Kang Joonhee and Kang Jihye were joined at the hip.

Well, that was what people liked to say, since one was barely ever seen without the other one. Not to mention they looked almost like exact replica of each other, with the same set of sweet smiles, gentle nature, and polite behavior.

Differences started to show as they grew up, like how Jihye found interest in gymnastics and sports, while Joonhee in music and dances. Eventually they parted when Jihye went to an all-girls school in the neighbouring city, pursuing to become a volleyball athlete as the club there was famous for it. Joonhee stayed and aced his classes, entering into the best school in town.

But distance didn't keep them apart in spirit. They paged and phoned a lot, narrating what's going on their lives to the very details. When the family was reuniting, Jihye would come back and the two would catch up on other things that they might have missed.

They played and fought childishly before, but maturing up they became each other's confidant. To her only then, Joonhee had the courage to admit his one secret.
 

Jihye didn't like Yoon Yoonjae.

She knew it was not fair to judge so harshly on someone she didn't know personally, especially when there was nothing bad that came from Joonhee's mouth about the boy. But maybe that was exactly why. She had heard about this Yoonjae a million times. For there was no story of Joonhee that didn't involve this guy.

At first Jihye was simply glad that Joonhee made a best friend. One of the hardest part of leaving Busan was probably leaving Joonhee alone. As children it was usually her friends who automatically became Joonhee's, never vise versa. She used to be worried if Joonhee would feel so lonely without her in high school.

But she grew more concerns now that Joonhee and that Yoonjae boy were so close. She couldn't miss the spark in her twin's voice when he mentioned about his best friend. It was just time, really, for her smart brother to figure it out himself.

Jihye hated it. Her brother definitely deserved a lot better than one-sided love towards someone who wouldn't even notice him. Joonhee had so many wonderful things in himself. He was handsome, kind and gentle, smart, multi-talented... love should be in line waiting for him. Not him pining over love for so many years.

After a while Joonhee’s story then started to feature not only Yoonjae, but also Yoonjae and Shiwon, as an item.

She thought he'd give it up when his heart broke. Yet he didn't. He finally knew he should, but he couldn't. It made Jihye wanted to despair. And beat Yoon Yoonjae into mush.

"It is not his fault for not noticing." Joonhee would say, raw pain lacing his voice. Jihye's mind knew she should agree. But her heart couldn't.

When Joonhee called her on one night, laughingly narrate about his unintended confession at the basketball court and how it turned up, she almost flipped in rage.
 

Jihye visited Seoul the night Joonhee moved out from Yoonjae’s place. It ought to be the hardest decision her brother had ever made to date, but she assured him it was for the best. Despite being in their twenties, they slept together on Joonhee's single bed, seeking comfort just like back when their worries in the world revolved only around scary monsters in the nightmares.

He moved out hoping to be out of each other's life, for it'd be a lot easier, but Yoonjae had asked him not to. He wanted to continue being friends. Despite him knowing. Despite him breaking.

But at least Joonhee mentioned Yoonjae in lesser frequency now, as the internship works claimed most of Joonhee’s time. Jihye was proud enough of him for that.
 

The Kang family had a dinner on Sunday, a day after Joonhee’s 25th birthday. The noonas mercilessly, asking when the birthday boy would introduce a girl to them all. As usual Joonhee only offered a cheeky smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

There seemed to be something different though, Jihye mused. And it might have something to do with Joonhee’s phone being inactive throughout yesterday. So she cornered him alone after dinner, demanding to know what her twin had kept from her.

“You dated, kissed, and you made love.” She summarized and repeated. She didn’t know what astonished her more. The strange woman Shiwon who thought of such a present, Joonhee who stupidly agreed, Yoonjae who actually did such thing.

“It is not his fault that no matter how he felt for me, he’d choose Shiwon any day. He has always been hers from the very start.”

Not again. She didn’t understand, and she didn’t want to. “How about your roommate? What’s his name again? Last time you told me he was overly close with you.” She tried to drift the conversation. Talking about Yoonjae made her blood boil.

“Daehyun-sunbae? I’ve told him sometime ago it might be impossible for me to reciprocate his feelings.”

Jihye’s jaw dropped and she shoved his shoulder in irritation mixed with exasperation. How could someone so smart be so foolish? To throw a potential new love for a first love that isn’t going anywhere...

She truly, did not understand.
 

After Yoonjae and Shiwon got children and married, Joonhee had even lesser contact with them. Especially now that his career rocketed, making him one of the busiest surgeons in the country. His life was practically spent in the general hospital.

With Jihye’s encouragement though, Joonhee had agreed to few of the dates Daehyun tirelessly asked him. “A little social life is good for your sanity,” was how she convinced her twin. “You don’t have to try to fall in love. Not right away, at least.”

Judging from how he admitted to enjoy the dates, Jihye would believe that it’s working. He finally could move on.

But then one phone call from Yoonjae then vanished all the pretenses. Even Joonhee couldn't lie to himself anymore.

And all was happening too fast.
Too fast that Jihye couldn’t catch up.
 

She had just finished her session that evening, her job being instructor for professional female volleyball athletes, when she received a call from Joonhee’s number to meet Daehyun’s shaking voice instead.

Jihye frowned. They still talked on the phone the night before, Joonhee sounding healthy enough to her ears when she scolded him for taking a surgery risk so great to help Shiwon. There had been absolutely nothing of indication that something like this would happen.

“He just fell into coma… and I doubt he’ll make it. His liver is failing…”

Joonhee passed that night, silently and fast, just minutes before the dawn.

But for Jihye, dawn never came. It remained the darkest hour… lost and alone. They were joined by hips, and her other half was now gone.

Daehyun passed her a letter. But she didn’t bother to read it, let it be buried straight with Joonhee instead. Afterall she could correctly guess what Joonhee had written. He’d tell her something so difficult to believe.

That it is not Yoonjae’s fault. It’s not his fault that Joonhee got attracted to him. It’s not his fault that he couldn’t love him back wholly. And it’s not his fault that his wife got so sick that Joonhee chose to die to save her.

He might actually feel lost too. If not guilty... or regretful...

But Jihye lived with the conviction that however anguish Yoonjae had felt, it was nothing compared to hers. It's her only way top cope, with the fact that Joonhee chose to ensure Yoonjae's happiness over hers.
 

Jihye-ah,

I’m sorry for being so selfish.
I know exactly the risk, but I do it anyway.

Because I can’t stand the thought of him being unhappy.

Not when I have chance to change that.

I am sorry to have to leave you, Jihye, but please know..

that I’m very glad to have you as my twinnie.

You’ve been my greatest confidant and caretaker,

and I can’t thank you enough for that.

PS: You’ll hate to hear this again, but, truly, it is not his fault. You can blame me instead.

Love,
Your Joonie

A/N: I don’t think Joonhee’s twin sister’s name ever being mentioned, so I took liberty to name her Jihye. And same goes with the sunbae doctor who is Joonhee’s new roommate. I’ve mentioned him before as “red car owner doctor”, but I read another fanfic in asoiaf where he’s named Daehyun. So I guess I’ll just borrow that :) That'd be the end of the side stories, thanks for reading!