TANANANAM. An update, O-M-G. I can't promise I'm back for good, bc I know too well how life works. BUT. I can promise I'll try, as you can see.
Idk, I just love my Wonkyu fics, even if they're not that great, so I hope you guys like it too, even if just a bit.
Please, do leave comments, since I always get worked up about writing when I read them.

Also, I did a maaajor revising on the chapters. Nothing biggie on the history, more like english stuff and all.

Anyways. I really do hope you like this, thank you already for reading my silly things <3

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One second, two seconds. Three. Drops of water ran down from Kyuhyun’s hair and his pajamas began to stick on his skin, while he began to feel a little cold. But Cho Kyuhyun wasn’t paying much attention to it at that time. His mind was a mess and his thoughts seemed to scream inside his head. What did Siwon just say? In love? Deeply? What ... that ... what? Kyuhyun frowned. He didn’t know why exactly, but all Kyu wanted at that moment was to get out of there. He wanted to get up and go to his bed and think it was all a big, crazy dream and not something that was giving him headaches and a knot in his stomach.

Siwon was staring at him, strangely calm, even after having confessed so frankly. Kyu looked away and started to get up, but Siwon quickly held his hand, causing him to jump in his place.

“Kyu ... did you hear me?” Won asked, starting to get a little distressed by the silence of the younger one, who seemed unable to say anything. Kyuhyun wanted to say something, anything, but his voice seemed to have simply vanished and he was starting to get nervous about the desolate look Won was beginning to give him.

Slowly, Siwon approached the younger.

“I know it may seem as a joke... but I think...” Siwon swallowed dry for a few seconds before continuing. “I’ve never been so serious in my life before.”

After these words, the truth seemed to fall with a thud in Kyuhyun’s head and immediately his whole face turned red and he felt his hand beginning to tremble slightly, between Siwon’s hand. Maybe he was really thinking it was all a stupid joke, but Siwon was looking at him so serious and so full of… feelings ... and...

No, Kyuhyun couldn’t handle this. He couldn’t even process it all. Kyu had to leave, had to flee. He had to flee from Siwon. The maknae stood up suddenly, freeing his hand from the older, and got out of the tub. However, in his first step outside the bathroom, he felt Siwon's hand on his shoulder and immediately froze where he was.

Choi Siwon had decided he wouldn’t let Kyuhyun escape. The maknae's face was pure confusion before he got up, showing that he clearly hadn’t understood what was happening. Siwon would not let him out until he understood every feeling Won was telling him he had. Since Siwon had already begun this whole thing, he would go to the end.

And with that in mind, the older began to slowly turn Kyuhyun for himself, noting that the latter was staring at the floor, firmly. Siwon shortened the space between them and grabbed Kyuhyun's face in his hands, lifting it a little, just the necessary for him to press his lips on the younger’s. Not wanting to know Kyuhyun’s reaction just yet, Siwon closed his eyes and slowly brushed his lips on Kyu’s, separating them a little. For a moment, Won hesitated, but just decided to not think of anything as he slid his tongue into Kyuhyun’s mouth, feeling his whole body shivers when he noted that the latter had allowed its passage.

A quiet, chaste and somewhat hesitantly kiss finally began. Siwon lowered one of his hands so that he could hold Kyuhyun's waist and pull him closer. A new wave of shivers invaded his body when he felt the younger support his hands on his chest and left a content sigh escape through the kiss.

Kyuhyun, on the other hand, was in a thunderstorm inside. His entire body was alert on the fact that Choi Siwon was kissing him and that he was corresponding. It was beyond his imagination. How could this be happening? How? After so many years, after he had finally… Apparently, the reason for all the reactions that he had been having every time he was close to Siwon was focused on that kiss. But that couldn’t be right. How could that be right when he... When Siwon...

His fingers tightened a little on the older’s blouse, before pushing Siwon away lightly, taking a few steps back and turning around to leave.

::

Truth be told, it wasn’t the first time that Kyuhyun felt weird like that whenever he was close to Siwon. Perhaps it had been since he met him, Kyu wasn’t sure, but the point was that Cho Kyuhyun had already fallen in love with Choi Siwon once. Back at that time, everything was so troubled and confusing, and he couldn’t say if what he was feeling was right or immensely wrong. He felt different near Siwon, with sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach, his heart on his throat. Kyuhyun just couldn’t help but follow with his passionate eyes everything that Siwon did.

However, back there, Kyuhyun was sure it was just an unrequited love. As much attention and concern he received from Siwon, he could only feel the feeling of a big brother coming from Won, and the latter always seemed to have more fun with Heechul and Hangeng. That realization made his chest hurt so many times, made his mind go wild while trying to find a reason for all that want for Siwon besides pure love, made him be out of himself to cry every time. Even his faith was shaken when there was so many people, people he thought that were good, telling every day that a man having feelings for another man was a horrible sin.

His feelings for Siwon were so suffocating and hopeless, and he was so young to feel them, that one day he just decided he would not feel it anymore. Kyuhyun would not be in love with Siwon. He fought against it so hard, locked inside him somewhere so deeply, that after a slow and painful process of detachment, he finally did. He could breathe and look at Siwon at the same time again.

And now that he had finally managed to overcome his ridiculous passion for Won, Kyuhyun would not return to that stage. He would not turn every gesture of the older in a big eal, would never again be full of expectations that along the time would turn into frustrations.

No, he would never again fall in love with Choi Siwon.

But then... suddenly Siwon was acting strange, different. His actions had changed, the looks he was giving to Kyu and even his smiles seemed to have a meaning behind them. Kyuhyun avoided to the maximum to think about it, because he knew that if he thought for one second about it, his mind would start imagining things and he would be swallowed back to the feelings that had never actually left his heart. But that only gave him a headache. Trying to restrain his thoughts, actions, feelings… that was disturbing Kyuhyun in so many levels lately.

So Siwon confessed and kissed him. And at that moment, still dripping wet and feeling the brunette’s tongue on his, was when Kyuhyun understood.

Siwon knew about Kyuhyun’s feelings. Somehow, he discovered what Kyu had felt for him and assumed that he was still feeling the same way. So there were only two possible explanations for that kiss and Kyuhyun hated himself for not realizing before, in time for avoiding all that. Or Siwon had done it as a joke of an incredible bad taste – in which the maknae refused to believe because he was sure that the brunette would never be capable of such a horrible thing. Or Siwon, being Siwon, didn’t think he would be able to reject the maknae and "break his heart", deciding then to pretend it to be reciprocated until he could think of another way to solve the situation, which was even more humiliating and painful.

It still wasn’t reciprocated. It wasn’t, it couldn’t be. Not after seven years. About that, Kyuhyun was sure.

And was thinking about that that Kyuhyun slid his back on the door of his hotel room, until he reached the ground. He braced himself and tried hard to hold one single tear that was threatening to fall until his face got completely red.

“Damn it, Siwon... Damn it.”

::

The only person who knew everything that Kyuhyun had felt and spent regarding Choi Siwon, was Donghae. He was the one who listened to him, held him tight and helped him to dry his tears. Hae was the one who said that there wasn’t anything wrong about his feelings, that he should try and confess, but that if Kyu had decided to not to, he would also support him in his decision. Donghae was his best from the best friends, although he’d never admit it out loud to him. Hae already knew that, though.  And he was the one knocking at Kyu’s door that moment.

“Kyunah, come on! They’re all waiting to go to the soundcheck on the stage and you’re the only one still sleeping!” Silence. In fact, Kyuhyun had slept very little, but he felt sick just from thinking about facing Siwon and feeling more humiliated and embarrassed than he was already. “Don’t make me go in there and drag you with my own hands, Kyu. And you know when I say hands, I mean it as tickling threat.”

Suddenly, as if to prove he was serious, Donghae came in the unlocked room and Kyu immediately sunk under the covers.

“Kyuhyun! We have a show today! I know you're lazy, but not with something so important!” Kyu felt the mattress sink into the place where the older sat. “Something happened, are you not feeling well?” Kyuhyun knew he should tell everything to Hae, especially knowing that he would understand, but he was so ... embarrassed, sick, sad, that he didn’t feel like talking about anything. He, then, slowly got up.

“It's nothing, hyung, just didn’t sleep well tonight.” And shrugged, trying to keep his expression blank. “Now get out of here, I need to change.”

The slightly worried expression Hae had turned sour.

“Yeah, you're all right. I will let others know, now try to get dressed quickly.”

Once Donghae got out, Kyuhyun indeed hurried and changed in record time. He put some sunglasses on the face, to hide the dark circles that he hadn’t had time to cover, and went straight to the elevator. Upon arriving at the hotel lobby, the other members were waiting for him with looks showing more boredom than anger and Kyuhyun completely avoided looking at Siwon. He approached Hae and Hyuk – who gave him an apple and some snacks as breakfast – and, together with the securities and the manager, they left the hotel to the ring of fans awaiting them.

On the way to the cars that were waiting for them, Kyu lost his balance for a moment, but didn’t actually fall, since a pair of strong hands grabbed his shoulders. Noting the worried look of Siwon over him, Kyuhyun immediately freed himself from the brunette's grip, without a word, and walked with firm steps to the car, feeling his whole body shiver while cursing himself for it.

::

Siwon was staring at the ceiling for almost two hours now, trying to solve the puzzle that was his life at that moment. One day, he was just the skinship lover Choi Siwon. On the next day, a bunch of feelings for his band mate, that he’d never realized he had, suddenly blossomed inside him, making him go all weird and shaky. On another day, he was throwing Kyuhyun on a bathtub to get rid of his incredibly endearing smell, then confessing, then kissing, then… being rejected.

Won didn’t even know why he was so surprised about that. He did a completely crazy thing, pushed all his new (new?) feelings over Kyuhyun and even dared to kiss him. Obviously, the maknae would be disgusted. Grossed out. Besides everything else involved, they were both men and as far as Siwon could remember – even though not knowing about Kyu dating anyone – Kyuhyun was straight.

And so was Siwon. Wasn’t he?

But, even though knowing all that, Siwon couldn’t help but hold onto that kiss. It was so, so real. As cliché as it was, that was his best kiss ever. And Kyu corresponded. Siwon wasn’t crazy. He did felt something there, felt how Kyuhyun’s tongue mingled with his own. How he had breathed against his lips, how his hands were shaking, how he looked at him before leaving. Even when he pushed Siwon away, it was so softly, and the look on his face was more… hurt, than angered or disgusted.

No. Stop right there, Siwon. Don’t see what you want to see. Kyu’s behavior after the kiss and during all this show is your answer. Now you just have to…

Have to what? What was Siwon supposed to do now? He closed his eyes tightly and passed one arm over his face. He didn’t have a clue about what to do with this racing heart of his. Or about this fear after realizing that his feelings were just getting stronger and stronger.