Seoul, Maret 2012

"So Eun-ah mianhae ... I don’t like you anymore, "he muttered.

The words that he just said had thunderstruck me. Was he really serious to say it? I took off my arms at him and then looked at his eyes. "What ... Do... You mean?"

He breathed heavily. I noticed that his face was paler than usual today. There were dark circles under his eyes, and his eyes reddened. He almost looks like a zombie.

"I... I realized that I don’t like you, So Eun-ah. At first I thought I liked you more than just friends, but now that I think this is just normal feeling, i like you as my friend. I'm sorry, I've been playing your feelings," he said. "Now I realize that I'd love someone else over you."

I looked at him in disbelief. For some reason, I suddenly slapped his cheek. "Don’t you know? You're nothing more than jerk man who loves playing woman’s feeling," I shouted. A second later, I ran away.

I can’t believe, I had to say such words to him. I have to face the consequences. That I should ... Losing a friend.

End of March 2012.

Art exhibition will be held next week. And this week I and several other committee had to work hard for this art exhibition. Right now I'm in the hall, decorate this room because it will be used to exhibit paintings art majors.

"So Eun, can you hand me that hammer?" shouted Dae Jung. He was up the stairs to put banners on the upper wall.

I was looking up. "Ne!!" I yelled while ran to take a hammer, then I tiptoe to give it to Dae Jung.

I continued correcting the list of participants. "Art major ... Music major ... Dance majors ......, "I muttered while checked one by one participant document performance art. "Kyaa! Done!" I muttered happy.

I looked up at Dae Jung. "Dae Jung-ah! Is there something more I can do?" I yelled.

"No!"

I cheered. "Asa! Then I can go home now," I said. "Yeorobun! I go home! Anyeong!" I shouted to my friends who still busy with their own work. I walked out of the hall cheerfully.

I was about to get out of college before tempted to sit back on the bench under the tree located in the middle of campus. Long ago, I used to sit here with Kim Bum ....

Aish, why do I’ve to remember that jerk guy!

I went took the diary in my bag, set up a pen to write in it ...

March 29, 2012, Under the tree in the middle of campus.

I really don’t understand. One day he told me that he like me and the other day he told me that he didn’t like me anymore. Isn’t it something that is really jerk and deserves be forgotten?

Um ... Rather than thinking about thing’s that aren’t important at all (him). What if I think other man who was waving and walking to see me there? :)  

I quickly closed my diary when I saw Junho came and waved to me. Somehow I was always happy when he met me, and suddenly nervous when he's on my side.

"Here, drink it,” he said, giving me a can of soft drink.

I smiled. "Gomawo ... You know it if I'm thirsty," I said. He smiled, I liked most was when he smiles. His eyes like a crescent moon shape and seemed to smile. Eye smile...

Me and Junho started close now. Because we have to work together and meet every day to take care of art exhibition, we became close each other. But somehow, he's still using a formal language to me.

A second later, he was sitting beside me, opened cans of the drink and drank it. After that he looked at me, "Do you hurry back home?"

I shook my head. "No, why?"

"Can you accompany me somewhere?"

Seoul, March 2016.

He wanted to start the engine before I told him. "Yeobbo, Omma gave you this," I said while pulled a bottle of thermos that contained raisin tea given by Omma morning.

He laughed. "Raisin tea? Hahaha ... I was touched, it seems like Omma more concern to me than you,"he teased.

I poured the raisin tea into a cap. "So Are you going to get married with Omma and cancel the wedding with me?" I asked, pretending to sulk. Later, it was handed to him.

He pinched my cheek for a moment. "Hahaha ... Kyeopta," he commented. And after that drink that raisin tea.

Seoul, End of March 2012

I glance at Junho who was driving with fully concentration. Already accounting for two-hour trip from campus. However, until now I don’t know where we're going. Cause Junho didn’t say anything to me.

"Where exactly are we going?" I asked, curious.

He smiled. "You'll find out after the count of three, you're facing to the left, arraso?"

I nodded. "Ne,"

"One ... Two ..., "he said, then glanced at me for a moment. "Three ..."

I rush to the left and was very surprised to see it. I can not believe Junho took me to this place ...

"Beach!!" I said excitedly. I'm breathing a sigh of disbelief. "Whoaa ... I haven’t been over here for a long time," I muttered.

He laughed, then glanced at his watch. "Great time. We will see the sunset in fifteen minutes, "he said.

I was even more surprised. "Sunset?! Waaaa! "

Junho’s car turned toward the beach. The beach is absolutely beautiful, I've never been here before. The sand is white, the water is emerald color, with orange-colored sky ... indicates that the sun will set soon.

"Whoa! Daebak!" I shouted, and then running toward the beach. The beach is fairly deserted, only a few people who are quite distant from us. That's why I feel there is only two of us here.

Junho walked over and stood right next to me. "Shout here and remove all your problems," he said.

I looked at him, surprised. "How do you know ........."

Yet I continued my sentence, he suddenly cried out loud. "So Eun-ssi!! Shout!"

I laughed out loud. " Hahaha... Junho-ssi!! I'm shouting!" I shouted.

We both laugh out loud. This is the first time I laugh out loud when I 'fight' with Kim Bum. Junho looked happy, he could not stop laughing and smiling.

I didn’t realize that I looked at him continuously. Until he looked at me strangely. "Why are you looking me like that?" he asked.

I laughed. "Hahaha ... Just funny to see you laugh. When you laughing, your eyes laughing too," I said.

He laughed, "Just tell me if my eyes disappear when I laugh,"

"Aniyo ... Instead you look cutier with eyes like this. You have eyes smiling," I said.

He looked embarrassed. "Ooh Chincha?"

I nodded and smiled.

"Don’t you know that you also have eye smile? Look at it! "He said. Then, he pulled handycam from his bag. Recording both of us.

"Look! We both have eye smile! "he told the camera. He recorded the two of us, I smiled and waved my hand on the camera. Afterwards, he recorded me and the beach. In the end we recorded randomly but is very fun. Until we were both got tired ...

Junho sat in the sand, I followed and sat next him. "Aaah! So tiring, "I muttered.

Junho patted his shoulder, "Lean to me when you're tired," he said. Her eyes stared straight at me.

I looked hesitant, but quickly Junho leaned my head on his shoulder. I feel very comfortable, very warm shoulders. I don’t want a quick estrangement, I wanted to keep this up forever.

"Junho-ssi ... Gomawo ..., "I said. "Thank you for not angry with me even though I often make mistakes to you, even in our first meeting... Thank you, to take care of my feet when I fell and sprained although at the moment we do not know each other as close as now ... Thanks you for shading me from the rain ... Thank you for taking me home, though at the time I fell asleep ... Thank you for taking me to the beach to take my case, I was so relieved ... "I muttered. My head still resting on his shoulder, while my eyes looking straight toward the sun which started to set. It was beautiful moment ever.

I looked at his face, now he looked at me, our faces were very close, not more than five centimeters. "Thank you for everything ...," I muttered.

He his face into mine until I could feel the warmth of his breath on my cheek. He lowered his lips to my lips, then he swept my lips gently. I could feel the warmth of the kiss, I feel the comfort, peace, no complaints but i really wanted it more and more...

However, the kiss was interrupted when we heard the sound of my phone ringing. Junho rush head away from me, embarrassed. I grabbed my bag and took my phone.

Omma is calling.

What else is it? Sssh ... Omma really ...

"Yobboseyo," I said.

"So Eun-ah ... Go to hospital now ..., "said Omma, I heard Omma broken there, crying. Omma tone also sounds very serious.

"What happen, omma?" I asked worried.

"Kim Bum-ie ...... He .... Passed away. "

Seoul, March 2016.

"Yeobbo, do you already have breakfast?" I asked. While he drove toward the concentration of the printing shop to take our wedding invitation.

"Just a cup of tea," he said.

I frowned. "Don’t tell me you just drink raisin tea that I just gave," I asked.

He laughed. "Hahaha ... Unfortunately yes, "he said.

I hit his arm. "That can’t count as breakfast!" I shouted. "Aissh you really.... what if you get sick? I just don’t want you to get hurt, "I muttered while took the lunch box containing toast I had brought from home. "Fortunately I took bring toast from home, because I know you don’t care about your health. Now open your mouth, Aaaaa .... "I muttered while fed him with toast, while he was still driving.

He glances fondly. "I'm glad I found you," he said.

I smiled. I promise I'll take care with all my strength, because I do not want to. That incident happen again ...

Because you are the person who sent for me... from Him.

Seoul, March 2012.

I ran to hospital corridor, while my tears continued to flow without interruption. I still couldn’t believe what Omma said to me on the phone earlier. I hope that Omma just lied to me. I hope Kim Bum still alive...

He’d go to far away and wouldn’t see me forever. I was regret our last meeting ended with my slapped to him. It's really like a knife stabbed. I wish I had a time machine, I'd like to go back to that time and continue with it.

And they are there ...

Omma, uncles and aunts Kim stood in front of mortuary. Hiding their faces full of sorrow and tears.

"Omma? Uncle? Aunt? "I muttered. "Where is... Kim Bum? "

Auntie was again back tears. "He was resting there, So Eun," murmured Aunt pointing a bed in which a person who was sleeping on top of it shrouded in white duvet from head to toe.

I walked there. I wish now I'm dreaming. I want to wake up as soon as possible! All this goes so fast. Slowly, I opened the white duvet ...

Kim Bum's lying there. Dark circles around the eyes ... Her pale face ... Still the same in my memory as the last time we met in the music hall. So ... At that time he hid his pain from me?

"So Eun-ie ... Before he left, he left this for you, "said Aunty as she gave me an envelope. I opened it, contains a letter ... Which there’s Kim Bum handwriting.

Hi, So Eun ...

I'm sure that I can’t see you read my letter. Because I know, my life is a few hours away.

So Eun ... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that doesn’t tell you that in fact I had a cancer. I also know that until a few hours after I implement the 'confession' that should not have done that. Admitting that I actually like you was a mistake. But... The truth is I love you.  I know ... It shouldn’t have to tell you because I know that I can’t make you happy. Forever.

I'm sorry I have lied to you. I know that saying I don’t like you anymore would make you very angry. But i think made you angry is much better than made you sad. You could hate me, So Eun ... Hate as much as you can. As long as you didn’t get upset just because of me.

I closed my mouth. No longer able to feel how much sad that I felt. I just want him back. Kim Bum is back...

So Eun, I just wanted to say that I would go. Do not worry, because I'll go to a much more beautiful than here. I'm sure it's the best way of God for me, because He thinks there is a better man than me for you. He's waiting out there, with a look of anxiety and worry about whether you're okay. He ... Is a person who is sent as my replacement to take care of you.

So Eun, believe me ... If we are meant to be together, i’m sure that someday we will meet again in the next life ... Better life and everlasting.

To my best friend who likes to cry, Kim So Eun... I'm glad that you're my first and my last love... 

Bye So Eun, take care of yourself and don’t get sick 

PS: Do not cry, So Eun ... Because when you cry your face turn into monster :P

I couldn’t  anything else but cry like crazy. I hugged Kim Bum’s body lying here helpless while crying. Kim Bum ... Just so you know, you are the kindest person I've ever known.

Suddenly, someone tapped my shoulder. I turned, nurses and medical team was standing behind me. "Sorry, his body should be bring to the ambulance now," he said.

Slowly I move away from Kimbum, they directly handle his corpse. I walked out of the morgue with blank stares, I can not think of anything right now ... But the only thing I can see is ...

Junho....

He was sitting in the waiting room anxiously. He hastily got up when he saw me, he quickly hugged me tightly. "So Eun-ssi? Are you okay? I was so worried about how you're feeling right now. Calm down ... You have me, you can cry to me," Junho said on the sidelines of his arms, he my hair, calming.

“He's waiting out there, with a look of anxiety and worry about whether you're okay. He ... Is a person who is sent as my replacement to take care of you.”

Suddenly ... I felt that Kim Bum whispering that words when Junho hugged me.

Are Junho who’s sent to replace you?

To be continue...