contains: psuedo-, stepbrother relationship

The storm came rushing in on a sunny mid Tuesday, when Hyukjae opened the door to his apartment to a cheeky grin and a body violently slamming into him, that he nearly lost his balance.

“Hyukjae-hyung!” Arms wrapped around him like vice grip. “I miss you!”

“D-Donghae?” he sputtered in disbelief, and desperately tried to detangled Donghae from him. “What are you doing here?!”

“So this is your new apartment?” he said, pushing Hyukjae aside as he ventured further into the apartment and with him, he dragged several heavy bags in.

“Donghae,” Hyukjae called out helplessly, but Donghae choose to ignore him as his eyes scanned the room, taking in Hyukjae’s living space and observing every details.

“Not bad,” he comments, and then frowns. “It’s very… clean and clinical, like someone’s hotel room, not very homey but I’ll fix it.”

“What are you doing here?” Hyukjae demanded, cheeks flushed and fists clenched at his side at the thought of his home being invaded by this ill-advised storm.

“Starting today, I’ll be living here from now on so please take good care of me, hyung,” said the smiling devil as as he dropped his bags down onto the floor of Hyukjae’s apartment, turning Hyukjae’s world upside down in the process.

“What?!”

---

There’s a sudden knock on his door. “Hyung,” Donghae calls from the other side of it.

“W-what is it?” he says, fumbling with the soap in his hand that had slipped from his grip when Donghae’s voice had startled him. “I’m taking a shower.”

“Do you want me to wash your back like when we were kids?” asks Donghae, and it sounds so innocent and harmless, like he was talking about the goddamn weather or something.

But Hyukjae’s entire body stiffens up, and wet and not prepare for this, he freezes in his spot as his eyes widen in horror and the soap slips from his hand, falling to floor the way he imagines his heart had just dropped from his chest right now.

---

“So how are you?” Heechul asks, handing Hyukjae his coffee and there’s an underlying message in there that bellies the tension in the air.

“What do you mean?” Hyukjae says slowly as he takes the cup from Heechul and puts it on his table.

Heechul takes a contemplative sip before giving Hyukjae a thoughtful look. “What, it been a month now since Donghae moved in with you?”

“Yea.” Hyukjae nods, the sick coil of dread unrolls in his stomach.

“I’m worried,” Heechul says, nursing his drink. “I don’t think it’s a good idea for you two to live together.”

Hyukjae stiffens up, withdrawing his hands from the table to place them on his lap. Underneath his desk, he balls them into a fist, hands curl tight that the nails dig into his flesh, and he welcomes the piercing pain. “I know what you are trying to say but I wouldn’t. He’s my brother. Blood or not, I would never–,” he says evenly, voice dry and devoid of all emotion but at Heechul’s annoyed huff he pulls to a stop.

“Don’t get so defensive. I didn’t mean it like that,” Heechul says, rolling his eyes. He puts his coffee down next to Hyukjae’s own before his eyes intently meet Hyukjae’s and sighs like Hyukjae’s entire existent is wearing him out.

“Then what do you mean?” he demands, unclenching his fists and there’s a sour taste in his mouth because it’s not like he doesn’t know it well, that he is disgusting and wrong.

“The tragedy of growing up with you guys is that I know you both well enough to be aware that you would rather gnaw off your own arm before you would ever do anything to hurt that boy but I also know Donghae.” Heechul makes a face. “You have always spoil him since we were children and I know he means well and his heart is in the right place but his attachment to you is—well, god that boy can be ruthless the way he dig in to you and rummage through your chest for any piece of you he can find with his bare hands, so I can’t help but be worry for you. So let’s not delude ourselves on who has the real power here.”

Hyukjae lets out a quiet shudder, thinking of Donghae rolling into his life like the most ill-advised storm that refuse to die out and who isn’t aware of the twist of the knife that stuck itself deep in Hyukjae’s chest whenever he thinks of Donghae, beautiful, bright, and completely untouchable Donghae; his own—not blood, not blood, he desperately attempted to fooled himself once when he was seventeen, trying to find an excuse for this outlet—brother whom he violates every night in his dream since Donghae had started filling out at sixteen and who has owns Hyukjae’s entire being since the day he had first flashed Hyukjae a smile at four years old.

Hyukjae should have said no, should have offer to pay for Donghae’s own place instead, knowing full well that neither of them will come out of this experience unscathed, but it been nearly five years since they share the same space and Hyukjae is weak when Donghae had smiled at him, sweet and hopeful asking if he could stay and Hyukjae can’t crush that brightness.

“Thanks for the concern but I know already, there’s just no going back now for me,” he says, giving Heechul a brittle smile. “Whatever happen, I’ll just learn to deal with it.”

Heechul stares at him for lengthy second before heaving out an exaggerated sigh. “You both totally deserve each other. You two are truly a pair of stupid brothers.”

When Donghae was ten years old, his grandmother visited them for the summer and brought along a handful of her famous strawberries that she had grown in her small garden back home.

Donghae took one juicy bite of the red pulp and nearly cried out in joy. He devour his portion and when he found himself with an empty bowl, he started to eye the strawberries in Hyukjae’s, who hadn’t eaten his yet.

Hyukjae smiled at Donghae’s obvious ogling of his portion. “Here you can have it all,” he said, pointedly offering his bowl up to Donghae and Donghae greedily took it without a thought.

Later that night as Donghae settled down to next to Hyukjae at the dinner table as their family chatter away.

“How did you like the strawberries I brought you?” Grandmother asked Hyukjae from across the dining room table.

Hyukjae shook his head. “I didn’t eat any.”

Grandmother frowned. “But it’s your favorite and you been looking forward to it all year long.”

Donghae froze up beside Hyukjae. “I—“ he began, turning to face Hyukjae with an anxious look on his face and an apology on his tongue but Hyukjae just give him reassuring smile.

Below the table, Hyukjae had curled a hand around Donghae’s and squeezed. “It’s fine, grandmother,” Hyukjae said, turning back to face her. “I can have it some other time or you can always bring more for us.”

And that wasn’t the first nor would be the last time Donghae’s experience Hyukjae’s kindness.

---

Donghae’s life has been tangled up with Hyukjae since he was four. Ever since he can remember every significant events that had happened his life Hyukjae was there, his warmth smile that often bestowed on Donghae and his rough but soft hand that held his, color all of Donghae’s memories.

Donghae can’t remember a time when Hyukjae wasn’t there with him, like the way the sun always rise in the East and set in the West, this has been rule that been upheld in his world—the only truth Donghae will accept but even when Donghae’s world is grounded by this assurance Hyukjae walks on his own path, unbound and free.

When Hyukjae was nineteen, he went somewhere where Donghae can’t follow. Not yet, anyway.

As soon as he had graduated high school, Hyukjae immediately enlisted in the military right away and that two years he spent waiting for Hyukjae to come back was long and aching and full of yearning, even when he had come back after his enlistment was over, Hyukjae opted to go to Seoul instead of staying in their home town.

Donghae was stuck at home, finishing up his schooling and playing catch up his older brother and even though he was gone from Donghae’s life, with only splinter phone calls and texts to fill the void he had left, his presence lingered and permeates everything that Donghae does.

Hyukjae left for Seoul and so Donghae must follow. It’s the way of things.

---

“Isn’t that weird?” Kyuhyun brows furrowed.

“What’s weird,” he asked from his position on the edge of the bed, staring down at the floor where Kyuhyun lay on the bed sheets spread out for him to use.

“I mean even though you guys are brother, you’re too close,” he mused, making a face. “Who at fifteen still share a bed with their brother?”

Donghae didn’t have an answer for that but he had never let anyone’s opinion dictated his life. “I do,” he retorted and threw a pillow at Kyuhyun to shut him up.

---

Getting a drink with Heechul is never a good idea.

They’re cousin by technicality of marriage but Heechul and him well—a stab in the eye is more preferable than dealing with Heechul right now. In normal circumstances, they would have been maybe friend at least but as the closest person to Hyukjae, Donghae can’t help resenting the fact that Heechul occupies more real estate in Hyukjae’s heart than he and the one person Hyukjae would openly confide in.

It’s a bitter feeling to know that though Donghae is close to Hyukjae but not enough for Hyukjae to turn to when he’s in need.

After ten minutes of idle chit-chat about nothing in particular and going literally nowhere, Donghae’s patient eventually runs out. “What exactly do you want,” Donghae demands with a suspicious look. “You called me here for a reason so spit it out. I have to get home soon or hyung will worry.”

Heechul lift his hands in a placating manners “You chased him all the way from your hometown to Seoul, forced your way into his life, and selfishly demand all his attention. Can you honestly say every one of your decisions was motivated entirely by your desire to reconnect with your brother? Is that all there is?” Heechul asks, voice cordial but his words are sharp and brutally blunt, jabbing at Donghae mercilessly.

Donghae stiffens against his chair and the bustle of the café fall deaf on his ears and everything goes dark and narrow down to this imposing figure sitting opposite of him—the boss on the last level of a game, which Donghae had never once beaten.

“Hyung is waiting for me at home, sorry I got to go,” he says, jerking up from his seat. Sometime retreat is the best plan even though somewhere deep in his mind, coward rings clear and through. “Let’s talk some other time.”

He get as far as a couple of steps form the table before he hears, “Donghae,” Heechul says to his back and Donghae reluctantly pulls to a stop, “you know to Hyukjae his family is the most precious thing to him. He’ll do anything for them.”

Donghae swivels around, hands balling into a fist by his side. “Of course I do,” he snaps and makes a run for it before Heechul can deal any more damage to his person.

---

Donghae comes home from his part-time work to a feast lay out on the dining room table.

Drawn to the tempting smell of food and an empty stomach, Donghae moves closer to it and stares at the mountain of food Hyukjae’s had cooked for them. “We’re also having for sundubu-jjigae tonight?” he asks, excited and nearly drooling. At the center of the table is a clay pot bubbling with seafood, tofu, vegetables, and spice—his absolutely favorite.

Hyukjae’s culinary skill has always been top-notch but this is truly something. Donghae picks up a pair of chopstick on the table and takes a tofu from the clay pot for himself as Hyukjae makes a displease sound beside him. “Oh,” he says, lighting up at the way the tofu practically melts in his mouth and the immediate burning heat that comes afterward, “the tofu is from Mongkuk right?”

He glances at Hyukjae who seems a little shifty the way he won’t exactly meet his eyes. “Yea,” he says, scratching his head in a rather dismissive manner, “you mentioned a couple of days ago how you are craving it so I got on my way home from work.”

Donghae gives Hyukjae a rather dubious look. His favorite shop that makes the best tofu for sundubu-jjigae is in the exact opposite direction of Hyukjae’s condo, actually on the other side of the city. It’s not exactly a trip made of convenience and Hyukjae must know it.

“Okay as much as I love this splendid dinner, why are you going all out today? Half of the food on table are my favorite and it’s not a holiday nor it’s my birthday. What brought this on?” he asks, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. “Are you planning to kick me out of your condo and this is your way of letting down gently?”

Hyukjae has the grace to looks sheepish. “No!” he protests. “It’s—just you seem down lately, so I wanted to cheer you up a little.”

Oh, he thinks. After meeting up with Heechul and running out on him, in the last few days Heechul’s words had been weighing down on him; Heechul really knows how to hit a person’s sorest spot.

But this is so unfair, how is he supposed to take Heechul’s word into consideration when Hyukjae does this to him? Going out of his way to make Donghae’s favorite dishes just because he was a little down, Donghae’s resistance can’t hold up against that kind of thoughtfulness.

“It wasn’t anything like that I was just a little stress from work so you didn’t have to do this, but thanks anyway,” he says coolly despite the flushed with an unrepentant happiness that sweep through him as Hyukjae returns a soft knowing smile.

Heechul doesn’t understand, doesn’t know what Donghae is up against every day. How is he supposed to go up against this monster that has him in its tender mercy.

---

Donghae has always known it.

Hyukjae is terribly kind and selfless, so he won’t deny Donghae anything. If Donghae gives a voice to this burgeoning feeling of his then Hyukjae would be oblige to answer. That is something Donghae can’t let it happen because even he is entirely too aware of his many faults, egocentric and spoiled, and obsessively desiring to command Hyukjae’s attention absolutely and refusing to hand it over to anyone or share Hyukjae’s time with anyone but even Donghae knows where to draw the line.

Unlike that strawberries filled summer when he was ten, Donghae won’t repeat that mistake again. He won’t let Hyukjae give in to one of Donghae’s whims.

Every day, despite his effort to fight it, his feeling only continues to grow and grow, but every night he crush it so that in morning he can greet Hyukjae as a brother. For Hyukjae, family is everything to him so Donghae will protect Hyukjae’s ‘family’, even if it mean killing this love of his—dead before it even has a chance to bloom.

a/n: i just needed a stepbro au in my life to complete it \\\o///