Thrill Chap 7

At this moment, Kyuhyun just wanted that a hole opened under him so he could fall there and never come back. That hole could open under Siwon as well and he would be already satisfied, because, seriously, the latter was being completely obvious and indiscrete. He couldn’t just leave Kyu be with all his sulking and misery. No, Won had to keep sending all those lost puppy eyes to him and keep tracking every movement Kyu made with those piercing eyes that made the maknae had this weird feeling of being watched all the time.

Man, if you know about my feelings, you should know how hard it is being for me right now, so can’t you just leave me alone?

Kyu wanted to say. But of course he wouldn’t. That would imply in actually being a grown-up and going to talk with Siwon, which Kyuhyun wasn’t and wouldn’t. It was an incredible shock for him to find out that even after seven freaking years he was still in love with the same person. I mean, this shouldn’t be okay, right? You’re supposed to get over with it eventually. And he thought he had. He thought that all that was left was this feeling of a warm friendship and this memories of a strong love. But, well, surprise, it wasn’t.

The maknae was so angry with himself. And with Siwon for bringing everything back again. All this angriness, misery and sulkiness was leaving no room in his mind to even consider any feelings that Siwon could have for him. It was something completely impossible, seriously. And Kyu didn’t think he should even consider it or it would be terrible for his already horrible state.

That added to the fact that Siwon wasn’t hiding his worried and spaced out glances, made Kyuhyun be pretty sure that someone would be already noting that something was wrong and if that someone was Donghae, he would have to live in hell.

::

“Kyunah~ Is there anything wrong between you and Siwon?” Kyu hated so much to be right, sometimes. “Did you guys fight? Did you say anything that you shouldn’t? You know, he’s looking like he wants to talk to you, so you should. Stop sulking and just solve things.” Donghae added while looking at the youngest at his side on the plane’s chair. They were moving to another city planned on the tour and for that plane, Kyu and Hae booked seats side-by-side.

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what the problem is.” Kyuhyun murmured, trying to find out how Hae knew he wasn’t asleep even under the sleep mask. He took it off to look at Donghae, who was looking back with eyebrows raised, waiting for more explanation. “Look, I don’t want t-”

“Kyuhyun.”

“Ugh, I hate you, hyung, seriously.” Kyuhyun passed his hand on his face a bit irritated, trying to say to his eyes to not cry or something and make an even more embarrassment of himself. He started to explain all the events leading to this day in a really low tone so no one would listen. Hae listened to everything with his brows furrowed, clearly trying to understand how that escalated so quickly.

“Okay. Wow. I can’t believe you been through it all and it’s only telling me this right now, because I’m pushing you to do so, Kyu. For God’s sake, this is freaking huge. I mean, Siwon kis-”

“Shhhh. Hyung! That’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you’d make a fuss out of something we shouldn’t do so.” Kyu stopped him, looking around while asking for all heavens to make it so that no one was listening. His prayers were heard, apparently, since all the members seemed to be in a deep sleep. Hyukjae was even drooling, which made Kyuhyun smirk. He would definitely make fun of this later on.

Cho Kyuhyun could be distracted at the moment, but Donghae was all focused, furrowing his brows to him. “Kyunah.” He started, lowing his voice as the sight of panic in Kyuhyun’s expression. “I know you hate when I meddle in, but I have to. I really don’t understand why you aren’t all happy and all cuddling with Siwon right now. Isn’t this what you’ve always wanted? He has freaking said he’s in love with you. He had even kissed you. Why are you overthinking this so much?”

“Okay, first… I’ll never get all… cuddling, or anything like that. Don’t you know me? Second. I’ve told you already. I don’t believe this. How could I? It’s really strange. After all this time, and now he has feelings for me? That doesn’t click at all. No. He’s probably just being Siwon and being all worried because of my feelings, which leads us to the third why. I can’t accept that I’m still crazy in love for him. This is nonsense. I should get a grip of myself. Focus on my career or at least find someone less complicated and that could actually return my feelings. Be in the same place I was seven years ago is too… frustrating.” Kyuhyun grunted, looking at the window while blinking hard. His frustration was filling up so much that he felt like crying every time he thought about it, which, for him, was even more ridiculous.

Donghae sighed sadly and put his hand on Kyu’s arm for a moment. The maknae looked at him once more. “Hey… it’s ok to feel that way, you know? I know you think that these feelings you have are all to waste, but it’s still something beautiful and pure. I also know you think I’m just a romantic , but what I’m saying is still true. Don’t let all the overthinking that you’re having right now ruin this. Talk to Siwon first, don’t just assume things, okay? Let’s see what he says. Then you can worry, or be happy, or feel anything you want to. But talk to him first. Allow you to at least try. After seven years, you’ve never even tried, did you? I think this is your chance to.”

Kyu opened his mouth like he was going to say something , but then he just shook his head with a small smile. Donghae had been his best friend for so long and somehow always managed to say the right thing for him when he needed. The maknae sometimes wanted to say how much he meant to him. Which, of course, he wouldn’t. He was the Evil Maknae after all, he had a reputation to preserve. “I hate when you’re right.” He murmured, instead, making the older laugh, before preparing himself to sleep.

::

“Kyu.”

Kyuhyun grunted. He couldn’t believe in himself. When he finally could sleep, his mind was playing tricks with him. Dream about Siwon calling him? Really? Was his mind so comfortable with his feelings now that he was even allowed to dream about it?

“Kyuhyun.”

Now it was his full name. Wow. He had a thing for Siwon calling his name, now? And he was so desperate for his dream to become real, that Siwon’s voice seemed to come from his side. Which was surely ridiculous, since Donghae was the one at his side, probably sleeping hard, dreaming with… I don’t know, sheeps? Anything that wasn’t his one-sided love.

“Cho Kyuhyun, for God’s sake, wake up!”

And at that, Kyuhyun finally opened his eyes and looked at where Hae was supposed to be. Instead, Siwon was there, looking apologetically. Immediately, the younger looked at the window, imagining what he should do to break it and be out of that miserable situation. Siwon noted that look, though, and fidgeted with his fingers.

“You don’t have to look like you want to jump out of the plane, you know… That kinda, uhn, hurts a little.” The older said, cleaning his throat out of embarrassment.

“Sorry…” Kyu murmured, sitting straight on the chair and trying to shrug the sleepiness off his face. “You just startled me. Uhn… what do you want?”

Siwon’s expression immediately became softer and a lot deeper, which, to be honest, was really bad for Kyuhyun’s health. Won passed one of his hands through his neck, before starting to talk. “I asked Donghae to change sits with me for a while, because I felt that… Well, I wanted to talk to you. Not only that, but I think that we should talk.” He said, a bit quicker than he wanted to, but he wasn’t expecting Kyuhyun to even give him any attention, and now that he was, that caught him off guard. Siwon studied Kyu’s expression for a moment, seeing that he was fighting a battle against himself for a few seconds.

“Right. Yeah. I think we should too. I didn’t… well, I didn’t respond very well and I’m, uhn, sorry for that. So I do think we should talk as well. But not here, okay? Not right now. Maybe later, after the show, I don’t know.”

Won nodded, feeling like a huge weight was slowly going off his shoulders for a moment. “Yes, I understand. Thank you?”

“F-for what?”

“To be honest, I thought you weren’t even going to talk to me. I didn’t act so well, so I know you have all the rights to be mad at me.” Kyu seemed to want to interrupt him, but Siwon was faster. “That’s something we’re going to talk about later. Anyway. Thank you.” And smiled sincerely. Which was really unfair, in Kyu’s mind, since everybody knew how Siwon’s dimples always made everyone around him smile as well.

Kyuhyun nodded, not helping but giving a small smile back. If only the maknae knew how much Won’s heart was melting at the moment, things would probably go way different.

::

The crowd was cheering out loud while they were on their second break of the show. Leeteuk and Hyukjae were on their turn to entertain the whole sapphire blue ocean and everyone was feeling so damn good to just be able to there, and see this great ocean screaming for and supporting them.

Kyuhyun put his mic above his eyes, a thing he started to do, to be able to see the whole crowd and avoid all the light that were focused on them. That, and to get some of the ELFs laughing a bit, of course. With the corner of his eyes, though, he saw Siwon doing the exact same thing as him, while laughing. Kyu had been watching Siwon with the corner of his eyes during the whole show, to be honest. But in his defense, this time, it wasn’t because he was being foolishly in love, but, instead, because how Siwon was once again trying with all his might to get his attention.

Siwon was making faces when they passed through each other during dances. Funny comments when the lights were off. Always putting Kyu on the spotlight when he was talking with the fans. Anything that would make Kyuhyun laugh – and he couldn’t help but laugh, really, when Won was such a dork like he was – at any time he could, Siwon would. There weren’t any skinship, though. Even Siwon being the king of it. But given the circumstances, that was for the best.

Kyu didn’t know why Won was doing this. If it was because his hyung noticed how down he still was, if he was just trying to make amends between them, since they hadn’t had The Talk yet, or, even, if it was only for the sake of the fans. He tried to ignore it or at least to not laugh so much, but he was so shaken. So vulnerable and confused at the moment, that he was just enjoying this attention so much it hurt. They would have a big talk soon, Siwon would say that he hadn’t feelings for him, was just caring for his happiness as always, and everything would be strange and awkward. So… Kyu had the right to enjoy this moment, right? To be the focus of Siwon’s attention for that show. To laugh beside him. To see him being a big clumsy Teddy Bear he was. Just for that moment, Kyu would let himself go. He wouldn’t overthink, like Hae said. He would allow himself to actually feel, for this one last time.

So when was his turn to talk with the crowd, he made one of his acid comments about Hyukjae, which always made them jokingly bicker, but, above all, always made Siwon laugh so loud, so exaggerated, that he knew that, soon enough, a gif about this moment would be in some Wonkyu tag in Tumblr. A tag he dared not to search, unless he was drunk, alone and lonely.

Oh, man, he had definitely been in love with him during these years. He just was too damn blind and stupid to not see.

::

Siwon felt shivers through his entire skin once more during their tour. The voice, that endearing voice that started it all, was once again numbing his senses and leaving him crazy, with this urge to just go to its owner and listen to it for the rest of his life. How could everybody else be normal by hearing Kyuhyun? How could they not feel this pang on their heart, that could be misinterpreted by a heart attack, but was only a big ball of feelings that he couldn’t handle?

He felt thrilled every time he heard him, that was what he felt.      

They were sitting on some stairs, and Kyu was going solo – each of their best voices on SuJu was showing their potential to a crying crowd. Siwon was almost crying with them, really. There were still so many unexplored feelings for Kyu inside him, and his singing voice seemed to be waking all of them. Bringing them to life. Penetrating Siwon’s insides, as if deciding it was finally time for Siwon to recognize this and be entirely his.

While Won was feeling all shaken by it, his gaze and Kyu crossed – Siwon’s eyes was piercing him during the whole song, but only now the younger had the courage to look back. There was a moment there. It could had been for only a few seconds, but felt like many hours for Siwon. His tongue was suddenly heavy in his mouth. He didn’t know what kind of face he was making, but he couldn’t respond to Kyuhyun’s eyes dropping to half-lidded, to the flicker of Kyu’s tongue across his lips after singing some word he couldn’t understand any longer.

Suddenly, the whole song was his. Could be his mind playing tricks to him, but he didn’t mind. That song was for him. Kyuhyun was singing for him and him only. His chocolate orbs were no longer on Siwon, but the moment they had were still there. Lingering between them. So freaking real. There’s no way the youngest hadn’t felt it. It was so clear for him. He almost could touch all the feelings that passed through them at the moment.

He was trying to be the best he could during that show, act as normally as he could, given everything that was happening. Also, it was so clear to him that Kyu was feeling down and he definitely didn’t want to his feelings be like this, like a burden that would sadden the maknae that much. So he decided to cheer him up. Lock his feelings and his urge to be with Kyu for a moment, because he was sure he was being rejected. But now… It could be silly, but with this monstrous amount of emotions he just felt… Well, Siwon and Kyuhyu definitely needed a long and nice talk. This time, tough, the older wasn’t intending to let the other run away again.    

::

Siwon was pacing back and forth inside his hotel room. Shower taken, he was holding his cellphone strongly in his hand. The decision he had made during the show was slightly losing by his fear of facing this situation. His fear of being rejected once more. Should he really call Kyu to talk? Did it need to now? What was he going to say, anyway? ‘Hey, I’m still in love with you, please remember that’? He couldn’t just say that…

But the rest of the show was so… good. There were this kind of… good aura between them. The jokes were coming easily. Kyuhyun seemed more relaxed. He was laughing more, answering and reacting more. And every song he sang… It was so pure, and real, and Siwon couldn’t be imagining all the glances they shared, right? No one could imagine that, not with that intensity.

The text message he was intending to send to Kyu was there. He already had his coat. Already told the manager he would go for a ride, meet the city. Car keys in his pocket. He just needed to press send. Just that.

And that was what he did.

::

Kyu’s phone buzzed and he just knew who it was. There’s no way would be anyone else besides Siwon, and to be so sure of that was making his stomach do flips he didn’t know it could. He was sprawled on his bed, after a good and long shower, and took his phone in his hand.

Hey, are you awake? If you’re not too tired, thought we could go for a ride on the city? And while we’re at it, maybe have that talk we said we would have? I’ll be waiting for you at the elevator.  - S :^)

The maknae shook his head to Siwon’s trend mark emoji. That hose he always put was so silly. But that shouldn’t be the thing he needed to focus. The time had finally come, hadn’t it? The show they performed were so… light, easy and smooth… it was good. It felt right. It felt like things were going to work out, somehow. Kyuhyun felt so much while on that stage with Siwon that, for a moment, between a glance or another they shared, he thought his hyung would forget that talk. That he would magically forget that he wasn’t in love with Kyuhyun and just go with the flow.

But the text was there. Calling for a ride Kyuhyun was dying to do, even.

Time to grow-up, I guess.

Kyu thought to himself, grabbing his coat and ready to face his heartbreaking fate.

::

“Hey.” Siwon was the first to talk, softly, when Kyu showed up next to him. Without second thought, he pressed the button to call the elevator.

“Hey…” Kyuhyun said back, going back and forth in his feet for a moment, looking to anywhere, but Siwon.

“I think… Well, this doesn’t need to be awkward, does it?” Siwon said, surprising the younger, in a kind of strangled voice, while fidgeting with the car keys in his hand.

“No, no, of course it doesn’t.” Kyu retorted, in the same kind of voice, shrugging. You’re just going to break my heart, why does it need to be awkward? The elevator finally arrived and they entered, the silence only broken by some stupid elevator song. Kyuhyun looked at his feet for a moment, gathering some courage. “Uhn, well, where do you pretend to take us?”

Siwon smiled at that. “Ah! I’ve searched some pretty good spots that we could see the city at night. There are also some squares with some local food that we could try.” He said, enthusiastically, showing a picture of one of those squares to Kyu in his phone. “But I know how much you like to travel and plan trips, so if you already have any place you want to go first, please tell me.”

The maknae shook his head. “Actually, this time I forgot to search through the places I wanted to go, so I don’t have any ideas. I’m all yours.” As soon as he finished his sentence, Kyuhyun’s face went to pale to completely red, but Siwon didn’t even notice, since he was having a huge coughing at moment, apparently chocking with air. “I-I mean, I did-”

But before Kyuhyun could finish any excuse he was forming in his mind, the elevator doors opened at the inside parking of the hotel, and they saw a mess of two people devouring each other’s mouth in front of them. They weren’t random two people, though.

“D… Donghae-hyung?!?”

“… Hyukjae??”

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N/A: I CANNOT BELIEVE I FINALLY GOT TO UPDATE THIS. OMG. I'm so happy I could. Seriously ;; A big thank you to everyone who believed, seriously jshjkfhskdjhfskj I really don't know when the next chapter is coming, BUT, the major problem was time and the fact that I kept forgetting what was planned for this. But I did a list with everything that I've been thinking for this fic. Sooooo, let's see how that goes. I hope I can update it sooner than later. Let's all pray together sdlkfjslj. Anyway, thanks again for the support, love ya <3