“That hurt, you know.”

“Hmph. Don’t act like you didn’t deserve it.”

“Hyung, I don’t even know what I did.”

Luhan turned his glare towards the younger male beside him, who was anxiously holding a bag of frozen peas to the budding bruise on his hip, courtesy of the China Man himself. Of course, Luhan was past the point of feeling pity for anyone, and if Baekhyun had been aware of the earlier discussion of Sehun’s period cramps, he probably would have commented that the older male must be PMSing.

Luckily for him and his beloved hip bones, Baekhyun was not aware of the discussion of Sehun and his periods. If he had known better, he would have silently thanked Krisus for the blessing.

Or not. After all, it was Kris that had stolen his precious Chanyeol from him. Stupid manwhore.

“You know exactly what you did. And until you apologize properly, I refuse to forgive you.”

Baekhyun rolled his eyes at the childish nature of the man before him, “I’m afraid that I can’t give you a proper apology without knowing what I did wrong. So I guess you won’t be forgiving me anytime soon.”

There was a small silence as Luhan contemplated this notion, the furrow in his brows relenting as his eyes took on a scrutinizing sort of look. “I suppose that that makes sense…” The brunet nodded evenly, clearly believing with an unrealistic amount of confidence that since he was Baekhyun, he was always right because everyone in the K dorms would always listen to everything he said (except Sehun since bratnae is a brat; Kai since he was always dancing, sleeping, or trying to get into Kyungsoo or Sehun’s pants; Kyungsoo since he was always cleaning, cooking, or “making Jongin’s bed”; Suho since Suho is a grandpa and no one cares about what he thinks; and Chanyeol—well. Chanyeol usually listened to whatever his beloved Bacon said. It was Kris’ fault that Baekhyun ended up in this situation. Stupid manwhore).

So the self-certified genius was incredibly shocked when the blonde beside him gave him another onceover before bluntly stating, “Take off your pajamas.”

If he had been drinking something, this would’ve been the part when Baekhyun sputtered the contents onto the older man beside him, screamed, and ran off to find Yixing who had seemingly disappeared not long after making Luhan promise to stop harassing the wailing youngster.

Unfortunately, the brunet was not drinking anything, and for some reason, his logic was unable to process the fact that the step of spitting out liquid onto Luhan could easily be skipped.

And so, he settled for turning his wide eyes to stare at the older man in horror, “Oh my God. Are you gay?”

“What? Of course not!” the blonde screamed, his face quickly flustering to a bright shade of red, “What on Earth—no. What on EXOPlanet would make you think that!?”

The younger man paused to shoot Luhan a doubtful expression before deadpanning, “The two of us are alone. In your dormitory. With the high chance that no one is going to disturb us if we decided to do anything. And you just demanded me to take my clothes off.”

There was a short silence as the two continued to give each other uncomfortable looks, until the China Man finally noted, “You know, I didn’t even notice any of that until you pointed it out. Didn’t realize that you were calculating the probability of us having without getting caught.” At Baekhyun’s mortified expression, Luhan only raised a single brow in a cocky smirk, “Yeah. Who’s the gay one now?”

For some strange reason, the brunet had rationalized that the only way to win was by making his companion more uncomfortable than he was, and so he countered easily with a, “Doesn’t matter. I’d top.”

The comment sent a fire raging through Luhan’s eyes instantly, unleashing his true competitive persona hidden underneath his long lashes and the BB cream that he stole from Kris (because though he hates to admit it, the guy really knows how to pick skin products). A serious expression suddenly took over his features as he leaned towards his dongsaeng, so close that their noses were almost touching.

“Do you want to bet?”

In that moment, Baekhyun realized that his plan of making the older male beside him horribly uncomfortable had instantly failed. His heart lurched in a way that was kind of indescribable. Perhaps if this was a story, someone would describe the feeling as excitement about the prospect of the two of them fooling around in an empty dorm room.

But let’s be real: at this point, Baekhyun was beginning to realize that Luhan was fully capable of beating people to a pulp if you pushed the wrong buttons (like he was so stupidly doing now) and the frozen peas on his hip weren’t so frozen anymore and Baekhyun did not want to have to go and investigate the freezer of the M dorms.

Because they didn’t have a Kyungsoo, so there was no way that they would be fully stocked.

Thankfully, the door to the dorm swooped open to reveal a more-annoyed-than-ever Yixing carrying what looked to be…

“Ah, you brought the beer, Xing!”

At the brunet’s arrival, Luhan jumped up excitedly, acting as though he wasn’t threatening the younger male to some sort of challenge that was still unbeknownst to the man himself just moments ago. Baekhyun’s expression turned from minute fear to absolute horror as he quietly whispered, “B-Beer?”

Unfortunately for him, his words were too quiet to be properly noted, and Yixing merely responded to Luhan with an, “Of course I did. The last time you went out to get it, you forgot to bring your ID and every employee in the store refused to believe that you were legal.”

He huffed in response, crossing his arms with a childish pout, “I don’t understand how they didn’t recognize me. I’m the face of our band, aren’t I?”

“Yes. The face of our rookie band that is centered in China. Besides, all the people in the liquor store are old men. I’m pretty sure that they couldn’t be bothered to keep up with the Hallyu Wave.”

Luhan scoffed, before muttering something in Chinese that at least caused a smile to brighten up his friend’s features as he set the case of beer down on the coffee table in front of the sofa on which they sat.

The youngest male flinched at the faint thump that reverberated throughout the quiet area as the alcohol sat in front of him, and this didn’t go unnoticed by his non-sociopath hyung, “Baekhyun? Are you all right?”

He brought his mortified expression to look up at Yixing with wide, non-eyeliner-coated eyes as he whispered, “Alcohol is scary. I’ve never drank something like this before.”

The China Man blinked in minute surprise at the confession and was preparing to offer some encouragement to the younger male before Luhan jumped at the opportunity with a devious smile, “What are you? A wimp?” Baekhyun stiffened at the accusation, only making the devilish expression on the blonde’s face intensify as he picked a bottle from the set, strolled to the kitchen, and popped open the beverage. The maknae of the gathered group winced at the sound.

And before anyone really knew what had happened, Luhan had downed the entire bottle in a series of eager, successive gulps. He slammed the bottle back down onto the counter, before wiping his hand across his lips, a challenge brightening his eyes, “Come on, Baekkie. Let’s find out who’ll top now.”

Yixing’s eyes widened to the size of Kyungsoo’s which no one had thought possible until that moment.

“Excuse me?”

“YOU HEARD ME,” came the aggressive cry from the kitchen as Luhan chucked a metal fork in the direction of the sofa, nearly taking out an eyeball in the process.

“What the hell is going on?” the main dancer groaned as he suddenly found himself caught in the middle of a glaring fest between Diva 2 and Diva 3 (and thankfully Diva 1 wasn’t present, because hell, Yixing wouldn’t have even bothered returning from his short journey to the liquor store if that had been the case).

The two ignored him and continued to have a silent battle with one another, before Baekhyun decided to break off the contact and turned to the more responsible hyung instead, “Please explain to me why you even bought beer in the first place.”

Though he probably should’ve been more meticulous about his response, the brunet could only shrug as he nonchalantly replied, “Lu and I always drink beer when we’re hanging out on a free day. It really gets the conversation moving, you know?”

“I thought that you guys drank tea together? That’s what you always say on the interviews, at least.”

Luhan wrinkled his nose in disgust at the comment, “That’s only because we can’t go out and promote alcohol to our fans. The company would kill us. Besides, only old men drink tea nowadays.”

“But what about you, Sehun, and bubble tea?”

“That’s different.” Baekhyun rolled his eyes at the pathetic response, but before he could really do anything else, Luhan had suddenly appeared in front of him with the fork in one hand and an opened bottle of beer in the other.

“Drink it.”

And when the younger male did nothing but scoff at the demand, the blonde boy’s eyes narrowed as he taunted (not in the cheery way—more like the douchebag way in which refusing his demand would only result in some sort of unimaginable terror that would require more bags of frozen peas than what actually existed in South Korea), “I dare you.”

Before Yixing could lightly remind the younger male that he didn’t actually have to do anything Luhan told him to do, Baekhyun snatched the bottle out of the cocky bastard’s hand and took a large swig out of it. The gesture surprised both of the Chinese men considerably—Yixing had prayed that he would have at least one normal person to keep him company for the night and was disappointed in seeing another hope of his go down the drain, while Luhan seemed surprised by the fact that the younger male actually did it.

The Korean smacked his lips lightly, pausing to think about the taste before his expression suddenly brightened, “You know what? This isn’t even that bad at all! Yeollie had told me that beer tasted like dragon !”

Both China Man blinked at this claim and opened their mouths to speak—Luhan to ask how Chanyeol even knew what a dragon’s tasted like, and Yixing to ask how Kris had managed to escape his whipped persona long enough to agree to an affair with the Korean rapper—but were unable to as Baekhyun giggled again, “You know what? This isn’t even so bad!”

And with that said, he proceeded to down the rest of the bottle.

And the next one.

And the one after that.

And before the older men were able to really come to terms with what was happening, Baekhyun had suddenly stripped himself of his footie pajamas to reveal white boxers clad with the design of Thumper and Bambi from that American Disney movie, tossed said pajamas to a flabbergasted Luhan, and screamed, “WHO’S TOPPING NOW, ?”

Saying that the Chinese men were horrified would be the understatement of the century.