00

It wasn’t until Woohyun enlightened him that he understood.

“Ya. Hyung.”

 Dongwoo tore his gaze away from the screen; distracted. Then blinked. The sudden wave of Namgrease overwhelmed him for a moment. Woohyun grinned cheesily at him and made a crude gesture.

The Howon on the screen took this moment to tear off his shirt and make love to the floor. Dongwoo stared for another moment, struck by the y, then awkwardly held a notebook over his pants and waddled off to the bathroom. His dongsaeng’s snickers followed him until he locked the door behind him.

Holy Myungsoo in a dress.

00

‘Woohyun ’ Dongwoo decided that evening. His little mishap had reached the ears of seemingly all of Wooliment. Infinite’s makne line had made it their prime purpose in life to wink at him and nudge him and prod him and poke him and just look at him with those I KNOW YOU HAVE A CRUSH HAR HAR HAR gazes.

But it wasn’t a crush. Because Howon was his bandmember. And stuff like that only happened when the higher powers decided the fangirls needed a treat for clogging up airports, he reassured himself.  He put it out of his mind.

As it would have it, the fangirls clogged Seoul Airport like a dirty sink that day.  The higher powers came to a decision.

00

Howon was indifferent to many things in life. Friendship wasn’t one of them. Quiet he may be, but this confrontation was bound to happen, Dongwoo reasoned. This was the moment in a bad situation in which Dongwoo tried to tell himself that it was fate that got him here and that it wasn’t his fault. In the next moment he realized he probably shouldn’t have been caught commenting  ‘OMG HOBABY OPPA IS SO CHARISMATIC! *swoon*’ on Hoya’s fansites. Nor sneaking the wardrobe noona a note to get Hoya in a backless shirt for their next music video or else. (The wardrobe noona had been more than willing to get Hoya wearing as little clothes as possible, but as usual, fate intervened and it happened to be minus twenty degrees outside. Dongwoo liked his Howon alive, thank you very much.)

“Hyung, are you listening?” Howon glared his robotic deadpan glare. He really had the most expressive eyebrows. His forehead crinkled with every emotion in his eyes, Dongwoo marvelled.

Anyhoo.

“Hyung, you’re creeping me out.” Pause.  “Is there something wrong? Did I do something?”

Dongwoo groaned inwardly. The last thing he needed was Hoya deciding he was going to ask innocent questions and look at him with wide eyes and fit in with all his fantasies— no. He could not deal with this man’s aegyo right now. I hate your face.  Dongwoo thought. He steeled himself. Took a deep breath. Prepared to deny it all. Looked up coolly…

…and felt his resolve crumble to dust.

“No. You did nothing wrong.” He mumbled miserably, while little dinosaurs ran amok in his brain screaming his hair and his eyes and OMG HE’S SO ING CUTE I CAN’T HANDLE THIS.

The more mature dinosaurs tried to rally the little ones, but the battle was lost. Dongwoo lowered his head again.

00

He was kidnapped in the dead of night.

When he could see again… he was in the broom cupboard three steps away from his room.

“Did you guys really have to lead me around the neighborhood in circles in my pyjamas if we were just coming here?” Sometimes he wondered if the other members of his band were used in a baby-flinging competition when they were younger. It would explain the IQ’s.

No reply from the towering statures of his bandmates. Even Woohyun towered in this light.

A blanket was thrown over his head to heighten the drama.

 “Um, so why did you guys wanna meet here?” Dongwoo made to lift the blanket off of his head but Woohyun pulled it back down.  “QUIET!” He hissed, Gollum-style. Dongwoo backpedaled for a second.

…Okay then.

Sunggyu spoke like he was prophesizing doomsday. “Jang Dongwoo. Get your act together.”

“What act?” He feigned innocence.

“The Hoya one.” Sungyeol piped in before Sunggyu could answer, earning him a tap on the ear.

For a moment Dongwoo was confused. “The live one this weekend?” As usual, his mouth just went on running while his brain tried to make sense of things. “But the practice for that is tomo… oh.”

The tension in the broomcloset (alright, secret hidout) rose. Dongwoo panicked. “But I can’t go there and see him all sweaty and dancing and do that little hand-turn without touching him!”

Sungyeol cocked his head. “But I don’t get it, don’t you want to touch him?”

“Not if it’s just going to be tease, pabo!” Myungsoo hissed.

“Your face is a pabo!” Sungyeol retorted, until Sungjong smacked them both on the arm simultaneously.

“Gyu-hyunggggg Sungjong hit his hyungs!” Sungyeol whined.

“Ya Lee Sungjong-ah! Have you no manners?!”

“How did your mother raise you?!”

“Did you learn nothing growing up?!”

“WHAT KIND OF MILK DID YOUR FATHER FEED YOU?!” Sungyeol screamed. Heads swiveled in his direction. “…that made you so rude.” He added.

“HOLY MYUNGSOO IN A DRESS!” Sungjong swore. “I WAS JUST PROTECTING THE MOOD! AND THEY AREN’T EVEN THAT MUCH OLDER AND THEY’RE CERTAINLY NOT MENTALLY OLDER!” The makne ranted like his life depended on it.

Meanwhile, Dongwoo had gone through a life-changing epiphany.  He needed help to get over Howon. He could not spend the rest of the days winked at and poked and dragged through the neighborhood to end up in his own closet for one man. It was simply not worth it. Not to mention he had been bundled and tied in a blanket so tightly that a man stopped and asked what breed of monster zombie caterpillar these handsome brave boys were hunting down. Dongwoo had been betting that he was either drunk or a ert trying to strike up a conversation (and how). He had been right on both accounts. He had gotten thrown up on and Sungjong had gotten felt up. Well. It wasn’t the first time Infinite had to fight for Sungjong’s honour after a random man tried to feel his non-existent s.

The point being, it was three AM, for the love of god.  He wanted out of this crush, and he wanted it now.

He jumped out of the blanket. Everyone looked at him.

The little dinosaurs rallied. They charged. The look in the Dongwoo’s eyes changed.

Hyung-mode. “You all are going to help me or bad secrets will be revealed.” His Gollum voice wasn’t nearly as impressive as Woohyun’s though.

Sunggyu’s eyebrows disappeared into his hairline. “You don’t have any dirt on me.” He scoffed. Dongwoo gave him a pointed look. And in that look was mention of every embarrassing thing Gyu had ever done. EVER. The noodle incident. The manager incident part B. The EXO M incident. The pink hula skirt incident. The case of the ripped towel. And a nasty feeling told Sunggyu that Dongwoo had pictures.

A moment passed. The gaze held. The leader then suddenly turned to his dongsaengs, a sudden fear evident in his eyes. “…Guys, we have to help Dongwoo.”

The dinosaurs roared in victory as Sunggyu dragged the rest of Infinite out of the broom cupboard. They shed their blanket-cloaks as they left, leaving Dongwoo among heaps of fleece and polyester.

Their not-so-muffled voices floated in through the door.

“OOH CAN WE USE HOYA-HYUNG’S BABY PICTURES PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE HE’S SO FUNNY LOOKING! OR HIS ARMIT HAIR! OR CHECK HIS RANGE OF EMOTIONS ON THAT ONE IPAD APP TO SHOW HE’S ACTUALLY A HORMONAL  PREGNANT HERMAPHRODITE OR-- ” There was a thwack and Sungyeol whimpered.

“I say we just forget about it. He’ll get over it himself.”

Lazy Myungsoo probably just wanted to go back to bed. Dongwoo didn’t blame him. Except he did because he certainly wasn’t the one who dragged himself out of bed in this god-forsaken hour. Someone obviously needed to be reminded that a certain hard drive had a video of a drunk Sungyeol getting to second base with Myungsoo… when Myungsoo was sober.

That was bound to be a welcome reminder, Dongwoo decided.

00

Howon liked his tongue out while he danced. Hot damn, Dongwoo thought, missing the next step for the fifth time. The dance instructor groaned and paused the music. “Ya! Jang Dongwoo! Where’s your brain?”

But by then the rest of Infinite had sprung into action. (“WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE DON’T YOU HAVE FAMILIES AND LIVES AND VIDEO GAMES?!” The instructor had screamed at them, the twentieth time Hoya was dragged to the bathroom in an hour. It must never be said for Infinite that they went back on their promises. Hoya was patted down and wheeled away to brush his hair and given water. There would be no hot sweaty Hoya present here.  They were helping. Howon had given up fighting back. He just let them carry him off, flopping like a dead fish in their grasp, only ier.)

But it had made no difference. Dongwoo still couldn’t focus. And the thought of Howon dancing to Troublemaker with him (as Sungjong so kindly suggested before he reminded him that he wanted to get over the man, not give him his ity) was still an exciting one. He bowed to the instructor in apology for the twentieth time this morning.

“I can walk, Sungyeol-ah!” Hoya protested from the corridor where Sungyeol was fully dragging him back towards the studio. Myungsoo had dug through Sunggyuu’s clothes to find the bulkiest, most unflattering hoodie he could (‘Trust Gyu-hyung to have clothes this ugly’ he had snickered to Woohyun; they had made a documentary on the interesting things they found while looking for that hoodie as well. Dongwoo reminded himself to pay them both for a copy.) and replaced all of Howon’s shirts with it.

But damn if Howon didn’t look good in everything. He arched his back, stretched, huffed. “Goddamn hoodie. Doesn’t let me move my arms worth a Myungsoo in a dress.” And he took it off.

Sungjong gasped and grabbed the nearest object. Sungyeol screamed and pushed Woohyun and himself between the two to prevent him from getting an eyeful of chocolate abs, but Woohyun was short and Sungyeol was two metres off his target. Myungsoo tried to distract him by dumping water over his head and then chucking the empty bottle at his nose and damn Sunggyu threw all the towels in the towel rack avec le damn towel rack at Howon in his haste to get him covered.

The object nearest Sungjong happened to be a fire extinguisher.

Everything was coated white.

“Abs covered!” He chirped happily as six handsome snowmen considered killing the kid and selling his organs to bribe their way out of jail.

Dongwoo face palmed.

 

00

This was going nowhere good. The dance instructor had torn his already-sparse hair out in frustration every time his wife called him to come home because the damn kids just weren’t getting the song and needed to get laid dammit.

The rest of Infinite was tired as well. Myungsoo had fallen asleep on the floor with Sungyeol’s thigh as a pillow. Sungjong was lying on his stomach next to him, eyelashes fluttering. Sungyeol had somehow obtained a cat and was talking to it in cat-tongue, while Woohyun and his girlfriend (‘I TOP, OKAY.’ Sunggyu had FYI-ed him, but no one believed that) were practicing their vocals in the corner. A few snippets drifted back to the others: “PATTY CAKE PATTY CAKE BAKER’S MAN”

“BAKE ME CAKE AS FAST AS YOU CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!”

It wasn’t amusing the sixteenth time over.

Hoya didn’t understand why exactly everyone was wasting their free time watching them practice, but he understood that no one was going to go until they were done. He cleared his throat. “Guys, I can help Dongwoo-hyung with the couple of steps left. You guys can go home. Thanks for coming!” He waved awkwardly.

Myungsoo was suddenly awake and walking out the door. “Well,” he yawned “see you after practice.” Dongwoo stared at them, astonished. Weren’t they here so he wouldn’t have to be alone with a sweaty y Howon? But no, they leave right after the instructor and take the car with them.

As if reading his thoughts:  “We’ll taxi back hyung. You have your wallet, right?”

He nodded dumbly. Woohyun winked at him as he passed; Sungyeol seemed to feel guilty about choosing sleep over Dongwoo’s crisis. He left the mysterious cat behind in apology.

As soon as they were gone (he couldn’t really blame them, Sunggyu had been so sleepy that his eyes were mere cracks) Howon turned to him.

“Hyung used to be good at dancing.”

Ahhh, now he thinks I’m an idiot. Little dinosaurs kicked themselves.

“…Just a little distracted, Howon. My bad.” He chuckled nervously.

“By what?” The other man tilted his head ever so slightly and stared. Dongwoo stepped back a little. They were inches apart. Little dinosaurs swooned.

Hoya’s hair fell over his forehead and sweat beaded on his neck. He was beautiful. Little dinosaurs tripped over their own feet.

And before he knew it, the little dinosaurs were out of control again. So he did what he always did when the going got rough. He did what everyone in every drama ever needs to do to solve the plot in a single episode.

He spilt it all.

“It was because I watched that showcase of yours, that day was so embarrassing because Woohyun was there and now everyone knows except you and I actually just found out myself and I had no idea that I could actually like another band member so I tried to get everyone’s help in getting over you because you couldn’t possibly like me back and it was embarrassing being called a mutant caterpillar and Sungjong got felt up that night! And that’s why I just need some time away from your delicious—dear lord the manager is going to kill that cat if it pees in the training room!” He ended in shrill shriek; darted to grab the cat.

“Got it!” He grinned in relief, holding the squirming cat up in front of Hoya. Then he remembered.

But it was too late to run.

“You… like me?” Howon sounded genuinely surprised.

Little dinosaurs slit their paws.

“Ummm, yeah.”

There was no reply. The cat clawed his hand in its attempts to break free; he hissed and lowered it gently. He pet the cat once and then looked up. Howon’s face was right there. Holy Myungsoo in a dress.

He toppled. He needed lessons on how to retain his balance around certain dance machines.

There was a thump outside too but he never paid it any attention because Howon had grinned and asked him “Really? Like seriously?” And when he nodded, Lee Howon suddenly gave him the shyest most goddamn adorable smile of all time. “Because they all eat watermelon dessert every weekend for promising to help me. With you.”

Realization thundered into Dongwoo’s brain.

Meanwhile, his shoes smelt sufficiently of dirt for cat to pee on them.

He stood up so fast the world spun, but Howon was still there. Smiling. At him. At Jang Dongwoo with his big teeth and dorky laugh and dumbness and awkwardness and the cat pee on his shoes.

And suddenly, life made sense. The chicken came before the egg. The Earth revolved the sun. Freaking Eureka!

“So now we kiss?” Dongwoo mused, surroundings forgotten. Howon gave him a look before grinning again. “I’ll say.” (It would’ve been exponentially more romantic if Hoya didn’t have to stand far away and lean towards him awkwardly to avoid the cat piss on his left shoe, but Dongwoo would take what he could get.)

And they were happily sharing their first kiss (also known as the best kiss of all time to Dongwoo, who could barely stop smiling long enough to get any kissing done) when there was another thump outside the door.

Sungyeol burst in excitedly. He raised a finger towards them. “SEE I TOLD YOU IF THEY WEREN’T TALKING THEY WERE SMOOCHING!”

Myungsoo took a couple of pictures as soon he entered, of the couple glaring at them. He snickered; satisfied. Sungjong came in covering his eyes (bumping into the door frame twice) like he expected to accidentally-on-purpose catch them sans clothes or worse.

Woohyun offered to share the condoms before Sunggyu smacked him. Woohyun then offered to give them pointers, at which Sunggyu smacked him again. He was definitely the bottom. Bottom as the bottom of the sea. Complete with fishies and everything.

But Dongwoo had lost his patience with the conversation now because Howon had slipped his hand around his waist and he was warm and nice and belonged.

The dinosaur smile erupted on his face.

And that was how Dongwoo awoke, smiling. He turned his head stiffly to the left and poked the sleeping body.

“Ya.”

A groan. He patted the other man’s fluffy hair. “I had the weirdest dream. We were in a band with the guys and you used to rip your shirt off on stage and writhe on the floor in the iest way possible.” He chuckled.

Howon rolled over, sighing. “Is this your way of telling me you had a wet dream with me sleeping next to you?”

Dongwoo propped himself up on one arm. “I got peed on too.” He piped happily.

Howon decided it was too early for this. He pulled the covers over his head and groaned.

FIN.