It has been a while since I noticed it. It has started with eyes diversions, unrehearsed blushing, anger though there was no reason for it. Then I understood. When his eyes give me the impression that they read into mine, I flee. When his hands inadvertently brush mine, my heart beat faster. When his mouth smile to another person, I feel endless jealousy boiling in me. Well, I'm in love. I'm ing in love.

Frequently, when his presence become too sweltering, I rush to the roof. To clear my thoughts. Breath a little bit. Think of him. I am more shrewish, when he's here. I haven't find anything else to hide this feelings. So, on the roof, I watch him during his sport training. First, I just saw him by coincidence. Then, little by little, unintentionally first, I went to the roof at his training hours, on purpose. Even if I have nothing to do at school any more, I stay, just to watch him. It's the only moment when I can observe him to death.

 

Today, the classroom is noisy. It's hot, summer holidays are nearly here, and students are unbearable. He has loosen his uniform tie a little. I'm alone, I don't care about my classmates' conversations. I just wait the moment when I'd ban me to my observation point. Suddenly, I hear my mates' conversation.

 

"What, Sehun, you're in love with Luhan ? It's ... unexpected !"

"And you ?" Another student says, turning towards me. "Are you in love with someone ?"

 

The question stops me. I see curious faces turning in my direction. He also turns over. I glance at him absent-mindedly. He's just hot as a god, and he's watching me. He waits for an answer. He wants me to speak. As the others, in all likelihood. . What would I say ? I just want him to stop looking at me. Stop. , What would I say ?

 

"I ... No, I ... Oh, , it's none of your business !"

 

Aha. My hesitation was already suspect, and then my poor response broke all my credibility. I don't want to look at him. I just want to leave. His presence is more sweltering than usually, I know he's watching me. I feel it. I suffocate. I quickly stand up, and leave as far as possible. I know every one is staring at me, including him. I got a bad intuition, I don't know why. I'm almost running. But not quick enough to avoid the rest:

 

"And you ? Who stole your heart ? I'm sure there is one !"

 

One of my classmates has got visibly tired of my runaway. I freeze in front of the door. I know who he asks it. No doubt. I don't want to hear his answer. But my feet doesn't respond, and stay on the floor, waiting. I hear his low and compelling voice laughing.

 

"That ..."

 

I hold my breath unconsciously. What the hell, why doesn't he answer now ? I just want to leave. I don't want to hear that. I wouldn't support it. I feel like something is weighing on my neck. A look ?

 

"It's a secret !"

 

Oh, .

 

 

The wind, outside, makes me feel good. What did I expect ? It's evident. A guy like him has inevitably a girlfriend. If even guys can fall in love with him, none of the girls could resist him. Ah, . Why does it hurt so much ?

I stay for a long time, my forehead against the railings. It's already training time. He's here, warming up. . He's so handsome. He's running around the stadium, a leg up in comparison of the others. At the beginning, it was because of his running that I noticed him. When I isolated myself, firstly, I sometimes watched the club training. He was always in front of the others. Always on his side. I watch his slow and regular race, I can almost see beads of sweat rolling along his neck and losing itself in his tee-shirt. , I have to stop it. He looks like he's hot. He's arriving towards the bleachers, he's just opposite my observation point. I can't take my eyes off him, his movements mesmerise me. I don't want to stop looking at him just one second, even not blinking. He drinks and laughs to some joke someone tell him. My heart hurts. I will never makes him laugh like that.

He … Waits, what the is he doing ? He has taken off his tee-shirt, and now he's showing his perfect muscle structure to everyone. My fingers tighten up the fence. It's just a trifling thing, to him. He's just hot, that's just it. My guts are being ripped. , why so cruel ? I want him. I want him. But I will never ever have him, it's just an hopeless love. I can see it, now, this bread of sweat, rolling in his back, along his spinal column, while he's running under the scorching sun. It's a real torture, he … Ah, he stops again ? He rises his head … Towards me. . He's watching me. He's in' watching me. I can't tear his gaze away. Even with this distance, I can see it's the same for him. Why is he watching me like that ? He shouldn't. He has no reason to watch me like that. Or … Is he …

Someone calls him. Training is over. He turns away from me for a second. And I go away as far as I can from this fence. I start to breath again though I didn't remember stopping. , I really have to forget this guy.

 

In the end, I've stayed for the entire afternoon, depressing in this damn roof. When I awake again, training is already finished, and there are not much students left in the school. I need to pick up my bag.

My footsteps strangely resonate in the hallways. Silence reminds me the where I'm in. A one-way love I can't even get rid off. Haha. The classroom door loudly slides . And I suddenly freeze.

He's here. , he's here. Standing near my desk. Is he waiting for me ? No, it would frankly surprised me. I force myself to move. Take my stuff, and leave. Quick. I feel a million times more sweltered now than in a crowded classroom. I cross, avoiding watching him. Not really easy. I catch my bag on the desk, he hasn't spoke yet. I turn. , I brushed him. Suddenly, he moves and take my arm. He opens his mouth. I don't let him enough time to speak.

 

“Let me go!”

 

I struggle, he doesn't release me. Why does he want me to stay ? He has nothing to say to me, go find your freakin' girlfriend ! He pronounce my name. , I'm going to succumb. I feel like my legs are marshmallow. He tug me at him. Then I pull myself together. I don't want to do something stupid. I wriggle out of his grip, and flee. I run alongside the hallways, hurtle down the stairs, and pass the doorway as fast as my not-so-sporty lungs can. I only stop when I reach the park, and collapse on a bench. My heart is dancing flamenco. I think I'm doing an asthma attack. I will clap out here, in this bench. Without having tell him just once.

I've been a real jerk. My reaction was everything but natural. I flew to prevent my mouth from speaking, but my gesture did it in its place. But, what could I do ? If I've stayed, I'd have done some stupidity for sure. I'd have kissed him, or worse, I'd have told him everything, just like that. It's maybe better that I left. My heart has calm down a bit. I don't want to go home. I think I will stay here for a while, sitting on this bench, head in my hands. I'm tired. I just want to forget him, I'm sick of suffering. Aaah, . It'd be so easier if I hadn't fell in love with him.

 

I don't know how long I stayed like that. Enough to have my neck hurting, in any case. I'm tired of thinking, but I can't refrain me from doing so. From thinking of him. What a mess in my head. My head hurts. I hear footstep coming. Wait, what ? They come closer. They're here. They stop. They're nearby. I raise my head.

It's him. My hear hurts. He's leaning towards me. He takes my face in his hands. , I really have a ing headache. His fingers are warm. His eyes catch mine, just as earlier, in the stadium, and I loose myself. I don't know what the hell is he doing here, but I feel good, and I'm happy without knowing why. He's watching me, as he wanted to read into my mind, as he wanted to see all of me at the same time. His look is electrifying, I think I could stay here for years, searching in his dark apples. He … , he's just beautiful.

 

“BaekHyun ...”

 

His voice makes me shiver. I almost want to pinch myself to check if it's real. He whispers my name so slowly that I nearly don't hear it. Then, suddenly, his air become more serious, more determined. He's coming even closer. Is he really about to do what I think he is about to do ? He, he … Oh, , he's kissing me ! I can't believe it, he's really doing it ! Am I dreaming ? Or I've truly died of an heart attack, in this bench. Maybe, yeah. He finally breaks the kiss. And he says:

 

“BaekHyun, don't go away again, ever, I beg you. I won't support it.”

 

Finally, it isn't that bad, to die. I wait a second for my heart to calm down, and I answer.

 

“Hey, ChanYeol, I know I'm dead, but even though I want to tell you something I wanted to say for a while. I … Yeah, I love you. Well, I think."

 

He laughs.

 

“BaekHyun … You're not dead !”

“What, really ?” I say.

 

Well in fact, I just half-believed it.

 

“Yeah, you idiot. However, you shall not have waited to be dead to say it to me.”

“Why ?”

“Because I love you too.”

 

Oh , how bloody stupid I am.