This was supposed to be funny... but it kind of ended up weird and sad. My first Exo oneshot!

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Suho let out a deep sigh as he finally settled down on the couch. It was almost three in the morning and the dorm had just gone to sleep. The day had started early in the morning with music show rehearsals and then a short break which included the boys stuffing every piece of food possible in their mouths – this revealed the scarily large quantities certain members could hold – and then performing. After the performance they had to mingle with other groups and accept gift baskets and collect flowers and sign a few autographs and take a few pictures and then FINALLY pile into the car and drive back to the dorm. Suho thought that everyone would be so tired they would willingly go to bed but NO SOMEONE HAD TO BE HUNGRY. Calls for Lay and D.O. to cook something filled the dorm and the two ummas set out to whip up a thousand course meal for the rabid members. Suho was ready to scream and cry in frustration. He was getting tired of being shouted over. Secretly he went out and bought a book on parenting and had hidden it with an inconspicuous dust cover. He read it when the dorm was asleep to avoid any further mockery. He envied Kris’s ability to silence s and lord over them. Suho had made up endless reasons why he just couldn’t get the others to listen to him: he was too nice, too soft-spoken, too slow to anger, and his group was full of divas. So he studied the parenting guide religiously, praying that some tidbit of advice would open up the heavens and the choirs of angels would sing “This is what you have to do!”Suho pulled the book out of its hiding place and opened up to his current page. Stifling a yawn, Suho pored over the words, his eyes never leaving the page.

Loud footsteps snapped Suho out of his reverie. The Korean leader looked up to see a very tipsy Kris swaying on the staircase. One of gift baskets had included a large bottle of soju that the Chinese leader had not-so-stealthily taken for himself. Suho had noticed Kris sipping from the bottle during dinner, but didn’t think the Chinese would drink it to excess. But there Kris was: swaying on the steps, eyes fluttering open and closed, clearly drunk.

Suho closed his book as the other man stumbled towards the couch. “Joonmyun, Joonmyun, why are you awake?” the Chinese slurred, flopping beside Suho.

“Kris, why are you awake? Do you need some water? You’re going to have a bad headache in the morning…” Suho glanced nervously at the intoxicated man.

“Hyung, let’s talk about something. Hyung, you need to take care of your kids!” Kris jabbed his finger at Suho as he began to hiccup. “They –hic- don’t respect you! You –hic- gotta make ‘em –hic- listen!”

“I’m trying, Kris, now let’s get you to bed you must be…”

“LIS-hic-TEN!” Kris bellows unceremoniously. “Sometimes –hic- you just need to –hic- put those little poos in their –hic- place! Like me –hic- I make ‘em call me duizhang –hic- all the time! So they –hic- never forget that I –hic- own them!”

“Kris Wu. You are drunk. I am putting you to bed right now…”

“You just need to –hic- yell at ‘em!” Kris slurred, waving his arm violently. Suho caught him and pulled the much taller male to his feet.

“Um, why is Joonmyun-hyung passed out on the couch?”

“Maybe he and Kris were drinking together.”

“Speaking of Kris, stay out of his way. He’s in a super y mood.”

“Well I guess that happens when you’re hungover…”

Suho’s eyes fluttered open. He stretched out his cramped muscles and sat up. His eyes widened as he realized he fell asleep on the couch cradling his self-help book. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were staring at him.

“Hyung! Why are you on the couch?” Chanyeol asked.

“Yeah, were you and Kris drinking together?” Baekhyun asked, suspicion tainting his voice.

“N-no, I was reading.” Suho picked himself off the couch and tucked his book under his arm.

Baekhyun nodded, though he didn’t seem convinced. “Ah well, Kyungsoo says he isn’t cooking today but there’s enough kimchi spaghetti leftovers to feed an army so…”

“Thanks Baekhyun,” Suho said hurriedly, scurrying up the stairs to his room. He shoved his book under the bed.

As much as Suho wanted to be the leader everyone looked up to, the leader everyone listened to, the leader everyone loved, he knew this goal was still far away. But he would grit his teeth and bare it.

Maybe the good advice he was waiting for would be in the next chapter.