A/N: Ever since I wrote that 4th chapter in Jihye's perspective, I've wanted to write in the red-car-owner-doctor's point of view too. The idea has been bugging for a while but it never gets finished, until recently I find the muse again! So here it is. I hope you enjoy this chapter despite not containing many Yoonjae/Joonhee.

Unrequited love is like a smoking addiction.

You can't just quit even though it destroys you inside.
 

We met during the freshmen orientation week of Seoul National University, College of Medicine. I was the third year sunbae and he was one of the freshmen in the group I was in charge of.

At that moment, Kang Joonhee was simply a name I read from the attendance list. He wasn't the most talkative, nor he ever caused trouble. With my attention divided equally to the twenty others, I wouldn't call that our first encounter.

Instead it was few months later when some of the guys from that group gathered together again for a simple catch-up and bonding at a bar. They also used the chance to complain and ask for study tips from the seniors, for they were already struggling in their first semester.

Then one of them casually pointed him out.

“We can't all be like this Joonhee right here. All A's on the last mid term quizzes.”

That was the first moment I looked at him. Said boy was smiling and declaring himself simply lucky, that the test coincidentally asked what he particularly paid attention to during the lectures.

My instant impression was that he had a kind atmosphere around him. Maybe it was the polite way he talked. Or maybe the humble words he chose. Or maybe it was just his smile. He had a very nice smile.

He was fine looking too. And I wondered how I failed to notice him before.

Later on we were playing a drinking game I initiated. Each would tell about their stupidest decisions in life, and those who thought it funny enough ought to drink. The point was simple really, have a laugh and get drunk.

“I applied to Air Force academy only because my crush wanted to go there,” was what Joonhee said on his turn, earning a chorus of disbeliefs. “Since I'm the only one who passed, I withdrew my application and ended up here.”

I raised an eyebrow at that. A smart guy like him stooped for love? Now that was very interesting. I found myself impressed too. I'd always held admiration towards people who went through all the hassles just to chase on what they truly liked.

Then it was soon my turn and my answer was the same as what I usually said on an occasion like this, “I ed a random girl once and told her afterwards ‘Thanks, now I’m sure I'm gay.’ Then she slapped me and told everyone, and that was how I came out of the closet last year.”

Everyone roared in laughter, including the other seniors who had heard the story multiple times. But I noticed how Kang Joonhee's face showed more hints of curiosity than glee. Funnily enough, he turned away blushing when he realized my gaze was on him.

I made quick mental note to myself. Kang Joonhee. One of the top students in his batch, kind, smiley, and devoted to love.

Most likely gay too, I added with a smirk.

I remembered regretting not asking for his contact that night, my mind too clouded by the amount of alcohol in my system. If I was not mistaken Joonhee was one of the few who left before midnight too, saying that his roommate was probably waiting.

I could have properly tried finding him, asking him out on date, getting to know him better... but I decided he was not worth the effort. Not yet. Not when school was getting hectic for me too. Not when he himself had not shown any interest in me.

So I thought, maybe next time. If we happened to cross paths again in the future, I would at least tell him that he possessed a very attractive smile.

I was not a fate believer, but sometimes I had to admit its work and existence.

The next two semesters we got paired up for his pre-internship project. I had almost forgotten completely about him, was it not for the fact that the boy smiled right away as he recognised me instantly.

“Ah, we meet again Sunbaenim. Remember me? I'm Kang Joonhee, from the orientation group.”

Yes. You are the one with a very attractive smile.

“Yes. You are the one who applied for KAFA, aren't you?” I mentally cursed my inability to be daring. Next time, Daehyun, there's always a next time.

He was clearly surprised though, and laughed heartily, “Impressive memory! No wonder you're chosen for this project. I hope I won't be slowing you down.”

I smiled in reply, “It's probably the other way round. Year two and already planning for internship, ambitious or simply genius?”

Shrugging, he answered with an expression that gave away a hint of sadness. “I just want to occupy my time more. Take my mind off things.”

I patted his shoulder, somehow not wanting to hear more. The frown didn't suit him. We continued to talk about the project instead and I found him to be a brilliant partner indeed.

We became fast friends too, since most of our time was spent in the clinic lab. I loved how he knew when to be serious, when to argue during projects discussion, or when to admit defeat when proven wrong. But I adored he was a dear company overall, the caretaker-type who complimented me perfectly.

It was just very easy to like him, as a friend and growingly as something more.

When I graduated, I got the offer to continue working in National University Hospital as a full-timer. I was thinking of renting a place nearby, because I’d be expected for overtime and sudden calls, the downside of being a sad, car-less ER doctor.

So with a lot of hope, I asked Joonhee to stay with me. Afterall, he’d be taking proper internship too in the same year. Might as well we rent together, cheaper and easier for the both of us.

I never saw Joonhee look that conflicted before. Knowing that lying was never his forte, he then told me his dilemma.

About a man named Yoon Yoonjae.

If before I only suspected having feelings for Joonhee, now I knew for sure. Joonhee seemed to light up when he spoke about this guy – I did not pay much attention to the rest as his voice got drowned in what I recognised as jealousy, inside me.

And I hated how Joonhee’s expression turned sorrowful, as he reeled his high school memories.

“Living with him all this time was difficult for it was hopeless,” he concluded, then looked at me knowingly. “If I stayed with you, you’d end up the same, you know?”

I grimaced. Of course he knew.

“Isn't there a chance that you end up moving on from him and be in love with me instead? Happy ending for everyone.” I asked, defeated.

“My sister said the same thing.” He gave a small chuckle. “But, I don’t think I can. I can’t leave him as a best friend. But I can't just fade my feelings either all this time. I’m sorry Daehyun-sunbaenim.”

“Anyway. Regardless of your or my feelings, the offer is still there okay? I’m renting a place and I am in need of a roommate who doesn’t mind the fact that I’m gay. Preferably one that I know is not a slob.”

Joonhee nodded. And my heart ached seeing the sad expression lingering on his handsome face.

I was relieved though when nothing changed irreparably. The next day he was still the same Joonhee I always knew. A hoobae with the gentlest smile and caring heart.

None of the things spoken that day was ever brought up again. I still liked him, but I didn’t try dwelling on it. He probably still liked his Yoonjae, whom I sometimes saw visiting to grab quick lunch with him, but I didn’t probe either. Afterall, job was always busy. I didn’t have much time allocated for heart matters.

It was one tiring evening when I returned to my office to find Joonhee sitting at the desk, deep in thoughts he didn’t even realize me coming. He often shared my desk since the interns didn’t have their own offices, but this was way past his working hour.

“You’re still here?”

He jumped a little at my voice, then looked at his watch. “Ah, yea. I talked to Yoon-sunsangnim and Shiwon earlier. Came back here to think for a bit.”

“I see that.” I noted that Joonhee had become a little worked up since Yoonjae’s brother got admitted. Seeing his crush and his crush’s crush on daily basis surely took a toll in anyone’s mind. “But I’m heading back soon. So please kindly move your thinking elsewhere,” I said, trying to bring up the mood.

He nodded, stood up and moved towards the door, but stopped in front of the dashboard on the wall, staring at something pinned on it in silence. “Sunbaenim?”

“Hm?”

“Are you still looking for a roommate?”

I turned to him, unable to contain my surprise. “Yes,” I breathed, trying not to sound too hopeful but failed as miserably.

“Shiwon likes him too,” he muttered. “It only makes sense if I’m out. When is the latest I can confirm to you?”

“Right now!”

He smiled a little bit at that, knowing really well that I knew he would probably change his mind if given more time. “Let me think of a reason first so Yoonjae could accept it. If it’s not strong enough, he’s gonna beg me not to leave and my strong will today will be wind.”

He’s going to move in with me. Kang Joonhee is going to move in with me!

“Joonhee-ah.”

“Yes?”

“Don’t bother. You are a terrible liar.”

He laughed sheepishly, “I’ll ask Shiwon to mentor me then. She is the best.”

So he moved to stay with me and I had to admit, he was the best roommate anyone could ever ask for. He cooked and cleaned and even fixed things I didn’t notice were broken – despite me insisting he didn’t have to.

Yoonjae visited less often as time went by. Shiwon came a little bit on higher frequency, but mainly just to use Joonhee as a listening ear. It took no psychologist really to note that Joonhee felt lonely.

He never was close with his batchmates when he’s at school. During lunchtime at work he would chat with me and other doctors, but that was it. And when we got home, we were too tired to do anything else but sleep and prepare for another hectic tomorrow.

I was thinking to take a leave one of these weekends, go on a good trip or something, and I wanted to take Joonhee. Not only was it beneficial for both of our sanity, I did want to make it a date. Considering the latter reason, I looked at the calendar and chose Joonhee’s birthday since it fell so nicely on the weekend in a fortnight. That would be the perfect occasion.

However, apparently his friends thought exactly the same. “Sorry I’m not free on that weekend. Shiwon already booked my time, without even a choice to say no.”

Joonhee was gone from Saturday evening until Monday dawn. As much as he tried to hide it, I immediately knew. He had broken his heart again. He seemed to be hurting some place else too, which caused me to feel more anger than jealousy.

That was not how you treat your best friend who was in love with you; easing your guilt by ing him once and left him be afterwards, and blatantly asking him to stay being your best friend. That was just not done! What the heck was going on in Yoon Yoonjae’s mind?

But this was never spoken. He knew I knew, and that was all.

Perhaps I was stupid too. I should have given up my own feelings learning that Joonhee was a hopeless case. But I found myself renewed in determination instead.

After that I’d still try asking Joonhee for decent quality time, be it for a rather fancy dinner outside or watching movies together at home. I tried to input things I knew he liked too, like going for karaoke and club so he could sing and dance, even to Kpop fan events which I had zero knowledge and interest in.

He agreed mostly because of his own guilt, rather than giving me a chance. But I didn’t care. He seemed to have a good time, despite not with the most prefered company.

We kissed once. It was him who asked, intoxicated with soju one night when we were celebrating for his final examination. It took all my self control not to take advantage of him, knowing full well it wouldn’t be me in his hazed vision. He said thanks in the morning, both of us felt pounding in the head as well as in the heart.

He then became a full-timer at SNUH too. It amazed me how much work he put that made his career progressed even better and faster than mine. Dates were now rare as we both got very busy, but I was relieved enough to know there was no room for Yoonjae or Shiwon anymore in his limited 24 hours.

Joonhee was with me when a call came from Shiwon, announcing that she was pregnant. He looked sincerely happy for her so I didn’t dwell on it.

Due to her regular check up, the three of them met every now and then. I was bitterly impressed how fine everything had looked from the outside. As cheerful as always Sung Shiwon, the boyfriend who was always annoyed at her whims Yoon Yoonjae, and caring middle man slash best friend Kang Joonhee. Nothing changed at all.

When the couple got married and had their first child born, Joonhee was there too. He really shouldn’t be, as I knew how long the list of desperate patients he turned down, all just to accompany a man waiting for his wife giving birth.

Joonhee was sometimes selfish like that, when it came to prioritizing Yoonjae.

My 27th birthday was definitely the best day of my life. It was most exciting because – wait for it – I was finally buying a car!

Yes me, the dirt poor aspiring ER doctor, had finally collected enough money to purchase a car!

Even better I managed to snatch Joonhee from his schedule to accompany me on choosing. The young surgeon was surprisingly more knowledgeable in the area. Apparently he once considered saving up and getting a car for Yoonjae and Shiwon's marriage present, before the groom insisted that he loved his old Onata car just the way it was.

I thought I could only afford a simply functional and practical car, but Joonhee managed to find pretty good deals for me. Eventually I settled with one of the few models that captured my attention at first sight – a flashy, shiny red sports car.

What completed my joy was how Joonhee was very much himself, laughing freely and looking very relaxed as I took him speeding across the city. It was a rare sight, a real treasure and the best gift I could ever ask for.

Joonhee had a high school reunion dinner one evening, so he shifted his schedule to later in the night. Coincidentally the Emergency Center wasn’t short on staffs either when I checked, so I decided to file in early leave too.

Having good time? I’m leaving work now. Let me know when you finish. I’ll fetch you back to hospital.

I sent the text to Joonhee once I got approved. The reply came in shortly.

Yeah. We’re almost done eating and just mulling over the past now. Should be done in an hour or so. Enjoy your ride!

I smiled. He knew me well!

Since we lived near the hospital, I only used the car when I felt like it, instead of as a daily need. A few times Joonhee had kept me company, but more often I went alone, roaming the streets aimlessly and satisfying my usually dimmed introverted side.

I liked to call it my me-time, a date with myself. Being alone like this without any distraction allowed my thoughts to just flow, letting me reflect back on my life, on my decisions, and simply getting to know myself better.

Especially thoughts revolving Kang Joonhee.

Thus an hour of free-driving sounded perfect. I did need time to sort my heart out. To analyse and understand the situation instead of just daily living it.

Let’s see…

If I were to be optimistic, I felt that our relationship wasn't that hopeless anymore. At the very least Joonhee actually liked my company, had fun instead of feeling obligated in our dates, and not turn away in disgust when I sometimes touched him – he simply stiffened a bit and became shy – which was so damn cute.

If I were to be realistic, I better not dream of ever replacing Yoon Yoonjae in his heart. Even if Joonhee one day fell in love with me, the married lawyer would continue to be his top priority. And this, I had to accept. What other choice did I have?

My hands were on auto-pilot, I noticed I was now driving alongside the Han river. The city just didn’t sleep. People crowded the sidewalk as if the sky wasn’t pitch dark. I saw couples here and there, illuminated by the lights and the smokes. And I wondered...

I wondered how things would have turned out had I not been paired up with Joonhee on that pre-internship project. No no, even further. Had I not met him at that bar, had I not witnessed his captivating smile and kind aura…

I would’ve probably gone on flings here and there, ed any guy who was interested since finding another decent out-of-the closet gay guy in Korea was like finding a special needle in the needlestack. I had no idea how to tell nor where to start.

I would’ve probably focused even more in my career. I’d probably take up higher degree learning, probably overseas, and became a specialist like Joonhee, instead of ER doctor despite that being exactly my childhood dream.

Would I have been happier?

Maybe I would’ve had less heartbreaks. But maybe my heart would’ve gotten cold too. I had had many crushes in my life, but I hadn’t yet loved anyone like I loved Joonhee. Why did I even love him? What was it in him that captivated me this way?

His smile, that one was obvious. His gentleness and caring nature, as if when you spend time with him you know you are in good hands, and you will have a good time. Nobody could dislike or distrust Joonhee. That was how he charmed all his patients too.

But those reasons were merely a trigger for attraction and affection. What made it last?

Joonhee told me he didn’t know either why he had loved Yoonjae in the same way. “If I knew, I should be able to figure out how to stop,” was what he said. I remembered insisting there must be something, for anything had its reason, cause and effect. But now as I faced my own question I was left dumbfounded.

The reason I like you? Because it’s you. Just you. That’s the only reason.

I was late to pick him up. It was raining, and Joonhee was waiting alone when I reached.

He seemed to be in good mood though, smiling as he entered my car and not pointing out my lateness. He started to talk about the antiques of his friends, and he mentioned how grown Yoonjae’s and Shiwon’s little girl had been. They were even expecting a second child.

“But the best part is this. They offered to drive me back to the hospital,” Joonhee said, looking faraway out of the window, “And I told them someone will pick me up. Someone I’m seeing lately.”

I turned towards him instantly, mouth dropping.

“Shiwon was giggling knowingly. Yoonjae was surprised, but he seemed happy for me too. I bet they wanted to probe me further but thankfully Seunghee urged to go home.”

I was still speechless.

“I hope you are okay if I refer you as that, someone I’m seeing lately, the next time they visit the hospital.” Joonhee seemed so amused at my reaction, he just chuckled and bid me a goodnight as I dropped him off at the hospital.

When I reached home, then I grinned like an idiot.

That reunion was like a proper closure for him, I mused. Joonhee was a lot livelier after that, especially when spending time with me. He even actively made suggestions sometimes, such as what to do next weekend, or which eating place sold better dishes.

On top of that, he wanted to introduce me to his twin sister, Jihye. I knew Joonhee allocated few minutes before sleep to call her every now and then, but I was surprised when he actually asked if I didn’t mind being introduced to her.

He put the phone on speaker, and I was greeted with a voice that was in higher pitch but bearing the same gentleness as Joonhee’s.

“Please take good care of my brother,” was what she said towards the end. “He likes to make stupid decisions.”

Joonhee scowled at that, but I met his eyes and smiled as I answered his sister, “I will.”

After the phone call disconnected, I leaned in to kiss Joonhee on the lips, testing out my luck. He stiffened up as usual, and his hand automatically moved to push me away. But eventually he didn’t. He didn’t really respond to the kiss either though, so I left it chaste and pull away.

A small smile remained on those lips I just captured. And I knew this was the perfect moment to say what I had wanted to tell him for so long.

“You have a beautiful smile.”

Did I ever mention before, that even if I managed to get Joonhee to love me back, Yoon Yoonjae would continue to be his top priority and I could accept that?

Well I was wrong. I could not accept it when it actually happened.

Yoon Shiwon got admitted to the hospital this morning, under my care in ER and we soon deducted that she had a cirrhosis and liver failure. Yoon Yoonjae was panicking in the waiting room, and next to him was Kang Joonhee trying his best to provide consolation.

Joonhee suddenly emptied half of his schedule, using those time to consult with the liver specialists and went on studious research. Apparently her condition was a serious one, or so I heard.

Even at home he spent his time on the internet, discussing with other surgeons across the world. When I urged him to sleep once, and Joonhee got angry at me instead.

I became angry too. Furious even. It was 3AM in the morning and I stomped outside, hopping into my car and drove away.

I did not understand. For one, Joonhee was a brain specialist! This totally did not fall under his responsibility. Secondly, I could not accept that he still would sacrifice everything for the stupid couple.

Not after the dates we went on, the kisses we shared, the care and attention and sweet smiles that were directed only to me the past three years…  I just couldn’t accept it.

Or maybe him loving me back was just a delusion. He probably thought he had moved on too. Afterall, Joonhee would never pretend and lie unless unintentionally.

Well those pretenses were gone now. Yoonjae needed him, and thus I would be casted away.

And that hurt.

“He needs me. And I will find a way. Not even you can stop me, Hyung!” was what he shouted, replayed again now in my memory. He had been calling me “hyung” instead of “sunbaenim” since we started “dating”, but it seemed pointless now.

I’m sorry, Jihye. I wish I had the power to stop your brother from making stupid decisions.

Joonhee made a stupid decision indeed.

The worst part? I overheard it from a doctor in liver department.

Shiwon’s condition was deteriorating so fast, that the scheduled transplantation surgery had to be pushed forward. The donor was supposed to be a dying man who had a terrible , whose family had decided to give up on after months of his comatose state. However, the family refused to change the agreed date.

Stupid Joonhee just had to volunteer as replacement.

I headed to his office. I knew he might not be there and was probably having lunch with Yoonjae somewhere instead. But I could wait.

My steps halted by the door. Joonhee was in fact there in his desk, lost in deep thoughts with tears threatening to drop from his eyes.

That stunned me. I had yet to see Joonhee cry, in all these 10 years of knowing him.

He then looked up, and I wished I didn’t notice how he lit up a bit seeing me, but then looked back down and wiped his eyes hurriedly.

“Are you here to scold me, Hyung?”

I shook my head. “You made it pretty clear last night, Joonhee. I have no right to interfere with whatever decisions you made regarding your Yoonjae.”

Great, not only harsh I also sounded so damn salty.

Joonhee looked like he wanted to argue with what I said, but he remained silent.

“I didn’t mean to shout at you, I’m sorry,” was what he settled with. “And I should have told you too. You probably have heard from the liver department.”

What does it matter? I bit my bitter response and walked over towards him. He stood up and I hugged him, burying my face in his shoulder.

“Why were you crying earlier?”

“I wasn’t," Joonhee automatically responded defensively before sighing, "…Yoonjae accused me that I wanted Shiwon to die. So I can have him to myself."

I frowned. That was the most ridiculous notion I’d ever heard. Did Yoonjae even know his best friend at all?

Or perhaps it wasn't that ridiculous. That man was gripped by the fear of losing his wife. It was understandable that he fell to an emotional outburst. Surely he’d soon apologize after calming down.

“I’m sure he didn’t mean it.” I let go of my embrace. By chance I turned back, frowning as I saw through the half-covered glass window the back of a familiar man walking away.

“I think he came to apologize and saw me hugging you.”

Joonhee followed my train of vision, then sat back down on his chair. “It’s alright. Let him believe I have no feelings for him anymore.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes at that. Anyone who knows you well could tell, Joonhee. There is something in the way you look at him. It has never changed. Those feelings aren’t and likely never will be gone.

I held his hand before they put anesthesia on him. Strangely enough, he was the one who assured me he’d be fine.

“Did Jihye even know about this?”

Joonhee shook his head. “Can you tell her though, if something went wrong?”

I scowled. “You just said nothing will go wrong.”

Laughing, he sat up and to my surprise pulled me down, landing a soft peck on my lips. “I’ll see you after the surgery, Hyung.”

The surgeons gave us a ready signal. Joonhee lied back down, I stood watching as they pushed his cart into the operating room.

Outside I saw Yoon Yoonjae on a close proximity for the first time, worry in his face as he tried to dial a number on his phone. I knew he had not met Joonhee since they had a fight, so I concluded he did not know the man he was trying to call was inside the room with his wife, doing the exact opposite of his accusation.

“Yoon Yoonjae?” I called him.

His head shot up, confusion turning into slight hostility as he recognised who I was. “Maybe you don’t know. But it is Joonhee inside. Donating part of his liver for your wife.”

I left him gasping in shock, back to work and distracted myself from the worry.

I heard it went well.

Both Joonhee and Shiwon recovered and opened their eyes at nearly the same time. I saw that Yoonjae chose to be by Joonhee’s side instead.

I visited Joonhee’s room later in the night, before going home after my shift. He seemed like he had just finished a phone call, and I could guess from his slightly upset expression that it was his sister and scolding him for being recklessly selfless again.

Joonhee lit up seeing me coming in. “I expected you to be there when I wake up, Hyung. Not this late! You have disappointed me.” He joked.

I leaned to kiss his forehead. “Well, forgive me I didn’t want to interrupt the two of you kissing,” I admitted, trying to keep my tone light.

To my surprise he only sighed. “I pushed him away you know? Told him to go see Shiwon.”

“It’s okay Joonhee. You don’t have to feel like you’re cheating or something. Because we–" I swallowed painfully. “We are not a couple.”

Joonhee looked at me with an unreadable expression. And I decided to end this conversation. I came to see him smiling and recovering, not upset and looking paler each second.

“The answering machine doesn’t run out of messages for you, by the way. You get well wishes from most of the families you’ve helped. I’ve saved the records for you to listen to when you’re out.”

The genuine joy in his face told me that changing the topic was a correct decision.

Less than a week later though, I got interrupted during work by one of the interns at liver department. He told me that Joonhee’s health suddenly dropped today. They managed to stabilize him for now but they were still looking into the cause, if anything had gone wrong during the surgery.

He regained consciousness in the evening, though hissing every now and then about the pain in his lower abdomen and looking very fatigued. But he managed a small smile when he saw me coming in.

“Hyung… I wrote letters. In my office. If I di–”

“You aren't going to die,” I cut him. “You promised you’ll be fine.”

He ignored me and just gripped my hands tighter. “If I die, can you deliver them? For Yoonjae.. Jihye.. and one for you too.”

“You aren’t going to die…” I repeated. “And you’re going to explain to me why you’re suddenly like this.”

Joonhee did not answer, groaning as another wave of pain attacked his stomach, and I immediately alerted the doctors in charge. They put him under small dose of anesthetic again but two hours later, Joonhee fell into coma.

Acute liver failure, the liver specialists gave me the explanation I needed. Joonhee bore a genetic disorder that affected a small part of his liver. It had never affected his health before because of his healthy lifestyle. Joonhee rarely got sick, never took up much medicine or alcohol so it never caused a strain to the organ.

They should have screened him first before surgery. But since Shiwon’s condition was very urgent, Joonhee convinced them that he was a good fit and so the surgery went on.

A section of his partially healthy liver then got removed. It was temporarily replaced with bioartificial one until the original donor – the patient with  – passed away, but malfunction happened in the span of just a few days.

And now, the damage had probably reached his brain. That was why he was in coma. Meanwhile his organs could all deteriorate in as fast as 48 hours…

I grabbed Joonhee’s phone and dialled Jihye’s number.

“Hey, Joonie! Rare of you to call so early?” her cheerful voice greeted me.

This was one of the most painful things doctors sometimes had to do, in my opinion, breaking terrible news. And I was never good at it.

“Jihye-sshi, this is Lee Daehyun. Joonhee… he’s… He just fell into coma… and I doubt he’ll make it. His liver is failing…”

Only friends and families were allowed in ICU, and I felt so helpless in the waiting room outside while Joonhee was fighting inside.

Two women came not long after, and I guessed they were Joonhee’s older sisters, since they were twins themselves and they had passing resemblance to him. Jihye must have called them.

I directed them to go inside, and they went in but they went back out after only about 15 minutes.

“Are you Yoonjae-sshi?”

“Are you Daehyun-sshi?”

They asked in unison. One of them then smacked the other and said, “No! I met the one called Yoonjae long ago. This one looked a lot more mature.”

“Yah! It’s been how many years? You might be mistaken!”

I was stunned for a while. These two sisters apparently did not share the gentleness their youngest siblings carried. Chuckling, I introduced myself. “I’m Daehyun. Why are the two of you not inside with Joonhee?”

Giving her twin an “I told you” look, the sister who had correctly guessed my name smiled at me. “Why aren’t you? Since you are the one who’s here, we consider you family now, so go in and be with him. We can take turns later.”

Yoon Yoonjae is not here only because he didn’t know, I mentally confessed. He had to be here in the hospital in Shiwon’s room, but I hid from them the news. This was not a fair game.

But I wouldn’t twice pass the chance to be by Joonhee’s side when he opened his eyes.

Or if, he exhaled his last breath instead.

Seoul 6:53AM, Kang Joonhee was officially dead.

The twin sisters were wailing. I comforted them for a while, before excusing myself and heading off to what now used to be Dr. Kang Joonhee’s office.

It was still hard to believe, and I needed time to process it.

Because he was gone without a single goodbye. Not even to me, the last person he had talked to. Then I remembered about the letters. Joonhee said he had prepared letters.

Three envelopes were easily found on the top drawer. Each had names. Yoon Yoonjae & Yoon Shiwon, Kang Jihye, and Lee Daehyun.

Rubbing my bloodshot eyes, I carried them inside my pockets and walked over towards liver department wings, preparing myself to deliver a fact that I myself had not even fully comprehended.

I met both Yoonjae and Shiwon mid-way, they were standing in front of what had been Joonhee’s room before he got moved into ICU. I immediately knew the reason behind their confusion upon seeing the bed empty.

Taking few seconds to collect myself, I couldn’t help but notice how healthy Shiwon had looked, how sturdy she was on her feet. She had recovered so fast in only a week. Joonhee would have been glad for her. His sacrifice was not in vain…

I approached them, passed the letter and explained the situation briefly. I brought them to the room where Joonhee’s body was now lied down, I watched them break down, and then I left.

Inside my car, then I sobbed against the steering wheel, to the deafening silence. Tiredness and anguish finally consumed all my energy – I ended up falling asleep, still in the hospital’s basement parking lot.

The Kang family decided to bury Joonhee, instead of having him cremated. They wanted Joonhee to be returned to the nature, visited when his visitors wanted to visit him and not simply put in an altar where people could just mindlessly pass by.

His funeral was quite crowded, filled with his grieving family members, high school friends, uni friends, some colleagues, and even ex-patients.

Joonhee was dressed in tux, the black outfit contrasting heavily with the pale lifeless skin. Even in eternal slumber the man remained the handsomest guy I had landed my eyes on.

It ended too fast. That man was gone now.

People left. I saw that Shiwon had wanted to stay longer, but Yoonjae met my eyes and pulled her away. He realized their presence might not be warmly welcomed in the midst of Kang family in anytime soon.

A hand tapped my back, and I turned to find Kang Jihye behind me. She was wearing sunglasses to cover her red swollen eyes. A fact I was glad about, because those eyes of hers reminded me too much of her brother’s.

“Let’s go back. I want to have a chat with you if you don’t mind?”

I nodded. Leaving one last glance back at the tombstone, I turned and followed her.

Jal ga yo, my dear Joonhee...

Dear Daehyun-hyung,

I wrote your letter last. Because it’s hard to organize what I want to say, just as hard it is to organize my own feelings towards you.

We are not a couple indeed, Hyung. And we both know I have not yet loved you as I do Yoonjae. But for years now, my heart has not beaten for anyone else but you.

Has it not been for you and Jihye, this decision wouldn't be a tough one to make. To lay down my life for their happiness... I wouldn’t have minded that at all. I might even have done it happily.

It’s not the case. I don’t regret being her donor, but I regret that my body is not strong enough. I wish I had been as fine as I promised you. I wish I had more time; to reciprocate your feelings, to repay your kindness, to smile at you for the rest of my life.

Anyway... I’m truly grateful to have met and known you. I’m sorry that I dragged you down to all these messy heartbreaks, but I hope you can move on and find your happiness without me. I trust that you will one day be the most competent ER physician this country has ever known.

Sincerely,

Kang Joonhee

PS. If I may ask of you one last request, please take care of my sister for me. She’s not as strong as she seems to appear.

A/N:  No idea how this turns to be even longer than the original oneshot. I apologize if this feels drifting away from it, especially regarding Joonhee's feelings towards Daehyun, but I feel it's just unlikely for anyone not to feel anything when someone has loved them for such a long time. Ah well. Thanks for reading!