yixing is ered into babysitting.
Bottom's Up.
one.
yixing is ered into babysitting.
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"I don't see the harm in it."
No. No, of course he didn't. "But duizhang. It'll just be Luhan and I in the dorms then."
The blonde leader of EXO hesitantly turned away from his flawless reflection in the mirror to shoot his longtime friend a bored stare, "Xing, you're being overdramatic. Zitao and I are just going shopping. You know how he is. Besides, you and Luhan only room with one another in China. You'll be with Jongdae the whole time."
"No, Jongdae and Minseok will be out with Junmyeon."
"Well, they'll come back eventually?"
"Jongdae is going out with Junmyeon and Minseok."
Kris looked at his shorter friend quizzically until his point finally dawned on him, "Oh. Oh."
Lay nodded quickly, "Exactly. And since I'm assuming that you and Tao will be out for just as long if not longer--"
"Yixing."
"Right. Boundaries. Sorry."
If the dancer hadn't been so eager to obtain his friend's pity for the situation he was about to force him through, Lay probably would've gone ahead and teased the older male about the faint blush that was slowly becoming evident on his cheeks. However, he was more than a little desperate for someone other than Luhan to stay with him in the dorms, and his best shot was none other than Yifan himself.
And hey! If Kris stayed, then so would Tao. It would be the four of them, just like in the trainee days! There would be laughter and Chinese jokes and peanut butter--
Dear Lord. There would be peanut butter.
A sudden surge of fear pulsed throughout Lay's body at the repressed memories until Kris cleared his throat once more to resume the conversation, "Anywho, you dorm with Luhan all the time back in China. Being alone with him for a night can't be that bad. Besides, if anything weird happens, I'm sure that there are a couple of the K members that wouldn't mind hanging out with the two of you. Sehun would be eager to spend some time with his favorite hyung."
"There is no way that I will willingly be putting up with Diva Hun. It's that time of month, duizhang."
A small silence sounded throughout the room, until Kris gripped the smaller man's shoulder, "This means that you're on your own, Xing. You have no one to help you. You have to put up with Luhan on your own."
"But, Yifan!" Lay whined, resorting to the most childish of all tactics as his last hope, "It's that time of month!"
"LUHAN DOESN'T HAVE A PERIOD. THAT'S A DIVAHUN THING."
Before either male could even try to make sense of Kris' explanation, the door to one of the dorms opened quickly to reveal a horrified Luhan, "W-What?"
Kris wanted to shoot himself in the foot for losing his usually calm demeanor.
Lay wanted to shoot Kris in a much more sensitive place that would certainly be a lot more painful for losing his usually calm demeanor.
"Um. Go back to your room, Luhan," Kris stuttered, eyes flickering back and forth between a pained Luhan and a distressed Lay.
The halfhearted order made the doe-eyed boy's jaw drop ever so slightly, before he angrily muttered something about fanart on weibo and the female and slammed his bedroom door shut.
"Now look at what you've done!"
"I technically didn't do anything!"
Lay shook his head quickly. "That doesn't matter! Luhan's been using the Internet again. And you know--"
But the younger male didn't even need to finish his sentence. Because at that point, Kris' eyes had already widened considerably as he finished his sentence, "Luhan can get worse than Tao. Dear God, Luhan can get worse than Tao."
The two stared at one another for a moment in pure silence, before Kris awkwardly cleared his throat. "Well. Good luck. You're going to need it."
"You're leaving me!? You're actually leaving me!?"
"Of course," came the quick response, "Not putting up with Luhan. Nope. Not tonight. Give me a break for one night, Xing. I'll make it up to you later."
Lay continued to gape at his longtime friend in exasperation until it suddenly dawned on him as to just how desperate he was, causing him to fling himself forward to cling to the older male's leg. "But when you told that to Tao, all you did was make him a cup of instant ramyun! After you ate half of it!"
"Duizhang!" came a loud chirrup from outside the room, obviously belonging to a certain panda-like maknae. "Come on, I can't miss the Gucci sale!"
Kris opened his mouth to shout his response, but an animalistic whine from Yixing caused him to turn his attention downwards instead. He sighed, before halfheartedly trying to shake the grown man off of his leg, "Xing. Xing, I have to go now."
"NO, DON'T LEAVE ME! I WON'T DO THE LAUNDRY IF YOU LEAVE."
"Xing. You wouldn't do the laundry even if I stayed."
There was a short pause in which our dear protagonist debated his chances of winning an argument about chores with his older friend, before he threw his head back in another whine, "But Kris! Yifan! KEVIN!"
"DUIZHANG, WE'RE LATE. HURRY UP."
Yixing shouldn't have been surprised when his whipped leader jumped in surprise, conveniently causing the younger male to lose his grip on his leg. Upon this realization, a large smile spread itself upon Kris' features as he ran towards the door. Of course, his departure wouldn't be complete without his turning around just before his exit to contort his features into some sort of expression that Yixing could only label as purely satanic. "DUIZHANG OUT."
It was all too easy for him to imagine black sunglasses floating downwards from the heavens to momentarily rest upon Kris' features as he said that parting line.
It was even easier for him to imagine a giant troll face superimposed on the face of his best friend.
That being said, the fallen dancer couldn't really do anything but stare at the open door despairingly. Not even Tao's halfhearted shout of, "Don't worry XingXing Gege! I called Baekhyun over to keep you company!" was enough to brighten his spirits.
Because knowing his luck, things would only worsen from that point forward.
When a knock sounded throughout the room only a few moments later however, Yixing found himself darting towards the door. I mean, hey! Baekhyun was pretty sane (for the most part)! And surely he would be able to assist Lay in his task of managing a bratty Luhan, right?
Well. Hopefully.
But as EXO-M's main dancer neared the doorway, it was easy for him to overhear a conversation being held directly outside. In fact, it was probably impossible to not hear said conversation since it seemed to be compromised of primarily yelling. And the occassional whine.
"I don't want to stay here! Take me back to the K dorms!"
"Baekkie, it's only for one night. You'll be fine! You're going to have so much fun with Yixing and Luhan!"
There was a squeal of protest that could only be coming from the puppy of the Korean subunit himself, "But Channie! I want to go with you!"
A short pause interrupted their argument until a low response of "Maybe next time?" sounded throughout the hallway.
The silence continued, until the: "OHMYGOD. ARE YOU ABANDONING ME SO THAT YOU CAN SNEAK OUT TO HANG OUT WITH KRIS!?"
Lay blinked at this sudden turn of events, deciding to open the door before Baekhyun ripped Chanyeol's vocal chords out. "Did you guys knock?"
Although Lay had imagined that he had just stopped the occurrence of a third world war, he was slightly disappointed at the scene that beheld him. It shouldn't have been too shocking to him that Chanyeol had managed the situation quite well and was easily restraining a flailing Baekhyun at an arm's length.
Yixing also shouldn't have been surprised to note that Baekhyun was clad in footie pajamas either.
"Oh! Hey, Yixing!" Chanyeol chirped, acting as though there wasn't a hellbent shortie desperately trying to claw at his face right by his side, "Tao called and said that you could use some company?"
"Um. I guess?"
"Well, Baekhyun here was just complaining about how lonely he was feeling at the K dorms and asked me to take him here!"
The vocalist stopped throwing his fit to stare at the taller individual incredulously, "What are you talking about!? YOU DRAGGED ME OUT OF BED ALL THE WAY OVER HERE AGAINST MY WILL DURING MY BEAUTY SLEEP. PARK CHANYEOL, I AM GOING TO--"
Lay was never able to find out exactly what Baekhyun was going to do to his poor roommate as said roommate quickly clamped a hand over his friend's mouth and pulled him tightly towards him. "Haha, see! He's so excited to see you, Yixing!"
But the angry glare in Baekhyun's eyes told Lay the exact opposite.
"Ah, I'm not so sure. I don't think that he'll have much fun here since Luhan's feeling a tad bit sick--"
"YIXING! IS YIFAN GONE YET? I SWEAR, SOMETIMES HE FORGETS THAT I'M HIS ELDER AND I DESERVE MORE RESPECT. AND I DON'T HAVE A PERIOD. I'M NOT FEMININE AT ALL."
The three men at the door turned to face a furious Luhan who had tied his bangs up in a small ponytail atop of his head in a way that definitely didn't scream girly at all. Noticing that they had company within the dorm room, the newcomer tilted his head to the side slightly, "Wait. What's going on?"
Before Yixing was fully aware of what was going on, a shrieking Baekhyun was pushed into his arms, the front door was slammed shut, and he could remotely hear the rumbling, "Thanks for taking care of Baekkie, Yixing!"
Silence echoed throughout the dormitory until Luhan gave the young Korean a curious once-over. "Are those footie pajamas?"
"Yeah. They keep my feet nice and toasty. You know what I mean?"
The blonde nodded slowly, "Footie pajamas aren't considered... girly, are they?"
Lay sighed and parted his lips to inform his dear friend that it wasn't a question of masculinity by rather more of a question of maturity, but Baekhyun had responded almost immediately, "Course not. I'm wearing them, aren't I? And I mean, I'm the manliest man in all of EXO. So yeah. Definitely manly."
This innocent claim sent a fire blazing in the China Man's eyes, and before Yixing was even sure of what was happening, Luhan had tackled the youngest man in the room out of Yixing's grasp and had commenced screaming what Lay could only assume was some sort of battle cry while Baekhyun started wailing about how he hadn't had time to put on eyeliner before he was dragged out of the K-dormitory.
Yixing came to the conclusion that shooting himself in the foot would probably be less painful than having to deal with what he had decided were the two biggest divas in all of EXO (excluding Sehun, of course. Sehun would surely take the cake. But he was stuck at the K-dorms suffering from period cramps at the moment, so he didn't count).
But little did he know, this was pretty much the closest he was going to get to "the calm before the storm."
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AUTHOR'S NOTES
omg, what am i even doing LOLOLOLOL.
well. as some of you may know, this is my first attempt at writing crack ever, and it's super hard because i don't even think that i'm that funny LOL, I AM SO SORRY. It's three o'clock in the morning right now, and I figured that my best hope was to attempt this while I'm slightly delirious from sleep deprivation. yeah. um. have fun? /shot. Grammar errors galore! Definitely going to fix this later but omg i am just so lazy right now lmfaaaaao.
that being said, tips and advice would be much appreciated in the coments LOLLLLLLLLLLL.
bottom's up} oh! just a reminder that divahun plays an important role in this. for those who were wondering. ;3
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