I silently drank my soup from the warm spoon that I was currently holding. As always the house was quiet. I could only let out a small laugh. It's been 2 years since he disappeared from this world, yet I still am depressed from it. He told me to move on, but what am I doing right now? I haven't even cleaned out his work room yet. Now that I think about it...I haven't even stepped foot into that room for two years, it must be filled up with dust and webs by now. 

I finished up my bowl of soup and went to place it in the sink. Thankfully I can still wash the dishes. He was always the one washing the dishes when he was still here, even if I tried to help him, he'd just push me away. I walked to my room, our room. Once again getting ready to sleep for another early night. Just when I was about to close the door, my eyes trailed to the room opposite. His work room.

My parted lips closed as I let go of my door knob. My legs automatically walked over to the opposite room. My fingers twitched as my hand was about to grab hold of the door knob. I gulped down the ball of saliva and placed my hand on the door knob, turning it and walked in. The room wasn't filled with much webs as I thought it'd be, however it was still dusty. I slowly walked in and headed towards his desk. My fingers traced along the border of the desk. This desk that he had always worked hard on, being his paper work, or other physical doings. I let out a soft chuckle. This desk saw every side of him. I looked around the room and started to walk towards his shelves. Pictures of him were still standing there proudly. They were photographs of him with his awards that he had received. I smiled. I still remember how happy he was when we got home. He couldn't stop smiling the entire day and neither could I, I was just so proud of him. 

I walked a step to see the other shelf and almost immediately my eyes widened softly. The shelf was full of pictures of us. From when we were still in high school to...to the time he disappeared. Pictures of us playing around, of us on our first date, our graduation, our other dates, our marriage, our honeymoon and just...basically our whole life together. 

I laughed as I saw some weird photos. There was a picture of him pouting and looking away from me. I smiled genuinely and wiped the dust off from the photo. 

A soft sigh was let out as I walked over to the chair, dusting off the dust and sat down. So this is how it felt. My eyes trailed around the room once again and eventually my eyes came down to the desk.

His stationery were still the same as the last time he left them. His paper work that was due in 2 years ago was still lying there with layers of dust over it. I narrowed my eyes when I saw something engraved onto the brown desk. I leaned in closer to my right side and tried to read.

'I'll forever love Lee Hyukjae.' 

My lips parted as I felt tears welling up. I took in a deep breath and looked away. My fists tightened. After awhile, I looked back to my right, but this time went to open his drawers. 

I looked through the piles of paper that were in there and took in a sharp breath when Something caught my eyes. It was a letter, addressed to me. My fingers slowly went to pick up the delicate piece of paper. I held my breath when I opened it. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. I opened my eyes again. 

My eyes followed the letters as I read along.

 

'Dear Lee Hyukjae,

 

Honey...how are you? I hope you're well...I don't know when you'll read this...because knowing you, if I were to disappear you would never come to my room ever again, but  I guess if you're reading this than my guesses weren't as accurate, huh? 

Anyway...I want you to know that...if I ever do leave this wonderful world, I want you to move on. I want you to always smile and find someone new. As much as to how much it hurts me right now to know that you're with someone else, after I'm gone, for sure I'll be happy for you. Why? You ask? Why do I want you to ditch me and go off with someone? That's because I want what's best for you. I want you to live a happy life with someone else so that I can assure your happiness, your safety. 

I don't want you to forget about me...cause thinking of that makes me kind of sad...but I just want you to push me to the tiny corner of your brain. I want you to focus on life. Hyukkie...you're gonna miss me saying your name like this right? Aigoo...Why am I crying right now...how awkward that Im crying from a letter that I'm currently writing...ANYWAY! Yah! Lee Hyukjae! Always make sure to feed yourself properly! If you still can't cook, go get Ryeowookie to cook for you! You're already skinny enough, I don't want you to get any skinnier!(Eventhoughyouhaveamazingabs)...I didn't say that.

Hyuk, clean this room for me. I want you to make this room look new and better, even though I find my room perfect, I want you to clean the dust that is probably visible in the time you're reading this. I'm giving this room to you! You can make it your own work room...a dance room...or even a room to keep your collection kekekeke. 

Speaking about ...yah. If you go off getting drunk and bang some chick I'm going to literally kill you. I don't want you to get someone pregnant when it was only a one night stand! Seriously...I'll drag you here with me! ...wait...I swear if you get someone pregnant just so that I could drag you here with me I'll get Kyuhyun to kill you. 

Well...that's all I guess. I don't know when I'll disappear honestly...Im just writing this in case I actually disappear tomorrow...but...who knows...besides the you that is reading this right now...but yeah.

Lee Hyukjae, Eunhyuk, monkey, anchovy, My Hyukkie, I want you to know that I'll always love you. In any shape or form. Lee Donghae will always love his husband. Nemo will always love King Kong. Alright? Always love me too! Cause if you don't...I'll haunt you and make your life a living hell <3 

...

I love you. 

And I always will...Lee Hyukjae...

 

Saranghae

 

Love from your fish,

Lee Donghae.'

 

A tear dropped on to the edge of the paper as I immediately placed the letter back in the drawer. My elbows met with the desk as my head was in my hands. Tears started to drop and wash the dust away. They kept flowing. Once again I was crying. 

I let out a scream and mutter Donghae's name over and over again. 

"Why...why..." I muttered as tears continued to fall. "I finally got the hang of it...Hae...why..." I hiccuped. I took in a deep uneasy breath. "If I could let go of you I would..." I mumbled a sentence from a song that we both created. 

I lifted my head up from my hands and wiped my tear tainted eyes with the sleeves of my shirt. "Damn it Hae..." I muttered and stood up. "I won't keep your promise..." I whispered.

 

I walked out to the kitchen.

"Hyuk!" I heard someone call for me, I turned around and widened my eyes when I saw Donghae standing infront of me.

 

"H-Hae?!" I widened my eyes in shock, however, slowly my body loosened up. "You're...here..." 

 

"Hyuk what are you doing? What did you mean you won't keep my promise?!" He scolded with a frown.

I let out a soft chuckle.

 

"I meant exactly what I said, Hae." I my bottom lip. "Sorry...I won't create a happy life with someone else, I won't clean your room, I won't make your room become my room..." I let out a soft laugh as I rummaged through the kitchen drawer. 

 

"Hyuk...?" Donghae frowned. 

 

"However...I'll promise one thing..." I took out a knife. 

 

"YAH!" Donghae shouted. "What are you doing?!" He put his hand out to stop me.

 

"I'll promise you that..." The blade got closer to my wrist. 

 

"LEE HYUKJAE! DONT YOU DARE! DONT YOU BREAK YOUR PROMISE!" Donghae screamed.

 

"I'll promise you that...I'll always smile...that I'll always remember you, always be by your side..." The blade started to cut into my skin.

 

"HYUKJAE!" Donghae screamed. "NO! DON'T! GOD DAMN IT HYUKJAE!"

 

"I'll always be loving you...forever and ever...Lee Donghae." Soon the knife cut into my veins. My eyes rested as I felt my body giving in, causing me to fall. "Saranghae..." I whispered before I hit the floor. I felt blood start to seep around my arms.

Before I knew it, everything around me stopped, Donghae shouts disappeared, the ticking of my clock went mute. Everything was quiet. 

---

 

When I finally opened my eyes, I was in an unknown area. 

A soft breeze blew against my bare neck and it felt as if I was lying on a grassy field.

Someone kneeled in front of me.

"Hyukjae you idiot..." It was Donghae.

 

"Hae..." I looked up to meet his face, however was in shock. 

 

"Hyuk...you're such an idiot!" His tears were streaming down his face like a river. "How could you?! How could you break your promise?!" He screamed. "I believed in you! I believed in you to keep living! To keep living a happier life than me!" 

I sat up slowly and got to see my surroundings. I was indeed in the middle of a grassy field, under a blue sky. 

 

"Oh Hae..." I gathered him into my arms and immediately my tears started to stream. This feeling. This feeling of him fitting perfectly into my arms. The feeling that I missed dreadfully for two years. 

 

"I hate you!" He shouted. "I hate you...I hate you..." He muttered continuously as his tears started to seep into my shirt. 

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled and kissed the top of his head. His scent started to seep into my nose as I remembered his special scent. "I missed you...Im sorry...I just couldn't Hae..." I pulled away from him. Both of our faces were full of tears. "I missed you so much. Did you know that? For two years Hae..." I hiccuped. "For two years I couldn't see you..." 

 

"I know Hyuk...I know..." He started to cry once again. I enveloped him into another hug as we both cried. 

I pulled away once again as my hands came up and caressed his cheeks. I leaned in as our lips connected like two puzzle pieces. I could feel his tears that wet his cheeks come in contact with my own wet cheeks. 

We started to run out of breath, even though we didn't want to break apart, we did.

 

"I love you..." I gasped when we broke apart. 

 

"I love you too..." He whispered. A soft smile appeared on my face. We sat like that, staring at each other with smiles plastered to our faces. It may have been two years, but his face has not changed since. "...you know...you're gonna make every one of our friends cry." He leaned against my chest.

 

"Just like how you made us cry...me cry..." I mumbled. 

 

"I know...I saw everything..." 

 

"...it must be nice to be dead..." 

 

"It's not...well...it wasn't..." He pouted. "I still can't believe you killed yourself..."

 

"Hush, you should be grateful I decided to come..." I kissed the top of his head.

 

"I am grateful...I just..." He sighed. "A part of me wished you went along with my promise." 

 

"I did...I'm always loving you." My arms went around his neck softly. 

We stayed like that staring off into the distance. Even though it looked like we were looking at nothing, we were actually reminiscing memories. 

 

Just like that, I was able to join my lover. That never ending distance between death and existence suddenly disappeared like that. I probably made everyone around me sad about my suicide and I deeply apologise for that, however, right now nothing could be any better. All the times I spent crying my eyes out all lead up to this. 

 

I smiled and placed a kiss on his neck. He nuzzled his head onto the crook of my neck as he looked up at me with his adorable smile of his.

Nothing could get any better than this.

_____________________

AYO GUYS. SOMEONE REQUESTED ANOTHER ENDING -staresatyou- YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE <3 

I killed EunHae, I know, kill me too sothaticanjointhem 

IS THIS HAPPY OR SAD. I DO NOT KNOW. 

-your awesome author, NaNa ♥