“Talk to me!” The words chased her into her room even as she slammed the door. Try as she might to ignore it, she couldn’t help hearing the pain in her mother’s voice. But talk to her? What was there to say to a woman who hadn’t even protected her daughter after she’d been assaulted? When she’d watched the bright, vivacious girl she’d raised fade away and spiral out of control like the car she’d crashed into a railing while driving at ninety miles per hour? When she’d been willingly blind when that jerk continued to torture both of her daughters?

​And yet, even has the familiar thoughts ran through Haruki’s mind, they rang hollow. Her parents hadn’t sat by idly while Rina was slowly going insane. Only now did she know the reason for those long hours away from home, the endless phone calls, the tired sighs- searching for a lawyer, a friend, anyone who would be willing to listen to Rina’s story and help her. They’d been so busy seeking justice that they hadn’t seen the problems brewing right before their eyes.

​Guess we’ve got a lot in common.

​Rina floated into view and Haruki reached out for her eagerly. But instead of the warm, protective older sister she knew, she saw an angry and frightened teenage girl. You’re the one who needs protecting now… Haruki stretched out her arms and wrapped Rina into a tight hug. Even as she did so, she felt her sister slipping away and closed her eyes so she wouldn’t have to see her go again. When she felt Rina disappear completely, Haruki felt her heart lighten.

​“Talk to me…”

​“I’m sorry, Mom…”

​Haruki woke with a start. Her head was pounding and still ached, as if she’d swallowed something raw and spiky. Opening her eyes, she found a familiar sight- Dr. Han leaning over her with a clipboard, busily checking her heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing. He smiled when he saw she was awake. “Hello, Haruki.” She opened to respond, but nothing came out. “Don’t try to talk. Your throat suffered a lot of trauma, but don’t worry. You’ll get your voice back soon.”

“You’re doing well,” he continued in response to her unasked question. “Your arm will need a lot of time to rest, but it should heal completely. Other than that, you had a couple bruises, nothing too serious. All in all, you were lucky.”
​Haruki made a squeaking sound, then cleared and tried again. This time, she managed to rasp, “Is Donghae alright?”

Hangeng hesitated, glancing at the door. “I think you’d better let your boss answer that question.”

Fear twisted in Haruki’s stomach as Hangeng left the room. A few moments later, Chief Park entered, eyes as cold as ice. Very slowly, he closed the door behind him and stood looking her over.​

“What happened?” Haruki croaked.

​Leeteuk’s face was emotionless as he replied, “Sungmin and Ryeowook arrived in time to save you from being strangled. They found Siwon lying by the front door and Donghae tied up in a chair, half beaten to death.”

“The girls?”

​“Ga-In and Hyuna were killed,” Leeteuk replied. “The rest of them are in custody. It’s likely that they’ll be recommended for treatment instead of serving a jail term. Ironic, isn’t it?” Haruki swallowed hard. The piercing look in her boss’s eyes told her that Chief Park knew everything. He saw more than anyone else and was able to draw connections the others didn’t know to look for.

​He sat down in the chair by her bedside, staring at her for a long time. She could see him struggling to speak, trying to find the right words to berate her. She braced herself for whatever was to come. She deserved it, every harsh and angry word.

​Abruptly, he stood and walked towards the door without a sound and somehow, his silence was colder and more furious than anything he could have said. Haruki half-rose, calling out after him, “Chief…I’m sorry.”

​Pathetic. Pathetic and pitifully inadequate. She’d defied and disobeyed him and nearly got herself and another officer killed. She cringed as he turned around and walked back towards her.

​Chief Park sat down beside her, but this time, his face had softened. He stared somewhere beyond her as he began to speak. “Every officer feels the same way you did at one point in their careers, Haruki. Everyone is tempted by the thought of creating their own brand of justice. We all get frustrated by the inability to solve some crimes, or prevent others from happening, or to act even when we know someone might get hurt. There’s always that one case that is not brought to a satisfactory conclusion, that gets under your skin and chafes until you want nothing more than to take justice into your own hands. But most know better than to act on it.” His tone wasn’t angry or scolding, but Haruki still felt ashamed. “Siwon used to have the same urge as you did. I told him that justice changes depending on where you stand, but the law does not.”

​Haruki crawled into a sitting position, staring down at her hands, one bound in a bright white plaster cast. So that was the full message. Siwon had taken it and twisted it the way he wanted to, believing in it until he was obsessed with the belief that he could carry out justice as he saw fit. And she’d very nearly followed him.

​“Our position is a very dangerous one, for people with strong morals,” Leeteuk continued. “We can only enforce the law, which remains inflexible, especially for us. It’s so easy for us to step off the Thin Blue Line while still claiming to act in its name. We have power, but that power needs to be used to protect the people- all people. We don’t get to pick and choose.” He leaned closer to her, warmth in his eyes as he murmured, “It’s alright to be angry and it’s alright to pursue justice. Those are traits that make you a great member of the force. But never take matters into your own hands. It’s a dark road to go down.”

​“Yes, sir.” She fixed her eyes on her cast. 

​“Anything else you’d like to say?”

​Haruki sat without moving, knowing that her boss already knew all about her involvement and the horrible showdown at Moody Park. He was giving her a chance- one final chance to come clean about everything. And that would involve telling him about Siwon and Tiffany’s involvement. Tiffany was a public figure, a well-known and beloved attorney. And Siwon…

​To admit the truth about Siwon would have worse repercussions. The department was still reeling from Taemin’s horrible crimes with a lot of heat falling on Chief Park for not screening his employees more carefully. To follow that up with the knowledge that Siwon, one of their most trusted detectives had devolved into a power-hungry vigilante…
​Siwon and Tiffany were dead. Would any good come out of ruining their reputations? Haruki glanced up at Leeteuk, hoping to find the answer on his face, but he was looking at her impassively. She took a deep breath.

​“Chief,” she said quietly. “Siwon…”

​A smile crossed his face. “Siwon died in the line of duty, Haruki. He will be remembered as an officer with a strong sense of justice.” He flicked his hand towards her and something golden landed by her hand. Haruki picked it up clumsily.

​It was her badge.

​“Rest well, Haruki,” he said. “I expect to see you in my office on Monday. We’ll discuss what I’ll do with you then. You have visitors.”

​“Haruki!” A blond blur flew into the room and practically smothered her in a hug. Leeteuk smiled as he closed the door. 

​“Hi, Jessica,” Haruki rasped.

​The model pulled back, studied her for a moment, and shook her head. “You look terrible!”

​Haruki just smiled. “It’s good to see you, too. I’m sorry I missed your fashion thing-”

​Jessica cut her off with a wave of the hand. “It’s fine. I know you would have hated it. I actually thought you might sneak away, but when I got a call from Jiyong…”

​“I’m sorry.” Despite everything, Haruki couldn’t help feeling a little irritated with Jiyong. Why would he drag Jessica into all this? Her friend had nothing to do with her work.

​“I’m your friend, Haruki,” Jessica said softly, correctly reading her facial expression. “I would have wanted to know.”

​Haruki felt tighten and she gave Jessica’s hand a tight squeeze. And that's when she noticed Sungmin standing in the doorway. He had shadows under his eyes, as if he hadn't slept all night. Haruki wouldn't have been surprised if that were the case. “Hey,” she croaked.

​“Hey.” He shoved his hands in his pockets and leaned back against the wall.

​Jessica looked from one to the other, then took a step towards the door. “I'll just leave you two alone until the awkwardness blows over.”

​As soon as the door closed behind her, Sungmin turned to Haruki. “What were you thinking?” he demanded. “How could you and Siwon walk into a house full of armed suspects. They even had a hostage. What- how- why didn't you at least ask me for backup?”

​“I'm sorry,” Haruki mumbled. She had a feeling she'd be using that word a lot in the near future.

​“I don't want an apology,” he said softly. “I just want to know why you couldn't trust me.”

​“I do trust you.” Haruki raised her head quickly. “Sungmin-”

​“Then what was it? Why didn’t you tell me? I-” he cleared his throat. “I mean, I’m your friend and your colleague.”

​“I know,” she replied. “It’s not." She shook her head. "It has nothing to do with you. I...I needed to make peace with my inner demons.”

​“Taemin?” he asked.

​Haruki nodded. “Him…and others. People like him.” She thought of G.O smirking at her in court, Chunji’s battered body, L. Joe’s stab wounds… “All of them, I guess.”

​“You could have talked to me,” he insisted. “I would have understood-”

​“No,” Haruki said firmly. “You wouldn’t have. You’re a good guy, Sungmin. You wouldn’t understand what those men were thinking. And you’ve never been on the victim’s side, either. You wouldn’t have known what they- what I was feeling.” She tucked her hands together and stared down at them. “It was something…something I had to come to terms with on my own. It took a while.”

​She snuck a peek at him and Sungmin’s eyes had gone wide with sudden comprehension. He reached out and grasped her hand, the warmth and request for forgiveness in that squeeze nearly bringing tears to her eyes.

​“It wasn’t your fault,” she choked. “You’ve always been there for me…”

​“And Siwon?” he asked softly.

​“He did understand.” Haruki sighed. “For a while, at least.”

​Sungmin merely nodded. The two just sat for a while, the silence between them weighing heavy with Haruki’s unspoken confession of guilt. Finally, Sungmin raised his head and smiled slightly. “You know, you really had us scared when you vanished. Ryeowook nearly chewed his thumbnail off in the car on our way there. And Jiyong kept demanding updates from us every few minutes.”

​“I’m sorry.”

​He shook his head. “That’s not my point. I just want you to see that you do have a lot of people who want to support you. We might not really understand what you’re thinking, but we never will if you don’t try to make us understand.”

​Haruki smiled. “Thank you.”

​“And everyone’s been dying to visit you,” Sungmin said. “I suggested that they wait until you left the hospital. I’m sure there’s only one person you want to see right now.”

​A light blush came to Haruki’s cheeks. “Yes,” she said quietly.

​Sungmin held out his hand to help her out of bed as Jessica poked her head around the door. “Oh, are you going somewhere?” she asked. Then, before either of them could answer, her eyes widened further. “Oh!” She rushed over and fussed over Haruki for a bit, straightening out her hospital gown and rearranging her matted hair. Haruki walked a little unsteadily to the door and opened it.

​“He’s in room 143,” Sungmin called after her.

​Jessica looked concerned. “You’re sure you’re okay with this?”

​Sungmin sighed as he shrugged and shoved his hands back in his pockets. “Yeah. I’ll be fine. It doesn’t matter, anyway.” He smiled slightly through the pain in his heart. “Haruki deserves to be happy.”

The scratches on his face still looked red and angry and the bruise around his eye hadn’t healed yet, but he was safe and sleeping peacefully, which was all that mattered to her. Haruki could suppress the shiver that ran up her spine as she remembered pointing the gun at Ga-In. Her hand was shaking so badly, she could have missed. Just thinking about it made her reach out to squeeze his hand tightly and she almost jumped out of her skin when his hand turned over and took hers first.

​She looked and found herself staring into Donghae’s smiling eyes. “Watching me sleep, Haruki?”

​“How long have you been awake?” She tugged free of his grasp, unable to meet his eyes.

​“You sound awful,” he commented, struggling to sit up. “But you look great.” Haruki rolled her eyes and smiled as he became serious. “Haruki, all those things I said back there...that I didn’t care about you-” he swallowed hard “-you didn’t believe any of it, did you?”

​She hesitated for a fraction of a second before saying, “No,” but it was long enough.

​“I’m so-” he began, but she cut him off with a wave of the hand.

​“Why are you apologizing? I almost killed you! It’s my fault you went there in the first place, and Ga-In, she wanted me to join them. And everything she said just made sense and I agreed with her.” Haruki buried her face in her hands. “But then when I saw you-”

​“Haruki, look at me.” She felt him push her hands away. “You didn’t kill me, alright? I heard you trying to persuade them. There’s no reason to feel bad about being tempted. You made the right choice.” He smiled gently. “I don’t blame you for anything.”

​“I’m still sorry,” she murmured.

​“So am I,” he replied. “Ga-In was right about one thing. I have been a jerk about girls, but that’s all in the past.”

​“You’re not a jerk,” Haruki protested. “You’ve helped me so much and I don’t even know how to thank you. I mean, you were almost killed twice because of me and I just don’t understand why-”

​“Oh, that’s easy,” Donghae replied. “I, well...I have this weird condition.”

​Haruki looked up sharply. “What?”

​He beckoned for her to come closer as he struggled to turn towards her. “I don’t really feel comfortable talking about it out loud.”

​Now she felt worried as she leaned forward, propping her cast arm on his bed and bending her head close to his so that his lips just barely grazed her ear. “I love you,” he whispered.

​Shivers ran up her spine as his breath tickled her and that tingle she always got when he touched her spread throughout her body as she turned to stare at him in surprise. She struggled for a moment to coordinate her brain and mouth, before she managed to make a coherent response. “Huh?”

​Donghae was blushing and staring down at his bandaged hands as he answered her in a mumble. “I’ve liked you for a long time. I mean, a really long time. Ever since your first day when you handcuffed me to the fridge in the coffee room and walked away.” Haruki had to smile. “It never felt right to tell you, since you were always so serious and focused on other things and I got nervous being around you, so I ended up acting like an immature kid.”

​She just stared at him.

​“I-I was really happy about being your partner last year because...well...” He swallowed hard again. “But that ended so badly and I wasn’t sure how to approach you after that. I wanted to help you, but I didn’t know what to do.”

​She kept staring.

​“I know you think I’m a player, but I’ve never liked anyone the way I like you,” he rambled, looking everywhere but directly at her as he went on. “I didn’t think you’d ever be interested, so I tried dating other girls and things never lasted with them because it didn’t feel right. You’re all I’ve been thinking about for so long and I’m trying not to sound creepy when I say that, but it’s probably coming out all wrong.”

​She blinked.

​“Please say something.” He held his breath as she glanced down and bit her lip.

​“I-I think I like you, too, Donghae,” Haruki finally said. “But I don’t want someone to always be worrying about me and-”

And then she couldn’t think of anything else to say because suddenly, there were much more important things to focus on. Like Donghae’s hand on top of hers. And Donghae’s fingers, tilting her face towards his.

​And Donghae’s lips pressed against hers as if they were made to fit and the slight smell of ocean salt that perpetually seemed to cling to him and the hint of vanilla on his tongue.

​Every fiber of her body was on fire. His touch gave her tingles; his kiss was a jolt of electricity, coursing through her. Her mind went blank for a moment and before she could come to the realization that this was real, Donghae was pulling back slowly, smiling at her as he gave her hand a tiny squeeze. “You were saying?” he asked.

​Haruki swallowed hard. “W-wow…”

​“Ahem.” She jerked away, her head whipping around so fast, Donghae flinched as her hair smacked him across his scratched cheek.

​“Ow.”

​Chief Park was standing in the doorway, looking extremely amused. There was no telling how long he’d been there and how much he’d seen. “Am I interrupting something?” he asked. Without waiting for either of them to respond, he went on. “The others are here to visit Donghae, so if you don’t mind, Haruki-”

​“Haruki, you’ve been in here for forty-five minutes!” Eunhyuk complained, pushing past Leeteuk into the room. “It’s our turn to talk to him!”

​Haruki nodded as the others pushed and shoved their way into the room, and turned to squeeze Donghae’s hand again. “Get better soon, Donghae. I’ll see you later.” She leaned in to give him a quick kiss on the cheek.

​Behind her, she heard Ryeowook murmur, “Aww” as someone, most likely Onew, tripped and fell to the ground in shock. Donghae raised his eyebrows at her as she pulled away and she smiled. Her stunned colleagues wordlessly parted to let her out of the room, but she could hear Sooyoung demanding, “What was that?” as the door closed behind her. She grinned to herself, leaving Donghae to deal with their questions.

​There was just one last thing to take care of. Haruki pulled her phone out of her pocket, smiling slightly when she saw the text from Jessica, asking her when she could get out of the hospital and celebrate cracking her case. Instead of answering, though, she dialed a number that she hadn’t thought about calling in years. Her finger hovered over the call button for a good three minutes before she squeezed her eyes shut and pressed it.

​Her heart thumped in her chest as she rapidly paced back and forth along the hallway, preparing what she wanted to say. But before she was ready, there was click on the other end and a voice asked, “Moshi moshi?”

​Her breath caught in along with the lump that began to well up and she pressed a hand to as the voice asked, a little more insistently, “Hello? Is someone there?”

​“Um…” she whispered. Her blood was roaring in her ears as she swallowed hard, feeling her palms begin to sweat. She was five again, apologizing for breaking a vase; she was eight again, getting caught for lying about her homework; she was ten again and lying in a hospital, asking where her sister was.

​“Yes?” the voice asked, sounding confused.

​“Hello,” Haruki whispered, the Japanese words she hadn’t spoken in over ten years coming back to her easily. “Mom?”

A/N: And...that's the end. OMG I can hardly believe it. 

Thank you to all of my readers, silent or not, for staying with me for so long. Can you believe it's been more than two years since I started The Lobotomist? I can't thank you all enough for your support throughout this project. It's having readers like you that motivate me to keep writing, even when real life is knocking at my skull telling me to get back to work. I know I've been lousy about updating regularly and I'm so glad you all decided to bear with me. 

A special thank you to nalaboja for editing my chapters, pointing out my idiotic typos, and discussing the plotline with me along the way. Unni, I've said it before and I'll say it again- you are the best and most supportive friend I have. I know you've been extremely busy with studying and I really appreciate you taking the time to read my silly little fics. 

And so ends the story of Haruki. I'm not planning on making a sequel (although I said that after The Lobotomist and, well...) because if I think I've squeezed as much as I can out of this characters story. What's next? Well, I've recently been reinspired to work on Off With Her Head, a SNSD-centered fic. I've also got an EXO mystery/horror fic in the works, which I hope I can start posting soon. Ugh, I really should be focusing on those applications...but I keeping these ideas in my head would only make it worse. 

That's all folks! Thanks again for your kind comments and your support! I'm incredibly indebted to every one of my readers. Without you, I'd have given up on this story a long time ago. 

Bonus: Can anyone guess where Leeteuk's quote about justice was inspired from? 

Update: I started a post-Tit for Tat drabble fic called 30 Symptoms of Withdrawal. Most of it will be fluffy and saccharine and totally out of character for me. Please enjoy!