Small amount of sunlight burst through the window, making Ji Hyo’s eyelids fluttered. She murmured something as she tucked herself in the soft warm blanket. She wished she could stay longer on the comfortable bed, but something was telling her that she had enough sleep. Slightly she opened her eyes, letting the bright light went through her eyelashes.

She looked around the room feeling confused. She had never been there before, or at least she thought so. For a second she stared vacantly at the sight of Seoul from the big window. Looking around one more time, she found no one in the room. Reluctantly the ace tried to sit on the bed. She gave up after feeling a sudden headache as she tried to lift her head up. Painfully resting her head on the pillow, she recalled what had happened the night before.

I felt warm sweet lips landed on mine. It was my dongsaeng who kissed me. Never came to my mind that I would ever receive such a kiss from Joong Ki, a friend I almost treated like a brother. And it’s weird to kiss a brother, right? But it was surprisingly not weird at all. Did I lose my mind?

My heart was beating like crazy. I thought it might go over 150 per minute. The kiss he had now was different from the kiss we had on the train several years ago. That time I thought about him as a boy, a good looking innocent one. But it was different this time. I saw him as a man, a good looking passionate one.

Slowly he pulled away, making me free to breathe the cold air.

The tears I had before had not dried up, but I knew it was going to dry up soon. The image of Jong Kook I had just a second ago had disappeared somehow. It was replaced by the kiss Joong Ki gave me.

I still didn’t understand the reason between the kiss. Whatever it is, I didn’t think I could take it easily.

“I’ve been loving you all this time. Even long before you and Jong Kook oppa dated. Long before I quit running man, noona.” I heard he said the words with a desperate tone. He didn’t look me in the eyes, instead he stared down like a shy kid afraid of being yelled.  I was blank for awhile, not realizing that he said he loved me.

He said he loved me.

He loved me.

Loved me? Love as in ‘love’?

My brain was still unable to catch his words thoroughly.

 “I hope you’re not mad at me for kissing you, but I’m not going to say sorry for that.”

He said again as he stood up. I couldn’t see clearly from where I sat since I was too afraid to face him too. I didn’t know how to act or how to feel. I wasn’t ready for a sudden confession, especially from a friend I loved so much.

Of course I wouldn’t be mad about him kissing me. I should be the one to ask for his forgiveness. I talked to him about how much I missed Jong Kook oppa without even knowing how much pain Joong Ki had to endure. I was a jerk, I was a total jerk for saying those things in front of him. If only I knew about his feelings earlier.

 “Joong Ki-yah, don’t go. You have some explaining to do.” I didn’t notice that my voice sounded so flat. I was going to speak in a friendlier way. Blame it on my personality, I’m such a unexpressive person.

 I thought he was going to be the usual obedient Joong Ki  and stayed with me for awhile to explain the whole thing, but I was wrong. He left me alone there after saying a line that struck me with a realization, “No, I have none noona. It’s time for you to explain it to yourself. I’ve done enough to show you I love you. Now it’s all up to you.”

It all seemed clearer to me. He had always been taking care of me since the very first days of Running Man. He gave me all he had, all his attention, all his feelings…. I was the one to blame for not getting his signals earlier.

I sat still accompanied by the cold wind that blew even harsher. Joong Ki’s jacket was still covering me from it, but I still felt really cold. Too cold to even shed a tear. Too cold to even think about what just happened.

How I wished he was there to calm me down….

My oppa.

My Jong Kook oppa.

I couldn’t remember anything after that.

Ji Hyo pulled the blanket to cover her red cheek. Even thinking about that kiss made her blushed like crazy. She had no idea what happened after that though. Perhaps she passed out. Or maybe she died, and she was in heaven now! Frustrated, she brushed the thoughts away from her mind and closed her eyes again. How she wished the kiss was just a dream.

After gaining conscious, she smelled soju from her clothes; the same clothes that she wore the previous night. Reluctantly she tried to get up from the bed but the headache struck again, making her almost fall from the bed. But she managed to keep herself off the ground though she made a pretty loud noise.

“Noona are you awake?” Suddenly she heard a male’s voice from outside. She grinned at the voice, recognizing whose it was.

“Yah, why am I here?” She said as she opened the room’s door.

“You were drunk as always and you fell asleep at the balcony so I thought you’d thank me for giving you a permission to stay the night.” The tall dongsaeng who was lying hopelessly on the couch greeted her with a sour face.

“Sorry Gwang Soo-yah.” She sighed, feeling guilty of being impolite to him after what he did for her. “Ughh I’m such a mess!!” She ran her hands through her hair with desperation, not even paying attention to the younger man who was smiling helplessly.

Gwang Soo spent the night on the couch, dying to place his long legs at a more comfortable position. If it wasn’t because Joong Ki’s request he would’ve let his noona slept on the couch, or he even probably would’ve let her sleep on the same bed with him. He’d do anything to avoid that hard and painful couch. However the floor was harder than the couch, that was what Joong Ki said to blackmail the giraffe.

“I’m more messed up than you noona.” He grumbled while trying to get up from the murderous-looking couch.

“I can see that.” She nodded with sympathy in her eyes.

“So, how’s your night? And please don’t ask about mine.” It was obvious that Gwang Soo had a bad night trying to adjust his body to the size of the small torturous couch.

“I had a nice sleep, but not a nice night. Does that make the two of us equal?” She smiled sarcastically.

“Can you at least act like you’re thankful about me letting you sleep on my bed?” He scratched the back of his head and yawned, clearly showing her that she wasn’t the only one who was having a bad mood.

Ji Hyo sighed, realizing that she was being too harsh and too impolite, even to the person who knew her well. She smiled as she walked toward him in reluctant heavy steps.

“Gwang Soo-yah, you know I’m very thankful about it. Please don’t get it wrong. You don’t know what I was going through last night.” She sat on the couch and grabbed Gwang Soo’s wrist, pulling him to sit next to her.

“Oh you’re so wrong. I know exactly what was going on last night.” He blurted out spontaneously. His eyes widened when he realized he just said something confidential. What Joong Ki told him wasn’t meant to be spoken loudly in front of Ji Hyo.

“Ah I forgot. Joong Ki must have told you everything, right?” She sighed and continued, “I dated Jong Kook oppa, I had a kiss with Joong Ki, and the next thing I know is I’m marrying you.” They laughed at the joke, but then Ji Hyo suddenly stopped, leaving a serious expression on her face, “Please don’t say you have a crush on me too.”

 Then suddenly she felt tension grew between them. The giraffe said nothing to deny her, instead he seemed quite nervous. She didn’t know if it was her imagination only or not, but she thought she saw him avoiding her eyes.

“Gwang Soo-yah, you’re not into me, right?” She grabbed his shoulder and shook him as if she was trying to wake him up from a daydream. Gwang Soo looked like he was choked by his own words and was unable to say something.

“I—I can’t deny it noona. It might be crazy but I feel something for you too.  Something I can’t understand. Something beyond this friendship.” He stared vacantly at the floor before finally having the courage to look at Ji Hyo’s eyes.

“No, you don’t love me, Gwang Soo-yah. You don’t! You just think that you do. No no no—this can’t be true.” Ji Hyo let go of her grip and slowly walking away from the dongsaeng who just confessed his feelings to her. She looked terrified, like she just received a bad news. Silence came again, and that was when Gwang Soo started laughing.

“I can’t believe you fall for that joke noona!! I’m such a great actor!” Gwang Soo laughed even harder this time. He never thought his noona would believe that kind of lie that came from a betrayer like him.

Realizing that she was tricked by the tall boy, she bluntly blurted dirty words—cursing spontaneously as if she was showing that it wasn’t her first time using those words and she was willing to use harsher way to bully him.

“I’m sorry!! Mianhe noona!!” He kept on screaming for help because his hair was pulled by Ji Hyo with full power.

Trying to get away from Ji Hyo’s powerful grip, Gwang Soo bit the elder woman’s fingers and ran to the kitchen. Frowning in pain, Ji Hyo chased him as fast as she could and fortunately she managed to catch him with her strong hands.

“Yahh noona, please stop!! I’m sorry!!!” He pleaded before falling uncontrollably in front of her.

“Yah, you scared me like hell!” She gave up and fell to the floor too as she breathed fast and heavily. It was hard to admit, but she really did feel tired.

They both lay helplessly on the floor for a moment before finally gaining enough energy to stand on their feet.

“Mianhe noona, I didn’t think you’d be that surprised.” He said after moving his body to the chair nearby.

“I wasn’t surprised. There is an 85% possibility that you might have a crush on me anyway.” Even though it was just a joke, she said it with a serious expression, making Gwang Soo chuckled.

“You have too much confident—“ Gwang Soo said half jokingly but then continued with a more heavy topic to talk about, “—but you don’t have enough courage to turn down Joong Ki.”

“I thought you were on his side.” Being the usual Mong Ji, she looked as blank as a plain white paper. It never crossed her mind that Gwang Soo would say something like that. She thought the dongsaeng was going to tell her to accept Joong Ki’s feeling for her. Instead, he dared her to hurt their friend’s feeling.  

“You’re absolutely right. I am on his side.” He emphasized a word, making Ji Hyo even more confused.

“Look, Joong Ki loves you so much. He has loved you for these years, yet he never gives up even when you were busy with your own life. He’s always there for you—always listening to your stories about hyung—yet he still hasn’t given up. Can you imagine how much pain he endures?” He stopped for awhile as if he was struggling with words in his head. Instead of saying something long, he sighed and murmured, “That poor Joong Ki-yah… I don’t want you to play around with his feeling.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“I know you’d feel too sorry for him to be able to turn him down.  At first you’d try to be nice… then you’d become too nice and he’d start to think you love him too. He’d expect more and he’d receive less. I can’t imagine him going through such a pain after all the waiting he had done.”

 Gwang Soo looked like a really devastated best friend. He seemed like he could cry at any second. After all the speech he had given Ji Hyo, he thought his noona would understand his point, but he was wrong. She got even more stubborn.

“What if I’m actually in love with him too? What if I’m not planning to break his heart?”

She gave him a sharp look, showing him a determination in her eyes but hiding fear in her mind. She was just a naïve girl trying to look smart. There was nothing wrong about that. But the way she lied to her heart was a sin she would never forget.  With the nineteenth glimpse of fear in Gwang Soo’s eyes, she swore to God she loved Joong Ki with all of her might.

P.s. Am I making this too slow and too complicated? Anyways....

Have a Merry Christmas dear friends!!