Myungsoo has always been attracted to the opposite gender. Thank the gods gender doesn’t always mean .

Gender: the socially constructed roles, behaviors, activities, and attributes that a given society considers appropriate for men and women.

is physical. is very physical. refers to the physical differences between men and women. This, Myungsoo understands very well.

Gender is psychological. Gender is inside the mind, is how one is perceived by others, is how one views him or herself. But of course, Myungsoo is thinking about a male. He is always thinking about a male. And always the same male.

The only question is whether or not this man is a male.

Myungsoo has long accepted the fact that Sungjong is a man now. No matter how long his lashes, how slender his legs, how feminine his features, Sungjong’s is by definition, male.

There are times when Myungsoo wishes this wasn’t true –like when Sungjong sweeps his bangs to the side and stares at him through those incredibly large eyes –but in the end, he decides that he wouldn’t want Sungjong to be any different.

Now, Myungsoo lies in the dark, desperately trying to compensate for having seen the light. For once, he understands what it means to be blissfully ignorant. And he couldn’t long for it more.

Years ago, Myungsoo would have killed for the chance to date Sungjong. Of course, years ago, he would have been blissfully ignorant to the harsh media attention celebrities receive, the harsh treatment non-standard couples must tolerate, and the entire concept of love itself.

But even that blissfully ignorant Myungsoo fell in love with Sungjong at first sight.

He’s like a little brother. That’s how it started. A really cute little brother. And it kept going. He’s the maknae. By the time they debuted, Sungjong had become his maknae, and then upon Sunggyu’s strange method of leadership my beloved maknae.

But even these terms of endearment were masculine.

Sungjong steps onto the stage with a shy smile. Myungsoo returns it with a bright one. He always does.

The music starts and Sungjong is y, unbelievably so. He always is.

But what Myungsoo notices this time is not the infinitely long, creamy legs that stretch forever, or the whoosh of bangs sweeping one way or another, or the almost lustful look in his eyes that could only be summoned by such passionate dancing. Well, it’d be a lie to say Myungsoo didn’t notice any of it.

But what he didn’t notice before, was how undeniably accepted it was for Sungjong to be so unacceptably y. No really, it was unacceptable for Sungjong to look this y in front of anyone other than himself.

That’s when Myungsoo begins to wonder.

Many google searches and the ingenious decision to consult a dictionary leaves Myungsoo more confused than ever. But this time, the only person who can answer the question is himself. And he hates it.

He starts with the facts. It’s a method used in asylums. And Myungsoo is pretty sure his mind is one right now.

The socially accepted role assigned to Sungjong is to be y. Literally, that is the reason he was created –to be so y that someone needs to redefine y because no one else is as y as Sungjong. Myungsoo categorizes this as feminine, humbly overlooking the fact that if someone did redefine y, he would be in the same category as Sungjong.

The dance moves considered appropriate for Sungjong include many floor positions, S line enhanced pops, and a myriad of hips sways and s. Myungsoo wonders if categorizing Sungjong’s movements as feminine is too high a compliment to the female population.

But the attributes society loves about Sungjong –his natural beauty that outshines even his stage make up, his apparent shyness that causes him to drag others to dance with him when he shows off his y dances, his aegyo that he reserves for only the most dire of variety show situations or the most tiring of practice days simply out of embarrassment that can only be overcome by his love for his team –Myungsoo can only categorize as Sungjong’s alone.

Because in the end, feminine and masculine can only touch on the character that is Sungjong.

Sungjong admits his mistakes, saying “Okay, I’m wrong” coolly when even their leader cannot. Masculine, Myungsoo assigns.

Sungjong is not afraid of ghosts or other scary objects and actively seeks them out in order to complete missions. Masculine, he thinks again.

Sungjong does not cry when the members , even when Sunggyu’s leadership tactics border on the extreme. Masculine, Myungsoo attempts.

But then he sees the light once again.

There is no masculine, there is no feminine. There is only Sungjong and there is only one of him. There is no way to categorize Sungjong’s gender because he does not have one. He is so comfortable with who he is that he feels no need to adhere to society’s standards of either one.

And that’s why he’s so y.

Myungsoo does not approach Sungjong now. He cannot approach Sungjong now.

Myungsoo is a man. Sungjong is Sungjong. Myungsoo is masculine. Sungjong is Sungjong. But, one day, Myungsoo will just be Myungsoo, and when it happens, Myungsoo will be able to act upon the question only he can answer.

Because Myungsoo knows now, he is neither heteroual nor homoual, or even biual. He is Jong-ual, and he longs for the day that he can become the Myungsoo that will make Sungjong Soo-ual.

Thank you for reading~! And we can take consolation in the fact that even if Sungjong doesn’t realize that he may be Soo-ual, he is still soooooo ual xD

I send my love to everyone who read, subscribed, commented, laughed, or became Soo/Jong-ual due to this.