I don't like here. This seat, this hallway, this ward, this hospital. I can't be here again, it's taking everything that I have no to run down the all and out the door and not come back. Leeteuk has been staring at me for a while I don't want to worry him but he knows. The reason that I can't stand it here, that I am curled into a ball on this chair not looking at the door. With my head in my knees all i can see in front of my eyes is Geng, flashes of the scenes here reeling like a film, his pain, our discussion and the final conclusion. The only thing that echoed in my mind was that it was happening all over again. God I knew something was wrong but I never imagined it was something this bad, I knew the signs, the behaviour by heart yet it still slipped past me. They were so simular but I know, at least I thought I knew, Ryeowook to assume that it wasn't bad. Ryeowook is a boy with a childish demeanour that cared for those close to him like a mother, who can't lie or cover things from those closest to him right?

I knew there was something wrong, i thought it was something simple. I thought wrong. I lifted my head from my knees and looked at the faces of the members around me, none of us can believe it. It's got nothing to do with Wook being sick, and little to do with us waiting here we are all in simulanious disbelief that our normally happy, open softy could hide something this big. Especially from us. Carry something like this on his small shoulders. For the majority of the time I have known Ryeowook I thought that Ryeowook was weak, fragile, someone that needed protecting. I assumed that that was why the members babied him and treated him like a Maknae. I learnt that I was wrong Ryeowook is strong in many ways. The way that he dropped his life for me, he moved dorms away from his closest brothers, cut down the amount of time he spent with his friends, rarely went to see his family to make sure he was there to catch me if I fell. I, Kim Heechul, am not a sap and i struggle to say this out loud but i will always cheerish my brotherhood with Ryeowook dispite the hateful words I spat at him, the objects I throw, the occational fist or slap I sent him way, he alway stood there strong ready afterward with a pat on the back or a hug even a spponful of rice when I wouldn't eat to his standard. Ryeowook helped pick me up, I don't think I will ever get over the painful lost feeling I have without Han Geng but thanks to Ryeowook, Siwon and Leeteuk I can live through it. Ryeowook always told me "Heechul, you haven't lost a brother, in Han Geng Gege or in Kibum-ah they are just a little bit further away than the rest of us. Remember we are under the same sky and they are just a phone call or email away from you."

I looked over at Siwon, he is sat in his chair next to me, his eyebrows tensed together almost in a V shape, eyes closed tight and muttering. I suppose that he is talking to his God again. I turn away from him and tear my eyes to the ceiling and for the forth time in my life I begged the air that if anything out the did exsisted could he/she/it, whatever the damn thing is, to save an innocent life. After that I tucked my head on Siwon's shoulder closed my eyes and wondered why the hell I hadn't pushed Ryeowook to get help the moment I saw a glimspe of Han Geng in him. 

I heard the sound of footsteps and someone slope down the wall beside me. I opened my eyes and looked at the figure, which turned out to be Leeteuk, tears were sliding down his cheeks. I leaned over to the otherside of me and pulled him into an awkward hug. "Don't let the Dongsaengs see" was the whisper that barely made my ear. I pulled the older man down the hallway stating we were going to find a bathroom, not that I think anyone comprehended the words I had said. Under any other circumstance I would have thrown a fit, although there had never been a time when every single dongsaeng had done this. I just squeezed the elders shoulder as we reached the end of the hallway turned a corner and made it into the empty stairway the heaviness of the situation hitting me more with the silence we had left behind. 

"Let it out hyung" And that was it Leeteuk sobbed into my shoulder for 15 minutes straight with barely pause to breathe in between the sobs. 

"Why didn't he tell us, worse Heechul why did not a single one of the 11 of us that have been with him for months realised that something was wrong?"

"Leeteuk, Ryeowook hiding this it's so....just so out of character. Ryeowook is open with his feelings he tells us when it gets to hard. We couldn't know we was hiding something like this." I frowned slightly as Leeteuk broke our eye contact to stare at the floor. 

"That's not necessarily true. I have shared a room with Wook before and at one time I was the person that he came to the release his thoughts and fears. He holds alot in himself for us not to see. He is open with certain events, or feelings but what's truely troubling him normally takes some digging. I think Yesung knows this too, and Kyu. But when we went in different rooms i made extra effort to check on him. Somewhere along the way I must have stopped. How couldn't any of us see?" It's my turn to dart my gaze to thee floor i suppose. 

" I knew." I can feel Leeteuk's gaze bore into me as he waited for me to expand my statement. "Well, I knew he was sick but not like this. I over heard him coughing, and I knew he wasn't sleeping well before he left for Taiwan but he told me it was just a cold. I even went with him to get cold medicine. Pabo, he knew it wouldn't help but he went along with it anyway." This time I can feel his gaze soften.

"Chullie, I can't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself. You weren't close to Wookie when it was easy to tell he closed off his feelings and with you he has been open. You were the one that was able to help him cry and moarn when his Grandmother died. You were able to get his feelings out easily so you could only assume he was an open person. Most of Super Junior also believe that Ryeowook is open about his feelings so you aren't alone."

"I should have sent him to a doctor. I don't know what I will do if he doesn't....."

I couldn't complete the sentence instead I let myown tears fall as me and Teuk fell apart out of sight if the world in each others arms. 

A/N; I have sat here and debated for almost half an hour on whether I should include Heechul's flashback explaing about what Yesung heard in this chapter.  I haven't included it because explaining before his time with Leeteuk didn't seem right but it would take away from their conversation. So if you think that I should include it in this chapter I will tomorrow if you leave a comment. If not I will include it in a few chapters (there are a couple of places that it is appropriate so) 

Also, without the flashback it's ended up a short chapter but I have been working on the next chapter at the same time so I will update soon ^^