"Yes" I whispered, my voice getting lost in the sound of the cool breeze howling by.

"Did you just--" he looked at me with wide eyes as he slowly stood up from where he knelt.

"Yes. I said yes. Yes, I love you too, Kim Jongin" I chuckled, but was interrupted by a certain man's arms around me. I hugged Jongin back and caught a whiff of the cologne I had given him on his birthday last week.

"Promise me we'll be together forever" he breathed into my hair.

"I promise."

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"What happened to your promise now?" Jongin shouted angrily as he hit the wall of my apartment with his fist.

"I have neighbors. Don't cause a commotion" I replied coldly, but the ice seemed to freeze not my words but my heart. The coldness crept into my chest until it was hard for me to breathe. It hurt to treat Jongin like this.

Ever since he got casted by SM Entertainment, I knew that this day would come. Everyone knows that they don't let their idols date, and I knew that he was going to debut soon. He wanted to hold on and keep the relationship. Of course I also did. But I don't want to ruin anything for him.

Dancing was his life and his happiness. I can't let myself be a hindrance to his dream.

Yet I know that if I told him this, he wouldn't oblige.

"What the company said was clear, Jongin. You have to break up with me" I said matter-of-fact. It took a lot of strength not to look into his eyes as I spoke. The tears that rendered those beautiful brown orbs into a glassy state would kill me. Don't cry, Jongin.

"But I don't want to! You promised. Y-you promised we'll be together forever" he stumbled on his own words.

"Those promises only exist in fairy tales. In fiction" I bluntly replied.

"Then let us live in a fairy tale!" he countered irrationally.

"That doesn't even make sense, Jongin" I pointed out.

"No, you know what doesn't make sense? This. You letting go. Please tell me you're lying" his voice drifted into a hush and I was kept in the same silence.

Call me stupid.

Or dumb.

Because I know what to do, but choose not to.

I could have just told him right then and there.

That I'm sorry.

That I was lying.

That I still want to have him hug me from the back by surprise.

That I love how he fails in making heart signs.

That I would like to hold his hand forever if I could.

That I love him...more than the mind can comprehend and my heart could take.

"Please, talk to me," he said as he took my hand in his, tempting my tears to form at the thought that this could be the last time he would, "I know you. This isn't like you to just let go."

My heart kept on sinking as far as it would allow, and at the same time tearing itself apart for what I am about to do. It's now or never.

"I'm not who you think I am" I scoffed as I pried his fingers off my wrist.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

"I'm not who you think I am either" Jongin whispered before turning his back on me forever.

That was the last I heard of him.

The next was when he was revealed in a teaser. But it wasn't Jongin. They called him Kai.

I never had the guts to see him in their events. Although I would be lying if I said that I didn't watch him. I did. I remember that time when fans all over the world posted pictures of their birthday gifts for him. It brought back memories of the cologne I had given him. I loved its scent on him so he started wearing it ever since. Does he still use the same scent now? I wonder. But probably not. I'm sure there are better perfumes inside those huge gift boxes in these pictures.

Yes, I always watched him from afar.

Seeing him dance so gracefully yet powerfully at the same time, I knew that he was living his dream. Whenever girls flocked all around him to take pictures and when the crowd cheers his name during performances, I feel proud of him. Yes, that's my Jongin.

He was my Jongin.

I swallowed back those four words as I played the next video. The past tense was excruciating.

 >> Annyeong haseyo, Kai imnida.

"No," I shook my head, "you're not Kai. You're Jongin. I already let go of so much. Please at least let me have that."

 >> Annyeong haseyo, Kai imnida.

Each interview, each introduction, each one reverberated in my ear.

 >> Hello, my name is Kai.

He had told me: "I'm not who you think I am either".

 >> Hello, my name is Kai.

Maybe, you're right. But this much I know. You're still the same Jongin that I fell in love with.

 >> My name is Kai.

 >> My name is Kai.

 >> My name is Kai.

Kai. Underneath that name, is the man I loved. And still love.

Kim Jongin.