Open my eyes, only to be greeted by the ivory ceiling. The ceiling that became a witness to our love. The same ceiling that I now despise because it is the only thing I see whenever I wake up. I look at the empty side of the bed; clean, cold, untouched. It’s been four months, and I still see glimpses of him laying there. Eyes closed, body relaxed, and mind at peace. Sometimes I wonder: what if I never learn to let go? And just as soon as I think of an answer, another question comes into mind. What if I do let go?

Everything was only starting to fit together, everything was going in place. How could’ve it all happened so fast and sudden? The day I was told, I was still too dazed from the night before, celebrating with friends. We were celebrating a new phase in my life. I wasn’t able to process what the police officer had said. "Plane crash... Kim Jongin… no survivors."

Any other event after I heard the news was not registered in my mind. I don’t know how I got to the police station. I don’t know how I ended up at my mother’s house. I don’t know how I slept in the bathroom. I don’t know how I started taking sleeping pills after they said Jongin’s body was irretrievable.

It was all too dream-like. It was impossible. He had just asked my hand in marriage the week before. He knelt right before me as he held a ring in his hand. He had just called the night before to tell me he was going to board the plane. He had just called to tell me he loves me. He had just called to tell me he’s coming home.

Time passed. His body was never found. They said the possibility of finding his body is close to none. I swallowed their words as if they were bitter medicine; I had to hear it, I took it badly, and it never made me feel better.  His body is probably lost somewhere in the deep blue ocean waters. Sometimes I wonder, when a person dies, where does his love go? Surely, his soul lingers somewhere. For instance, Jongin is still with me. His body might not be here, but I know the real him is. But do love and memories stay attached to the soul?

There are times when this house feels empty. It’s as if all the life has been out of it and all that’s left are just four walls and a lonely being.  And whenever that happens, I try to fill the hole. I look at the photo albums, try to remember everything. I try to bring him back again. But of course, there’s a price for everything.

Bringing back memories of him only cause me nothing but pain. A sweet kind of pain. The kind of pain that I don’t mind enduring if I will get him back. After all, love, is pain.

A pair of hands make their way around my waist. The sides of my lips tug upwards as I snuggle my head into the cozy nest between his neck and shoulder.

"Hey. You’re here. I was just thinking about you."

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A/N: Can you imagine? Losing someone so dear to you, but you never had the chance to say goodbye? Having to live the rest of your life knowing that his body is lost somewhere, never found? He was never rescued, he never had the chance to be saved. He’s all alone.

Here’s some of the explanations I made up if some of you find the fact that ‘the rescue team never found Jongin’s body but knew there were no survivors, and how they knew Jongin’s  identity and the fact that they knew just who to inform of Jongin’s absence and where to find this said person’ ridiculous and illogical.

There were a total of 80 passengers in the plane, only 79 bodies were found. (Of course, the bodies were lifeless) They searched the ocean and found the passengers’ personal items (miraculously, the items were in a condition where the investigators were able to extract information from). They matched the personal items (passports, I.D) with the found bodies. There was one floating coat in which a phone, a wallet, and a passport were found in it. They didn’t find a match of the items to the any of the found bodies. They began speculating the missing body and whether he (or she) had any link to the plane crash. And since there was only one body missing, they didn’t deny the possibility of the plane crash being planned just to get rid of the unknown missing passenger.  The I.D and passport both confirmed that the missing passenger was Kim Jongin. They ran him through the database and they found out that he was an orphan. The phone, on the other hand, was soaked and wasn’t working, but they extracted the chip of the phone and dried it up and used a deliquescent substance (silica gel) to completely absorb the water out of the phone. They connected the chip to a computer and images and texts were discovered. This Jongin person was clearly in a relationship with someone. It seemed like this Jongin kept a digital diary because accounts of his daily life were later found in his phone. The entries didn’t prove him being in any sort of conspiracy, for all he wrote about was the things he had to do at his workplace and his girlfriend-now-turned- fiancée. The last entry was made on the 12^th April, the night the plane took off. He wrote about how much he missed his fiancée and that he was ecstatic to finally have the courage to propose. Again, the investigators conclude that he had no idea what was coming to him. They ran Jongin’s fiancée through the database, found an address and took it from there. They brought her to the station the next day after they broke the news. She was still unstable, though. One minute she would be staring blankly and the next minute she would sob. They got all the information they needed. Kim Jongin was not a part of any conspiracy linked to the plane crash. He was just unlucky, to be the only one strayed from the others. They prolonged the search for a month and still, nothing. Kim Jongin was lost and not found.

The End. 

Remember to voice out your opinions. I don't mind criticisms, too.