Lost In It All

June

I actually don’t know who the enemy was anymore. Was that a full make out war declaration towards C.A.P or the girl he was kissing?

And Oh my goodness, what’s with all this smirking, what in the world is there to smirk about?!

Mi Yun was captain of the girls for a reason I guess, for She was twisting us up, this thing was getting dirty too fast. Plus Sandy wasn’t even wearing close anymore; she was wearing the same thing as Julie.

I can’t get tangled in this I can’t, but I must play the game, at least a little.  I guess when I see the opportunity I will be out like the wind.

This thing was getting too thick, and so was this airy smell of sweat.

I found myself walking outside as I was left In a great trance, only to encounter who I believed to be one of the infinite guys.

“Sung Kyu?”

“hmm? Do I know you?”

“um no”

“well then since you know my name, what’s yours?”

“June.”

“oh…”

Silence occupied us for a bit, until it was then filled with his voice

“so what brings you outside?”

“a lot of things, the stuffy air inside and the knowing of fresh air outside. The craziness of girls wearing bikin’s and people rivialing  inside and the quietness outside.”

“wait did you just spoke a piece of my deepest fantasies?”

I laugh as I realized any guy would want to see a piece of the scene basically the whole crowd and I have seen tonight. I only looked at him

“I’m just kidding, I’m already enjoying a little of my fantasy right here” he starred at me then looked away

“you mean speaking to me?”

“no arrogant stranger” he said this as he smiled then continued “being outside and enjoying this amazing air.”

“oh…”

The silence he finally left us in allowed me to think about my escape away from Sandy when she probably needed the help most, but once I saw the eager face on the guy she was strutting forward, I knew he would jump in.

But to help her accomplish what she has done was not what I had in mind, but this was war right? Yet I didn’t really feel the need to fight.

“doesn’t the truth set you free?” I said this mind budging sentence out loud, hoping for an answer for my several questions

“yes. Why you ask?”

“Nothing, it’s just at this moment it seems that it instead in cage one in failure”

“Well it may seem bad for someone else, the freedom of the truth, but maybe it is best for the person. Then again some secrets are not for you to revel but for the  person themselves to step up and speak the truth, this is where the betterment of a person is formed, when they face their fears.

So when I say this, I mean if it is a truth for you to tell and for you to only speak-

“Well that’s the thing-“

“If you are involved with the situation which won’t leave your mind then it is your truth to speak, but only speak your part, and allow the other to confess as well.”

“But you wouldn’t get it, in my suitation its impossible.”

“Its only impossible if you tell yourself that.”

He looked at me and then whispered under his breathe laughing.

“well looks like I’ll take my leave, give my words some thought will you? Hope to see you again June.”

“hmph, thanks, and you too. I hope to see you as well…”

He starred at me one more time, leaving me with a sincere smile and then he left my presence. My back finally realized the cold tiles that felt like it was freezing my insides and keeping me at the one spot, making my body feel like I was paralyzed.

I finally closed my eyes trying to calm myself down, and even though I heard the door open, I left my lids closed thinking of the concerning manners at hand, until I felt a warm air directly blowing on my face.

As I opened my eyes, in front of me stood Niel, the very person I wished to talk to but was reluctant to say anything to.

Is this really my truth to tell?

And as much as I wanted, I couldn’t make my eyes meet his, for I knew the world would blurt out of me and I wasn’t so sure if it was my duty to do such thing.

“If you are involved with the situation which won’t leave your mind then it is your truth to speak, but only speak your part, and allow the other to confess as well.”

I couldn’t get the advice out of my head, for it seemed the most reasonable and understanding one and as I finally brought my eyes to meet Niel, his lips meet mines.

His soft lips caressing mines felt like I momentarily died and felt the of heaven. It became more intense and I couldn’t let go.

To feel his hands, his touch, to feel the suffocation creeping into my lungs as the need for air became more essential every second. I grabbed his neck and face, intensifying the kiss as if this would be the last time we would see each other. I wanted this and the fact that this was Niel made me fear to let go. There was every reason in the world for this feeling to continue, the closeness and the feeling of growing love to continue, for I never felt like this before so I grabbed on even more  and it felt as if my heart was burning but I knew…..

One cannot build a relationship on lies

So I broke it.

Sounds of harsh breathing from us both filled our presence, but I tried to conjure the words that would help me tell my truth

“Niel…” I said as my throat cracked, but then he spoke

“June, I just wanted to say I’m sorry for not ditching that girl or explaining anything to you as it took place, I know I took a slow reaction towards this and I apologize. This party has allowed me to see that you are better for me, for not only do you make my day brighter but you make me feel like bettering myself. Plus I know that you would never lie to me not for one second right? You are different then the others I have met.”

And those words broke my heart for I have lied.

This is the stuff that makes a liar hide deeper into the shadows, away from shame.

The truth will only encage you even if it’s your truth to tell!

My mind yelled at me clamming it has won over the mere understandings of my heart. I always use to believe that one thinks with their heart and their mind strategize its way towards their goal. But am I wrong?

Well then let me for just today think with my mind when it comes to love for isn’t that’s what you’re supposed to do, so forget the heart for it is the mind that knows all… Especially when it’s time to tell the truth and the lie

And I kissed him on the lips and starred deep into his eyes

“You wouldn’t lie to me right?” He whispered one more time again smiling as if he already knew the answer.

This answer was either going to bring me to the light or deeper into the darkness. It felt like the claws of corruption was ready to devour me as my mind already prepared to speak the lie

And finally I responded to Niel words

“took you long enough to realize”

The truth will set you free? Yeah right.

I looked at Niel and I gave him a dark smirk

Looks like everyone has something to smirk about tonight after all

Goodbye to the June I know, and let me be lost in it all…

To be continued…