*****

Namjoo peeled off the bandages she’d stuck over the palm of her hand and stared down at the mucky blood dried within the depths of the cuts. Squeezing out some balm from a tube into her hand she slowly patched her wound up before securing the patches with the gauze. She sat there for a few minutes before flexing her fingers. Then she slowly thought about how Sehun had taken Tae Joon’s hand off her and wondered if he thought weird of her.

When Namjoo stepped out of her apartment the next morning she found herself peering around the hallway. Namjoo had, before her downfall, been a very positive and cheerful person. She was a person who always looked at the brighter side of the world, but after losing herself to Tae Joon she couldn’t see that light anymore, and she failed to even try. Namjoo had no reason, but that morning it felt like she had a reason to search the hallway.

No one was around.

Turning away she headed toward the elevator and walked out of the building. Namjoo expected the day to be the same, life to go on as usual, but she halted immediately as soon as she stepped out. Either the whole world was out to get her or she was being told she needed to disappear.

The need to run engulfed her and she felt her voice choke up in as she took a step back. A smirk climbed onto that woman’s face before she lashed her hand out and Namjoo felt a slap across her face.

“Did you call Tae Joon out? You told him you were here, didn’t you? Are you playing innocent now?” she hissed as her eyes grew fierce with subtle anger.

Namjoo felt her lips tremble. She wasn’t ready for this. Why was the past catching up to her so fast? Namjoo’s body lurched forward when that hateful woman grabbed her shirt to shake her violently.

“Yah! Tae Joon’s mine! You better know that he left you for a reason, and that’s because you weren’t good enough. Don’t you dare try to put your hands on him.”

The betrayal, the ring, their plans of making a family together all rushed through Namjoo’s head and she saw herself sitting alone in the dark, crying inside the apartment they once shared. The relationship that had disillusioned her brought back all the disappointment and reminded her of how deeply she had believed in Tae Joon. All the days she had waited patiently only to have Tae Joon stand her up, because he was with some other women brought back the bitterness she had tasted again and again. How she had suffered the past six months indulged in self-blame and grievances wouldn’t compare to the measly slap she’d gotten.

Namjoo hadn’t just been hurt physically. Her mind, her soul, her heart, and every part of her body had been scratched and scarred. Her entire whole trembled as her mind collapsed. That woman’s voice seemed farther and farther away as Namjoo’s mind instantly zoned out. Before she just about reacted she felt someone shove her back. There were crazy voices running all around inside her head and Namjoo couldn’t make sense of reality. She stood puzzled, withholding the tears in her eyes as she had always taught herself. And when she finally focused her vision she saw that shoulder.

“I hope you’re aware you can be filed for assault,” that voice warned, “before I tell security to come, you should leave.”

That woman glared for a long second before finally pivoting her feet and entered her expensive car by the side of the street. Namjoo’s eyes sat on Sehun’s back and turned away when he looked at her. Even as isolated as she had made herself she had no desire to let anyone see her like this.

Biting down onto her tongue she forced herself to stop shaking, but no matter the method it didn’t seem to work. Namjoo had been shaken up that even her bones seemed brittle.

Without a 'thanks' she turned to walk away. She felt every single part of her leave itself behind with each heavy step she took. Denial was the first stage Namjoo had gone through in her relationship with Tae Joon. That was why she had believed in him all the way and after the breakup came the worst, suicide. Namjoo had dealt with that by holding her breath as she sunk under water until she couldn’t do it anymore. She was never one to try and hurt herself physically, so she never cut. Shortly after, she began losing drastic weight from the loss of appetite and she went out less and less. These days she barely saw anyone she knew anymore.

Namjoo was just an empty shell.

At work Namjoo would stare off into space, hoping that for a few seconds she could lock herself out of reality. Trying to live optimistically was something she no longer did. Suddenly she couldn’t wait to get home. She wanted to drink herself into the utter darkness of sleep.

Plans changed when she walked out of work that late evening. As she exited the building a pair of feet touched the ground as a person stood. When Namjoo lifted her eyes she saw Sehun standing there stealing a glance at the ground before looking at her. After a split second she tilted her head toward the ground and took a step forward only to come to a pause when he approached her. Their eyes met when she lifted her head up. For a long moment they stood there in silence and Namjoo could hear questions coming into the wake at the back of her mind. She worried. Did he want something?

“You’re bruising up,” he held out a small bag. Her eyes landed on it and he explained, “I got it from the medicinal store nearby.”

Namjoo felt her heart ache and tears well up in her eyes for no reason.

“Since we’re heading the same way, lets go together,” he suggested.

And just a few minutes later she found herself sitting with him in the underground train listening to the engine roar as it drove past empty platforms. They sat quietly not too near or far from each other. There was a slight gap between them that marked the line of comfort as their eyes ran over the passengers in front of them and over the floor.

When Namjoo met with her reflection she saw the redness on the side of her face. Slowly she began to realize her face did hurt. And she stared at the ointment Sehun had gotten for her. While stealing a glance at him she wondered if he would expect something in return. She just couldn’t shake off the feeling that she was indebted to him now.

It was strange that she wasn’t walking to her place alone. Namjoo had accustomed herself to being alone day and night over and over that she was used to no company. In the elevator the two of them still stood together quietly. It was slightly awkward, but neither made a move to break the silence. Yet, at the back of her head there was a voice croaking.

*****

Before splitting up Sehun could sense Namjoo hesitating. He didn’t know how and he didn’t know why, it was just a feeling. So he stopped in his steps when they got out of the elevator and turned to look at her. Those eyes of hers shot up to look at him and she tightened her grip on the tiny bag he had handed her earlier.

Namjoo opened and he watched her lips move before she finally said, “I’m going to be having some drinks later.” Then she quickly added, “I mean…if you want some…I don’t mind if you come by.” Then she glanced at him before looking at the ground.

Sehun felt strangely appalled. The earlier mute had spoken and he was hearing her voice once more.

“Ok,” was what he said before turning to walk away.

After a few short steps he paused and turned around to see her walking away in the opposite direction. An invite…

Sehun wasn’t used to being in the presence of others unless at work, but strangely this person felt no different from him. Was it because of her eyes that held the same death his held? And suddenly he recalled that woman from this morning who had sent her hand flying against Namjoo’s face. And why…why had Namjoo seemed so helpless against that individual?

Then Sehun reminded himself that it wasn’t a place for him to worry. Namjoo would have to deal with her troubles, because wasn’t it that everyone had to fight their own demons alone?

And Sehun thought about how he had fought off his demons alone the past six months. Yet, he wasn’t sure if they had really gone away or if he’d just gotten used to them.    

What kind of battle was Namjoo fighting?

*****

Namjoo lowered the hand she was using to apply the ointment on her face and stared at herself. There were bags under her eyes and her face looked sunken. Where a smile would have been was just a straight line. Her reflection refused to illuminate any kind of sparkle in her eyes. She was dead.

Namjoo almost wanted to ask, “Who are you?”

Holding up her hand to cover the reddened cheek she stared at the other side of her face and pulled on a smile. From however many angles she looked at herself, that smile looked desperately broken. And Namjoo dropped her hand before clutching onto the counter of the sink. She hurt really bad.

She sat around for a few hours before recalling she’d invited Sehun for a drink because it felt like that was the only thing she could do for him, not that she wanted to thank him in a big manner. Searching through her cupboards she pulled out some cups, took a bottle of wine, soju, and some beer from the fridge. Then she just sat down and stared at them.

Her best friends and her worst enemies stared back at her quietly.

*****

Sehun hesitated for a really long time. He could call the invitation off and he could just not go at all, but wouldn’t that make him look bad when he had already given her his word? But he could also assume that she would be relieved he didn’t stop by. However, it would still make him look bad if he didn’t keep his word.

So what was he going to do?

He uselessly flipped through the channels on his TV as if landing on some channel would give him the answer. After contemplating for another half hour he finally came up with a solution. He would go for a few minutes and then return. How bad could a few drinks be when they lived in the same apartment building?

Now that that was done and over with, Sehun turned to look into his kitchen and spotted a piece of paper with the phone numbers of his favorite restaurants.

Taking his time he slowly trudged down the hallway tightening his grip around the bag of goodies he’d gotten. He wasn’t much of a drinker. Sehun wasn’t very fond of them to begin with, but he didn’t mind having a few every once in a while.

He stopped and turned to ring the bell. Namjoo came to the door a few seconds later and they stood there quietly.

“It felt weird coming empty handed,” he explained when she saw the food.

“Oh…” Namjoo droned on. “I forgot about that.” Then she stood back, “Come in.”

Sehun stepped into her apartment and felt his eyes wander. The interior of her place was just like his and just on the same level of plain. Then when he turned he saw all the drinks she had out and was a little surprised, but didn’t show it nor said anything. Without a word he set the food down onto the table. This was the first time he was in someone else’s home other than his. He had forgotten how foreign it felt to be somewhere else than the place he was most accustomed to.

“You can make yourself comfortable,” Namjoo said.

They sat in silence a few minutes later across from each other. He didn’t know what to say. Six months of self-seclusion was making socializing more difficult than it should be. Sehun didn’t know if Namjoo was feeling the same. The only sure thing he knew was that she was probably drinking her troubles away.

And naturally they did drink on their own as if they had planned this, as if they knew each other. Sehun wondered if this was how it was making a new friend. Ever since Yoora he’d forgotten how it was to become a friend with people out of his circle. Namjoo still hadn’t spoken and yet the strangeness of the atmosphere slowly melted away without notice.

It was like sitting in front of a long mirror facing his own reflection. She was him and he was her. Namjoo was the face of misery he had gotten to know since six months ago. She was the perfect reflection of him.

His eyes drifted up from the table and he saw Namjoo putting her bandaged hand to her forehead to rub it as if she were hurting. This look of exhaustion and sadness melted into her face.

“Thank you, for this morning,” Namjoo finally said.

Sehun only nodded before taking a gulp of his drink.

Then they went quiet again. For a few minutes they continued drinking from their own cup and then he heard another sigh from Namjoo.

“I…the man from yesterday, Tae Joon, his name’s Tae Joon,” Namjoo’s lips shook, “he used to be my fiancé.”

Sehun felt his ears finally open up.

“I trusted him so much until it made me a fool,” Namjoo turned her hand into a hard fist. Tears hung onto the corner of her eyes, but didn’t drop. “When you love someone so much that you stop loving yourself, I used to think that’s what love is. But now I know it only makes you want to kill yourself. “

And Sehun thought about how he trusted childhood friend, Yoora. He always talked to her about his worries and told her secrets he couldn’t tell anyone else, and it had made him a fool in the end. He had been lied to about Hyun Ae and Eun Soo. And when he ran away, he fell.

The simple words he had never been able to convey through his mouth had come from someone else’s. Sehun completely stilled in his seat and stared into his cup before it slid down his face so fast that it landed against the table with a faint sound. And then another one fell and another. Embarrassed and ashamed he held his hand up to cover his eyes from the reflection that stared back at him. Sehun then felt his shoulders shake.

*****

That tear dripped down her face when she blinked and looked up. Namjoo stared at Sehun astonished. She had never seen a man cry in front of her before. But…why though? Why was he crying?

Namjoo saw his shoulders shake as his face contorted before he quickly covered his eyes. Even if he tried concealing it, she still saw the tears continuously streaming down his face. And suddenly she was aware that he was hurting, perhaps very much like her.

Realizing this didn’t seem to soothe her or make her feel any better. Feeling even sorer she felt the slow tears drip from her eyes as she watched him weep.

An hour passed by like that before Sehun finally knocked out against the table. As Namjoo watched him sleep she wondered what his story was. Namjoo finally thought back to the day when he had used his umbrella to shield her from the rain. What had he been thinking then? Just who exactly was he?

Namjoo finally stood up and tapped his shoulder. He didn’t respond and she assumed he was as well as dead. With a quiet sigh she grabbed his arm to push him up. His body very lazily cooperated. After quite a struggle she finally got him to stand up, but he was a complete dead weight against her and the weight of his body against hers wasn’t helping at all.

She heaved and sighed again and again as she tried turning him toward her den.

Namjoo groaned and grunted, “Can you walk?”

Sehun suddenly gripped onto her shoulder and dug his face into her shoulder. He made this silly sobbing sound and his breath shuddered because of the crying earlier. “Hyun Ae, I’m so sorry.” And Namjoo felt a tear land on her neck, “I’m so sorry.”

Namjoo clamped her lips together before pulling Sehun after her and finally half dropped him onto the couch after a long 10 minute struggle when it would have just taken her 5 steps. Reaching for his legs she propped them onto the couch after taking his shoes off and turned to see him digging his face into the arm of the couch with quiet sobs. She searched through her closet for an extra pillow but couldn’t find one and resorted to giving hers up. Walking back out she first draped him carefully with the blanket before sitting on the edge of the cushion. Cautiously and hesitantly she reached her hand forward, but found herself pausing.

He was so deeply sleeping and out of it that she wondered if he was seeing anyone in his dreams. When Namjoo got drunk she would sometimes dream about her happier days. Was he happy in his dreams?

Her fingers brushed through his soft hair and lifted his head up. Namjoo’s eyes landed on his face for a long time before she finally placed the pillow underneath him and settled him back down. Then she just sat there and watched him sleep.

How often had it been when she’d gotten drunk and couldn’t even walk that she had wished she had someone to take care of her, give her water, and carry her to bed. And here she was doing it all herself for someone else. Namjoo felt stupidly envious.

Tears of sorrow wrestled themselves to her lids as she reached her hand out to brush them through his hair. For so long she had taken care of rather than been taken care of. There were so many times a year when she silently wished from the bottom of her heart that she had someone who would rather have her taken care of than having her take care of them. She felt that tear drop and realized it was because she had forgotten how to love herself. That was the sole reason why she had done all the taking care of rather than have someone care for her.

For the first time Namjoo discovered how much she had lost because she had overwhelmingly loved and given everything to Tae Joon. All he was to her now was the reason why she hated herself. He was the cause of all her misery.

What could she do to fix this? What was the first step she needed to take? How could she step out of this hell of depression when she was in this so deep?

*****

Sehun awoke the next morning when the bright sunlight danced off his face. As his consciousness came back he started hearing movement. Glass cups clinking against the sink and running water. Very soon he could also smell something delicious cooking from the oven. What was this? Who was there? Who was this person that had entered his place?

He lay there confused and utterly lost in the depths of this black dream before his eyes suddenly allowed themselves to open. Sehun first stared at the corner where his DVD stand should be but wasn’t and suddenly gazed around. No he wasn’t in his bedroom. Why was he sleeping in the den?

He turned and noticed the blanket over him. This blanket was unfamiliar. Then he slowly turned his head back to his side and sniffed a scent that belonged to a woman before seeing the pillow underneath his head. Still dazed he browsed his eyes over the room again. Was he dreaming?

Slightly pulling himself up he saw someone in the kitchen washing the dishes. At first he thought of Hyun Ae before he realized this person had short hair. It all rushed back to him when his eyes landed on the table now cleared and wiped clean.

Suddenly very awake now he lifted the blanket off and stood shy and disconcerted. Namjoo turned around at the noise he’d made and looked at him. Sehun looked away abashed, but Namjoo gave no reaction.

“Morning,” she greeted.

His eyes darted back up to look at her and he became aware of the fact that he’d never woken up to the presence of a woman before. As he stared at her he finally saw that she looked more appealing to the eyes than the other times when he’d seen her.

Sehun finally returned the greeting, “Morning.” 

***Wooohooo!!! They finally cried in front of each other! Sehun finally cried! ;A; 

***By far, their feelings go deep, but they're slowly opening up! Yay! Namjoo finally sees that she needs to start loving herself before she begins loving someone else again, that's the biggest step to moving forward for her! And now Sehun's challenge is to finally start accepting strangers into his life! Now climb out of your depression!

***I'm very satisfied with this chapter even though it took me hours to write ^^ I like, I like!