Without anyone knowing, I love you. Without anyone knowing, I think of you. It's a love that only you and I know in this world. In front of many people, I can't express my greetings or a single word to you, making me anxious. We're trapped in a box called reason, rather than a box called love. I got no choice, let me just do this for love. I love you…I really do.

 

HIS POV

1:00 AM

Right after we finish practicing for our comeback performance I hastily rush to her house. Afraid of being caught by some netizen or paparazzi, without asking for her permission I enter her house and headed to her room. Ah, there she was, My Sangneul… She’s sitting in the most corner of her room under her study table hugging her knees. Wish I was the knees. Tears are gently streaming down on her beautiful coffee-colored eyes down to her very rosy cheeks. I made her cry for the nth time again. I don’t think I can comfort you with ‘I love you’ anymore. A part of my heart always cracks every time I made you cry because of this secret love.

I draw near her slowly and sit in front of her and hug her in my arms.

 

“I know it ain’t easy for the two of us…I’m sorry…I love you”

 

I said with my voice shaking. My tears are flowing down my eyes. This is just so painful, knowing that I can’t do anything.

 

“Am I just being selfish? That I just can’t understand your situation. But what should I do? It's hard to talk on the phone with you every day. We secretly talk through texting as I cautiously look around me. But I know that in case anyone recognizes us, we can't walk comfortably in the streets or parks anymore. What should I do Himchan?”

“I’m sorry…I’ll do better”

“No, this relationship won’t get us any better Himchan oppa!”

“D…don’t cry now. You are the prettiest when you smile” I said with a very broken voice.

 

She’s crying because of MY selfishness. I love her yet I can’t even introduce our love to the world and above all I’m becoming a torn to her very fragile heart.

 

“Oppa, I love you. I really do… but what should I do? It hurts every time you deny me to your friends.”

 

I’ve got no choice…I love her very much. I don’t want to see her cry again… Because it hurts more for me, I’m letting you go like this. Tears are flowing because you and I, we loved so much
 

 

“Let’s break up…” I said while hugging her very firm.

 

Even though it hurts, I’m relieved. Even this feeling is too burdensome to me.
Please don’t look at me nervously, like a whining child. Saying goodbye is too painful but I’m okay though it hurts. I take my foot out from your shadow.


“Goodbye Sangneul….”

 

With my last words, I kiss her forehead and leave without looking back at her even though she’s calling my name. What can we do if it’s heaven that’s been opposing with our love?

 

 

 

 

 

HER POV

 

The honey-flavored sun is about to set and I’m enjoying this moment. It’s been a year since we break up.

 

I inhale the sweet before-the-dawn air. It magically clears my thoughts. I miss him.

 

“Himchan oppa…I’m missing you… there’s still a lot of things I want to tell you. I love you Kim Himchan. Please don’t leave me. The words I wanted to say in front of you, the words I couldn’t say and without the chance to say them, you left me alone.”

 

I close my eyes and start to reminisce. Every time we go out together, its funny how we always sit in the farthest corner and can’t even take any single photo… but what’s important is we’re right next to each other. Whatever we do, our time together is becoming more and more precious. Even when we just lock eyes for a moment, we get surprised, and like a child, we both blush.

 

“Sangneul-sshi!!!!!”

 

My run of thoughts was cut off by this loud call outside my house. It was their leader, Bang Yongguk.  What is he doing here?

 

“Hi…what’s the matter?” I said a bit shy.

“Can we talk for a moment?” he said very seriously while staring in my eyes.

“uhhmmm…sure.”

 

We’re on a nearby playground; we both sit on the swing.

 

“I’ll tell it direct to the point…Himchan’s doing no good since you two break up.”

 

WHAT!? He knows about us!? There’s one person who knows about our relationship. It’s not a secret love like I knew before. BUT wait… what did he just said? I think I didn’t manage to interpret it well.

 

“I’m sorry but what did you just said?” I ask timidly while looking down at my fingers.

“Himchan’s doing no good since you left him. He still loves you.”

 

WHAT!? Again… I didn’t left him. HE left me!!

 

“He left me… I didn’t leave him.”

“Sangneul-sshi…..he still loves you. And I know you still love him.”

“but… he seems so fine. Yeah, I know he’s fine. I’ve been watching all your variety programs; I think he’s doing well.”

 

Sangneul get a hold of your tears!!!! Don’t cry Sangneul!!!

 

“It’s just we can’t frown nor get serious during variety show, we have to entertain viewer. If you just knew how hard for him to look so happy every time we’re on cam…” he explains bitterly.

“please come back to him… Himchan is very important to me, his happiness is important to me, he needs you Sangneul! He needs you more than anything!”

“but…..”

 

I don’t know what to say. It makes me happy to hear that he still loves me like I do but at the same time it hurts knowing that I made her past year miserable.

 

“You still love him right?” He ask calmly

 

I nod and my tears flow through my eyes mildly.

 

“I love him…so much! I miss him! I need him!”  I said while wiping my tears

“I’ll help you.”

“How?” his voice is very comforting. I know this person is someone I should trust.

“here…”

 

He gave me a concert ticket, their concert ticket and it’s a VIP seat. I look at her in curiosity. What is he planning to do? Is it ok for me to just accept it?

 

“It’s on December 25…please come. I promise I’ll help you two, I promise.”

 

I stare at him in confusion. What is he planning to do?

 

“What are you plan---“

“I have to go Sangneul-sshi. I’ll be expecting you.” He pats my head and leaves me out of the blue.

 

 

 

 

 

 

December 25

 

 

HIS POV

 

Tonight’s the first night of our concert tour. We take a peek on the stage, and whoa! The stadium is unexpectedly full. There’s a green Matoki ocean. This gives me courage.

 

“Yah!” Yongguk hyung pats me on the back.

“Hyung!”

“She’s here.” He says calmly

 

WHAT!? Who’s here? She!? Sangneul?

 

“Who?”

“Who do you think?” and he grins, his gummy grin.

“Sangneul?” I ask nervously.

“Yes.”

 

My heart is throbbing very hard. I peek again at the fans and find her in the crowd. THERE! There she is, my queen, the most beautiful woman in the world. No, I’m not exaggerating, she’s really close to perfection, and that’s one thing I love about her.

 

“Hyung?” I look back again on Yongguk hyung with a teary eyes.

“Do what you want and love what you do.” He says his favorite line.

 

I nod with full determination. I’m not going to let you go now; I know I’m a fool.

 

The concert started and we’ve been performing a lot of our songs. While performing I steal glances at my queen whose eyes is glittering as usual. She takes my exhaustion away. I want to hug her, kiss her right now!

 

Finally, we’re now performing Secret love. All the members pose to their respective positions. While Daehyun is singing the chorus part I slowly made my way through the only face I want to see. I can hear clearly the screams of our fan; “oppa don’t do it!”, “oppa NOOO~~!!!”. I’m sorry but no one’s ever gonna stop me again. NO ONE.

 

I hold Sangneul’s hands tightly…. Ahhh, her hands, how I miss the warmth of his hands so much. I can tell that she’s pretty shock of what’s going on now. I slowly drag her on the stage.

 

The whole stadium becomes quite, the lights and sounds are off. After a minute a spotlight hit on both of us. We’re standing on the center of the stage. We’re holding each other’s hand tightly and staring directly to each other’s eyes.

 

“Oppa what are you doing?” she murmurs with a scarlet blush on her cheeks.  

“I’m going to tell the world how much I love you.”

“Wha---“before finishing her question I let her lips met mine.

 

This is cloud nine. This kiss feels like my first kiss. Her lips taste like strawberry, and I love it. I love it so much that I don’t want to break this kiss. I can hear the fans’ cry but I don’t care less.

 

“Still, I only love you, still, I only think of you. It will never change forever, the love of you and I. I love you more than myself. I think of you more than myself. No one needs to know, if only I have you, I can live” I confess to her with my microphone on.

“idiot…the whole world knows about it now. I love you too oppa.” She says and grabs my neck tie and kisses me back.

 

I think heaven is on our side. I should thank Yongguk hyung after this.

 

The sweet kiss ended and I grab her hands and we both run through the backstage.

 

---end