24 years old

When I woke up this morning, I knew something horrible was going to happen sooner or later, because someone who's worse than my most frightening nightmare came back into my life. The outer appearance of him was like a hero at the last minute who would guide me to the right way, but what followed after him was similar to the fear of a child for a monster underneath its bed. And I was scared of what would come after him.

 “Donghae?” I mumbled as I removed my thick soft blanket which covered my body below my neck. I tiredly rubbed my eye. “Is it you?”

The blurred silhouette of a man sharpened and I could recognize I was right. It was Donghae.

“It’s been awhile, am I right?” He whispered with his husky voice.  

I responded with a smile. “Yes… long time no see, Donghae.”

Thanks to the sun rays through the window pane, the room was filled with a warm bright color and Donghae didn’t seem to be evil at all. He looked harmless and lovingly, unlike the picture I had in my mind for a few years before. I looked closely at him. His cheeks never failed to be a little bit pinkish and his sharp jawline made his oval face looked more pleasent. 

He chuckled while leaning on the painted door on the right side of my bed. “I’ve missed you, Soo.”

I nodded, “Me too.”

“You too?” Donghae lifted his eyebrows. “Are you really Sooyeon? Didn’t you detest me?”

I laughed at his remark. “I’ve changed a lot, Donghae, I’ve changed a lot.”

Donghae’s clear dark eyes lit up and he gave me an eye smile. “I see…”

He didn’t change at all. Kind yet wise, mysterious yet uncanny.  

“May I ask if you are here to tell me some bad news?” As soon as those words escaped from my lips, his smile fainted and no sparkle from his eyes remained.

Donghae stared at the palm of his hands and was silent for awhile. “I’m sorry. I don’t want to, but yes, I am. It might be good news to you, though.”

“Good news? Really?” I clapped enthusiastically my hands. “As far as I can remember, I’ve never heard any good news from your mouth.”   

“Sorry about that.” He ran his fingers through his hair and heaved a sigh. My eyes wandered from his white silken costume to the mirror beside him. The full-body mirror didn’t reflect his body outline at all. I stole a glance at the none-existed Donghae on the mirror then to the Donghae I could clearly see. His body which usually shined like the burning sun in midsummer lost its power and turned into weakly flickering candlelight: the same aura as the one he wore at beginning of our meeting.

I shook my head and covered my lower body with the blanket I was using to sleep. “It didn’t go smoothly between us two, but there’s no need to say sorry, Donghae.”

Donghae approached me with his bare feet above the floor. He made himself comfortable on the bed and I pulled my legs to make some space for him. Reminiscing the first day I saw him.

18 years old

“This is not my day,” I complained and hid my face behind my hands. Miyoung, my best friend widened her eyes, chocked on her bread and coughed a few times. I patted her back and gave her a tissue to clean her cherry-red school skirt that got dirty. “Are you alright?”

“Mhmm,” she nodded her head continuously and gulped down an orange juice. “Uhm… d-did something happen?”

I sighed and placed my kin on the back of my hands. “Two things, actually. When I exited my house, I saw a literally bright guy. He was white from head to toe and even his hair was shining... It sounds unrealistic, but his light could’ve blinded my eyes.”

“A guy? Oh good,” Miyoung exhaled with a relieved tone. “So it’s not about him…”

“About whom?” I asked and lifted my eyebrows.

Miyoung quickly shook vehemently her head. “N-no one, go on.”

I eyed her suspiciously but didn’t bother to dig further on the unanswered question. “Well, that guy was extraordinary: He appeared out of nowhere, apologized to me and embraced me.”

“He hugged you?”

“Yes, he did. But what surprised me more is that after we spoke a few words, he spread his incandescent wings, jumped up to the sky and left.”

Miyoung went quite and stopped munching the dessert. She frowned and squinted her eyes. “Nice joke, Soo.”

“No, it did really happen,” I defied and recalled the weird incident. To be honest, I could understand that Miyoung didn’t believe me. “I wasn’t joking!”

 “Alright, alright.” Miyoung sighed, “Does Taecyeon know that? I mean, you said that stranger hugged you. Even if it sounds unbelievable to me, as a boyfriend he needs to know it, don’t you think?”

“I didn’t have the chance to,” I massaged my temple and then lay my head on the cafeteria table. “Because he’s the the second problem. We fought on the phone for the third time this week and he mentioned he wanted to end our relationship with me.”

Miyoung opened and looked at me as if she just saw a ghost.“R-really? It will get better... I… think... hope.”

I noticed she bit her lips after finishing her sentence and Miyoung only did it when she’s worried about something. It was selfish to think only about me, when Miyoung had enough troubles she had to take care of. I slung my arms around her shoulder to encourage her.

“Sorry, you sure have other more serious things to deal with. I shouldn’t have talked too much about myself. What about you, are you okay?”

Miyoung gave a small nod, but she didn’t look like a carefree girl. Although I smelt something was wrong with her, I knew she would’ve told me that. We’ve always trust each other problems.

 As the bell rang, she immediately jumped up from her chair and took her stuff into her bag. “I need to go, Mr. Han is always early and I don’t want to get a scold from him. Bye, bye!”

“Bye, bye…” I waved to nobody as Miyoung ran and disappeared round the corner.

“Sooyeon!”

I jerked as somebody suddenly called me and the key ring I was holding in my hand accidently fell down on the floor. “What…? Do you have to scare me?”

He laughed, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to.”

I sighed and locked the apartment’s door my family and I lived in. It was a small, but nice. My favorite place in the whole world was this apartment, especially during the sunrise and sunset. The sky would stain into red, orange, yellow… beautiful colors. My mother liked it the most among us three and she would take tons of pictures and memorize it in her photo album. While my father would cook us a Ramen and we three would eat it together afterwards. That’s the only time I could spend only with my parents, since my father worked in his own Ramen shop and my mother had part time jobs to do. Though the loud noises at the street, the hectic crowd under our apartment and the skyscraper prevent our peaceful sightseeing, it’s a precious hour for us.

“Soo?” The sound of someone calling me brought me back from my trance.

I realized it was that guy with the wings and gasped, “Wings! How did you do that?’

He seemed to love laughing, because he did it again. “Well, I belong to the angles from Heaven, but I’m in charge of staying as a reminder next to the person I should take care of and writing down the progress of humans. I'm a messenger, your tutor.You might say I’m your conscience, or the angle inside of you. The one who tells you what to do. The little voice from your heart. Donghae, at your service.”

He bowed and I bowed back a little bit startled. “So you’re indeed an angel?”

“Correct,” his lips curled up as he saw my face. “Does it sound so impossible to you?”

“Kind of,” Hearing somebody stated himself as an angel was hard to believe, but I saw him flying before, with my own eyes… so there must be some truth behind it.

I realized I’ve held a plastic bag full of eggs and chicken in my hands the whole time. Then I remembered I was supposed to give it my father. “Angel-ssi, I’m going to my father’s Ramen shop… do you want to accompany me, or are you going to, uh… fly away?”

“Just Donghae is fine, but you better hurry up. Your father’s Ramen shop is burning, that’s the reason why I’m here.” He reached out his hand and showed me his palm.

“B- Burning? You didn’t lie, did you?”

“I’m afraid, I didn’t. Take my hand, please. You’ll be there in a second.” While I hesitated and thought about what he meant exactly with the Ramen shop, Donghae grabbed my wrist. “Don’t let go of me, please.”

I nodded and clutched my hands around his arms. Donghae released his feather wings and wrapped us up with it. Some small feather tickled my cheeks and ear. I tried to brush it off, but as I touched it, I couldn’t stop holding onto it. It was soft purely white. No dirt at all. Not even the best soap could clean it into this clear color. I’ve never seen such a beautiful feather, although it only has one color, it was different from any other.

“Close your eyes, if you want to,” he whispered. “Here we go.”

With that the surroundings turned into a snowy aisle. It was as if I was in a different world. Everything was white and bright and I could smell a fragrant scent of a blooming rose; sweet and fresh. Somehow it calmed my heart. Donghae’s grip became tighter as he stretched his wings and flew through the aisle.   

“We’re almost there.” He announced. I inhaled the comforting scent for the last time and closed my eyes to savor it.

As I opened my lids, I found myself in an empty alley near my father’s Ramen shop. Donghae loosened his arms from me and looked at the direction of where the shop was. I followed his gaze and figured out there was dark fumes clouded over the building. I widened my eye and immediately ran towards it, without saying goodbye.

Although I haven’t reached it, I could hear some people talking along with loud sirens of fire department and police cars. The shop was built on the corner of the street, far from other buildings.  I wiped away the sweat on my forehead and rushed through the crowded street to a police car. It seemed like a hundred kilometer sprint to me and I had to put my borwn hair behind my ears from the strong wind.“Excuse me, I’m Jung Sooyeon, daughter of the owner of the Jung’s Ramen shop… what happened?”

“Jung Sooyeon?” The policeman with a dark blue uniform turned to me and I nodded. He led me to another car behind some firemen trying to extinguish the flame with thick fire hose. Even from this point of view I could see the air flickered. The gigantic fire was flaring the shop. The shop my father had dreamt of. The shop which was more important than his own health. The shop he had much effort to buy. That shop was in flames.

“Why is there a fire? What happened?” I asked again, trying to calm my wild thumping heart. “I’ve talked with my father three hours ago and he was fine!”

“I’m sincerely sorry, Miss. There was an underground explosion of a gas pipe which was beneath that building.” He pointed to the shop. Then tabbed the car window where my mother sat. “I’ve already notified your mother. She’s inside. Could you talk to her? I think she’s still shocked.”

“I will.” I bowed to the policeman. “But, what about my father? Where is he?”

The policeman looked at the flames and took a deep breath. “He’s inside. I’m sorry, Miss Jung.”

My father passed away.

The only word that could describe my heart was emptiness. My heart went lost in a fountain of questions and incomprehension. Although my brain repeated the reality, my soul didn't understand. I felt numb, I was blind and I was deaf. My father passed away. A small almost unnoticed tear fell down from my eyes.

The policeman opened the door and I slowly entered the car. The car had a lemon smell, I realized it was the perfume from my mother. I heard quiet sobs and saw her crumbled into a small ball.

Is she really my mother?

She looked up and I met her puffy red eyes. “Sooyeon”

Her blouse was rumpled and her skirt couldn’t get any dirtier. My mother was only 41 years old, but she at that time looked much older. Seeing my mother like that was a horror to me. She’s pale and wore a vacant expression. Her glance was idle and the usually plastered smile on her face was gone.

“Your father is… he…” There was no more energy in her words. She looked like she wasn’t alive, like her soul burned down along with the Ramen shop. I bit my lips and tried to hold back my tears. It was her who’s called the sunshine in our family. She’s the one who’s always optimistic, but the way she stared to nowhere with tears in her eyes she’s far from joyful.   

If only I knew something like this will happen… Is there no way out? Then I remembered someone who might save us. Donghae. He’s an angel, he might do something!

Suddenly I saw Donghae behind the car. I left my mother and approached Donghae. “Dong-“

“Don’t. Only you can see me. Take your cell phone and pretend if you’re calling someone.”

I did what he commanded. The air stank abominably like burnt food and I needed to cover my nose and mouth from the fume. “You’re an angel, right? Would you… could you do something against it?”

He hung his head and his wings. “My Lord has planned it all. I don’t have the right to change it.”

“Why not?” My voice raised in panic. “Donghae, why not?”

“Only you can do it… if you believe.”

“Believe?” I cried, “What do you mean?”

But he was already gone. And with that my last surge of hope died.  

If there was a miracle, my father wouldn’t have died. He would’ve been here, right beside mother and me. His heart would have been broken, but he would still encourage us. Jung’s Ramen shop was like his own child. He loved it.

Why my father?

Why?

If it was me... if I was the one who died instead of him... It would've been so, so much better. I wouldn't have to endure this pain. My father was to precious to die! 

But I couldn't change it. I breathed while his heart stopped beating.

Maybe what people said was true. Nice people died faster.

My feet lost the control and I fell down. Tears streamed down on my face. My father passed away. No Ramen during sunsets, no ‘good night’ before sleeping… he’s gone.

The pain in my heart was eating me from inside. I sobbed laudly and hugged my knees. The tears flowed down like a waterfall. How could it be? He had a great life... his shop ran well... why did it has to happen to him?

I sobbed continuously as I saw the residual ash of the building. 

That day, I lost Jung’s Ramen shop and also the best father I could ever have.

24 years old

“Miracle exists, but it didn’t help the restaurant. I was wrong. I should’ve listened to you.” I sighed. “When I think back, I regret I didn’t  listen to you. Sure, there was almost zero chance that my father or the Ramen shop could survive, but I wouldn’t have felt so lonely afterwards.”

“Don’t be too strict to yourself, Soo.” Donghae my hair. “It was natural.”

I smiled lightly. “I had hatred against the whole world, Donghae. My life was dark. I could only see in black and white. There was no more passion in me… especially after that.”

19 years old

Trains were driving through the rails under the bridge I was standing on. Since the accident it’s my favorite place. We’ve lost our apartment and had to move out into a smaller one. I could see the sunrise and sunset from the bridge, unlike in our new apartment where tons of higher building towered around it. I looked down and watched people get in the train. Some children jumped in glee with their parents trying to calm them down.

“You should be at the supermarket by now.”

I spun around to search for the source of the voice. To my surprise I couldn’t see anyone else but me standing on the bridge, but I was sure I’ve heard someone talked to me.

“Sooyeon,” I lifted my head and saw an angle floating above me. “It’s about time.”

Donghae.

It was Donghae.

I grabbed his sleeve and pulled him to the ground. “It’s right on the corner. I won’t be late or something. ”

“You’re conscience tells you to go, Soo,” he contended, “quickly”

I suppressed a sigh and made my way to the place where I’ve been working for a half year. My mother took more jobs, so that we could have our daily bread. I couldn’t visit the college, because I didn’t want my mother to suffer too much. The job at a Supermarket was perfect to me, at least, better than ending up on the street.    

“How comes you’re here again?” My eyes were darted on the grey asphalt ground. “Why weren’t you there as we got kicked out? Or when we had to sleep a night in a park?”

“I was there. You just couldn’t see me.”

“And why can I see you now?” I turned to the left and walked towards a neon sign where the supermarket was.

“Because my Lord allowed it.” He smiled, but I didn’t smile back. After all it was his Lord’s fault that everything went wrong. If he only let Donghae do something… maybe saved some money from the shop, my mother didn’t have to drudge from morning to night. I decided to keep my thoughts from him and tried to hide my grudge against his ‘Lord’.

As I was about to open the entry, I saw a couple holding hands. They were back facing me. Due to the racks of groceries, I couldn’t see their faces. The guy’s back reminded me of Taecyeon who broke up the day I lost my father. A few months ago, I was happy too. I was laughing too, just like the couple.

They intertwined their fingers and seemed to be searching for something. There was a rule that the employees should ask the costumers if they needed something. I approached them and tapped the girls shoulder.

“Excuse me, may I help you?”

The girl turned her head and what I saw was beyond unexpected.

“S-sooyeon?” Miyoung stuttered and let go of the guy’s hand. Then the guy turned his head to me.

“Taecyeon…” I muttered.      

A/N: I'm really, really sorry for the late update >.< It's just... I'm pretty dissatisfied :( I don't think the story turned out the way I had it in my mind *sigh* what do you think?