Something weird happened to me this whole day. You want to know why? First of all, I did wake up early today. It’s Sunday and I don’t have any filming or any other schedule but I end up woke up early. Me woke up early when I have nothing else to do this whole day? Can you believe that? I can’t even believe myself either. You know how much I love to sleep right. So that is one of the weird things that happened today. I kind of disappointed when I woke up this morning, because I have the best dream ever; and still not yet come to the point that I will satisfied with – then I just woke up from the sleep. It’s really spoiled. Ughh! I really want to curse myself because ruining my own best dream. Why can’t my eyes and brain sleep a little longer? Doesn’t even matter about that because I can’t forced myself back to sleep and continued the dream. So I just laying a little longer on my bed and started to play back the dream that I have. That dream really makes me smile from ear to ear. Hihi ^_^ I know you can guess who’s in that dream right diary? I know you know who :D I never have a dream about him, last night it did happen; and it was so nice and sweet dream. How I wish the dream was real. I know he’s real but the situation is not real. I kept thinking about how he was in that dream. Oppa, did you really that sweet in real life? Or is it just me who hoping that you really that sweet? It’s not that matter if he really that sweet or not right diary? A dream just a dream after all.

Do you want to know the detail, diary? If you don’t want to know, I still want to tell you about this dream :P I know this will make no sense as the dream start with a phone call. It happen when I was alone in the living room watching some drama and then my phone ringed, I looked at the caller ID and it was Jong Kook oppa’s name appears on my phone screen. In that dream I didn’t startled knowing that he called me. I answered his phone called with the smile on my face. As I remembered the phone conversation sounds like this;

Me : Hello oppa..

Him : Hello sweetheart. What are you doing? Did I disturb you?

Me : Ani.. I’m just watching the TV. Where are you at my oppa?

Him : Where I at? Hmm.. I’m in your heart my love.

Me : Aihh oppa why are you so cheesy? Hihi. By the way, what did you do in my heart? Is it dark in there? Poor my oppa just sit alone in my heart.. tsk tsk ~

Him : Hahahaha. Ji Hyo yah ~ why you being so cute? If you’re in front of me right now I might pinch your cute cheek. Aihh my Ji Hyo, always know how to answer my cheesiness. Jagiya, I miss you so much you know? Can I meet you?

Me : It’s not wrong right being cute with my own boyfriend? I miss you too my little rawr. Sure you can oppa. I don’t have anything to do and been waiting for your call. But did you finish with your work?

Him : Yes. I just finished with my work. I’m on the way to your place. Be there in 10 minutes. I call you again when I arrive so please get ready okay love?

Me : Nehh oppa. Please drive carefully. See you in 10 minutes.

Him : Nehh.. I love you Song Ji Hyo.

Me : I love you too Kim Jong Kook.

It’s really sweet right diary? Hihi. My jaw getting hurt because of smiling too much whenever I remember about the dream. You want to know more about the dream? Now you really eager to know about this dream right? I know ~ Hihi. When I know he arrived at my place, I quickly go down stairs to meet him. I saw him standing on the side of his car. He’s so handsome, so manly, and so cute with his smile. We greeted each other with a warm hug. I still remember how warm he was, how good he smell when he hugged me. How I wish it was real. I think I will just melt if he really hugs me in real life. I ask him where are we going, he just answer my question with a smile and open up the door for me and act like he’s the car driver. I kept on asking him where we are going while in the car, but this love of mine just all silence and drove the car with the smile on his face. Then I just gave up, and start to look outside off the windows enjoyed the scenery and didn’t thinking about anything. Being with him, is all that I ever wanted so I will never ask more where we are going. Not long after, we arrived at the place. It’s the lake park in Ilsan. I often came here, so I just smile at him without asking why we are here. I thought maybe he just want to walk around here and spend the time with me. When we walked and start to enjoy the beautiful scenery, he took my hand and holds it gently. The spaces between my fingers are right where his fits perfectly. I feel safe with him, like nothings can harm me when he’s near. I really love the feeling by having him near me. And then he started to talk;

Him : Ji Hyo yah, how long we’ve been together?

Me : Hm.. Almost a year. Why you ask oppa?

Him : Did you happy with me?

Me : Yes. I am very happy having you as mine. Why you ask oppa?

Him : Did you love me?

Me : Of course I love you oppa. Why you ask oppa?

Him : Did you ever wish or think that we will grow old together?

Me : Not a time I didn’t think about that. As I accept you be part of my life, for sure I want to grow old with you. Why you ask oppa?

Him : Ji Hyo yah.. If one day, I get sick and can’t really use my body and all I can do is lying on the bed. Will you still be with me? Will you still love me in that condition?

Me :  Yes oppa yes. I will still be with you. I will still love you and in love with you in whatever condition you’ll be. Oppa.. Why you ask all this? My Jong Kook, are okay?

When I asked him why did he asked all that, he just smile and stop walking and I still remembered the weather, it’s a little cold because it’s looks like the sky going to cry. But that doesn’t bother the both of us. He hold my both hand while smiling, he look deep in my eyes; I can feel that he’s saying he is so in love with me even there’s no words coming out from his mouth. Then he pull me closer to him, his hand on my waist – as he pull me more closer and lightly hugs me, he kissed me on the forehead.  His kiss was so soft, so warm, and so pure and I can feel the kiss is the kind of kiss that full of love. He kissed my forehead for a couple of minutes – when he parted the kissed, he cares my cheek while look at me still with the smile in his face. Then he said;

“Cheon Seong-im, I really glad to have you in my life and I am the luckiest man on earth to have you here with me. I love you. I am so in love with you. Day after day I keep falling in love with you. Thank you so much for letting me love you and thank you so much for making me in love with you.”

Then he slowly loose the hug and take a step backward and I just look at him without even move my body or even says any word. He’s down on one knee and smile. Then he said;

“Cheon Seong-im ah.. will you marry me?”

And I remembered that I started to cry. Cry because I’m so happy that the man that I love is proposing me to be his wife. There’s no woman in this world will say no if the man she’s in love with propose her. Before I can say yes to him, suddenly the rain starting to pour and all I know is I already on my bed with the comforter wrapping me. How can it be? The most important part from me and me already wake up from my dream. How can I not be frustrated right? Ughh! Why this happen to me diary? Sobs sobs :’( I know it’s just a dream but the feeling seems real. You know I’m all over him right diary? This dream seems take my feeling a little further about him. Now I really am pathetic and pitiful. I’m all shy over him; I will never get close to him. And with his never ending scandal with Yun Eun Hye and other loveliness whenever he’s in a show, how can he’ll notice me? I think I need to bury this dream of mine. But, I don’t have strength to do that. I think it’s hardly to let go of this dream because I’m not in a relationship with anyone. Aihh. Such a pitiful Song Ji Hyo.

I lie awake on by bed think about the dream, think about the feeling that I have, think about how pathetic I am because I’m so all over the man that doesn’t even like me. Then my manager’s phone called wash away the thought, she’s checking me either I still in a deep slumber or not. She’s kind of surprise when I’ve told her I already wake up at 7 in the morning. Then she asked what I want to do today, so I just said that I want to be alone lazing in the house and end the call. I still in the deep thought about the dream that I have. As my stomach growled all of sudden then I realize that I need to get something to eat.

After having a light brunch, I looked around my house. It’s in a mess. So I decide to do some spring cleaning. There I go again, been weird because I did clean up the whole house. Usually I just clean up the part where it’s totally in a mess. Maybe I’m in a good mood because I have a sweetest dream last night so I’m all energetic to clean my house. You know if someday I’d be the wife of someone I can’t stay to act the way I am right now, right diary? I need to change a bit. Need to be more proactive. I hope this aura will stay with me. So I’ll be safe if someone going to married me. Aihh. Why I have to think about married? This is all Jong Kook oppa faults, if he didn’t turn up in my dream and didn’t propose me, I will never be this way.

In order to distract my mind by keep on thinking about married thing and that dream, I decided to take a walk at the lake park. It’s been awhile I didn’t go there. The weather seems good today so it’s a nice idea to have a walk at the lake park. As soon as I reached there, I just walk around the lake and enjoy the scenery. It’s Sunday so no wonder there’s a lot of people hanging around here. After a few minutes walking, I decide to sit on the grass and enjoy the breeze and the warm sunlight. It’s so peaceful being in here. I don’t want to think either other people recognize or not; I want to enjoy the peaceful moment. When I start to close my eyes, all the flash back from the dream play in my mind. The sweet dreams that will make me smile everytime I think about that. It was so nice to day dreamed at the lake park. I think I close my eyes long enough because I started to fall asleep, before I fall asleep I need to get up and stop day dreaming about Jong Kook oppa. When I’m about to walk away from the spot, I saw someone. He seems familiar to me. It’s Jong Kook oppa. He’s here at the lake park? Ilsan kind of far away from Anyang, what’s brought him here? From the way he looks, I can guess what he’s doing. Is he drawing something? Yeah. This lake park has beautiful scenery so he might come here to draw something about the park. I waved at him, but he’s seemed so focused with his drawing, and then suddenly he look at me and gave a smile. I wanted to greet him so, I took a deep breath and pull in all my courage to walk towards him and all I know is I’m standing in front of him and greet him politely. I did asked him what he’s doing here, and at that moment his answer doesn’t really matter, I wish the time would stop so that I can stand like this and be near him. But then my manager spoils the moment when she called me asked where I am as she can’t find me at my apartment. I forgot to tell her that I’m going to have a walk at the lake park. Aihh. This is one of the frustrated moments. It’s not everyday I can have time like this; the time where I bumped with Jong Kook oppa. Despite of being so frustrated and don’t want him to notice my expression, I decide to just walk away. I gave him goodbye and start to walk randomly without even think where I’m going. After awhile, I cursed myself because being such a stupid to just walk away like that. Yahh Song Ji Hyo! You know you barely have moment like this and you just spoiled it with your irrationally decision.

It’s weird if I go back to where he was, so I decide to take another round and end up behind him. I didn’t stand too close to him but it’s good enough if I can just see him from the back. He really seems so focused on what he draws and it makes me curious about the drawing. I thought about taking a peek on his drawing but afraid he notices me and he might think I’m creepy. But I can’t stop the curiosity; I did peek on his drawing. Luckily for me that he didn’t noticed because he just too focused on what he’s doing. I’m so surprise on what I saw, did he just draw me? I don’t know what to think or feel. I should be happy because all out from the people here he chooses me as his subject of his drawing. But it should be someone else because the picture got no face. Just some rough sketching. Aihh. Maybe I think too much and think that the picture was me. Then I just walk away and let him be with his drawing. All the way back to my home, I just stare blankly at random things. I don’t have anything in my mind because all the moment; the dream, unexpected meeting at the lake park, the drawing. It’s all mixed up.

I don’t want to think anymore because I can’t bear any mixed up feeling because I will feel dizzy. You know what diary? Today was the day that I have all sorts of feeling. I felt extremely happy, and then I get frustrated, then a little heartbroken about the draw. I think he draw a figure of his dream girl or his girlfriend. When think about that make me feel a little heartbroken. I know I don’t have any chance with him but I’m so blind because I like him too much. Am I really that stupid, diary? I think I am :’(

Before I get crazy because of this sorts of feeling that I have, I think I need to have my beauty sleep because I might been able to get into deep slumber as my heart feels really warm right now. It’s happen just like last week and last night. But the warm in the heart seems travel all away through my body. I think I really am not normal. Aihh. But to tell the truth, I really enjoy this kind of ‘warm’. I’m off now diary. I’ll write again tomorrow.

P/S : Oppa, please be in my dream again tonight.

The girl who dream about you,

Song Ji Hyo

Hello readers, here another chapter from Ji Hyo’s thought. I’ve said that I’ll make it fun right? But after reread my own writing I find it no fun at all :’/ I’m so sorry about that. There Ji Hyo wrote about the warm feeling again. Can you guess what exactly Jong Kook thought about his future that exactly related to Ji Hyo? Hihi ^^