Chapter 50: Devoid

     The last rays of deep golden red sunlight streamed through the branches when Baekhyun finally moved. His tears had dried on his face and his skin felt uncomfortably tight. For what felt like hours, he'd drifted in and out, never fully asleep, but not alert either. 

     A check of his phone told him not much time had passed, but he felt wrung out and insensate as if days, or even months, had flown as he sat in the tree on his old childhood street. His tangled lifelines dangled from his excised heart like cut veins, leaving a numb hollow behind - Chanyeol, Jaehee, his parents. He had surgically clipped each one out of himself. As he put one foot in front of the other on the way to the train, he felt the invisible weight of the shears in his hands. There was only one thread now left to snip.

     He took the train to Mapo Bridge, where he watched the last breath of twilight.

     The lights came on as he crossed the bridge from one end to the other, unhurried, then back again to the middle. They shone like soft beams from heaven, and messages etched by some unknown hand asked him 'are you alright?' 'have you eaten today?' and 'you are loved' among others. He chuckled bitterly to himself, that a bridge had more compassion than most people in life. It had all been created to keep people from jumping, and yet everyone knew the effect had been the opposite. More than ever now, there were suicide jumpers. Baekhyun could see why.

     As his phone remained silent, his head buzzed with low static and his body felt numb. The thought of climbing up over the barrier did not phase him at all. He did not feel fear - he felt nothing at all.

     He stared into the dark waters. It would be the easiest thing he had done in months. In years. In his life.

     Jump, freefall, breathe in. That was all.

     He had wrapped up all loose ends, and the heady lure of peace in black waters coaxed his hand to the rail. He flexed his fingers around it. He would go quietly and no one would stop him. No one would hold him back. He was untethered, a leaf with no tree.

     He wrapped both hands around the rail and tested his weight against it. His thoughts converged into a singlemindedness that lent him clarity and numb courage. All he had to do was climb.

     A frantic ringtone broke the silence.

     At first Baekhyun did not acknowledge that the sound was coming from his pocket. The gentle sloshing of the waves below held all of his focus. But the buzzing against his leg was an unmistakeable sensation, and for a moment he considered not bothering to pick up. 

     But a part of him, very small and barely audible under the feelingless static, was curious as to who had remembered he existed at this exact moment. 

     He pulled his hand from the rail and pulled out his phone. It was CEO Park's personal number. Something clenched in his stomach, and he swiped to take the call.

     "Hello?" He said, and his own voice sounded strange and distant.

     "Executive Byun," CEO Park's deep voice filled his ears. "I'm glad you picked up. The secretary forwarded your message to me. You said it was urgent?"

     Baekhyun reeled. He slid down to sit against the guardrails of the bridge. "Yes... it wa-- is."

     "I am swinging by the office now to pick up a few items before I leave on a business trip for the week. Shall we meet this evening? I won't be back til the day before the court hearing for the lawsuit, and then we will both be preoccupied."

     Oh. Baekhyun nodded, then found his voice.

     "Yes. I'll be over soon," he said, voice thin as his head swam but nothing surfaced. 

     "Excellent. See you shortly." 

     Baekhyun dropped his hands to rest between his bent knees, the phone loosely clasped between them, and stared at the opposite side of the bridge.

     Slowly, mechanically, he pressed his hands to the floor and pushed himself up. He brushed the grit from his palms on the sides of his legs. He was halfway between the two ends of the bridge. He turned to head south, and began walking.

     The office was quiet, though not as much so as it had been in the vacant wee hours of morning. He could not remember any of his artists' schedules, whether there were award shows or recordings or shoots. He had cleared it all from his head. 

     The executive floor, however, was silent, save for a light at the end of the hallway where CEO Park's office was. Baekhyun did not spare his own office a glance as he walked down the hall, toward the door which sat slightly ajar and spilled a sliver of bright yellow out into the darkness.

     Baekhyun knocked politely on the first door, before pushing it open. The front room where the secretary sat was empty, and the door to the CEO's inner office was open. 

     "Sir?" He called quietly and knocked again before entering the CEO's private office.

     Park Ji Il was inside, inspecting the contents of a folder. He closed it at the sight of Baekhyun and offered him a genial smile. "Ah, Executive Byun. Glad you could come. Please, sit." He gestured to the armchairs, and Baekhyun bobbed a bow before moving to a chair on the side. CEO Park joined him, taking the head seat.

     "What was it you wished to discuss?" The older man asked, studying Baekhyun. Whatever he saw there must have tipped him off, for a frown cut his grey brow. "Is everything alright?"

     Baekhyun met Park's eyes and swallowed as his mouth went dry. His body still drifted with the unearthly feeling of having been so close-- so very near the silent end, that he was disoriented and unable to form a full thought. He was moving on auto-pilot. Everything was not alright, the thought occurred to him. Chanyeol and CEO Park and he were all about to face a unnecessary trial, that he could singlehandedly prevent. But his head was so empty, and his body and heart were empty, and so he defaulted.

     "I'm sorry," his said softly, and somehow the sound of his own voice, in this office, before this man, brought him back to earth. "Sorry, I've worried you," he amended, and a little strength came into his voice. His eyes held Park's, and the man was listening, and looking straight at him. This esteemed man had believed in him when even he hadn't.

      He felt air rush into his lungs as if for the first time, and heard the beat of his heart in his ears. He was still alive. And he could not cut off this one final lifeline.

     "I've found a lead," he said, finally answering the question.

      Something buried in his mind supplied words to his mouth. Zhang Yixing. Last night. He was barely aware of what he was saying. "He's brilliant. He will get snatched up quickly if another agency realizes his talent. If not as an idol then as a composer. He has what it takes."

     The CEO's face brightened, and he seemed genuinely pleased. "That's wonderful news. I had faith in you for a reason."

     The words hit Baekhyun squarely in the chest, nearly winding him with contrast. "Thank you," he said and it took him a moment to continue, knowing CEO Park would never fully understand that thanks. "I took your words to heart. He may not be perfect but it is what makes him unique. He sings, plays a number of instruments,  dances, and composes his own work. He can easily be marketed to a demographic slightly younger than Kris', and will also appeal to the older market because he is well mannered and genteel. Where Kris is the rebel, Yixing is an easy addition to the market. He would be a great addition to our portfolio of artists, and being Korean-Chinese he has crossover potential."

     Park smiled.

     "I haven't heard you speak with such passion about anything for quite a while." Park sat back. "I am glad to her it. I admit I was worried for a while."

     Baekhyun swallowed, and the smile wiped from his face. "Sir?"

     CEO Park sat back, steepling his fingers, and shook his head. "It seemed like something was amiss. You seemed unhappy, but I admit I do not have enough time to speak personally with everyone in the office, which is unfortunate. I could not make out if it was related to the job, or something personal, or perhaps the lawsuit. Is everything alright with your fiancée? Family?"

     Baekhyun could have laughed. A desperate, unhappy sound. A fraction of it escaped him in a short sorrowful laugh. He realized, all of a sudden, that he could be honest about this, if not all of it.

     "My engagement is over," he said around the lump in his throat. "And my family is not pleased."

     "Mm," the CEO hummed, and nodded. "Families rarely are. My own divorce and remarriage caused all sorts of uproar both with my family and the board, which are also a family of sorts, bound by finance if not blood."

     Baekhyun's head lifted a little as he blinked at the CEO. The man had never shared much by way of personal details before, but everyone knew about his marriage to Jessica, who still caught flack for it, though oddly he never considered that CEO Park, too, had vocal opponents. And that he had fought them, and held his ground, and continued to be successful despite it.

     "It doesn't get better with age, then?"

     CEO Park laughed heartily. "No, it doesn't."

     And somehow knowing