The first time Donghae held a gun, his hands had trembled and he missed his shot. The third time, he shot a legless woman in the eye and hastily dropped his gun to throw up yesterday’s dinner afterward. The seventh time, he didn’t hesitate to shoot a child charging at him in the leg and hurriedly decapitate her head before she can get up again. The nineteen time, he killed an entire family and didn’t waste a single bullet.

Somewhere between the first shot he fired and the hundredth one afterward, he stopped feeling guilty and sick for every death dealt by his hands. Maybe, it’s because he had stopped thinking of them as humans anymore and just mindless corpses of the dead hungering for the living’s flesh.

---

In the moment that he had woke up on that ordinary tuesday, when Donghae saw his roommate being eaten by the elderly woman who lived next door to them and somewhat managed escape from her clutch, and nine days later, when Hyukjae and his group of survivors stormed into the Donghae’s apartment building and found him hidden away in a small room and living off on junk food, Donghae discovered the world had gone to hell and taken most of humanity with it.

He stepped out into the street for the first time in days, and it made him wished he could go back to his room and never leave again because Seoul was burning and the dead were walking.

Hyukjae a handed him a gun and told him, “If you want to live make use of it.”

While Donghae nodded and accepted the gun, he avoid using it as much as possible because in the Before Donghae had dream of becoming a doctor and was working his way through an internship at a hospital but now he was told forgot about everything he know, he was meant to save lives, and just do not hesitate to kill any of those things that get in their way.

Donghae reluctantly became his group’s burden to carried but because he had the medical skill to back it up they let it slide, but they all know eventually Donghae would have to stain his hands. Medical school certainly didn’t prepare him for any of this.

---

Donghae spent most of his days in a prison, that they had made into their base, helping out with menial labors and learning about the people that made up his group. There was an assortment of characters in the group, like: Heechul the male stripper, who was more skilled with handling a sword then a gun, Hangeng the cop, who sense of justice hadn’t die even in the After and the conscience of the group; and Siwon the actor, who handsome features and gentleness hided a ruthless fever to exterminate the monsters that stalk the outside their base.

And of course, Donghae couldn’t forget Hyukjae, who was their best shooter and somehow had always manage to save all their hides countless of time, when they find themselves cornered and about to meet their end. He wasn’t their leader, that honor was given to Jungsu, nor their most intelligent member but what he brought to their table were survival and practical skills that they couldn’t live without.

Donghae had admired Hyukjae since he took Donghae aside and told him even if he doesn’t want to kill, he could at least learn how to use a gun so if it come down to it he has at least some chance of survival or shoot himself to save the trouble. Donghae couldn’t dispute that fact and looking back now, he couldn’t be anymore thankful of Hyukjae taking his time out to teach Donghae because the first time he had to use a gun, he was out scavenging for food with Ryeowook and Kyuhyun, and it had save him, despite him missing his first shot. The second one didn't miss though and that what matter the most.

---

Living this kind of life where you never know if you’re going to die any second, it was terrifying and to go out by having your hand or head eaten by someone’s children, parents, or grandparents was different kind of feeling all together or worst of all becoming one of them. People had ask questions, why did this happen? What are these things? And are we going to survive through this?

The answer doesn’t reveal itself to any of them.

Donghae just come to accept this brave new world in the same way that he had accepted that the hands that helped healed Kibum’s injure leg also shot an old granny in the throat.

---

“Adaptability,” Jongwoon said to him one day when Donghae had helped him out with the kitchen, “more than any engineering skill or doctorate degree, it’s adapt or die. Evolution taught us if we can’t adapt to the changing environment around us we’re going to die off like the dinosaurs.”  

“But I thought the dinosaurs were wiped out by an asteroid,” he said, cutting up the carrot. Donghae was glad that they built a miniature farm in the base for them to grow the fruits and vegetables so they didn’t have to risk going far to hunt for them.

Jongwoon shook his head. “Nah, not all of the dinosaurs. Some of them live but the asteroid disturbed the climate and terrain so much that they couldn’t survive in it.”

“Oh,” he said.

Later that night, when he was laying in his cell, he thought that several hundred years from now will they be thought of the same wave length as the dinosaurs? Will there be anyone even alive by then to remember any of them?

Donghae didn’t sleep at all that night.

---

The thing about the end of the world is that how it doesn’t completely end. There are pockets of humanity trying to survive all across the world and every now and then Donghae’s group stumble upon survivors.

Most of the time, they are people looking for safety or just a sign that they are not alone in this hellish world. But sometimes, they get raiders and thieves and it’s almost comforting to see that even in the After people can still be expected to backstab and be all around .

Though, Donghae also finds that even as the danger of the world bring people together, it could also drive people to discard their moral and conscience. He had seen mothers abandoned their children and lovers sacrificing their beloved if it mean they can save themselves. The desperation and need to live, make some people throw away their humanity and Donghae thinks those people are just as bad as the monsters stalking beyond the gates out there.

He hopes if it ever come down to it for him, he wouldn’t make that choice, but then again the same people that sacrifice others were normal people previously (they were good parents, lovers, and friends in the Before) but the dire circumstance must have flipped a switch in their head that turned into selfless and thoughtless people who only think of their own survival.

Perhaps the true monster is the one sleeping inside of us and we’re just not aware of it.    

---

Even though the world is falling apart, his life becomes routine in a way he couldn’t expect. There are meals to cook, food to find, chores to be done, and missions to carry out. It was almost normal. Almost.

If he could ignore the horde of angry and starving undead that would claw at the wall outside their base, it would be like he was back in the Before and just hanging out with his friends.

In Donghae’s base, to help retain some semblance of sanity, they established game night where they play card or board games, that the scavenging group had brought back to the base, and even make up new games as they go along.

It bring up the base’s moral and built camaraderie, and the people that usually would never associate with each other in the Before now have every chance to do it and to survive this harsh world they have to built a relationship and connection that would eventually help them in their time of need.

In the After, who you are now is all that matter.

People’s previous identity and role were stripped away by the world ending and because in the end being the prime minister or just a school teacher doesn’t matter in the face of horror that awaits them everyday. For many it means being vulnerable and helpless and learning to change with this new environment. But for a few, like Hyukjae, this world is made for them.

“I been living on the street since I was fourteen and I learned to survived by the skin of my teeth,” Hyukjae told him one night after dinner, and on the rooftop of a watchtower where they meet every night to talk, “If you ever meet me on the street, I don’t think you would even given me a glance because that’s how low on the totem pole I was.”

Donghae cast a worried glance at him and opened a mouth to protest but Hyukjae cut him off, “No, I’m not berating you of anything,” he leaned his head up toward the sky, “that was just how the world was. You were on your way to be a doctor and saving lives and making a lot of money too but I was a nobody was just trying to live doing random odd jobs and trying to make a living out of nothing.”

He looked back at Donghae and reached up to caress Donghae’s cheek. “We would never meet given our circumstances but now that the world became like this, I managed to find you and you don’t have to see my failure and I can become someone that you can lean on and not be ashame of.”

“I wouldn’t--” Donghae started, but he choked on his next word because he knew what he said next would be a lie. Donghae is born the son of a wealthy businessman and a lawyer and he wouldn’t have any chance of crossing path with Hyukjae in life in the Before and even so if the did, Donghae’s parents would never approved of Hyukjae and Donghae--he simply doesn’t know what would happen to them.

“Don’t worry,” Hyukjae said, leaning in and kissing his forehead, “I’m not offended. I know that we would never be together like this if this world hadn’t turned into chaos.”

“Hyukjae,” Donghae muttered and leaned in to give him a hug.

And they stay like that a while, until Hyukjae pushed him away and looked hesitantly. “I’m actually happy of our current situation and wish we could always stay like this,” he confessed.

Donghae stared at him in stunned silent and doesn’t know what to say.

He smiled bitterly. “It’s disturbing isn’t it? That when the world had finally gone mad and everybody is just barely hanging on, but I found my strength and flourish in it and I found you.”

Donghae immediately reaches his hand out for Hyukjae’s and laces their fingers together. “It doesn’t make you a bad person, not when you did so much for us, for me.” He thought of how many times Hyukjae had save Donghae’s life and the lives he secured as he goes out everyday in the danger zone outside their walls to bring back food and supplies.

Hyukjae was the bravest person he knew and he was incredibly loyal and devoted to their group. There was no one in their group that doesn’t trust Hyukjae and Donghae couldn’t forget how when he had first came into the group and knew no one, Hyukjae was the first to eased him in and helped carried him in the group when Donghae couldn’t even kill a single undead.

Hyukjae had done so much for them and for Donghae, that he couldn’t fault Hyukjae for his desire because in the end Donghae find himself slowly accepting this new world. It gave him Hyukjae after all.

---

Though even has come to accept this world as his own, there are time that he hates it and finds it cruel.

Hangeng wasn’t the first one of them to be found infected but he was the first one of them who was close to both Donghae and Hyukjae and that wrecked Donghae’s heart.

Donghae remembered Heechul, who was always so strong and confident, broke down and threatened to kill anyone if they touch Hangeng. In their base, the people who are found infected were given mercy killing to risk any further infection... but it was mostly for the peace of mind for the infectee. They would rather died by bullet then be turned into a raging undead and harmed their friends.

People had tried to pull Heechul away from Hangeng, but Heechul remained steadfast in front of Hangeng like a lion mother defending her cub to the death and Donghae wondered nervously if it would resort to that level.

Hangeng lifted his hand away from his injured arm and touched Heechul’s shoulder. “Stop it. Do you want me to become like the things outside? Would you be happy for me to become a monster?”

Heechul spinned around and gasped out a heart wrenching, “No.”

“Then, you know what they have to do,” Hangeng said, giving Heechul a brittle smiled.

Several people start to reach for Hangeng then but Heechul put his hand out to stop them. “I’ll do it,” he said and Hangeng let out a quiet thank you.

Heechul took Hangeng into the lower level of the base and Donghae didn’t see him back until fifteen minutes later.

“I want to buried him next to his flowers that he love to tend,” Heechul said to Donghae.

He nodded gingerly and looked at grief-stricken Heechul and abruptly pulled Heechul into his arms. That day, he saw Heechul cried for the first time.  

Later when he was in bed with Hyukjae, who had just buried Hangeng, he held Hyukjae’s trembling hands and know that Hyukjae won’t cry because he had buried numerous of their friends and comrades already, so he cried for Hyukjae.

Hangeng's death that had cut right through him but it was Kibum’s death that broke him, because he could had foreseen and put a stop to it.

Kibum was a quiet man who was a musician in the Before and he and Donghae had became close due to the fact that they had shared a common social circle in the Before. Beside Hyukjae who had reached a hand out to him, Kibum was the second person he had made friends with and they went through alot together.

Though while Donghae learned to adapt to this new world, Kibum became more distressed and withdrawn by the deaths and living in constant fear. Donghae had tried to help him by asking Jungsu to regulate Kibum to duty on base only and he had thought that would help Kibum, but it apparently did nothing.

“I just want it all to end,” Kibum told him strangely one day, looking so sad and empty that Donghae want to wrapped him up in his embrace.

“It will one day,” Donghae promised, reaching over to cover his hand comfortingly and Kibum just nodded sadly at him and continued their work. He had thought Kibum had simply had one of his depressing episode and will pick himself up soon again but--

Three days later, they found Kibum dead. He had hung himself in his room and Donghae was the first to find his body. He had fallen to the ground in wretched horror and belief, because only just last night Kibum was singing to him a beautiful song and now he was gone.

If only he had seen the signs and put a stop to it! Kibum’s death could have been avoid if Donghae had pay more attention and talk to him.

It was Donghae’s fault that he had died and he couldn’t let go of Kibum’s body no matter how many people had tried to coax him away from it, laying over it and incessantly sobbing against Kibum’s dead body.  

It took Hyukjae coming in to drag Donghae’s out and brought him back to their room. He lay Donghae on the bed and told him it wasn’t his fault, don’t blame himself, and there was nothing you could have done.

“Does it get any better?” Donghae asked through the tears.

Hyukjae stopped his hand from Donghae’s hair momentarily. “No, it doesn’t,” he admitted and squeezed Donghae tighter.

That night the both of them drowned their feelings in each other body.

The world they live in now is harsh and undeniably cruel, it is merciless to those that are weak-hearted and Donghae hates how it easily take their lives away and suicide, unfortunately, isn’t all that uncommon for them because for some they simply can’t handle the world that they are ed in. Death seem to be an easier choice for them, especially when living mean they never have to face the aspect of the monsters outside the walls.  

Death is normal and expected in their new world but it doesn’t mean it ever stop hurting.

---

As the world is crumbling around them, Donghae and Hyukjae falls in love.

Donghae thinks that despite the hopelessness of their situation, that two people can meet in the aftermath of a world run by the dead and somehow despite all odds find comfort and love with each other. He guesses that this world isn’t so bad after all because Hyukjae is there with him, fighting alongside him.

And tomorrow, Hyukjae could go out on his scouting mission and be caught in an ambushed by them or Donghae could be bitten and be infected. They both can never know what tomorrow could bring for any of them but they live each day as though it would be their last so even if one of them is gone tomorrow, they won’t have any regret.

---

It’s the end of the world, but their story is only just starting. 

A/N: I love zombie apocalypse.