by: Rawr27

by: dokiiedokiie

I watched him as he put his sandwich down. I watched him as he picked his soda and put the straw to his lips. I watched him as he drank. I watched him as he nearly choked in laughter courtesy of a joke thrown by one of his friends whom he shared his table with. I watched him as he laughed along with his friends, his eyes disappearing into tiny slits as he genuinely laughed.

I never thought that the mere sight of his laughter made a smile creep on my lips. But, then again, just the mere sight of him, even while he just sits in a bench not doing anything, always makes me smile.

My name is Lee Hayi. I am now a 1^st year high school. I have secretly loved one guy since my third year in middle school. It wasn’t that long but I already considered him as my first love. Last year, I was a student in Sangil Middle School. I never knew him really but when I saw him at one contest where he was beat-boxing and rapping, I knew I had to know him. That was why I ended up enrolling into School of Performing Arts.

It was a school filled with kids who were aspiring to be famous entertainers – singers, dancers, actors. I wasn’t really one of them because my mom always told me my voice was too low for me to be a singer. When she said that, my self-esteem went into all-time low. My dad wasn’t too supportive either. But when I asked them that I wanted to enroll in this school, they didn’t refuse me so I tried.

And it might seem childish but the main reason of me enrolling here was not to follow my dream of becoming a singer but because he was also enrolled here.

“YA!” a voice appeared beside me, causing my can of juice to spill a little. I stared to my side and it was Jennie, my best friend. “You’re drooling over Jun Hong again!”

Her voice was too loud so I immediately covered and stared straight ahead where Jun Hong and his friends were eating. And… GASP! He was staring straight at me.

OMG!

I dragged Jennie towards our classroom where it was safer to reprimand her. She always did that. And I don’t know if Jung Hon already knew my feelings but… OMG!

“Jennie!” I shouted, my face heating up.

She giggled. “Relax! It wasn’t like we were really close to their table. We were like a kilometer away from them.”

Of course she was exaggerating. But, I think I was too. I just hope she was right about them not hearing me. Because my secret one-sided love will never be a secret anymore!

“Why won’t you just approach him, Hayi?” Jennie asked.

I drank on my juice. “I don’t want to.”

“You mean, you drool on him every day bu—“

“I don’t drool. I… stare,” I said defensively.

“Whatever… but you really won’t tell him your feelings? It had been so long, more than a year?”

“I’m not planning to. It’s alright with me, Jennie. I really don’t care if my feelings are one-sided,” I said while writing on my journal. As I looked up, Jennie had a you’re-not-saying-that-same-crap-again expression on her face. “Whatever, Jennie,” I said turning my attention back to my journal.

It was Saturday afternoon. We lived in dorms in this high school. The main reason was, being a performing arts school, we needed to practically live here so that the practice rooms will be available anytime for us.

I wasn’t really into practicing in practice rooms really because my major was in Voice, not dancing. There were practice rooms also for those who wanted to practice singing but I prefer to practice outside than inside.

I had my earphones on while I walked. I had a slow pace, matching the song’s ballad and slow feel to it. It was the season of Fall and the song matched my mood perfectly. When I listen to a song, I focus my entire attention to it, so usually, even if I stepped onto something, I wouldn’t be able to notice it.

As the song reached its , the singer getting into that highest note, I stopped in the middle of walking, my eyes closed and feeling the song more than ever.

As the song finished, I opened my eyes, about to remove the earphones but I felt that the other one wasn’t on my ear already. Did it fall off?

“Oh, so, you listen to these kinds of songs,” a voice beside me said.

I jumped on my place and stared at the tall guy beside me.

It was Choi Jun Hong!

He was nodding and pressing the earphone that I had on just a while ago as if listening to a song when it just finished. He stared at me and removed the earphone from his ear.

“You were blocking my way so I got curious,” he said. “It was a nice song but I haven’t listened from the start. Could you—“

I blinked rapidly and pinched my cheek hard to prove that I wasn’t dreaming. “Ow!” I gasped.

“Why did you do that?!” he asked, panicking.

Instead of answering, I just blinked at him. And blinked. And blinked. “You’re real?” I finally asked.

He stared at me incredulously. “What?!” he shook it off and grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards the bench. He sat beside me and pointed to my iPod.

I stared at him questioningly.

“That song. Play it again,” he said as he placed the earphone on his ear again. “Shall I close my eyes too?”

I blinked at him again. But he motioned me to play it so I did. With the earphone on his ear and the other one on my hand, I wasn’t able to listen to the song again. Instead, I just stared at him as he swayed along with the music with his eyes closed. And with that, a smile was already plastered on my face.

That was our first conversation and it was about a song by Sunwoo Jungah. Although it wasn’t a real conversation, I was still happy that day.

One day, while I was walking on the hallways of the school, the door of a practice room was open. I was about to close it but I caught someone inside. It was Choi Jun Hong. He was practicing a dance routine but he always ends up falling and he will be beating the floor.

I took the initiative to enter. I silently watched him as he repeated the same routines but failed miserably. In frustration, he shouted to the ceiling, making me back out and trip over something I hadn’t noticed a while ago. And with that, I fell on my .

When I looked up, he was staring at me too.

“Lee Hayi,” he whispered.

“Uh…” I stammered, not knowing what to say as I was caught entering without his permission and also shocked because she knew my name. it was more possible that she knew my best friend because they major in dance. “I-I’m sorry,” I said, hastily standing up and bowing in apology. “I’m leaving now.”

“No,” he said, making me turn to him. “Can you just stay with me for a while?”

I blinked in disbelief but I complied to his request anyway. But, I didn’t know what to do, so I ended up just standing a few meters from him while he still stayed seated on the floor.

He tapped the space beside him as I assumed he wanted me to sit there too. I did, but not without getting awkward.

“I had always envied you,” he said, staring at nowhere in particular.

I was shocked of course. Why would he envy someone like me?

“You’re talented. You had an amazing voice. You’re pretty. Everyone looks up to you if you only knew. I do too. That’s why I envy you,” he said, taking me by surprise. But I didn’t say anything. Instead, I let him continue. “I had been working so hard. But I fail miserably. I don’t want that. I love dancing. I love rapping and beat-boxing. But I always fail in dancing. My raps are average. There are tons of people who were better than me in beat-boxing,” he said. “Sometimes, I’m thinking of giving up.”

I gasped audibly.

He chuckled bitterly. “I know. You might think I’m a weakling.”

I reached out my hand and then pulled it. I didn’t know what to say, or better yet, I didn’t know if what I had to say would be right. Without hesitation, I reached out my hand again and enclosed his hand on mine. I kept my eyes on our hands then.

“You may always fail. You may be average. There might be people better than you,” I said and then lifted my eyes, only to look down again as his gaze was like boring a hole through my soul. And I knew by that time, I had my cheeks burning red. I even wanted to pull out my hand but it might seem awkward.

I just cleared my throat before I continued. “But you are you. You are great and amazing in your own way. I had heard you rap and beat-box and I had seen you dance. And trust me when I say that you are one of a kind. You are very talented,” I said and then willed myself to lift my eyes again. “Failures are challenges. Without them, we won’t be able to know the true meaning of success.”

He just stared at me and I held that gaze, aware that I was still red.

“Don’t give up,” I said and gave him a reassuring smile. He did too.

That was our last conversation. But I didn’t mind. It wasn’t even what I wished for. Truthfully, it was alright for me if he didn’t see me, or that if he didn’t know that I existed, or if he didn’t know my name. Just the sight of him was enough for me.

From that day onwards, his practices became more frequent. I sometimes watched. Sometimes, I would just take a peek. The month after that, I hadn’t seen him in school. The next thing I knew, he debuted in a duo under the stage name Zelo. He was with another rapper known as Bang Yongguk.

That was my story. He was my first love. Choi Jun Hong. Zelo. I didn’t want to reveal it to the world that’s why it was just written in this journal notebook called “Crush”.

First love. One-sided love. Crush. It’s always so colorful to everybody. Some would find ways to get close to the guy they liked. But I wasn’t like that. Not even close.

I was satisfied with just watching, observing, and silently supporting. I was already contented with his mere existence. Jennie would always push me, telling me that if I don’t confess, someone else would and it would be the end of me. Sometimes, when I was just sitting alone, she would think that I was sad. She would cheer me up, telling me that it was alright because Jun Hong wasn’t meant for me anyway. Of course, she was just saying that being my best friend and all. I didn’t want her cheering me up. I wasn’t sad in the first place.

I am not sad even if he forever does not know my heart. It was okay with me. Like I said, his existence was enough. I just needed him to be where I can see him.

A simple one-sided love story. Some might shake their heads. But it’s okay. This is my love story.

“Hayi!” the manager called for her.

Hayi immediately closed the journal notebook and kept it inside her bag. She rushed outside where her manager was waiting. They were already going home after her comeback stage on Inkigayo.

She ran after her manager and along the process, she bumped into someone. When she looked up, her face immediately reddened.

“TOP-oppa,” she said and bowed in greeting. But she was wondering why he was here. He just came back from his vacation after his filming but he was here. It wasn’t like the other Big bang members were here.

He bowed back. Hayi was about to pass and run again towards her manager when he blocked her way. She looked up and blinked at him.

“Uhhh…” TOP paused, unable to continue. So, he just scratched the back of his neck. He looked away before he spoke. “The boys planned to watch some movies. Some… Johnny Depp movies,” he said and then as if he was shocked, his eyes widened and he shifted his gaze to her. “Uhhh… the 2ne1 girls are at the apartment too. So, you’re not the only girl,” he said in a panic tone. And then he cleared his throat. “That’s… if you’re not tired and want to...”

“Sure,” Hayi answered, smiling awkwardly. She took note that he might have read her recent interview where she mentioned about her first love, Johnny Depp, and of course, him.

They started walking. TOP was ahead of her a few steps while the manager was walking on her side. A group of boys passed by TOP and they stopped and bowed politely in greeting. When they passed by Hayi, they bowed again. She did the same.

When she looked up, it was the B.A.P boys. She felt her cheeks heat up when she saw that Zelo was staring at her. Instead of continuing to walk, they stopped and just stared at her and then at Zelo.

Zelo bowed again in greeting before he hastily shuffled and walked forward. Hayi just stared at his back while the other B.A.P members just stayed on their spots.

“Look at him being the shy boy,” Bang Yongguk whispered.

After a few steps, Zelo stopped and turned around to face Hayi.

“It’s been a while, Hayi,” he said.

Hayi smiled awkwardly. “Yes,” she said, not knowing what to respond.

“Yo-You’re performance was great,” he said.

“Yours was too,” she answered. This was getting too awkward.

“Your album was great,” he said again. “I bought your album and… I mean, w-we bought your album,” Zelo said, referring to his groupmates. “All six of us have a copy of your album. It was great, right?”

Instead of a response, the boys just snorted and laughed quietly.

“Anyway, see you around, Hayi,” Yongguk took over and walked ahead, his group following behind.

Hayi just stared at the group as they patted Zelo’s shoulder and messing his hair. She couldn’t believe that the guy to whom she dedicated that one song was listening to it. She wondered if he knew. But then again, she never admitted her feelings for him. Probably, he listens to it but he never had an idea that it was for him. Like what she said in that interview.

“That was awkward,” the manager said.

Hayi nodded and smiled. She turned around to continue walking when she saw that TOP was already beside her. “Omo,” she gasped.

“You friends with him?” TOP asked, his left brow raised. Hayi blinked. “Stick with Johnny Depp,” he said before walking ahead.

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A/N: OMG~ i at writing stories like this. I'm sorry. TT I warned you that you don't need to expect too much.

Anyway, enough of the rants. Thank you for reading this oneshot everyone. I hope you still enjoyed (though it's not exactly fluff or perfect)

thank you Rawr27 and dokiiedokiie for the lovely posters.

PS: i'm hoping along with everybody that there will be more Lee Hi fanfics here on AFF. there are really few. TT and she's not even the main character. *sigh*

LEAVE YOUR THOUGHTS BELOW. :)