How does it feel to exist like the wind? I’ve already asked myself that question for so many times already, and even though I’m already 18 I’m still asking the same question in front of the mirror. Loneliness, what is loneliness? For me it’s just a feeling of boredom. You’re bored when you’re alone, you’re bored when no one talks to you. It’s not sadness that you’re feeling when you’re alone, its boredom.

Not to brag but I’ve been really receiving annoying attention from my classmates and schoolmates, all of them are flocking around me whenever I enter the school, or well they all try to talk to me, but I hate it, I hate the attention they’re giving me, it’s too suffocating. No one likes this kind of attention, this kind of toxic, but I guess I’m wrong, he proven me wrong, when I met him.

When he came and entered the room, he introduced himself as a transferee from another town and school just like me, but the difference from the two of us was the day that we entered the school. I’ve already entered the school a few days before him, but still I can’t make friends because all of them are so annoying. Everyone tried to catch my attention, all of them seemed to stick to me like glue. On the other hand, no one went to the new guy, not even one.

For some reason, I found myself watching that guy, watching him smile and walk towards a group of students, he’ll always introduce himself out of the blue, bowing with that same smile only to be ignored by them, or worse, be pushed aside by them.

I asked myself how a guy like him can be treated like this. What’s the difference between me and him? None right? So how come a guy who wants a little bit of attention never gains it while me who hates it from the start was continuously receiving it? The world had really rotated in a very weird turn.

Lunch break, I was sitting on a bench when the same guy named Jongup passed in front of me, he was intensely staring at the two guys about to walk across him. I can see his slight shivering despite the heavy clothing which made me ask why. As I stare at him, that same smiled once again crossed his face, he stood in front of them as he wait for his voice to be within their earshot.

“H-hi, I’m jongup! I’m your classmate in phy---“ He didn’t want to stop, I can see that but he was forced to do so because the two guys just passed him as if he’s invisible or something, they didn’t even stopped to talk or give him a gaze of recognition, they just passed him.

Sadness was evident on his face, I can see that though I don’t know why. Why do people like him like attention? I crossed my legs as my eyes kept on watching him. He was about to introduce himself again to our classmate but just like what happened earlier, they ignored him. A sigh escaped his lips, I saw that, but then after that he regained his smile.

The man kept on smiling despite the countless times of being ignored or pushed away, how can he do that? That attitude of his made me stare at him for a few more minutes, which turned into hours which turned into stalking him the whole day.

He ate in the cafeteria alone; no one wanted to sit with him, as my table was filled with strangers. I ignored them all and continued digesting all my food while staring at him. Something about Jongup interests me, If I’m going to rate his looks, he’s somewhere between above average and just average, he’s intelligence it’s just average, even though how average he looks, there’s something about him that shines, if only the people around him would notice that, I’m sure he’ll get the attention he seeks.

In just half of the day, I already assumed that Jongup had already tried talking to all of his classmates in all of his 6 different subjects and all of them just ignored him. Despite the failure of gaining a friend he still kept that smile on his face, and to make his weirdness much worse, he never approached me, maybe because of the people around me.

 I sighed as they tried to take my attention once again. They talked things like the famous idol, or the weather or the fashion trends right now, things that don’t interest me. I was slowly getting irritated by the routine that they seem to follow every day, and that is, for me, to flock around me.

As I turned slowly, I witnessed why Jongup haven’t yet approached me. I saw him slowly walking towards me, his gaze fixated on mine, his lips were quivering feeling a bit scared but that smile never left his face, this is the first time I appreciated how innocent looking the guy is, it’s really a fresh breathe of air.

As he slowly approach me, I found myself slowly smiling, second by second my lips twitching upwards, but it became only a frown when the succeeding events unfold. A girl, our classmate, the one who ignored him earlier pushed Jongup aside, Jongup for some reason fell on the floor with his first. With that built I’m pretty sure he’s strong, but Jongup was shoved downwards. I looked at the girl who did that to her and much to my dismay, she was snickering.

I ran my fingers through my hair and went towards him. I can see a vague smile on his face as he kept it low. I held my hand for him and coughed. He looked up and I saw the startled reaction he has on his face. He looked at the people beside me then suddenly shook his head. I was a bit pissed when he refused my help, and because of that I did what I wanted to do, I took his hand and dragged him out of the public’s eye.

Students murmured around me but I didn’t really care, I glanced at the guy behind me and his head was still kept low. I dragged him towards the nearest empty room and locked the door behind us. When I let go of his hand, he stood there completely confused yet relieved. “Why did you refused my help?” was the first thing I said, I was still pissed because of that, my ego couldn’t accept that rejection.

I saw his lips moved but I can’t hear him, he murmured few incoherent words which made my irritation much worse than earlier. I sighed and glared at him. “… s-shy …” he whispered. “What?” I asked back.

“nothing … nothing.” He shook his head and started walking a few steps away from me, towards a vacant chair.

“Why did you introduce yourself countless times earlier? Aren’t you getting annoyed when they ignore you?” Curiosity took me first before something else. I looked at his face more as a sigh or two escaped from him. I walked towards him and sat at the chair in front of him.

“Why? … I don’t know myself, I just … wanted a friend.” He whispered. A friend, that’s his reason why he always tries his best to introduce himself despite being ignored for so many times, what a pathetic reason.

“How does it feel to exist like the wind?” I asked him. I saw him flinched from his position but still remained that face of his. He looked at me with a confused stare before muttering a, “What?” to me.

“How does it feel to exist despite not existing at all, I mean … what does it feel to be ignored?” I asked.

“Wow … you’re so … mean?” Jongup laughed softly before looking at the window behind us. “Well, it’s so lonely to be ignored, it’s so … painful.” He murmured after that, those sad words really shook my footing, I looked towards him as he stare at the scenery outside the window.

“Then why are you smiling?” I asked once again. The feeling of curiosity washed the irritation away, all that’s left was the desire to know something more about this guy.

“Because everyone likes to see people smiling … right?” it was supposed to be answer, but it turned out to be a question which I just shook my head as a response. I turned around and faced the wall. “Well if that’s your reason then … why are they ignoring you?” I asked again.

“I don’t really know … maybe I’m fated to not have any friend!” for some reason he beamed because of it, I don’t know but his sense of emotion is really … weird. He’s smiling when he’s supposed to frown, he’s shining when he’s supposed to be sulking, but because of this weirdness, I’m attached to him.

I took small steps towards his figure, his eyes gazing at the window behind him.

I placed my hand on his head, he flinched and looked up. “K-kris hyung?” He murmured. “I’m going to be your friend, is that okay?” I asked, and for some reason, I smiled.

“O-of course … “and with that I saw his true smile, the brightest smile I’ve ever saw in my life, the smile that I wanted to see every day.

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