I feel so helpless here, all I can do is cry on Yesung's shoulder. It hurts more  that I had a feeling, that Yesung told me to look after him and now here we are. I have failed him, not Yesung, not Leeteuk but Ryeowook. I don't understand why I couldn;t see or deal with little Li Xu. Especially when I am normally so good about these things. God it's the reason I even met most of the Super Junior members to begin with anyway.

I had a random gift for being able to tell when people are pushing themselves to hard or about to/covering have/ing an illness. Me and Geng met during lessons to learn Korean when I joined SM because we needed to learn the native lanuage of the company. We become friends through that taking comfort in another chinese companion, then we actually enjoyed each others company Geng has lots of interesting things to say, if given the chance. Geng was also amused when I came up with a list of people trainees and group members that come under my special skill. It then also helped Gege relate to members when they got ill a few days after we would talk and Gege would be armed. Then a whole bunch of things happened, Donghae's dad, Heechul's accident that when I formally began to meet the members. Geng took me to meet Heechul and asked me to look after him, dispite the fact that him seems like a vocal and open man there are things even he hides. HanGeng knew this all to well, he trusted me out of everyone to be able to see past the mask that Heechul wore daily to hide and pain. The man torn up by pain underneath is a man I will never forget. After all Kim Heechul is Kim Heechul and he surpast it. Even now he still dances and performs through the pain, but he is determined to show the world that this will not stop him. That's why to this day I have such as strong bond with Chillie. This proved to everyone that it was ok to leave me and Geng to look after the M subgroup, the boys trusted me and the way I worked with Geng so did SM. The fans maybe not so much but I always had these boys stood behind me and a Mochi didi to watch over. Even with Henry I often now when he creeps away to a room, so why? Why couldn't I see Ryeowook. Why was is so damn hard to find it in him?I failed the younger in the biggest way and even now i can't be strong.

I can't hold it together, I can't pick up the pieces, all I know is the comsuming guilt that is my burden to bare. But I'm leaning on Yesung and he too must be in pain right? Ryeowook is his most treasured brother, the jewel in his eye. He watches over every member similar to that of a father, not a nagging elder like Leeteuk but there simply watching there to help or listen. I jumped, my train of thought broken when a head rested on my thigh. When I glaced down I saw that it was Henry, his sleeping face stained with the tears he had shead.

This is all I need to see that this is not my time to fall apart, I need to tie the pieces of myself together at least for now. Give enough time for Ryeowook to fight to give us all hope. To fight he needs us to stand together and give him the strength he needs. So, I wiped my tears tearing myself away from Yesung's comfort, slapping my hand on his thigh hoping it would give him some comfort then shifted my focus to Henry on my lap. I woke the him hoping to move him to a more comfortable position but he had other plans as he clung to my waist, sobbing. I his hair telling him that Ryeowook would be fine. Their Wook was a fighter. I repeated them words as I sat on the floor next to him making sure he was comfy and he feel back to sleep on my shoulder, emotionally exhausted. I rested my head on his wishing that I could believe my own words. 

Flashback~

When I woke up I wonder towards the kitchen the familiar sounds of cooking eminating from it. I forgot we had even come to korea till I saw Yesung stood outside the Kitchen door. Sencing he was concentrating on whatever was going on the room I tapped on the shoulder trying not the burst out laughing when he jumped and almost head butted the door frame to the kitchen. It turned to see who it was muttering about setting his turtle on whoever was behind him. Did he expect me to be scared? With Yesung you could never know. 

"Zhou Mi I need to talk to you"

Yesung said as he saw that I was behind him. He motioned me to follow him. We ended up in Ryeowook's room, he told me to sit down as he closed the door. 

"Zhou Mi, did anything happen when you were in Taiwan? I mean with Wook, we had that brief conversation on the phone but.....I feel like I'm missing something."

"Yesung I told you what happened on the phone, there is more to tell. But honestly Wook does seem a little off but even looking at him I can't figure out what it is. He still cleans and cooks, he still annoys Kyuhyun and hangs out with Henry. Henry believes that there is nothing wrong and he know ryeowook better than I do. He has been tired and his has symtoms of a cold. That's all I know."

" Are you sure that's all it is Zhou Mi because Heechul seems to know something, or at least thinks he does."

"I want to help Yesung I do, but I haven't spoken to Heechul over Taiwan. The only thing I could suggest is talk to the managers. They did pull Wook out of a few rehearsals. I didn't ask but they could know something." 

I feel for Yesung I do, he truely cares for all of us yet can't always do so. But I have no idea what is wrong with Wook. He looks so sad and torn, I sighed.

"Look let go into the kitchen and eat then I will try talking to Heechul but I can't say he will talk to me." 

He pulled me into a tight hug. 

"Thank you Zhou Mi. Thank you."

We went for breakfast and continued the routine, I did notice as I am sure that Yesung did the glaces that appeared between Heechul and Ryeowook. Donghae was talking about how great it was to see his fish while Leeteuk was looking over someones schedules. Eunhyuk had wondered up and was eating the food half asleep on the odd occation muttering that Donghae had a monkey plushie of his. As we finished Ryeowook collected the plates as Leeteuk quizzed Eunhyuk on the wearabouts of the 4 missing members to find out that they were all still asleep. We all stood up to leave in our seporate directions when Heechul burst out.

"Ya, Ryeowook I told you to stop. That's it go back to bed, I'll even wash the dishes." He stood up and stormed over to Ryeowook muttered into his ear as the rest of us looked at him stunned. Really, believe me when I say none of us have ever heard the words "I'll do the dishes" from Heechul'm mouth. We were all more stunned when after glaring at Heechul for a second Ryeowook looked away leaving his kitchen in the hands of our diva and wondered into a room. It sounded too close to be his room but I shock off the thought and went over to Heechul. I think it's time I talked to Heechul. 

I stood and watched Heechul fill the sink with warm soapy water putting the dishes into soak as the sinked filled up I was slightly aware of Yesung shuffling everyone out of ear shot of our conversation in the hopes it would help me get something from Heechul. So now is a good a time as ever. 

"Chullie is everything ok?"

"Seasoning, there is nothing wrong......at least with me."

He whispered the last part into the dishes not wanting to lie yet not wanting me to hear. 

"Is this about Ryeowook Chul? Yesung thinks there is something wrong with him, he also thinks that you know something."

"And where would that turtle boy get an idea like that. Aish." He stopped washing the dishes looked intencly at the bubbles for a moment then turned to me. 

"I can't go into detail because I don't really know. But I think he is ill, working himself into the ground. I am trying to get him to stop or rest. It isn't working. Maybe Yesung could pry more or see something. I'm going to keep trying. I can't give up, it's nothing serious but then after Geng I can't. I can't watch him hurt. I can't watch another leave." 

I pulled him close pretending I hadn't seen the tears in his eyes. I just hugged him. 

I hadn't seen anything much, so it can't be serious. But there was obviously something. 

~End Flashback

I remember holding him and finishing the clean up. 

How could I have been so stupid. 

Me and my stupid confidence made me doubt them. 

Ryeowook please be safe. Be safe for all of us.

A/N: Heechul is still pushing through his leg injury, he refuses to use the crutches he was offered for when his leg hurts. He doesn't want to be seen as having special treatment. I admire him so much, he still thinks of us, and he has been pushing himself to prove himself ♥ We love you Heenim and we will wait for you. I may have been catching up with the interview writing parts of this ^^ 

This update, is a little boring if I'm honest. I found it harder to do the memory for Zhou Mi, as much as I could imagine Heechul and ZHou Mi talking this feels like it's missing something......and because there isn't alot of public interaction between Yesung and Zhou Mi I feel...unsure of how to write them together although they need to....I have started the other chaptered. Because I was stuggling I have done bits of the next three chapters sorry for taking so long ^^;;;