From: Lay
To: Kai
OMG kai something bad happened WHERE ARE YOU

    Kai frowned at the screen of his phone a moment before deciding to just call.

    "KAIIIIII!"

    "What happened?"

    "They sent a note! A NOTE, Kai!"

    "What's it say?"

    "'I'll get you, my pretties, and your little dog too!' What does that even mean! Do you think it's talking about Kris's cat? He's gonna be so mad!"

    "Don't worry about it, okay? Just let me take care of it."

O O O O O

    Kyungsoo was bustling around the kitchen, preparing a snack of ramyun and kimbap and talking to Baekhyun, when Sehun burst through the front door.

    "We might have a problem!" Sehun cried, rushing over to sit down on the bar stool beside Baekhyun.

    "Calm down," Kyungsoo said with a smile, placing a steaming mug of tea down in front of him. "What's going on?"

    "I met Kai!"

    "Duh," Baekhyun muttered, taking a sip of his own tea. "I was there too, remember?" He chuckled and looked up at Kyungsoo. "You should've seen him. Not even five minutes after meeting him, Sehun here was all over the guy."

    Kyungsoo laughed.

    "Hyung," Sehun whined. "I was half asleep!"

    "I got pictures, too."

    The younger boy made a frustrated noise. "You're not understanding! He's supposed to think I'm dead."

    "Oh. Damn."

    "Well, did he say anything?" Kyungsoo asked, glancing between the two sitting at the counter.

    Baekhyun shrugged. "He mostly just kept asking about you. How long I'd known you, how well I know you."

    Kyungsoo smiled. "Really?"

    Baekhyun rolled his eyes.

    "So he didn't say anything to you, Sehun?"

    Sehun shrugged and shook his head. "I was half asleep. I didn't know what was going on."

    "See," Baekhyun said, looking at Kyungsoo as he pointed at the boy sitting beside him. "Even half asleep, Sehun knows a good thing when he sees it. You're gonna miss your shot."

    It was Kyungsoo's turn to roll his eyes. Sehun just pouted and returned to sipping his tea.
 

O O O O O

    Kai burst into Chanyeol's dorm, shouting, "I need to borrow your 'y' shirt," as he made a beeline for the bedroom.

    Chanyeol dropped the magazine he'd been reading onto the coffee table, and got up to go stand in the doorway. "My 'y shirt?' All of my shirts are y when they're on me," the taller boy said, watching Kai tear the room apart in his search.

    Kai scoffed. "Anyway, I mean the gray v-neck."

    "Oh, that one. You can't. I need it."

    "Why? What for?"

    "I have a meeting with one of my professors today. I have to seduce the old, crotchety bag into giving me an extension on a paper."

    "But this is important!" Kai whined, turning and sitting down on the floor in front of the closet. He pouted up at the tall boy. "Didn't you say all of your shirts are y on you? Can't you lend me that one? I'm going to see Kyungsoo today at his apartment, and I need him off his game so he'll be more susceptible to my wiles!"

    "Your what now?"

    "My wiles. I have to try to find out for sure if my suspicions are right. And if he knows I'm suspicious. And if I am right, if he knows that I know, and if he does know that I know, I have to make sure that he knows that Lay and I know how to keep our mouths shut!"

    "You can't borrow the shirt."

    "Where is it?"

    Chanyeol turned and headed back into the living room.

    Kai leapt to his feet and followed him out. "Where is it?" he whined.

    "No, Kai."

    "Please?" Kai appeared in front of Chanyeol, pout in place.

    "No."

    "Pleeease?" He dealt with the other boy's movement to walk past by wrapping his arms around the other's shoulders from behind. "Pretty please?"

    "Nooo." The other boy's voice had finally given into the inclination to whine. It's always after he's been with his hyperactive friend a while that he starts revealing some of his own inner childishness. The guy just seems to have that effect on people.

    "Pleeease?"

    "You caaan't!"

    At this point, Kai was all but hanging off the other boy. All he had left to do—which he quickly remedied—was to wrap his legs around the other's waist. "I'll call your mom! You just wait 'til I tell her you're not sharing! I happen to know she's already upset with you for not calling enough."

    "You wouldn't."

    "Wouldn't I?"

    There was a beat of silence before Kai was nearly thrown free as Chanyeol spun sharply. Kai let out a startled wail, tightening his grip. "Let go!"

    "No!"

    Chanyeol had begun spinning, jumping, shaking--anything to shake the other free. "Get off!"

    "No! You can't make me!"

    "You wanna bet?"

    "I'll get off when I'm good and ready, dammit!"

    "Yeah?"

    "Yeah! Just—AAAHHH!" Chanyeol had backed into the wall, slamming Kai into the surface.

    "Yah!" came the annoyed shout from through the wall. "Keep it down, would ya?!"

    "Your neighbor totally thinks we're i—AAAHHH!"

    "Get off," Chanyeol panted, thoroughly wearing himself out with his efforts to throw the boy loose.

    "AAHHH Channie-babyyyy—YYYAAAAAAOOOWWWW"

    Chanyeol struggled to sit up, pulling away from his friend so that he could turn to look at him. Kai sat slumped against the wall, groaning. "Y-Yah... Are you okay?" Chanyeol asked softly, placing a hand on Kai's knee.

    "Mm," Kai hummed, squeezing his eyes shut. "A little dizzy, though..." He raised a hand to touch the back of his head where it had impacted the wall, and winced.

    Chanyeol pulled Kai's hand away and replaced it with his own, running his fingers through his hair. Kai lowered his head to allow the other better access. Tiny mewls of pain escaped his lips as long fingers brushed against his scalp, and Chanyeol frowned. When fingers grazed a particularly tender spot, Kai let out a pained moan.

    "O-Oh my god."

    Chanyeol's head snapped up, and he looked over his shoulder to see his roommate, Jongdae, standing in the doorway.

    "Don't you have a bedroom where you can do that? Jeez!" With his gaze averted, Jongdae hurried to his own room and shut the door behind him with a resounding click.

    Kai chuckled, wincing as he pulled away from Chanyeol's touch and raised his head again. "Your roommate totally thinks I was suc—"

    "Shut up," Chanyeol snapped, though the amused smile on his lips took away any bite to the statement. His eyes still held concern, though. "You okay?"

    Kai peered up at his taller friend with the most pitiful expression he could manage. "Y'know what would make me feel better?"

O O O O O

    "Okay, you got this. You got this." Kai bounced a few times on his feet—stopping when it brought on another bout of dizziness—and took a deep breath, eyes settled on the door before him. "You make girls swoon with just a look! Guys clamor for the chance to be your friend! You are ing awesome." With artfully tousled hair, a lucky charm in the form of a gray v-neck t-shirt (as well as another hidden charm he'll keep to himself), and his signature smirk in place, Kai was ready. "You were born ready," Kai muttered to himself. He took one more deep breath and knocked on the door.

    The door swung open a few moments later, and Baekhyun stuck his head out. His eyes widened when he saw Kai standing there. "O-Oh. Kai," he stammered. "One sec, 'kay?" The door shut before Kai could respond.

    Kai let out a shaky breath. "Y-You got this..."

    Baekhyun threw the door open a few moments later, smiling widely. "Come on in! Kyungsoo's in the living room. I'm assuming you're here to see him?"

    Kai responded with a simple nod and moved past Baekhyun into the apartment. Kyungsoo was seated in an armchair on the opposite side of the living room from where Kai entered. He turned his head as if to watch Kai come in, his eyes hidden behind his usual dark shades. "Kai?"

    "Hey," Kai said lazily, loping over to the couch across from Kyungsoo. He sank down onto the cushions, eyes roving over the other boy. Baekhyun returned to his seat at the bar where homework and text books now lay strewn, but his attention was more on the conversation going on behind him than the material before him.

    "Did you need something?"

    "I just wanted to talk to you."

    "Oh? What about?"

    "Mm..." Kai's gaze wandered as he zoned out.

    "Kai?"

    He snapped his head back to look at Kyungsoo, his smirk—which had slipped momentarily—returning. "Hm?"

    "You said you wanted to talk to me about something?"

    "I di—Oh, that's right. Well, see, Lay told me something today... He... Do you live here alone?" His eyes strayed to the area of the floor where he remembered having seen the dead body.

    "Hm? No, Junmyeon is my roommate. Why do you ask?"

    He couldn't help but wonder if it'd smell like death if he were to lie down and press his nose into the carpet fibers. No, they would've moved it before it had started to smell, right? "Ask what?"

    "What?"

    Baekhyun peered over his shoulder at Kyungsoo, making a circular gesture in the air beside his head with his index finger. Kyungsoo ignored him. "So, we got your letter today."

    "Hm?"

    "Let me just say... We read you loud and clear."

    "I'm sorry... I don't really follow...?"

    "So mm... I wanted to talk to you... about... y'know..."

    "About what?"

    "Y'know... I mean, 'm a pretty... pretty oser—osver—observant guy, y'know..."

    "Are you okay?" Kyungsoo asked, brow furrowing. "You're kind of... slurring."

    Before Kai could respond, a door opened and Sehun appeared in the doorway to one of the bedrooms. Bleary-eyed and with mussed hair, he stumbled into the living room. He'd clearly just woken up.

    "Hey, don't I know you?" Kai asked, studying the younger boy.

    Sehun struggled to open the seemingly very heavy lids that kept fighting to close, and looked for the speaker. When his gaze landed on Kai, he suddenly found himself very, very awake. "N-No? Wh-Why would you kn-know me?"

    Kai frowned, blinking heavily a few times after a moment as he tried to clear his seemingly very fuzzy, fuzzy head. "No, I do... Uh... from the... the night.. with the, the fire... Yeah, you used me as a pillow."

    Baekhyun snickered. Kyungsoo sighed, relieved. Sehun flushed. "I was half asleep!" he whined defensively.

    Kai shrugged. "Who 'm I t' judge... 'f y'wanna... get all... skinshippy w'th strangers... more power t'ya, I say..."

    "You don't loo-sound so good," Kyungsoo said suddenly.

    "Yeah, man, are you okay?" Sehun asked, peering down at him.

    Kai opened his mouth to respond before shutting it tightly again, leaping to his feet, and bolting for what he really hoped was the bathroom. Kyungsoo and Baekhyun trailed after him, with a nauseous Sehun disappearing into Kyungsoo's bedroom to resume his nap.

    "I think he might have a concussion. We need to get him to a hospital."

    "You know, I would've thought seeing the guy puke his guts out would be a turn off, but I stand corrected. His still looks damn good in those jeans."

    "Oh just shut up and help me with him, would you?"

A/N

Paranoia 5.5: Bonus chapter featuring Kyungsoo and Baekhyun going clubbing, with appearances from Kai and Jongdae.

Also! a bonus chapter written from the standpoint of Kris, who has to deal with Kai and Lay's Underworld movie night. Apparently they favor the lycans' side of the war. Who woulda thunk it?

I present to youuuuu the longest chapter so far! Does that make up for my long sort-of absence at least a teensy bit?

This chapter was lost when my external hard drive quit on me, so this is the result of me trying very very hard to remember what I had happen the first time. But this means I'm back to work on this and the side stories! I'm gonna be winging this for a while until I figure things out again, so bear with me. As a result, my updates will also be somewhat irregular, but I'm going to do my best to get back on track at some point. I appreciate your patience. ^_^

Also, I wanna thank Aithusa for curbing my crazy when I was stressing out over this thing, and for helping me remember some of the things I originally had happen in this. Check out her new, hilarious EXO fic here.