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Ren’s P.O.V

He left. I should be happy. I’m supposed to be happy. Then, why do I feel like I’m empty inside? Why does it feel like I’m dying? He just left and I didn’t stop him. If he waited just a little more. Just a little more. Gosh, I feel like trash.

I don’t know why I’m crying on my bed right now. It just hurts, a lot. The mansion is so quiet, dead quiet and I hate it. Is it my turn to wait now? Is it my fault that he left? I know it is. I always push the people I love away from me. I’m so horrible. Me and my stupid pride.

With frustration, I fisted my hair and pulled it harshly by myself. This is so stupid. I know. I always knew my feelings for him; it’s just that I continue to deny it. I made myself believe in a lie that I hate him, though it’s the opposite.

Now, he’s out of reach. I pushed him away. Again. I loathe myself for being like this. I’m my own liar. I started to bang my head against the headboard of my bed, the pain in my heart is still stronger than my physical pain.

He’s supposed to be my man. I was his, and he was mine. Then it all disappeared because of me. Because I’m too childish, I took it too far. I know why he did all those things, why he dyed my hair blue, why he made me lost in the maze and all the other stuff. I’m so selfish. I don’t deserve him. It’s right that he went far away, though it hurts my whole being, I know he got tired of waiting. I know he waited, ever since we were kids, he waited and up to now. Maybe up to earlier.

I hit myself harder then suddenly everything stopped. A pair of strong arms circled me and I just cried there like a baby.

“Minki-ah, why are you hurting yourself?” He asks softly.

“Appa, I pushed him away. Again. I loathe myself.” I whisper to him as he rock me gently back and forth.

“Hush child.”

“No! I always push everyone away. IT’S ALL MY FAULT. ALL MY FAULT. Appa, I know. Everything. I know it all but I pushed him away! I’m horrible.” I screamed and screamed and screamed until my voice became hoarse.

“Minki, relax.”

“NO! HOW CAN I RELAX?!!