"Sweetie~" Kai called, pounding on the door. "Sugar-pie~ Open up!" He ignored the strange guy that walked slowly by, eyes on Kai even as he unlocked the next door down and went inside. "Honey-bear~ Let me in! Your neighbors are ogling me like I'm a hot but crazy piece of as—"

    The door flew open, and Chanyeol grinned out at him. "Sorry, I had my headphones on."

    "Baby!" Kai pouted.

    "Jonginnie~ Come in." Chanyeol stepped aside to let Kai in, patting the shorter boy on the head as he passed. "So what's up?"

    "Well, your next door neighbor totally thinks we're ing. Maybe more."

    "Yeah, I know. He gives me weird looks every time I see him."

    "Also!" He handed over a pile of folded clothes and Chanyeol took them, looking at him for explanation. "Your 'y' shirt. Thanks for letting me borrow it. Oh, and your lucky boxers. Those really came in handy."

    "Oh... Thanks."

    "Of course." Kai dropped down onto the couch, sprawling out languidly. "So I've been seeing Kyungsoo around a lot more lately since the whole... thing."

    "The thing? The concussion thing? The you puking thing? The you being taken to the hospital thing?"

    "If you know what thing I'm talking about, then why do you have to mention it? Huh?"

    Chanyeol laughed. "Just making sure. Okay, go on." He lifted Kai's legs so that he could sit, and resettled them across his lap.

    "Anyway. I'm totally psyching him out."

    "Oh?"

    "Yeah, I think I'm gonna just go for it today!"

    "Honestly, I'm surprised it took you this long."

    "Yeah, I'll just fully expose him!"

    "Well I-I mean, not that that doesn't sound great, but maybe you're moving a little fast?"

    "Are you kidding? He's just been stringing me along, making me think all these crazy things and I just—I'm going crazy, Yeol. Crazy. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been acting a little... erratic."

    Chanyeol chose not to say anything to that. Especially nothing about the unfathomable amount of time he's spent listening to Kris talk about how he just can't figure out how the younger boy hasn't been committed yet. They've all got their quirks, Chanyeol figures.

    "Anyway, totally gonna just make him come clean once and for all."

    "Oh wait, you meant—"

    "Secrets are for gossipers and little liars, I always say."

    "When have you ever said that?"

    "What? I've always said that."

    "Why do you watch the things that you do?"

    "You're just jealous you're not a permanent invitee of movie marathon night."

    "Oh, just teeming with jealousy over here. It's totally not because I have... stuff... those days."

    "I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ALWAYS SEEM TO HAVE RAIDS ON THE NIGHTS I INVITE YOU OVER, YEOL! YOU NEVER MAKE TIME FOR ME ANYMORE!"

    "Yah! SHUT UP!" the guy from next door yelled.

    Kai peered up at Chanyeol through long lashes. "Are you gonna let him talk to me like that?" he asked softly.

    Chanyeol rolled his eyes. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

    "Oh! Right! I've gotta get going."

O O O O O

    "'Sup," Kai drawled from his position leaned against the doorjamb.

    "Hey, Kai," Kyungsoo greeted with a smile. "Come in." He moved back so that Kai could come inside. The other stepped in and took the door from Kyungsoo, shutting it behind him. "Did you need something?"

    "What, I can't just miss your face and want to see you?"

    Kyungsoo would forever deny the blush that spread across his face at that. "Y-Yah," Kyungsoo stammered, turning away and moving slowly to head back into the living room.

    Kai chuckled. "Watch out." He moved up to take Kyungsoo's arm and guided him to an armchair. Kyungsoo fought to ignore the rising heat in his cheeks.

    Kai settled onto the couch across from Kyungsoo, and the two sat in silence for a few moments. "So um... Can I get you anythin—"

    "Cut the crap," Kai snapped suddenly.

    "What?"

    "Do you know how stressful it is to be the mouse in a game of cat and mouse?"

    "I'm sorry?"

    "It's very stressful. I've already got insomnia most nights, anyway. Constantly watching your back when you think someone's gonna come up behind you and in' decaptitate you with a rusty machete, and worrying about someone slipping some kind of poison in your food or drinks, and thinking someone might ambush you while you're sitting on the toilet so you're always sitting there with a baseball bat in your hands just in case—it's so tiring!" Kai's voice had gone from all business to a childish whine in nothing flat.

    "I... don't really follow."

    "I know you want me dead."

    "Huh?"

    "Also, I know the other thing."

    "The other thing?"

    "Gee, is it hot in here, or is it just me?"

    "Hm? No, I'm..." Kyungsoo drifted off and he stared wide-eyed as Kai stood up and in one swift move, pulled his shirt off.

    Kai looked down at him, all droopy smoldering eyes, slightly parted saliva-slick lips, and mocha-colored planes of skin toned by years of dance training, and smirked. "You're staring," he murmured, his voice turned husky.

    Kyungsoo's mouth opened and shut multiple times, and he swallowed hard. This whirlwind of a boy was giving him whiplash. One minute, he was like a child hyped up on sugar and caffeine and lacking any common sense or tact, and the next... Well, the next, he was confidence and the promise of incarnate; the charismatic and unattainable "Kai" that all of the girls on campus swooned over. "I-I'm n-not, I just—"

    "So," Kai began, his voice smooth as silk, and sank back down onto the couch. "As I was saying before..."

    "Y-Yeah?"

    "You're not blind."

    "Wh-I-Well—"

    "Who knows? Just me? Or is it just me and Lay that don't?"

    "W-Well I..." Kyungsoo swallowed again, his mouth impossibly dry. How was this supposed to go down again? Why was he playing the main role in this whole mess, anyway? "Yeah..."

    "Yeah what? Everyone else knows?"

    Kyungsoo nodded, his dry lips.

    Kai frowned, thinking on that a moment. "Why? I didn't even know you before all this. Okay, and the dude you and Junmyeon murdered?"

    Before Kyungsoo could manage a response, the front door opened. Junmyeon came in, a stack of books under one arm and his backpack slung over the other shoulder. "Kyungsoo! I have time now; we need to talk about that voice mail Baekhyun left me the other night! What's this about a pier—Oh." Junmyeon stopped in the living room when he spotted Kai, and smiled. "Sorry, am I interrupting something?"

    "I—" Kyungsoo started.

    "That reminds me," Kai said with an amused smirk, looking across at the very uncomfortable Kyungsoo. "I got a very interesting voice mail, too."

    "O-Oh?"

    "We'll talk later," Junmyeon  muttered as he hurried into his bedroom and shut the door.

    "So... You and Baekhyun think I've got a great ?"

    "I don't remember saying anything like that."

    Kai chuckled. "Okay, so. I know murderers. I've watched like every episode of Criminal Minds—one of the greatest shows ever—and tons of other like Psych, Monk, NCIS—I'm basically like a pro at knowing psychopaths when I see one."

    "...Oh?"

    "Yeah. Anyway, you're not one. And I don't think that Junmyeon guy has time for committing nefarious deeds between all his studying and study groups and . Even if it was a crime of passion, I just don't think you guys would be that good at covering it up. You both would be locked up by now, and most definitely would be someone's by now."

    "...I see."

    "So since you're not, I can only assume that my intial conclusion is correct, and you're both not murderers. So who was the dude who you wanted me to think was dead but isn't?"

    "Sehun."

    "That small bowl of pale adorable that used me as a snuggle buddy the night of the fire?"

    "I am totally telling him what you just said. Oh man, he's gonna blush hard. I've gotta tell Baek to film it beforehand..."

    "Kris put you up to this, didn't he?"

    No reply.

    "That rat-bastard."

O O O O O

    "Hello?"

    "I need to do some research. I know what our next marathon theme is gonna be."

    "I'm headed to the store in a little bit. I'll grab the munchies!"

A/N:

Aaand that's the end for Conspiracy Theories! Well, mostly. The next update for Advise Me Not kind of addresses Kris's part in this.

Next theme: Chick Flicks!

I have some fun things planned for it. :D Sooo glad to be done with this first theme. Now I can have Kaisoo interactions a lot easier. So look forward to iiiiit
This will update again after Advise Me Not and MINE! :)

(This is also the last time I don't plan things to the end. I only figured out the ending a few chapters in, and had to scramble to try to make things make sense. I know it's crack, but it bugs me if it doesn't make sense.)