“Your name now is...” he looked at the sheet and frowned, “Kiss?”

She lifted up her head and looked at him before back at the floor. New identity. New name. New place to live. Why? Why she must get through this? Was it just last week she spent the day lying to her grandma about her refusal to go to school? Was it just last week she lied to her friends about her health? Why everything must change now?

“Vi... Kiss, you have to stay strong, okay?” Raymond coaxed gently but there was no reaction from her.

In fact, she did not give much reaction when they broke the news about the miscarriage, as if there was nothing there. It felt like they were talking to a doll.

“Who chose this name?” Sammul demanded as his finger pointed to the paper.

Her hand slowly reached into her bag and took out her purse. She looked sadly at her grandma’s photo. She had no one now. She was truly alone in this world.

“Kiss, listen to me,” a pair of hands cupped her face and forced her to look at him.

Her sad eyes just gazed at him without actually seeing him. Her heart was no longer beating. Her soul was long dead, at the same time as that murdered killed her poor grandmother. Now, in front of others was just a shell, an empty shell.

“Your grandma would not like you to be like this, Kiss. If she is still alive, she will want you to move on,” Raymond coaxed gently.

Still no reaction from her.

“Of all the names in the world, this is what you can come up with?” Sammul roared but no one dared to say anything to him.

“Don’t you think your grandma will be happy in heaven if she knows you are like this?”

Tears were rolling down from her eyes at the thought of her grandma. Her poor grandma was no longer with her. Her grandma had left her alone. She was... no, she is alone now. Alone in the world.

“Will it be okay for you to live alone?” Raymond asked gently.

She clutched the picture close to her heart and looked at him, “Do I have a choice now? I am alone, aren’t I?”

Raymond paused. It was heartbreaking to see such a young girl acting like this but he knew it was normal for a person who just had such a traumatic experience.

“From now on, you have to forget your old life, your old self and everything about you. The murderer will find a way to go back to you when he realizes you recognize him,” Sammul said.

“Forget... grandma?” she choked out sadly.

Sammul looked at Raymond and ignored the disbelief look from others. He had to stay serious so this girl understood how important it is to become a new person.

“I don’t think you should forget your grandma, V... Kiss. I mean is that you have to start a new life. Your grandma will want you to be happy, right?” Raymond said gently, trying to correct the mistake his leader made.

“Grandma,” she sobbed.

Raymond sighed. How could he make this girl stop crying?

..................................................................................................................................................................

“NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

She opened her eyes quickly and looked at the ceiling blindly. It was still night. Her room was dark. She touched her face with her shaking hands and gulped hard. It was just a nightmare. Her grandma had gone for two months now. She was no longer Vicki Zhao but Kiss... Kiss... what was her new surname again? She could not remember now. All she knew was she had the nightmare again.

She fell down when she wanted to get out from the bed. Scrambling back to her feet, she walked like a robot toward the small kitchen in her new home. Even she had to leave her home, her friends, the place where she grew up so she could be safe. That was what those agents told her. All for her own safety. She had to forget who she was, what she was and learned to be a new person.

“How could I, grandma? I am so alone now. I’m scared,” she lastly kneeled on the floor and cried.

She had been crying since the moment she knew about her grandma’s death. She had been crying since the moment she knew she could not attend her grandma’s funeral. She had been crying since the moment she knew she had to follow those policemen to another house, to another place so she could hide herself from the murderer.

“Grandma~”

....................................................................................................................................................................

She clutched her bag tightly to herself as she followed Sammul to the office. They enrolled her to a new school, not far from her new home. He would explain everything to the principle and put her among those who would not actually bully her. He had explained earlier to her, telling her that it was up to her to keep the stupid name or chose another name but she just nodded her head about the name, not even bothered to think how stupid she sound or how it would make others make fun of her.

“Miss Su, I’m Madam Tang, the principle of this school. I welcome you to our humble school,” the principle said with a warm smile.

So her name was actually Kiss Su. Sound like a chu chu to her ears but it did not matter at all. Nothing was matter now. Her grandma had left her. She had no one else to depend on. She was alone in this world.

“Your homeroom teacher is coming. You will follow her to your class,” Mrs. Tang said gently, noticing how nervous she was.

Vicki/Kiss did not say anything. Her new class. Her new life had finally begun. She had to stop thinking of herself as Vicki and started to call herself Kiss Su. Could her name become stupider than her life?

....................................................................................................................................................................

She clutched her bag tightly and ignored the whispers coming from her new classmates. She was scared. She was truly alone here. She had no one now. Her grandma had left her. She did not know who her parents. All she knew was that her grandma was the only relative she had, the only family she knew. Her grandma told her that her parents had passed away in an accident but did not explain more than that. She knew nothing about her parents. She knew no one else now. Everyone was a stranger to her except for the policemen who kept coming and telling her what to do. She was supposed to keep low while they went searching for the murderer. They did not tell anything else other than her having to live a new life.

“New classmate, hello.”

She looked at the group of girls hovering over her and gulped. Should she answer them? What should she say?

“My name is Tracy. This is Jenny, Mary and Marion,” a girl introduced cheerfully as she pointed to her friends and the others waved their hand.

“Hello,” Vicki choked out, trying for a smile but it was hard when the memory of her grandma still in her mind.

“Teacher said you just moved here,” Mary said excitedly

Vicki/ Kiss nodded. She just moved here, unwillingly. If following her own wish, she wanted to die. Let the murderer killed her. It was better than being alive alone.

“You are so brave to switch school in the middle of the year,” Jenny said in awe.

She wanted to scream. She wanted to tell them the reason why she had to leave her friends. She wanted to run. She wanted to die. She wanted to be in her room, crying her heart out. She did not want to meet people. She was not ready to meet anyone yet!

“How about we all go eat ice blended after school to welcome you to our class?” Marion suggested excitedly.

“Great idea. You will love the mango ice blended,” Jenny told Vicki/Kiss.

“Yes. And Uncle Ed’s ice blended is so famous around here, you won’t find anywhere else as good as his,” Mary said.

“Sweetheart, don’t be rude toward people who are nice to you,” her grandmother’s voice slipped to her mind and she chewed her lower lip, feeling so sad to finally hearing her grandmother’s voice, even only in her mind but it took the loneliness a bit from her heart.

“Okay,” she replied finally and received cheers from others.

Life has to move on. For the sake of grandma, she had to stop being a coward.

Grandma... her heart whispered. She missed grandma so much.