¤- Age: 24 -¤

“Will you marry me? Seohyun make me the happiest man alive and marry me?” Max was on one knee looking up at his girlfriend of four years.

They had met when he was a sophomore in college. He had been studying architecture. The first time he saw her, he thought she was perfect. It took him month sitting in the library near her, for him to pick up the courage and even talk to her. He had had flings in high school, but she was different. He never wanted to hurt her. When they started dated all of their friends , asking him how he had got such a great girlfriend. A part of him didn’t know. Minho and Sulli would double date with them.

After he moved out of his appa’s house he didn’t go back. He stayed in his apartment he got with Minho their first year at college. Minho would force him at least once every 3 months to grab coffee or dinner with his appa. He also had a sneaking suspicion that Minho would email his appa weekly. Magically whenever he had money problems and told Minho about it, his appa would send him some money. He focused on his studies, his appa was good on his word and paid for his whole college.  When they met his appa would ask him about his studies, friends, and classes. Max would give him short answers.

Max knew that what set the tone was the freshman year. He didn’t go home for Christmas. They had never spent a Christmas a part. In years past Max had tried hard around the holiday. They had traditions; they would go get a tree together. Max would complain the tree his appa would pick was too small and would pick the largest tree he could find.  His appa would moan and groan about the big tree but inevitably would buy it. When they got home, Max would make hot cocoa when his appa put the tree up and string the lights. Then they would decorate it together, and order Jajangmyeon for dinner. Then they would pop in the movie “It’s a Wonderful Life” and Max would fall asleep. His appa then would carry him up to bed, no matter how big he was. The last time he wasn’t actually asleep, but it was the only time he could be in his appa’s arms without feeling as if he lost or gave in. The first year of college, his appa had called him and asked when he was coming home, so he could plan in his schedule to get the tree. He had told his appa to get the tree without him. That he wouldn’t be coming home. He was staying at college. He had good reasons. He had studying to do, wanted to seem independent, wanted a new life free of the past, he didn’t want to go back. It was quiet on the other line before his appa told him it was fine and he understood. He didn’t go home that Christmas. No tree. No hot cocoa. No “It’s A Wonderful Life.” Christmas day he slept in, played video games, ordered food. His appa didn’t call and he didn’t call his appa. He thought it would make him feel grown up, instead it made him feel lonely. Many times he walked out to his car and sat, but he didn’t drive home. That would be losing, and he didn’t want to lose. When Minho came back to their apartment he had brought along the gifts he didn’t get from his family at Christmas. He felt the disappointment in Minho’s face when he deposited the gifts at his feet. The next year, Max guessed his appa didn’t want to go through the painful process of calling him, instead he found the packages at his apartment the day before Christmas. But it was like Max had cut an invisible thread or stepped over a line. At first he liked it, his appa called less, talked less, told Max he didn’t have to meet with him, because he knew Max was busy. It hurt just a little bit. Especially when Minho came back from dinner and told him he had met his appa. He shouldn’t be jealous, and he wasn’t…but a part of him didn’t like it. He knew it was his own fault.

Seohyun after a year of dating wanted to meet his family. He had avoided this topic as much as possible. He didn’t want her to meet his appa. She kept pushing until he had given in. Seohyun and his appa connected. The things that bugged him, Seohyun thought was sweet or fatherly. Max had told her about his umma, and she lamented like he did that she would not be able to meet him. His appa was polite and nice, treating Seohyun as a daughter. He had even offered Max his grandmother’s ring. Max had declined. He wanted his umma’s ring, but knew that his appa would give it up, or didn’t even have it.

Here he was on one knee asking her to marry him. To have a future with him and be a family he never had.

“Yes, Max, of course!” Seohyun smiled and threw her arms around him. He marked this as the happiest day in his life so far. They had told all their friends and family. Everyone was ecstatic for the to-be married couple. His appa had congratulated him, telling him how he had grown into such a ‘fine young man.’ He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a little proud.

“Appa, does Seohyun remind you of umma?” Max watched his appa’s face as he thought.

“Yes and no Changmin. Your umma and Seohyun are both caring, they both can cook, they are sweet auras, but your umma was much tougher than what I have seen of Seohyun. You match well with her.” Max nodded at his appa’s words. Surprisingly his appa was a lot of help to Seohyun. He insisted on paying for the wedding. Both him and Seohyun were only children so the parents were going all out for the wedding.

One evening he sat down with his appa.

“Appa, I want to thank you for helping Seohyun with the wedding. There is only one thing I want for a wedding gift.” He saw the look in his appa’s eyes and knew that he knew what he was going to ask for. “I want my umma at my wedding to see me get married. I think this is one day I deserve to have him there.” He watched as his appa got up and looked at him and walked out. Max got a warm feeling in his stomach. His appa hadn’t refused. He was going to have his umma at his wedding.

Samchon Heehee had been calling him every night about details. The banter gave him an escape from his own mind.

“YAH FOOD MONSTER LISTEN TO ME!”  Max laughed,

“Haven’t I grown out of that nickname?”

“Do you still love food?”

“Yes.”

“Then no you haven’t grown out of the name.”

“Well Samchon, I am going to bed, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” Max hung the phone up and went to stand behind his bride-to-be “Jagiya,” Max put his chin on Seohyun’s head, “I think appa is going to find my umma.” She turned to look at him and smiled.

“Yeobo, don’t get your hopes up, you don’t know if he will even be able to find him.” She pecked his lips. “I hope he does though.”

“Either way the day will be perfect, I’ll be marrying you jagiya.” Max smiled

“So cheesy, you get that from your appa.” Seohyun laughed.

“Take that back jagiya.” Max said smiling,

“No” she pouted. He grinned and ran after her tickling her until she screamed. “YAH!” It was a perfect ending to the perfect day.

Max kept pacing. For the next day, and the next day and the next day. Seohyun reassured him it would take time for his appa to get in contact or even find his umma.

“Max, I want you to promise me one thing.” Seohyun said one morning. “Even if your appa can’t find your umma, I still want him there. This is important to me. Understand?” Max knew this was because he had told her about graduation, and other events in his life where he had uninvited his appa to things. He gazed at Seohyun.

“If you want him there, then he will be there no matter what.” She smiled and gave him a hug. It was if those were the magical words. That day the doorbell rang. Seohyun had gone out with her mother for flower arrangements. The doorbell rang was Max was mixing his bibimbop. He walked to the door the large metal bowl in his hands.

“Appa.” Max was startled to see the man in his doorway. His appa looked tired and sad. This sadness was deep, not like before. As if his appa had just fought and lost.

“Did you find him appa?!” Max put the food down to stare at his appa.

“I won’t ask him.” The words hit him as if his appa had just hit him with a brick.  “If I ask him…he doesn’t deserve to be there. He wasn’t there for you. He didn’t watch you grow up. What right does he have to come in at the last minute. This is about our family. You and me, watching you marrying Seohyun.”

Max could feel his stomach clench. He had just asked his appa for this one thing for his wedding. His appa must not love him if he won’t even do this small thing for him. It was too much for Max. He drew his fist back and hit him as hard as I could in the jaw. He watched as his appa’s neck snapped to the side and he staggered back.

“You are the worst appa. I am ashamed to even have you blood related to me. The only reason you will be allowed into the wedding is that Seonhyun wants you there. I wish you wouldn’t come, but that would upset Seohyun. You are the most selfish person I have even known, I hope that I will be nothing like you when I have a child.” Max slammed the door in his appa’s face. Tears were falling down his face. He truly believed that his appa would come and tell him that his umma was going to come. He had faith. The faith was misplaced. In the back on his mind, he thought maybe his heart hurt this much, because it felt like he had lost not only an umma but also an appa. He ignored it. He curled up on the couch and H.O.T on his Ipod.

The next time he saw his appa was the day of his wedding. The days preceding his wedding he had this irration fear that his appa wouldn’t show up for the wedding at all. There was his appa. Sitting in the pew alone. That was Changmin’s fault. He refused to let his appa bring a plus one. If it wasn’t his umma it wasn’t going to happen. The next time he looked over his samchon Heechul and Donghae were there next to his appa along with their significant others. His appa was talking to Donghae. He walked closer, wanting to hear the conversation.

“Should you stop this? You are hurting yourself. Yunho-ah I don’t like this.”

“Please Donghae, you know my reasons. Please…” Max frowned.

“Donghae stop it. We all know that this is for the best. Stop it. No matter the promise, we watched Max grow up. He is practically our son too. Stop this drama. If you ruin this day I will cut your little monkey balls off. Your poor fishy would be sad mmmm?” Heechul smirked.

“Hee come on calm down.” Hangeng put a hand on his samchon’s shoulder.

“The ceremony is going to start, are you going to go see Max?” Hangeng asked his appa. He watched carefully as his appa looked down.

“No, I think…” his appa hesitated, “I think it is best I stay on the off the radar today. I don’t want to fight with Changmin on his wedding day. I just want to see my little boy get married. That will make me happy.”

“Little boy? Have you seen your son? He is a freaking giant, just like you. You both are freakishly tall, 184 cm or taller.” Heechul poked Yunho who smiled.

“I mean Jae wasn’t short either, he was at least 175 cm.”

“He is 180cm.” Max almost missed his appa’s voice.

“See? Max was genetically predisposed to be freakishly tall.” Max slipped back to his spot. He filed this new piece of info into his head about his umma. He stood in the front of the room and waited for the music. He watched as Seohyun started walking down the aisle. All thoughts of his appa and his umma let his mind. All he could think was that he was luckiest man in the world to have this woman want to spend the rest of her life with him. He smiled. No matter what, this was the best day of his life.   
 

My dear readers! Let me apologize in advance! Next week is midterm/final week. I BARLY got this out in time and right now I am DROWNING in work. I was up till 4am and then woke up for school at 7:15! I look like a panda right now hahaha. I don't expect I will be able to update next week. I promise you a new chapter the last week of the month (I'm on spring break! yay). But forgive me? Enjoy this chapter!