19 years old

“Sooyeon-ah, I can explain this!” Miyoung reached for my hand. “It’s not like what you’re thinking-“

 “What? What is not like what I’m thinking?” Before Miyoung could touch my hand, I pulled it away. I gnashed my teeth and clenched my fist.  “That you betrayed my trust or that my ex-boyfriend is cheating on me with my ‘supposed to be best friend’?”

My chest lifted and I breathed loudly. The tense atmosphere was hard to miss. Donghae who was following me put his hand on my back and rubbed it gingerly. “Don’t let your anger overcome your heart. Don’t let it win over your patient and love for your friend… even for him.”

I successfully ignored his words and kept my eyes on Miyoung who looked on the floor with teary eyes. Why was she the one who’s crying? She didn’t have the right to cry!

“Don’t be upset with Miyoung.“ Taecyeon said sluggish. “I know you’re mad, but it’s because we know you won’t be happy like this, when we tell it to you.”

“Yeah sure,” I narrowed my eye from Taecyeon to Miyoung. “Since when? Since when did you start going out with him?”

“S-six months…” Miyoung whispered. She hid herself behind Taecyeon and didn’t dare to look at me.

“Six months? Six months??” My voice raised on its own and I pointed my index finger at them. “Are you kidding me? “A month after he broke up with me, you date him??”

The reason for our goodbye was because he loved someone else. And I guessed that ‘someone’ was no other than Miyoung. Yes, Miyoung, my best friend. The one I’ve been friend with my whole life. She, whom I shared my secret with and who vowed to always be truthful to me, ended up to be a liar. How could she do this to me? My mind was full of curse words.  

Taecyeon shook his head slowly. “Don’t overreact, Soo. It’s not the doomsday or something.”

Donghae laid his palm on my shoulder showing he was still on the scene. “You are much stronger than the hatred you feel right now! Sooyeon don’t-“

“Shut. Up.” I hissed to both Taecyeon and Donghae. Through the corner of my eye, I saw Donghae’s features got blurred and what left were his sad eyes. I snatched a basket full of fruits and grasped an apple. How on earth should I not be angered about that? “You know what, Miyoung-ssi and Taecyeon-ssi?”

“I,” An apple flew to Miyoung.

“Hate,” I threw the second apple and it hit Taecyeon’s nose.

“YOU! And now you’re nothing to me. You are dead for me.”

I aimed the basket to their direction and spun on my heels. The door was pushed by me and I let my feet lead the way. My heart was as heavy as a lead. It hurt. It hurt so, so much.

As Taecyeon broke up, just before I got a call from my father that I should take the ingredients to him, I didn’t cry at all. No tears fell from my eyes. I only felt depressed and dejected, but I didn’t cry. It wasn’t surprising to me that our relationship would end fast, because he stopped paying attention on me after a few months. So I let the pain go. But this time I didn’t hold my tears back. I just let the salty liquid trickle down on my cheeks like raindrops on a glass window. I could never imagine my best friend would betray me, never ever. Even thinking about that would’ve been wrong.

I kept running and running without knowing where to go. My earthy-brown shoes which were a size too small kicked some pebbles on the road while I sprinted while the chilly summer wind blew my hairs and messed it up. Soon I arrived and found myself in front of the door to the newly home.

If you ever soaked your house into a pool full of dark bitter coffee, then you'd know the color and the smell that made me wrinkle my nose. The window looked like it wasn’t cleaned for more than three years, although I did that every day and the walls outside was coffee colored and dirty. I pushed the door and entered the house. My mother was working as usual and I was alone, therefore I jumped in to my bed which was in the next to the fridge in our kitchen. Even or former small living room was larger than my home.

My hands were shaking and I sobbed loudly while hugging my knees. The same feeling that overcame me as my father died… the same hurt and pain. I drew my fingers through my hair and pulled it out when Donghae appeared flowing on the corner of the mattress.

“Go away” I uttered under my breath and wiped quickly my wet cheeks to prevent him from seeing it. "Go!"

Donghae opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but decided against it. He flew down into my height and frowned at me.

"Leave!" I screamed “It’s only the second time that I met you, and you’ve already turned my life into hell!”

“No, Sooyeon. It’s not like that.” He looked at me with pleading eyes.

“Then like what? Thanked to you my father died. Thanked to you I found out about Miyoung and Taecyeon. It’s all thanked to you and your stupid Lord!” I glared at him and felt my tears couldn’t wait any longer. Who cares if he saw me crying? He's not human anyway. He’s only someone who loved ruining my life.

Donghae approached me and reached out his hands towards me. I avoided it, but he somehow managed to touch my forehead.. “Let me tell you one thing, Sooyeon.”

I stayed quite and looked at him. His touch was calming. The palm of his hands sent warm sparks into my whole body. For a few seconds - just a few, my sadness left me, until the picture of my dad on his grave remembered me of my anger.

Donghae lifted his head and glanced with an unreadable expression at me. I just flashed my eyes at him and wiped my tears that fell down because of my fury.

 “Your heart is a muscle.” Donghae smiled lightly, but his eyes told otherwise. The sad look reminded me of the same look my father used to show me when he was disappointed at me. The same look when I ate a chocolate, although he firmly told me to wait until mother came back, so we can celebrate her birthday together. That look which made me feel guilty. His features got unclear and in a blink of an eye he wasn’t in front of me anymore.

Great. Why was I feeling guilty? It should've been Donghae and his Lord.  A bitter laugh escaped my lips and I crawled under the blanket.

24 years old

“You always talk in riddles… your heart is a muscle.” I massaged my thigh which gone dead after sitting on the bed in a kind of uncomfortable position. The wings of Donghae were sparkling due to the morning light. I touched a white feather gently with my finger tips while tilting my head. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll figure it out soon.” He answered and pinched my nose.

I frowned and rubbed it. “You and your riddles.”

Donghae laughed. “It makes the whole thing more mysterious, don’t you think?”

21 years old

“You,” I grunted and filled my mouth with air. “What are you doing here?”

“Good morning to you too, Soo.” Donghae ignored my remark and replied with his typical smile plastered on his face.

His smile.

How sick I was seeing him smiling like that. I didn't see him for more than three years. Why did he have to appear again?

I continued watching trains stopping and moving from the station halt. That day was like hell to me. I was feeling awful... it was the day I met Donghae for the first time... and the day the tragedy happened. Luckily, the owner of the supermarket allowed me to take a break.

The urge of wanting to end my life crumbled up to my heart. It wasn't an unfamiliar feeling, though.  Every time my mind went blank and my feeling started to get unbalanced I heard voices through my ears saying I should come to an end. Mother still worked and the men haunting for money from us kept returning every month; Last month even three times a week. They wanted the money immediately.

I had enough.

 “Sooyeon, don’t think about that.”

“Think about what?” I asked without bothering to face him.

“Giving up.” He replied shortly. “Don’t give up. You have to live.”

I frowned and darted a glance from him to the rails. “I knew it. It’s you who always prevent me from jumping down and do it, right? No wonder I’ve always felt a pair of hands holding my steps back.”

“Actually it was my Lord who did that.” Donghae stated and swiftly landed on the ground just next to me. “He loves you that much, that he did it.”

There he went again with his Lord. I didn’t know why, but somehow every time I think about his so called Lord it irked me. He, the Lord of everything loved me? I didn’t need His love. I didn’t need Him. "Whatever"

Donghae sighed and spread out his wings.

"Donghae... what are you doing?" I frowned as Donghae hid me under his feathers and embraced my with his powerful arms. "What else than flying?"

"Flying?" I repeated and opened my mouth widely as he pulled me up bridal style. "What did you mean by flying?"

His lips curled up and his eyes disappeared behind his lids. "This"

"D-donghae? Flying??" He kneeled a bit before jumping up with one feet. In a mere of seconds I was on the ground, trying to escape from his hold and now I clung my arms around his neck as if my life would end when I lat go of him. How ironic since I often thought of killing myself.

The strong breeze made me close my eyes, but my mouth was still opened and it was busy with I screaming from the top of my lungs. at Donghae. "Let me down, Donghae! LET ME DOWN!!"

"I'm sorry, Sooyeon, but I won't." He responded while chuckling. I could tell it was fun to him, seeing me suffering like this. "Open your eyes, Sooyeon, you don't have to worry... trust me."

"P-promise?" I hesitated and exhaled before opening my eyes... slowly. 

As my lids parted and as soon as I could clearly see, I saw white fluffy bundle just a few meters above my head. "Clouds?"

Donghae reminded silent, but his smile was hard to overlook.  I gulped down my saliva and looked over Donghae's shoulder.

"Wow..."  I was thinking of staying moody, but the feeling of being up in the sky is overwhelming. The sight of Seoul and its skyscrapers was definitely not the reason why my lips curled up. But flying... I was flying! It sounded absurd, but I was flying!

Through the corner of my eye, I saw Donghae's eyes shining and his smile was so big that I could see his teeth. Donghae held me closer to him and tilted his head towards the left. "Can you see the building over there?"

I blinked a few times, before following his gaze. "Which building are you talking about?"

"That small building with a tower and a on it..."

In order to see what he told me, I had to squint my eyes. It was hard to figure out which building he meant, for the higher buildings prevent me from finding other buildings. After leaning down, I could finally recognize the building he was talking about. It was hidden next to skyscrapers, the reason why it wasn't easy for me. The tower had unique big glasses with pattern. One of them had a man who seemed to got beaten a lot. His forehead was bleeding, due to the crown of thorns. While another man, probably a soldier or something, judged by the golden costume he was wearing, hold up high a whip, ready to hut the poor man beneath  him. But that man... instead of reflecting a painful  expression, he lifted his head towards the sky and his eyes showed... pity? As if... as if he was sorry that the other imaged men around him for making him suffer that much. 

"Everyday, thousands of people passed that building, not caring about the windows and the meaning behind it. Just like the people who ignored that man and laughed at him." Donghae began. His eyes focused on the tower. He sprouted his wings and flew to the other side. "Look at this one."

I curiously viewed the window. This time, it was the same bleeding man, but he was nailed onto a cross. I gasped and widened my eyes as I saw the huge nails at his feet and palms. "H-he... how could somebody do that?"

Donghae sighed. "Cruel, right? Still, that's the point of this image."

My eyes wandered to it, although I didn't like what I was seeing. Next to the man were to other crossed men who hung their heads exhausted. I looked closely at the man who was in the middle, again, he lifted his head upwards. His gaze had the same feeling like the other stained-glass window. It was full of pain, not because humiliation, no, it was an apologetic look. 

I was wondering why Donghae brought me here. Maybe to blow the cobwebs away?

"I want you to act like him..." Donghae spoke up. I should've been used to him knowing my thoughts, still I was surprised. "Or at least close to how he handle the things." 

"Why?" My eyebrows were knitted together and he gave me a small smile.

"Because what's awaits of you might make your heart tear apart."

A/N:

I'm terribly sorry for making you guys wait for soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long DX I lost a few subscribers, but it was replaced by other subscribers... you guys are so nice :')

It's just... I lost my passion for Haesica... so I might update reaaaaally slow :/

The good news is: There will be only two more chapter :)

And this video made me keep writing this fanfic (Credit to LuckySmile97)