27. Let Go
Phoenix Rising
Chapter 27: Let Go
A drink turned into several. At Baekhyun's insistence, they crossed the river and headed to Hongdae, descending upon the most derelict dive they could find. In leather and kohl, Baekhyun wrapped himself thickly in disguise, cloaked in a second skin comprised of everything his subconscious found grotesque, foreign, and deeply desirable. He wore his sins on his sleeve and let himself be the dark blemish in a spotless society, something to turn away from and revile. In the pit of his own personal hell, he sought that which he could wear like armor, that which would fortify him against the cold winds of the life he had ruined, punish, and condemn him.
It stung.
After knocking back a number of shots that burned his tender throat, still raw from crying, restlessness gripped Baekhyun and he insisted they move on to another bar. He dug his fingers into Chanyeol's arm and held on for dear life. His head spun and he swayed, but there was a strong arm at his back, a reassuring hand at his waist. For just one night he would revel in his disgust and failure and behave like the dregs of society that he was, drinking away his sorrows and leaning uselessly upon the pillar of unfailing support that had found him so unexpectedly, like driftwood come by a shipwrecked sailor on his last breath. He threw himself wholly into ruin, not knowing if he would make it to tomorrow, while halfheartedly hoping he wouldn't.
"This... is what they call a hot mess," he professed to Chanyeol as they sat across from one another at an outdoor barbeque joint. When Chanyeol was left supporting most of Baekhyun's weight, he'd suggested none too lightly that they eat. So they sat across from each other at a small round table on the patio, perched on low stools thronging a grilling table. Chanyeol picked at the meat before them with his chopsticks and set a few pieces on Baekhyun's plate before they burned on the grill.
"Yep." Chanyeol said as he took a bite for himself. "You're hot... and you're a mess."
Baekhyun grimaced, more so with one side of his face than the other, and took a swig of the bitter alcohol at hand. "And you're weird," he slurred as he studied Chanyeol's seemingly unaffected demeanor.
"How so?" Chanyeol asked, arching a brow. A slow smile tugged at the corners of his full lips.
Baekhyun realized he had not seen Chanyeol smile in some time. He took a deep swallow of his drink.
"You're... you're too much." he waved a hand. "I'm just the drunk ajusshi from the bar. Remember?" He laughed to himself, recalling the story Chanyeol had told him of that night, and of all the other nights when he'd carted his limp body home. His laughter was tinged with a sad bitterness, like the crude aftertaste of a bright, beautiful cocktail. "You threw my glass at the wall. You said don't jump off a bridge. You say all these things." He waved a hand. "And now you're here letting me... be my worst. You're...just weird," he concluded, settling his watery gaze on the guitarist, "Phoenix."
Chanyeol canted his head curiously at the sudden use of his stage name. Just as he opened his mouth to speak, his phone sang out, drawing a furrow between his brows. The ringtone was Kai's - a raw cut of the vocalist singing and hitting a sour note, then dissolving into laughter.
"." Chanyeol groaned, rubbing at his temple. Baekhyun looked on curiously and poured himself another shot, slopping the clear liquid all around the glass.
"You. Eat," Chanyeol said pointing his chopsticks first at Baekhyun, then at the food. Only then did he answer the call.
"Yessirrr," Baekhyun rolled his eyes and took a begrudging bite. He rested his chin on the back of one hand, dangling the chopsticks precariously between the fingers of his other.
"We-he-helllll look who it iss," Kai drawled and chirruped. "Where you at hyung?"
"Eating," Chanyeol said as he poked at the grill and turned the foil wrap of mushrooms over. "Where are you guys? Did you eat?"
"We went to a show cuz you didn't show~~" Kai sing-songed. "But now we're gonna put on a showww," he slurred. In the background, Chanyeol heard voices, and then Kai giggled. Chanyeol's brows rose and he shook his head, smiling despite himself.
"Come put on a show with us, Chanyeollll, it's been awhile~" Kai purred over the line, before a squawk and squabble sounded on the other end, after which Tao's voice came through. "What he means is we're going to noraebang. Couldn't get a hold of you earlier, so we went out."
"Yeah... sorry about that." Chanyeol said as he watched Baekhyun eat, birdlike but better than nothing at all. The latter lifted his head and gave Chanyeol a quizzical look. "Something came up." Chanyeol said into the phone as he held Baekhyun's gaze for a heartbeat. Baekhyun blinked with curiosity, kohl rimmed eyes slightly bloodshot. His hair stood up in tousled of jet black around his head, offsetting the ivory pallor of his skin. Chanyeol's gaze settled in the soft v-shaped dip at the center of his upper lip.
"You want to go to NRB with us?" Tao asked. In the background Kai's voice rung out, raucously demanding his phone back.
"Mm... who all is there?" Chanyeol asked as he chewed on a piece of marinated beef.
"The whole gang. The girls came out, too. Ga In got us into a show earlier and Hyuna was there so we're all going."
Chanyeol covered the phone for a moment and eyed Baekhyun. "Some friends are getting together for noraebang... want to go?"
Baekhyun was in the process of dropping a piece of beef repeatedly; his coordination was suffering as liquor seeped steadily into his system. "Yes?"
"You know Ga In already... she'll be there."
"Cool." Baekhyun said distractedly as he finally caught the piece of meat between the steel sticks and lifted it to his lips.
Chanyeol lifted the phone to his ear again. "Yeah, we'll join you. Where are you guys?"
Tao explained the whereabouts of the noraebang, and Chanyeol nodded. "We're just down the road from there actually. We'll be there in a bit."
"Alright, we'll get a room. How many people are you bringing?" asked Tao.
"Just a friend."
The conversation ended and Chanyeol slid his phone into his pocket. The meat was mostly decimated, what scraps remained had burned on the grill. Baekhyun's interest in eaing had waned along with their supply of booze. Chanyeol paid for the meal and they strolled out of the barbeque joint, Baekhyun swaying none too lightly in his step. A warm hand fell to his shoulder, steadying him as they took to the lively streets of the college town.
The bars and hofs were full, restaurants in full swing with the late night crowd. Baekhyun watched the citizens of Hongdae with foggy curiosity. Walking alongside Chanyeol, he was gripped with a strange lightness - an out of body feeling of watching himself from afar. He saw himself as a student again, a carefree youth enjoying the freedom of a time past. He saw himself as just another passerby on the street, another outlandishly styled rebel with a cause. He saw himself as new, broken into a thousand pieces and put back together in a new shape, something amorphous and terrifying. His reflection scissored and warped upon windowed storefronts under the glow of neon signs. The sizzle of street food filled his head and the bu
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